polygraph

6

I know your act. You do your little dance, you beat polygraph machines, you always manage to guess the right culprit after missing the first four or five times. You whip that hair around and fall over every reasonable girl that Guster hasn’t unsuccessfully hit on already. And now you’ve made your way to O'Hara.

3

John Oliver: Trump’s Russia scandal has the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone is incompetent

John Oliver has a new shorthand for President Donald Trump’s ongoing, multilayered Russia scandal: “Stupid Watergate.”

“It is not clear what is really going on here yet, although one possibility is that this all amounts to what I’m going to call ‘Stupid Watergate,’” Oliver said on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight. “A potential scandal with all the intrigue of Watergate, except everyone involved is really bad at everything. And the relevant question isn’t so much, ‘What did the president know and when did he know it?’ as it is, ‘Is the president physically capable of knowing things at all?’”

By Oliver’s telling, every single phase of the Trump-Russia scandal has been brought on by a dumb mistake. He walked through some of the key players of the scandal, all of whom have been the target of questions about whether Trump’s team worked with — — and covered up working with — Russian officials to support Russian interests and manipulate the 2016 election with hacked Democratic emails.

Take Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Most recently, he was brought into the Russia scandal when it was revealed that he misled Congress under oath, telling senators he had no communications with Russian officials when he had in fact talked with Russia’s ambassador twice last year.

But here’s the thing: Sessions wasn’t even asked during the confirmation hearing if he had spoken with Russians. During his hearing, Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) asked, “If there is any evidence that anyone affiliated with the Trump campaign communicated with the Russian government in the course of this campaign, what will you do?” Sessions replied, “I’m not aware of any of those activities. I have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign, and I did not have communications with the Russians.”

“That was an unforced error,” Oliver said. “He wasn’t even asked whether he’d met with the Russians. He just implicated himself out of the blue, which should have been immediately suspicious. If you ask someone how their weekend was, and they say, ‘Well, I definitely wasn’t masturbating into the Slurpee machine at the 7-Eleven,’ you check the fucking security cameras at the 7-Eleven, and you don’t act surprised.”

Other Trump surrogates have also come under fire, including former Trump campaign operative Carter Page. When asked whether he had met with the Russian ambassador in Cleveland during the Republican National Convention, Page responded, “I’m not going to deny that I talked with him. I will say that I never met him anywhere outside of Cleveland. … I may have met him. Possibly. And it might have been in Cleveland.”

Or consider former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort. When asked if Trump had financial relationships with Russian oligarchs, Manafort said, “That’s … that’s what he said. I … that’s … what I said. That’s … obviously what our position is.”

“Holy shit,” Oliver said. “That was so unconvincing it probably set off an unplugged polygraph machine just hidden in a closet somewhere.”

To top it all off, Trump’s apparent tactic to distract everyone over the weekend was to claimwith absolutely zero evidence that President Barack Obama ordered a wiretap of Trump Tower during the 2016 campaign — an idea that may have come from an article published by the conspiracy-laden website Breitbart News.

“I think we can now officially declare that Trump has a worse media diet than the Son of Sam killer,” Oliver said. “And he got all his news from a talking dog who told him to murder.”

What all of this amounts to, Oliver argued, is one of the most incompetent cover-ups — if there is really a cover-up — in the history of presidential scandals. It is, in other words, “Stupid Watergate.”

2

On 15 November, 1989, 15-year-old student from Peekskill, New York, Angela Correa, left her home with her cassette player and camera in search of subjects for her photography class. When she didn’t return home her family called the police. Her badly beaten body was discovered two days later; she had been beaten, raped, and then strangled to death. Authorities zoned in on her classmate, 17-year-old Jeffrey Deskovic, who was said to have arrived to school late the day after Angela disappeared. He also apparently behaved “overly distraught” by her death, often visiting her grave.

Classmates said that Jeffrey was particularly fond of Angela because she was one of the very few students that actually spoke to him. Jeffrey was questioned a number of times about the murder of Angela and was taken to a private polygraph business at the request of the local Sheriff’s Department. The real motive behind this was to “get the confession” as revealed during trial. Jeffrey was held in a small room without a lawyer or parent. As well as this, he was provided with no food and intensely interrogated. His so-called confession came after six gruelling hours. Regardless of the fact that his DNA did not match that of the semen found on Angela, Jeffrey was arrested and the prosecution attempted to strengthen his coerced confession.

The prosecution attempted to argue that the semen came from a consensual partner and that Jeffrey was the real killer, which he staunchly denied. With not a shred of evidence against him and going on his coerced confession alone, which he had immediately recanted, Jeffrey was found guilty of murder in 1991. Jeffrey sat in prison until September 2006, when the DNA from the semen found on Angela’s body was tested again and lo and behold, the semen was matched to convicted murderer Steven Cunningham, who was serving time for strangling the sister of his girlfriend.

On 20 September, 2006, Jeffrey was released from prison after his conviction was overturned. Jeffrey won a $41.6 million lawsuit for his wrongful conviction and now works as an advocate for reforming the criminal justice system.

eastofthemoon  asked:

Here's a thought for you, when Shiro comes back from wherever he vanished to, for him it's only been like an hour but for everyone else it's been like five years or maybe even a decade?

:3   I like a decade.


Immediately after stepping out of the Black Lion, something felt wrong.

Something was different.

Shiro stood in place, helmet on his lip until it clicked.  The hangar was rearranged.

Not that it had a lot of things in it already, but there was some equipment on the walls and shelving, and it was either switched out or moved around.

An odd thing to do, while he was flying around Zarkon.  Shiro found himself a little irritated at the idea - he was the one who used those tools most, after all, and someone else messing with it made him antsy.  But he shook that off.  It wasn’t like Shiro owned any of it, and Allura and Coran had every right to move it around as they pleased.

That settled, Shiro walked back out, head tilted.  Was he the first one back, somehow?  He didn’t remember anything after passing out during that battle until he woke up in the Black Lion, hungry and cold but otherwise intact.  Maybe Black had flown him back and he had just woken quickly?  

Shiro put his helmet back on, listening for the inevitable post-battle chatter, at least from Allura and Coran.

Nothing.

(read more below)

Keep reading

A fic for @kittycat-cas who helped with the brainstorming ;) We were thinking about the kind of training Kendricks might involve, among other things how to lie convincingly. They do have a pretty top secret operation going on.

Polygraph

Summary: Before he can graduate Kendricks, part of 18-year-old Arthur Ketch’s training requires him to pass a polygraph test.

Maybe part one of more, but for now is a standalone.

(AO3)


“Arthur.”

Hess’ voice is harsh, immediately grabbing Ketch’s attention as he makes his way through the corridors of Kendrick’s east wing. He turns, body stiffening as he addresses her. “Ma’am?”

She gives a sharp jerk of her head, expression stern. “Come.”

She turns to pace in the opposite direction and, confused though he is, Ketch obediently follows. Class starts in five minutes, but if the school’s principal has other business with him, he finds himself wondering what’s so important that she’s making him miss it. They soon reach the part of the school off-limits to students, and Ketch swallows nervously as she leads him through the heavy wooden door to the staff quarters, then further on to an office. The room is small, unusually plain considering the ornate architecture of the rest of the building. Inside, a man in a suit is sat at a table, laptop open in front of him and several wires connected to instruments branching off. There are three chairs: two office-style swivels beside the computer, and one plain wooden hard-backed one opposite.

“Sit,” Hess says curtly, nodding at the wooden chair.

Keep reading

mrriggerworld  asked:

Imagine Maggie as a softball coach, teaching kids how to throw, how to catch, pushing them to improve their skills, taking the team out for pizza after games, making sure that they remember winning's great, but not the most important thing, listening to problems when necessary, and basically being the coach you still talk about after you've grown up. All the kids insist on vetting Alex after she shows up at one of their practices, because they have to make sure she's awesome enough for Maggie.

