I took these photos for posterity- the date is April 19th, 2017. Today we got the most glue we have ever had the opportunity to obtain since the beginning of known time. As you can see, we now carry clear glue in gallons. The slots for regular glue are completely filled. You now have a choice in brand as well.
Prediction: people will still only use Elmer’s Glue because the tutorials suggest Elmer’s. It is a lie. You can use any of them. Brand names are a construct, they must be defied.
We also have kits to make specific kinds of slime.
Yes! You, too, can make a non-newtonian fluid that looks just like human feces after an enthusiastic trip to Golden Corral. Kit includes plastic flies and corn kernels.
William Shakespeare would be so proud of us.
But don’t worry, mom and dad! We’ve got something for Little Suzie, too! Presenting- Unicorn Poop: brightly-colored rainbow slime with little gemstones inside. You can have an awkward conversation with your child about how unicorns are extinct because shitting out literal diamonds caused the entire species to experience anal lacerations and that it was not an adaptable feature.
Or perhaps it would just be easier to say that Darwin killed the unicorns.
Of course… no one really ever buys the kits. The big draw for most of the kids is to be able to customize it yourself and experiment with materials, so making something from a kit doesn’t really appeal to people. (We’ve even had trouble selling the glow in the dark kind. I mean… dudes. It glows in the dark!)
So as we’re talking about it, my boss makes a face at the poop slime (oh god, I just had flashbacks to June 2016) and says:
“I really hope no one wants to make that at the next one.”
Deer in the headlights.
“Oh, the Slime Bar was such a success that we’re having another one in two weeks.”
mellivia in 5x15, pencils down “i guarantee you there is no one on this planet as stubborn and as arrogant and as big a pain in the ass as mellie grant. and yet, somehow, i think she’d make a great president.”