It’s not like she’s swimming in free time, but she can’t resist the kids.

The kids with the big eyes and uncoordinated runs, who want to play softball but don’t want to be separated along gender lines from their friends; who don’t want to be chewed out by people three times their age for missing a catch; who want to be part of something, but don’t want to go through the ritualistic humiliation that is most organized sports to get it.

So every Saturday, without fail, her work phone is off. Her captain knows; her captain approves.

I think he might be… you know… in your community, he tells her out of the side of his mouth one day about his nine year old son, and she immediately takes the boy onto the team.

Every Saturday, she pulls her ponytail through the back of a beat up Brooklyn Dodgers cap, and trades in her boots for cleats, and slings two bags more than half her height over her back, full of bats and balls and mitts and caps and water bottles and other assorted treats for the horde of nine year olds who stream onto the field she’s reserved just for them in varying states of readiness, varying states of dress (sometimes in skirts, sometimes in older sibling’s baseball jerseys, once – memorably – in a rabbit onesie because it’s Purim, okay, and who says rabbits can’t play softball?), varying states of excitement to get away from their parents, their homes, their schools, for a few solid hours under the California sun.

The only thing she doesn’t accept on the field is giving up; but she does accept anxiety and she does accept tears, because whoever said there’s no crying in baseball clearly has never played softball with a band of misfit kids who spend so much of their time trying to be perfect that sometimes it takes a while for them to realize that on this field, with these kids, with this coach, they can revel in their uniqueness, in their imperfections.

She has a system worked out for their little bodies slipping into existential crises: the swing set nearby. She holds the crying kid, whoever it may be at the time, and she rocks them, and she wipes their tears and she gives them a bottle of water and some animal crackers, and she sends them with two friends – always two friends – off to the swing set for a few minutes, so they can swing the sad away.

She keeps on eye on the ball and the other on them, and they always sprint back with smiles and giggles, ready to keep going, ready to learn more, ready to be more.

So she teaches them to throw and she teaches them to hit; she teaches them to move their hips right along with the rest of their bodies, and most importantly, she teaches them to let go. To let go of what everyone’s ever told them about perfection, about winning, about success, about their self-worth. Because each of them are stardust, and doesn’t that sound cooler than defining themselves by winners and losers.

They run drills and they support each other when the ball trickles through someone’s feet and they eagerly shout me me me me me! when Maggie stands at home plate with a bat in one hand and a ball in the other, knees bent and ready to aim a hit at each of them in turn.

They play against the other local teams, and even though they don’t always win, they always shock the smug-looking parents and coaches of the other teams, and they always win over some new friends – with the more expensive uniforms and pressure to win constantly on their backs – because they always look like they’re having more fun, like they’re feeling more confident, than anyone else to ever step onto the field.

And the first time Alex Danvers steps onto the field, Maggie’s spare cap backwards on her head and a red bandana sticking out of her back pocket and a nervous but thrilled grin on her face, they decide that they need to interrogate this pretty new lady holding Maggie’s hand and helping her carry her bags.

Because Maggie’s never held another girl’s hand before in front of them before, and she’s certainly never let anyone carry her bags for her before.

“Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Alex. Alex, this is the squad.”

They all form a line, squinting up at her and trying their best to look intimidating, and Alex is forcibly reminded of that Sandlot movie Kara made her watch over and over when they were kids.

She glances at Maggie, who’s regarding them gravely, and she follows her girlfriend’s lead, biting down her amusement and contorting her face into seriousness as she squats down on her haunches to be more on their eye level.

“You all seem like you have something to say to me,” she says, doing her best to not address them like they’re nine, but rather, like they’re a threat to her physical safety.

A girl with Bantu knots and a serious set to her jaw steps forward and gestures at Alex with her red glove.

“Coach Maggie told us she was bringing someone special to meet us. Coach never brings anyone special to meet us.”

“Yeah, even though we’re pretty sure you’re not the first girl she’s dated. She’s pretty pretty!”

“Shhh Andy, let Chase talk, we all agreed!”

Maggie closes her eyes to keep from doubling over with laughter and Alex reminds herself that she can beat a polygraph test.

“So we just want to make sure you’re really special enough for her.”

“Because Coach Maggie’s the best!”

“She brings us for pizza after every game!”

“Even when we lose!”

“And she told off Janelle’s parents when they tried to tell her she couldn’t wear a tie or shop in the boy’s section!”

“Yeah, and look how fabulous I look now!”

“And she – ”

“Order on the field!”

Alex’s eyes open wide and wonders if in a decade or so, Chase would be interested in a job at the DEO.

“So,” Chase continues happily when silence falls immediately. “Tell us why you’re special enough for her. What are your intentions with the best coach ever to coach?”

Maggie bites her lip and stares down at Alex for a moment before squatting next to her.

“Guys, you’re like the inquisition, Alex doesn’t have to – ”

“No, no, Maggie, it’s fine. I love how much they love you.”

She looks squarely at Chase, then at each of the children in turn as she takes a deep breath and speaks.

“And you’re right: Maggie only deserves the most special things and the most special people. Because – and you guys all already know this – she is so, so special. And she’s special to me. The most special. I ask myself the same question every day, you know: am I special enough for her? And honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone can ever be special enough for Maggie Sawyer. Except maybe you guys, but that’s different. And as for my intentions?”

She turns to look at Maggie and puts a hand on her knee, and Maggie immediately puts her hand on hers to steady herself, because her heart is in her throat and her eyes are watering at Alex’s words.

“My intentions with the best coach ever to coach – the best girlfriend ever to girlfriend – are to try, ever day, to be special enough for her. To care for her – to love her – better than she’s ever been loved. Every day, every night, and every moment in between.

“Ally.” Maggie’s whisper is barely a breath, and it’s almost lost in the whisper-shouting conferring of intensely defensive nine year olds.

After a few long moments of staring into each other’s eyes, a few long moments during which the softball team confers with each other in the consensus-driven style Maggie taught them, Chase nods and clears her throat for Alex’s attention.

“Dr. Danvers, would you like to play ball with us today? We’re going to learn how to slide into second base, and we think it’d be great if you learned with us.”

Maggie beams and kisses Alex’s hand as Alex shakes Chase’s with her other one.

“It would be my distinct honor.”

season 1-3 fic recs

i couldn’t edit the other post i made so i’m just making a new one. these aren’t in any particular order, just however i happen to read them! they’re divided up by season/arc that made sense to me lol please check the warnings, most aren’t that dark or anything but please check to be careful :)

please leave kudos & comments!! show the writers some love ❤️

AU
“somewhere someone must know the ending” by maleficently
https://archiveofourown.org/works/521505


INDINSTINCT TIME
“love her like she’s leaving” by absedarian
http://archiveofourown.org/works/747273

“memory” by rae325
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8868992/1/Memory

“possession” by sapphire smoke
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9256672/1/Possession

“come hungry” by chilly_flame
https://archiveofourown.org/works/668033

“all my care and woe” series by writetherest
https://archiveofourown.org/series/53663

“queens die proudly” by fictorium
http://archiveofourown.org/works/495795/chapters/867978

“through heaven’s eyes” by standbackufools
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8515418/1/

“revenge of the three little pigs” by mskezzles
http://archiveofourown.org/works/862051/chapters/1652372


SEASON 1
“land and the sea” series by adventurepants
https://archiveofourown.org/series/15898

“small world” by livelovelikeme
http://archiveofourown.org/works/2296289

“what good people do” by aurorstorm
https://archiveofourown.org/works/429164#main

“a trail of destruction” by starsthatburn
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9254493/1/A-Trail-Of-Destruction

“lucid” by alittlepinkvial
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9163924/1/

“you run for cover (i’ll take the bullet)” by writetherest
https://archiveofourown.org/works/923107

“the clock stopped ticking” by random dice
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8083628/1/The-Clock-Stopped-Ticking

“bitter” by aurorstorm
http://archiveofourown.org/works/429148/chapters/724188#main

“through a rose coloured camera lens” by aurorstorm
http://archiveofourown.org/works/485179/chapters/844845

“phases of the moon” by wily_one24
http://archiveofourown.org/series/140532

“the staircase” by red charcoal
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8602172/1/The-Staircase

“this great distance” by chilly-flame
http://archiveofourown.org/works/668021/chapters/1220209

“the worlds you never see” by writetherest
http://archiveofourown.org/works/619083/chapters/1116989

“this happens to all heroes” by fangirlinit
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1245949/chapters/2561230


POST SEASON 1
“monday” by echo_au
https://archiveofourown.org/works/651362?view_adult=true#main

“some hope after all” by hunnyfresh
http://archiveofourown.org/works/645637/chapters/1172731

“burn the witch” by jane_bond
http://archiveofourown.org/works/696697/chapters/1282047

“let’s talk about sex” by jane_bond
http://archiveofourown.org/works/699317/chapters/1287948

“battle towards surrender” by fictorium
http://archiveofourown.org/works/433898/chapters/736129

“halfway through the wood” by fictorium
http://archiveofourown.org/works/456306#main

“educating emma” by bond.jane
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8596228/1/Educating-Emma


SEASON 2
“a touch of magic” by lzclotho
https://archiveofourown.org/works/524203

“punctured soul” by skinnyprocrastinator
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3237476/chapters/7052129

“the rescue blues” by icicleair
https://archiveofourown.org/works/401901

“the debt” by scribes and scrolls
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8126674/1/The-Debt

“a ledger squared in blood” by scribes and scrolls
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8294827/1/A-Ledger-Squared-In-Blood

“savior’s shield” by aurorstorm
https://archiveofourown.org/works/429180

“thicker than oceans” by adventurepants
https://archiveofourown.org/works/458275

“soothing the distressed soul” by skinnyprocrastinator
http://archiveofourown.org/works/2746352/chapters/6156341

“the stars that fade” by chelseadaggz
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9795166/1/The-Stars-That-Fade#end

“safe in the arms of love” by jd4941
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11122274/1/

“saving mom” by skinnyprocrastinator
http://archiveofourown.org/works/2577158/chapters/5734850

“polygraph calibration for beginners” by absedarian (bering & wells)
http://archiveofourown.org/works/676165/chapters/1237989

“of love and loathing” by sapphire smoke
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8950508/1/Of-Love-and-Loathing

“a fine line” by hunnyfresh
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9095819/1/A-Fine-Line

“flu love’s kiss” by sea-ess-eye
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9008544/1/Flu-Love-s-Kiss

“curse you and your dinner” by highheelsandchocolate
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8814244/1/Curse-You-and-Your-Dinner

“a glamour of truth” by sea-ess-eye
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8892899/1/

“my enemy’s enemy” by egoperceptum
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9212841/1/

“a dark ocean” by chilly_flame
http://archiveofourown.org/works/805227/chapters/1518809

“there will come a time, you’ll see, when love won’t break your heart” by inkinthepot
http://archiveofourown.org/works/523173/chapters/925496

“a broken heart the world forgot” by writetherest
https://archiveofourown.org/works/938112?view_adult=true

“the line” by chilly_flame
http://archiveofourown.org/works/668074/chapters/1220340

“a midnight dreary” by egoperceptum
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9224737/1/

“tattoo removal for dummies” by rebelbyrdie
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9363940/1/Tattoo-Removal-For-Dummies#end

“fade away with me” by selizabetha01
https://archiveofourown.org/works/664688

“a journey, in three acts” by coalitiongirl
https://archiveofourown.org/works/661856?view_adult=true

“you do not have to walk on your knees” by dollsome
http://archiveofourown.org/works/632136/chapters/1143528#main

“beautiful” sgtmac
https://archiveofourown.org/works/660699

“family matters” by hunnyfresh
http://archiveofourown.org/works/641786/chapters/1163927

“sounds like something breaking” by strangesmallbard
https://archiveofourown.org/works/718785

“burn” by sgtmac
https://archiveofourown.org/works/655169

“broken” by rae325
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8884957/1/Broken

“the monomythical adventures of regina mills and emma swan” series by maggiemerc
https://archiveofourown.org/series/37851

“death is just so full (and man so small)” by alinaandalion
https://archiveofourown.org/works/809813?view_adult=true

“our hearts will make a fire” by bayloriffic
http://archiveofourown.org/works/758616/chapters/1418668

“fretting over the fate of dinosaurs” by harper_m
http://archiveofourown.org/works/947050/chapters/1849609

“the one with emma’s wedding” by aurorstorm
https://archiveofourown.org/works/940806

“the queen and her lady” by starvinglunatic
http://archiveofourown.org/works/2145348/chapters/4687146

“whatever this is” by afictionado
http://archiveofourown.org/works/918010/chapters/1781942

“for henry” by adm_hawthorne
http://archiveofourown.org/works/736465/chapters/1369811

“our choices seal our fight” series by alinaandalion
https://archiveofourown.org/series/48723

“static” by hunnyfresh
http://archiveofourown.org/works/784526/chapters/1479337#main

“when the time is right” by deemn
https://archiveofourown.org/series/38834

“liar liar” by barbieshoes
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9151280/1/Liar-Liar

“defenestration” be velace
https://archiveofourown.org/works/986002

“what i did for love” by korderoo
https://archiveofourown.org/works/988961#main

“nothing comes from nothing” by parakitty
http://archiveofourown.org/works/890453/chapters/1717803

“if the blazer fits” by flyyoufools
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1054211/chapters/2110535

“the hard way home” by adventurepants
https://archiveofourown.org/works/441242

“addict fic” by fictorium
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8998615/1/

“the cellar” by lovingonce
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9625417/1/


END OF S2 (finale)
“mend these broken pieces” by highheelsandchocolate
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9356875/1/Mend-These-Broken-Pieces

“a safe place” by rebelbyrdie
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9283245/1/A-Safe-Place

“on the mend” by coalitiongirl
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9278240/1/On-the-Mend

“you don’t need anything else” by rae325
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9273773/1/You-Don-t-Need-Anything-Else

“pretend” by sgtmac
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9215695/1/Pretend

“when the time is right” by negativeblue
https://archiveofourown.org/works/798638#main

“take this sinking boat and point it home” by mariathepenguin
http://archiveofourown.org/works/860705/chapters/1649266


NEVERLAND
“by the light of the moon” by bayloriffic
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1000303?view_adult=true

“fall” by sgtmac
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9325020/1/

“poppies” by SpookshowBabyx
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10164255/1/

“i am violence” series by darkersky
http://archiveofourown.org/series/47296

“we’ll make our home on the water” by bayloriffic
http://archiveofourown.org/works/812066/chapters/1533780

“two sides of the heart” by velace
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1380376/chapters/2889358


POST NEVERLAND
“hide and seek” by absedarian
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1117740/chapters/7032956?utf8=✓&selected_id=2251464&commit=Go

“a kind of painful progress” by writetherest
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1495930/chapters/3158752

“in the dark” by intensedreams
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3259727/chapters/7108268

“you left me with nothing (but i’ve worked with less)” by fictorium
http://archiveofourown.org/works/991281

“gravity” by negativeblue
http://archiveofourown.org/works/833874/chapters/1587114

“do dream people like apples?” by skywideopen3
http://archiveofourown.org/works/5019568/chapters/11535583

“new york serenade” by lzclotho
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1095670/chapters/2205092

“incomplete” by negativeblue
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087599

“mine” by ellemae
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1549499/chapters/3282614

“the wicked games” by black_knight
https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066842?view_adult=true#main

“keep me without chains” by swansaloft
http://archiveofourown.org/works/4681223/chapters/10685252

“the demons from our past” by bythedawn
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1051047/chapters/2102813

“chase” by fangirlinit
http://archiveofourown.org/works/7160954

“many miles to avalon” by wistfulwatcher
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1485289/chapters/3134542

POST SEASON 3
“in the velvet darkness” by devje
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1663199/chapters/3529082

“i met cupid (and he eats people)” by coalitiongirl
http://archiveofourown.org/works/4670879/chapters/10659329

“maybe this time” by strangesmallbard
http://archiveofourown.org/works/1713635#main

Arrow didn't deserve Laurel

Whether you loved her character off the bat, or took a few seasons to get to know her, you can’t deny that Dinah Laurel Lance drove the story of Arrow in a way no other character, including Oliver, could.

In S1E1, we see the first person he wants to see, the first thing he wants to do when given the choice to do whatever, is to go to Laurel and beg for her forgiveness. He isn’t even ready to talk about the traumatizing experiences,all he wants to do is apologize to the person who he stole everything from. Her love, her sister, and with it 5 years, as we later discover that Laurel spent a ridiculous amount of time either studying or pulling her father out of a bar.

”For all we know, Oliver could be dead and Sara certainly is, but there are people that are still alive. People who need us.” - Dinah Laurel Lance

A major plot point in S1 revolved around one question. “What happened to you on that island”. He wasn’t comfortable talking about it with diggle, his new partner. Not with his best friend, nor his sister, or with his mother. There have only been a few times where he spoke about it willingly. One being under oath at the courtroom, one while under a polygraph while under arrest, and the final time, being completely of his own free will, when he showed up on Laurel’s door, saying “I need to talk about what happened, can it be you?”

Laurel was literally what drove him on the island. Let’s not forget how both Yao Fei and Slade told him he stares at the picture too much, and if he continues he will die.

“I know that it probably sounds insane. It probably is, but Sara, she gave me this and when I wear it, it makes me want to help people like she did. Like she’s alive again.” - Dinah Laurel Lance

In S2 she had a tragic storyline. First she had to prosecute Oliver’s mom, then had to deal with severe depression and substance abuse. I don’t even think I need to remind people that she got an award for her performance at this part. Her struggles is what allowed them to bring Sara in as The Canary, and begin to introduce the tragedy that was shado’s death on the island and how traumatic it was for Oliver.All of this built up Slade Wilson, who may very well be the best villain arrow has ever had.

S3 wasn’t her best season, and that’s purely the writer’s fault. They didn’t transition her into the Black Canary well enough, and then gave her a terrible arc where for about 9 episodes she lied to her father about the fact that her sister was dead, and even disguised her voice to talk to their father as if she was Sara. Katie is an amazing actress, but this version of her was unlikable even considering how well she plays the character.

Regardless, she was suffering with her own trauma but still acted as the glue and the moral compass for everyone else. She befriended Nyssa Al-Ghul when she was practically treated as going rogue from the league, took in Thea when she discovered that Thea couldn’t handle living alone (whereas her brother just left to go play house with Felicity.) She and Roy formed an amazing duo while Oliver was presumed dead, and she took up the voice of reason for the team during the time as well, regardless of how she was suffering.

Originally posted by turtlejustice


“I’m sorry about what happened to Thea. I really am. I love your family, I always have. I just wish that sometimes you would give a damn about mine.” - Dinah Laurel Lance

Season 4 Laurel, or at least right before she died might have been the best version of her. After the arc with Constantine and Sara was resolved, she became the only one on the team who mattered to the viewer, and perhaps, the reason the show didn’t go under.

Roy was gone, Diggle was dealing with his rage and letting it out on his brother like a punching bag, Felicity was crying about something and blaming Oliver, and Oliver turned into a bitch who couldn’t do anything unless queen fefe approved. Laurel may have gone through the most traumatic experience of this time, having to go to her sister’s funeral twice only to see her resurrected twice, not to mention staying sober, yet she was the only level headed, calm and rational decision maker at this time.

Originally posted by sansa-starkz

“I know that the world isn’t fair. I know it’s a terrible place where people deserve to get punished and they don’t. I just, for just one night, I needed the world to be different.” - Dinah Laurel Lance

That is, up until Guggenheim decided to kill her off and have her last words be about queen fefe.

Arrow didn’t treat her as a character right, and didn’t show Katie Cassidy, an exceptional actress who was said to be constantly training for her role as the Black Canary, any respect because of it.

Guggenheim failed this series, and they’ve failed her legacy.


Originally posted by thepondscanary

Am I the only one who always headcanoned that Tobias is the Ellimist?

Because I’ve always headcanoned that Tobias is the Ellimist.  

This idea originated when I was rereading The Andalite Chronicles and this one passage near the end stuck out to me.  Elfangor and Loren are standing over the Time Matrix, and he tells her to

«Imagine your Earth, your home just as it is today… We need to go back in time.  Back before your mother would have noticed you missing.  But not before the Skrit Na took you or we would undo this entire timeline…  Imagine that you are eighteen and that everyone who has ever know you expects you to be eighteen.»

“Is this really going to work?”

«I don’t know.»

The Andalite Chronicles p. 399

That’s right, sports fans: Elfangor and Loren created the universe.  At the very least, they created the universe in which the entire Animorphs series takes place.  They deliberately manufacture a time paradox—one in which Loren is simultaneously on Earth (so no one notices she’s gone) and bopping around the galaxy with Elfangor (to preserve the loop that created the paradox in the first place) for over two months.  One needs no further proof of the resultant universe’s impossibility than the fact that Chapman appears back on Earth after having been kidnapped and then killed, and yet he would have had to have died in order for Loren to create that Earth for him to return to in the first place.  

It’s also left ambiguous as to whether Chapman remembers being that alternate version of himself the way that Loren does.  He claims not to know her or Esplin 9466, yes, but they also don’t exactly hook him up to a polygraph to check—and he is a known liar.  It might even be possible that Loren makes herself forget all aliens, several years down the line…  We see subconscious longings and urges drive the will of the Time Matrix almost as much as conscious desires do (Loren perceiving the McDonald’s cashier as a face without eyes, Elfangor making his soul-tree the center of his universe, Esplin 9466 conjuring creatures that a yeerk fears to use as weapons), so it’s possible that she however-accidentally built a reset button into her conception of the universe, such that she was always going to forget all about aliens the moment Elfangor was gone from her life.

But I digress.  The point is: the Time Matrix is a literally omnipotent object, and the people who attempt to use it inevitably make some mistakes and have some unintended consequences.  Just look at Visser Four accidentally erasing Albert Einstein from existence.  

So what does this have to do with the Ellimist?  Well, I think Elfangor (and to some extent Loren) created him.

In the chronology of the Animorphs series, there is no hard evidence of the Ellimist’s existence (or non-existence, for that matter) before Elfangor and Loren use the Time Matrix for the first time.  He makes no appearance in The Hork-Bajir Chronicles or Visser, and his own Ellimist Chronicles might be retrospective only for reasons I’ll get to later.  So then the Ellimist’s first appearance comes just as Elfangor makes contact with the Time Matrix, as “a being like nothing I could have imagined.  It saw me.  It saw us all.  And it laughed” (Andalite Chronicles).  

What’s interesting is that there are apparently multiple opinions about the existence of the Ellimist(s) before this moment.  When Elfangor suggests that the Ellimist(s) created the Time Matrix, both Alloran and Arbron dismiss this belief as an outdated fairy story.  Apparently only some of the andalites believe that the Ellimist exists, and even that belief is not regarded as being particularly plausible or normative.  Furthermore, those who do believe in the Ellimists seem to think there are several, and yet we know that there is only one.  

So what if the Ellimist in fact doesn’t exist… until Elfangor creates him?

We know from the mashup of realities that results immediately afterward that the Time Matrix is an incredibly powerful object, one that can not only create entire universes but can change the laws of physics, chemistry, and quantum mechanics to suit the desires of the user.  We also know that the Ellimist we see in reality does not quite match the stories of the Ellimists that Elfangor mentions: there’s only one of him, after all, he does not in fact create the Time Matrix that we know about, and he’s not willing to gift the andalites anything they can’t make themselves.  In fact, the Time Matrix is quite possibly more powerful than either the Ellimist or Crayak, given that neither of them shows the ability to change the past and yet it can.  Therefore, IMHO it’s less likely that the Ellimist created the Time Matrix, and more likely that the Time Matrix created the Ellimist.  

We know that these kinds of paradoxes (i.e. Elfangor creating a being who has then been there all along) are possible using the Time Matrix (MM3).  Thanks to whacky time travel in this series, Jake dies before he is ever born, John Berryman is never born at all thanks to a string of events that require John Berryman to have been born in order to exist (MM3), the Animorphs being present to save the Meercora from the comet nullified the effect of the Animorphs being present to save the Meercora from the comet (MM2), and Jake literally exists in two places at once for a while before once again kicking the bucket (#11).  (Apparently, time travel does not agree with him.)  So it is very possible that the Ellimist doesn’t exist until Elfangor wills him into being, but that once he’s there he has always been there.  Because the Time Matrix is literally omnipotent like that.

Assuming that the Ellimist only came into being in that moment, his backstory then comes into existence because it’s what Elfangor imagines for him (Ellimist Chronicles).  In the instant where the Ellimist first appears, Elfangor is alone, cut off from his species, in love with someone he can’t be with, and forced to learn to adapt to living on his own.  He is literally being sucked to his death through the void of space after having been taught an excruciatingly powerful lesson in the dangers of making short-sighted decisions (Andalite Chronicles).  Ergo, the life history his subconscious creates for the Ellimist not only populates in these elements, it also nicely explains why he has heard so many stories of this all-powerful being: it casts the Ellimist as the creator of the andalites.

The andalites only exist because they were created by the Ellimist, who only exists because he was created by an andalite.  John Berryman’s parents only never meet because Cassie intervenes because John Berryman gets infested by Visser Four which is only possible because John Berryman’s parents met and gave birth to him.  

Anyway, all of that got me thinking: maybe the Ellimist wasn’t Elfangor and Loren’s only creation.  

Then again, maybe he was.  

Going beyond the fact that the Ellimist talks to Tobias more than any other Animorph, there are some interesting parallels between them.  They have pretty literally the same perspective on the events of the series: Tobias describes seeing humans as “hair ovals” and feeling as though he loses a dimension or two any time he’s on the ground (#23), whereas the Ellimist is described as a three-dimensional person talking to stick figures (Andalite Chronicles).  When talking with the Ellimist, Tobias perceives himself as a mixture of human and bird parts (#13); when manifesting himself, the Ellimist imagines himself in his original Ketran body which is comprised of human-like and bird-like body parts (Ellimist Chronicles).  

However, both of them work hard to transcend their original bodies: Tobias deliberately becomes a nothlit to escape his human life, and the Ellimist allows his original Ketran body to fall into a black hole in order to transcend physical life and achieve a new form of being.  The Ellimist repeatedly mentions that Rachel is his favorite Animorph; if you have any question at all about who Tobias’s favorite Animorph is then you’re clearly reading a different book series than I am.  In fact, Rachel herself describes the Ellimist as being “just a kid like me” after seeing his life—maybe she’s being more literal than we realize (#54).  The hork-bajir view Tobias as a messiah figure; the andalites have the same perspective on the Ellimist.  Toomin is “unique to the universe” (Ellimist Chronicles); Tobias is “one of a kind” (MM3).  

Maybe the parallels exist because they’re the same person.  Maybe this is who Tobias is destined to become after he dies.  Maybe the One absorbs Tobias at the end of the series, and Tobias survives after a fashion to do battle with the One.  Maybe Tobias escapes the One with music and sadness and mourning for his lost people.  Maybe Tobias then achieves a higher form of being, one that enables him to go back and ensure his own existence.  

If that’s the case, then the Ellimist never breaks the rules of his and Crayak’s game.  He just defends his own life.  

Chronologically, the Ellimist’s first major intervention in the time stream is simultaneously pulling Elfangor out of his vacation on Earth and ensuring that Tobias survives the change.  It should break the rules of his and Crayak’s game—and yet it wouldn’t, if he was just saving his own life (Andalite Chronicles).  If the Ellimist doesn’t intervene the first time he does in The Stranger, the Animorphs will be eaten by a taxxon—and if he doesn’t intervene the second time, Visser Three will kill and eat Tobias (#7).  Drode argues (with good reason) that the Ellimist had a hand in ensuring the Animorphs were standing just above where the Time Matrix was buried when Elfangor landed there to try and retrieve it; as Back to Before shows, if Tobias hadn’t become an Animorph then he would have become a quasi-voluntary controller and then been shot in the head (MM4).  

The Ellimist makes a huge intervention in the time stream in The Change when he saves the hork-bajir and gives Tobias his morphing power back.  Regaining the ability to morph might simply save Tobias’s life because it extends his life span far beyond that of a typical red-tailed hawk (#33).  However, it also potentially prevents Tobias from just giving up and killing himself, which he has already attempted (#3) and is considering again as an alternative to starving to death (#13). At the end of The Change the Ellimist asks Tobias “Are you happy?” because that’s what he’s really accomplished: changing Tobias’s answer from “no” to “maybe” (#13).  

When the Ellimist next intervenes in the lives of the Animorphs (#26) the competition between his team and Crayak’s for the fate of the Iskoort, it’s more or less exactly what it looks like—the only difference is that Ellimist only agrees because he already knows he’ll win, and that victory will enable him to continue to intervene and keep the Animorphs alive.  Of course the Ellimist comes to Rachel at the moment she transitions from being a body to being a pure soul (#54), and of course he considers her one of the most impactful people in the universe.  It is very possible that the hallucination of Elfangor which saves Tobias’s life in The Illusion was caused by the Ellimist, again to preserve his own life (#33).  

Like I said, all of this is pure speculation.  I have no idea whether it’s even a valid interpretation of the text.  I just like to imagine that maybe when Elfangor and Loren brought this world into being, they had a happy accident along the way.  That the Animorphs’ “eyes in the sky” might be the only guy in the universe capable of manipulating its fabric (#39).  That one day when Rachel dies, the revelation about their guardian angel is something she never could have expected.  That the guy looking out for the universe is one who can find the balance between killing one baby skunk and saving the rest of the litter, who sees a meteor crashing toward the Earth as the opportunity that everyone around him has missed.  

Forensic Science: what is it?

WATSON REALIZED SOMETHING IMPORTANT!! And by that she means she was hit with the sudden realization that both Sherls and Watson never covered what Forensic Science is. And given the massive influx of new followers (thank you everyone, you guys are amazing!) Watson thought she should define forensic science and cover the sub-disciplines in the field. Due to the interdisciplinary nature of forensics, Sherls and Watson have a pretty general science background, so don’t be afraid to ask us about anything. 

Forensic science, in the most broad definition, is the application of any science to the court of law (both criminal and civil). Essentially, it is using the scientific method to help with court trials. It’s important to keep the law part in mind, because everything we do in the field, scene processing, evidence collection, evidence analysis, all the tasks are done with a goal in mind: to preserve the integrity of evidence so that it is viable in court. Their third job is to search, find, and collect possible evidence in an efficient manner to ensure fragile evidence isn’t lost, but also in a careful way so that the evidence is preserved properly and not contaminated. With that said, we have a very general knowledge of law, and it mainly pertains to the Criminal Code of Canada, while @scriptlawyer​ is the better person to go to for detailed law knowledge. 

The most publicly know facet of forensic science is crime scene investigation. These are the people that come in a scene in full Protective Personal Equipment/PPEs (bunny suit, gloves, goggles, mask, boot covers, etc.). Their first job is to protect the scene, make sure nothing is tampered with. The second job is to record and document the scene in a thorough manner (photography, video tape, hand written notes), to ensure that the scene can be revisited later in the future. 

Below, in no particular order, are brief synopsis of forensics in a given sub-discipline: 

Pathology – they are the coroners and the medical examiners, performs autopsy and is responsible for determining manner of death, cause of death, and estimating Post Mortem Interval/time of death (PMI) 

Biology/DNA – looks at the biology of the scene, including DNA and any other bodily fluids (blood, semen, saliva, urine, etc), when looking at DNA, will be intimately familiar with a process called Polymerase Chain Reaction (PCR), will also look at hair and fibre samples, botanical material, and soil 

Toxicology – the chemistry side of the science, examines compositions of drugs, glass, paint, explosives, soil, determines presence/absence of drugs and poison, alcohol, uses lots of fun equipment, refer to @scriptchemist​ 

Firearms – looks at firearms (we are hoping that is obvious), discharged bullets, spent cartridge cases, shotgun shells, ammunition, gun shot residue (GSR), approximating how far from the target a weapon was fire 

Fingerprinting – studying minutiae of fingerprint, comparing prints left behind in a crime scene to prints from known origin, there’s actually not a lot of work being done on how accurate fingerprint is, and fingerprinting is under a lot of scrutiny right now for lack of organizational structure (some one should change that) 

Computer/Digital – one of the new emerging fields, basically finding, collection, preserving, and examining data from digital devices (computers, cell phones, etc.) Sherls and Watson do not have enough technological background so we will refer everyone to @scripthacker​ 

Anthropology – deals with skeletal remains, differentiating between human and animal remains, determining approximate gender, age, height, race, and any physical injuries or osteo-diseases 

Entomology – uses insect (mainly flies and necrophilious insects), flies life cycle, and the cycle of arthropod successions to determine long term PMI 

Psychology/Behavioural – this is a subfield of psychology/psychiatry. In criminal cases, work tasks might include determining if a person is fit to stand trial, evaluate for behavioural disorders, looking at behavioural patterns to set up a profile. In civil cases, they might determine if an individual is competent to decide when preparing a will, settling property, or refusing medical treatment. Both of us do not have much experience in this field, and would like to refer you to @scriptshrink 

Documents – document analysis studies handwriting, type-writing, type of paper and ink, tries to authenticate sources, basically anything to do with documents, neither Sherls or Watson has much experience with this 

Odontology – this field looks at dental evidence when the body is unrecognizable. Enamel in the teeth are hardy substances and can last for a long time, identification of the person can be made based of characteristics of the teeth, their alignment of the mouth, the great thing about living is the first world country is that almost every one has a dental record. Bite marks compared to dental cast has also been used as evidence in court (see Ted Bundy), but Sherls and Watson are both leery about this particular field, since there are not a lot of research proving that there is a scientific basis behind the field

Engineering – looks at failure analysis, accident reconstruction, and causes and origins of fires/explosions, mainly looks at the structure sides of things (is there an engineering scripty around? Because Watson would love to see one)

Others Watson found while researching: theres units for polygraph and voiceprint analysis too apparently. We do not know much about these two fields either.

*Phew* We know there is a lot of information on this post, we are planning to break down a few things we mentioned here and go into more detail in future posts. Send us asks if you lovelies have any questions.

anonymous asked:

Murven text post AU where Raven and Roan are dating and Murphy schemes to break them up because HE SAW HER FIRST AND THAT ICE NATION BASTARD HAD NO RIGHT TO ASK HER ON A DATE BEFORE HE DID! 😉

The Island of Misfit Delinquents

10:09 am

Caw Caw Little Birdy: WHO’S GOT TWO THUMBS, A SEXY RED DRESS, AND A HOT DATE WITH ROAN AZGEDA TONIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

Murph-Man: Your mom?

Caw Caw Little Birdy: THIS GIRL

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Dammit Murphy

Caw Caw Little Birdy: You fun-sucking, last-piece-of-pizza snatcher, lotioned foot slipping around in a sock, uncouth garbage human, son of a bitch

Blake 1: You’ve gotten real creative with your insults lately

Blake 2: Rey just shit on your entire life son

Commander Clarke: #loveofmylife

Blake 1: #rude

Caw Caw Little Birdy: ANYWAY

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Roan’s got it all planned out He’s picking me up at seven and we’re going to a fancy dinner and a show. There’s also talk about getting coffee as we leisurely stroll back to my apartment under the light of a thousand brilliant stars, conversing about interesting topics 

Murph-Man: Roan Azgeda: A modern day Jane Austen

Blake 2: Calm yo tits, Mr. Darcy

Commander Clarke: Murphy is SUCH a Darcy

Murphy-Man: Wut

Blake 1: Clarke is Jane Bennet and I’m Mr. Bingley

Blake 2: I’ve always wanted to be a snotty society lady

Blake 2: Count me in as Caroline Bingley 

Murph-Man: I actually hate you all????

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I’M LIZZIE BENNET

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Watch me read all the books and slay men’s hearts with a slightly haughty attitude

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I deserve more than to be married off to a rich man I don’t love to save my father’s estate 

Commander Clakre: ^^^ Same

Blake 2: ^^^ My new Instagram bio 


Blake 1 + Murph-Man

10:40 am

Blake 1: So……

Blake 1: How you doing with all this?

Blake 1: And by this, I mean Raven and Roan

Blake 1: And by Raven and Roan I, of course, mean them dating 

Blake 1: Murphy?

Murph-Man: Sorry I can’t guzzle vodka and text at the same time

Blake 1: It’s not even noon dude

Murph-Man: Then I’ll put the vodka in some orange juice

Murph-Man: Make some toast

Murph-Man: Call it brunch

Murph-Man: Like a middle-aged rich white woman

Blake 1: Buddy…… no


The Island of Misfit Delinquents

12:34 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: When you actually care about how this date will go so you shave your legs

Blake 1: Wow, when should we expect to receive the invitations to your wedding?

Murph-Man: Too much work. Just wear sweatpants and call it done

Commander Clarke: Darcy strikes again


Misson imPOSSIBLE 

2:15 pm

Blake 2 added King Azgeda to the group chat

Blake 2: Plan is working perfectly

Blake 2: Or WAS

Commander Clarke: Don’t be passive aggressive to my boyfriend 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Yeah just be flat out aggressive towards him

Blake 1: Well maybe next time we try and secretly try and set up our friends, yOU GUYS WON’T BASE THE PLAN AROUND ME TRYING TO COMFORT PEOPLE

King Azgeda: Our first mistake

Blake 1: Roan you absolute winter coat made out of Wookie fur

Blake 1: Fight me 

King Azgeda: With pleasure

Blake 2: #TeamRoan

Commander Clarke: (I-think-tf-not-you-trickass-bitch.jpeg)

 Caw Caw Little Birdy: FOCUS YOU BUNCH OF MEME DUNCES 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: We WANT Murphy to come and try to stop the date. Not be drunk off his ass

Blake 1: Before we all start yelling at me again, I DID fix things

Blake 1: Miller is covering Murphy’s shift at the precinct tonight. Jasper and Monty are on their way with coffee and the world’s greasiest burgers to sober Murphy up

Blake 2: Then Bell and I will go over right around the time Roan picks Raven up and trick Murphy into sabotaging the date

King Azgeda: And double check him for weapons before he leaves for said sabotage 

King Azgeda: That’s important 


The Island of Misfit Delinquents

6:43 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I look bomb if I do say so myself

Blake 2: Yeahhhhhhhhhh Rey

Blake 2: Get. Some. ;) 

Commander Clarke: Bow-chicka-bow-wow

Murphy-Man: Bow-chicka-bow-wow?

Murph-Man: My eyes have been sinned upon

Commander Clarke: SEND A PIC OF YOUR DRESS

Caw Caw Little Birdy: (Date-Night.jpeg)

Blake 1: Our little girl is all grown up

Commander Clarke: 21 years of sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears… All for this moment

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Thanks mom and dad <3

Murph-Man: You look really really pretty Rey 


Mission imPOSSIBLE

8:09 pm

King Azgeda: We should have picked a restaurant that served an actual meal

Caw Caw Little Birdy: What even are these portions

Caw Caw Little Birdy: My name is a bird, but I do NOT eat like one

Blake 2: Murphy has left Casa De La Sadness and is on the move

Blake 2: I repeat, on the MOVE

Blake 1: dfsjghorejgirjgjbfdk 

Blake 1: I FORGOT TO TAKE THE BASEBALL BAT OUT OF HIS CAR

Caw Caw Little Birdy: FAILamy Blake 


Murph-Man + Nathan Miller

8:58

Murph-Man: Hey man what beat are you patrolling tonight?

Nathan Miller: The usual 

Murph-Man: That’s good

Nathan Miller: These vague texts aren’t tho

Murph-Man: If you want to pass a polygraph, you drive really slow to the Dropship Theater and you do NOT look closely at the face of the man with the baseball bat when that call comes out

Nathan Miller: WTF 


Mission imPOSSIBLE

9:24 pm

Commander Clarke: I’m stationed at the coffee shop across from the theater

Commander Clarke: Also, this coffee tastes like piss so it’s a good thing this whole date is fake because if I were Raven and Roan bought me coffee from this place?

Commander Clarke: I’d dump it all over that nice-ass suit and there would be NO second date

King Azgeda: wow ok

Blake 1: I’m in love?????

Blake 2: Murphy’s on the move

Blake 2: And by move, I mean he iS HAULING ASS WITH A BASEBALL BAT SHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT

Blake 1: I’m stuck in traffic what’s happening !!!!!!!!!?

Commander Clarke: Roan looks like a gallant European prince 

Commander Clarke: Murphy looks like a disheveled…. Well just like straight up disheveled in a big old grandpa sweater and dark jeans

Blake 2: Roan snatched that bat from Murphy right quick

Blake 1: Catch them hands too lmao

Blake 2: You right lols

Commander Clarke: We’re like all sitting together watching this right now? And we’re texting each other?

King Azgeda: Raven dragged Murphy back around to the parking lot so they could scream at each other in private. And make out

King Azgeda: (my-longest-yeah-boi-ever.jpeg)

Blake 2: You’ve done well young grasshopper 

Blake 1: Yeah come across the street and I’ll buy you a cup of coffee as a thank you 

King Azgeda: The same coffee your girlfriend said tasted like piss?

Blake 1: That’d be the one


The Island of Misfit Delinquetns 

11:02 pm

Caw Caw Little Birdy: (We-Cute-AND-an-Offical-Couple.jpeg)

Blake 1: Murphy flipping the camera off as you guys kiss is everything I expected your relationship to be 

Blake 2: AWWWWWWW!!!!! TOGETHER AT LAST

Blake 2: My skin is clear, my bank account is full, an angel delicately plays the harp in the background 

Commander Clarke: YOU GUYS CAN DOUBLE DATE WITH ME AND BELL

Murph-Man: Pass

Blake 1: Pass

Caw Caw Little Birdy: Sometimes I’m jealous over how in sync you guys are

Blake 2: *added King Azgeda to Island of Misfit Delinquents*

King Azgeda: Happy for you guys!

Murph-Man: I could have done without the emotional trauma tho tbh

Murph-Man: I’m only 178 pounds of delicate pale skin and sarcasm

Murph-Man: I’m fragile

Caw Caw Little Birdy: It was the only way

Blake 2: We knew your anger would win over your pride

King Azgeda: Why confess your feelings when you can try and beat the fake boyfriend with a baseball bat and hope your point gets across as you shatter the competitions knees?

Blake 2: I would have intervened before he shattered your knees

King Azgeda: Thanks babe <3

Blake 2: NVWIPVNHPIVHFVNFUGFNROKAETR

Commander Clarke: YOOOOOOOOOOOO 

Caw Caw Little Birdy: I KNEW WE FORGOT SOMETHING

Caw Caw Little Birdy: It was supposed to go- Go on Fake date, Murphy confesses his feelings (finally) and Octavia somehow breaks the news to her brother that she’s daTING ROAN

Blake 2: I was going to buy him a history book and get him about three glasses of fancy wine deep before I told him

Blake 2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Azgeda: …….. well this is awkward

Blake 1: YOU OVERGROWN SCRUFFY LOOKIN, FUR COAT WEARING, WANNABE WARRIOR PRINCE OF SOME APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE 

Blake 1: I WILL FUCK YOU UP

Commander Clarke: Guys you gotta break stuff to him gently he has the heart of an 87-year-old man

Caw Caw Little Birdy: He’s gonna go BOOM

Blake 1: DON’T TOUCH MY SISTER

Murph-Man: I’d actually like to retract my earlier statement about double dates and propose a TRIPPLE date instead 

Murph-Man: I think that would be good for our friend group 

anonymous asked:

I've been in retail for over four years. I have finally gotten the courage to apply for the police department in my city. I've made it through all of the tests and the oral interview. Next step is the background check and polygraph and as long as I pass those I get to go to the police academy. Just wanted to share my good news with people who would understand how happy I am to be leaving retail for my dream career 😊

youtube

By his own definition, is Trump a corporate refugee? #trumpugee

Donald initiated his #muslimBan over the weekend, but after a closer look, who should really be banned by this executive order?

“I think the only way that vetting could get any more extreme was if you had to, I don’t know, fuck an American flag and climax while wearing a polygraph test to prove ya meant it? Would that be enough?”

A bit of levity to lighten THE DARKEST TIMELINE.

MBTI as the stupid WikiHow article they need

INTJ: How to Feel Your Feelings

INTP: How to Tell Left From Right

INFJ: How to Make People Think You Can Read Minds

INFP: How to Spend 15 Hours in Bed Without Getting Up

ISTJ: How to Be Okay With Having A Communist Friend

ISTP: How to Avoid Getting Shot By Police

ISFJ: How to Bless Someone

ISFP: How to Take a Normal Shower

ENTJ: 4 Ways To Cheat A Polygraph Test (Lie Detector)

ENTP: How to Win an Argument When You Know You Are Wrong

ENFJ: How to Recognize When I’m Getting Argumentative

ENFP: How to Keep Your Thoughts Inside Your Head

ESTJ: How to Administer a Coffee Enema

ESTP: How to Feel a Guy’s Muscle Without Looking Gay (close second goes to How to Ask a Boss for a One-Night Stand. Yes, that’s a real article.)

ESFJ: How to Accept That Your Computer Is Slow

ESFP: How to Clean Your Dishwasher With Kool-Aid

I’m such a sucker for the ‘lie detector’ trope. Yes, please do reluctantly confess your true feelings while strapped to a polygraph device. 

Bonus points if you get shocked whenever you lie. Extra bonus points if the object of your affection gets shocked whenever you lie.

Endless List of Why I Ship Jane & Kurt

EDITED (20 May 2017) post season 2 finale and we are over 200 reasons! WHAT IS THIS GLORIOUS SHIP!

EDITED (10 April 2017) to add all the reasons (five months later) to the original post.

original post: so, I know the jeller morale is down, and the kurt hate is on the rise, and I am not telling people how to feel or what to ship, but I’m gonna start a “why I will always ship Jeller” list, and if you guys feel like it, reblog with your own reason(s). And if you don’t feel the same, just don’t reblog, and especially don’t reblog with hate, ok? This is a happy place. So here goes

1. Because he is her starting point
2. Because they are in this together
3. Because he notices when she gets a haircut
4. Because he will risk his life to protect her
5. Because she will risk her life to protect his family
6. Because he will risk sarin poisoning to save her
7. Because he believes in her
8. Because they both wanted her to be Taylor more than anything
9. Because when something good happens to him she’s the first person he thinks about
10. Because she dreams of them being together
11. Because he’s her bunny
12. Because he doesn’t believe she will betray them
13. Because he trusts her instincts
14. Because she did what she did to protect him
15. Because she wanted a moment that was just them
16. Because he still owes her two drinks
17. Because they will always have game night with Sawyer
18. Because sometimes he just needs to hear her voice and for her to tell him everything will be ok
19. Because she couldn’t take the shot
20. Because he couldn’t take the shot
21. Because they always have each other’s back
22. Because just the mention of an undercover op makes them both smile like idiots
23. Because he gets jealous if she even looks at another guy
24. Because Kurt has never looked at another woman the way he looks at Jane
25. Because she believes in him even when he does not believe in himself
26. Because she never stops
27. Because they’re both stubborn
28. Because they always find a way to touch each other even when it is not even necessary
29. Because she’s his wife
30. Because Kurt always looks at Jane whether things go wrong or right
31. Because she likes the jealous type
32. Because she wouldn’t bare something happening to him
33. Because he would kill the deputy director of the CIA with his bare hands for her
34. Because she doesn’t blame him for hating her
35. Because despite everything he doesn’t hate her
36. Because he’s not just protecting her
37. Because he cannot be objective
38. Because he went to the park
39. Because she wanted more than anything to go to the park
40. Because they’ll always have the locker room
41. Because everyone else sees it
42. Because Rich Dotcom
43. Because even though she lied to him she still loves him
44. Because he still loves her but he’s confused
45. Because his name is on her back
46. Because Smuckles
47. Because heart eyes
48. Because Jane has a drawing of him in her sketchbook
49. Because when she got fired the first thing he thought about was that he could kiss her now
50. Because he doesn’t think she looks ridiculous in that dress
51. Because they danced in the Hamptons
52. Because she wants them to go undercover as a married couple again
53. Because he doesn’t care what anyone says, she is not a killer
54. Because she never meant to fall in love
55. Because she is more than just one mistake (and so is he)
56. Because there’s something between them even if he doesn’t know what it is
57. Because she beat him up the stairs and rubbed it in his face
58. Because she was scared out of her mind when the door shut and she heard the gun shots
59. Because she was never just a case to him
60. Because no matter what she will make sure he will come home to his family
61. Because has absolutely no chill when he’s worried about her
62. Because he will miss her if something happened to her
63. Because they are two thirds of Rich and the Feds
64. Because when they’re not together the chemistry on the team is all off
65. Because she went to see his dying father just to it easier on him
66. Because he took a chance on her
67. Because he always needs her by his side
68. Because the polygraph knew he lied about her
69. Because when everyone thought she was the mole he still fought for her
70. Because he knows Jane
71. Because he’s her someone special
72. Because she can totally kick his ass (and he knows it)
73. Because she has his phone number memorized
74. Because he wouldn’t let her say goodbye when she thought she’d never see him again
75. Because he would never believe that she would betray the team
76. Because all she cares about is his safety
77. Because she gets to tease him about him being stubborn and he lets her
78. Because she gets to tease him about his cooking and he lets her
79. Because he’ll get her back before they shut down Sandstorm for good
80. Because she just needs to say the word and he’ll be there

81. Because they are uniquely capable of understanding each other in a way that nobody else can. -MG
82. Because they’re going to be ok those two. -MG
83. Because they have a bond that is hard to break. -MG
84. Jane and Kurt’s relationship is always gonna be the emotional driving force for the show. -MG
85. Because they have an indelible bond that we’re never going to tamper with. -MG
86. Because Martin Gero ships them!

Rich Dotcom Reasons! (because he’s the captain of our ship and we must respect him)

87. Because they’re so badass
88. Because they keep him focused
89. Because they sold being a married couple to one of the smartest conmen in the world
90. Because, holy derby, they look good
91. Because they had some serious chemistry in the Hamptons
92. Because  every time something goes wrong, or goes right for that matter, Kurt looks at Jane
93. Because when Kurt talks to Jane it looks pretty intense
94. Because life’s too short and they should just tell each other how they feel
95. Because the chemistry is all off when they’re on the outs
96. Because the emotional distance is unbearable
97. Because Kurt is clearly still in love with her but he’s just confused
98. Because Kurt has the brawn and Jane has everything else
99. Because the three of them can take down anybody they wanted
100. Because they’re his favorite couple

101. Because he would never question her loyalties
102. Because he doesn’t care who is around them, he will hug her in the middle of the office
103. Because he will risk his career to keep her brother safe
104. Because she’s grateful he almost killed a man in cold blood for her
105. Because he was not objective and he got the best out of her
106. Because they both believe that having her memory erased was the best thing that happened to her (because it brought them together)
107. Because SUV heart eyes
108. Because he will always worry about her
109. Because she knows when something is bothering him
110. Because he trusts her enough to open up to her and show her his pain
111. Because she was worried he was also moving to Colorado and leaving her
112. Because there’s no point of them feeling alone when they can spend time together
113. Because Pennsylvania beer
114. Because her brother shot him (and they can joke about it)
115. Because she got excited about his year book
116. Because it took her 2 seconds to recognize him as a 15 year old
117. Because he wanted to impress her with his high school basketball glory days
118. Because she knows how to make him smile
119. Because feelings have to be earned
120. Because she would never be expendable to him
121. Because she is super proud of her assistant director of the FBI husband
122. Because he should just grab her before anyone else does (and use her to make billions of dollars?)
123. Because he wishes she was there to see him shoot Rich (and she wishes she was there too)
124. Because if she’s happy, he’s happy (even if it means she has a date with someone else)
125. Because she knows how important Emma and Taylor were to him and is only trying to protect him
126. Because he’s taking time to help her brother regain some memories
127. Because he ignores everyone’s concerns and takes her brother out to the field to help him regain some memories
128. Because he’s worried about the guy she’s dating (worried not jealous, nope, not at all)
129. Because everyone can see that he’s crazy jealous
130. Because her ability to see the good in people is just one of his many many favorite things about her
131. Because he kinda likes her brother
132. Because he saved her brother
133. Because when she comes over, she doesn’t need to knock, she can just let herself in.
134. Because her word is law in the Weller household. If Jane says they don’t need to toast with every shot, then they don’t toast with every shot.
135. Because she can go snooping around the apartment if she feels like it (and he will only give her heart eyes in return)
136. Because she thinks he did a great job with the nursery.
137. Because of all the people in his life, she is the only one who can ask personal questions and she is the only one he talks to about Allie and the baby.
138. Because she is the only one who can help him calm down when he’s pissed off about Shepherd.
139. Because he refuses to work with someone who tried to kill her and just wants to throw them in jail.
140. Because it was different between them - there never was any baggage.
141. Because he couldn’t stand the idea of her being so unsettled.
142. Because he watched Jane struggle with her past to become the amazing woman she is now
143. Because in her absence he looked out for her brother
144. Because he doesn’t care what the psychiatrist says, he will release her brother from his glass cage and let him move in with her.
145. Because he knows exactly what it means to her
146. Because he will do anything to make her smile
147. Because when someone is really right for you, you make room
148. Because they’re like proud parents whenever Roman does well
149. Because there’s no team without him
150. Because they’re relationship isn’t just professional
151. Because they’re on the same page
152. Because even Matthew Weitz knows they’re in love
153. Because normal ain’t so bad (if it means taking a quiet stall together)
154. Because she just wants to make sure he’s fine
155. Because the best thing (and the worst) was her penetrating his walls and getting inside them.
156. Because he is honest and loyal
157. Because she trusts him with her life
158. Because he was never forced to work with her
159. Because it doesn’t matter that Shepherd’s the reason they’re there
160. Because all of this led him to her and her to him
161. Because this is something he would never want to undo
 162. Because he wants to cook his famous Thai curry for her (and her brother)
163. Because she only likes to him to protect him
164. Because when something is off between them, the whole office feels it
165. Because he knows she is not the same person she was before
166. Because he has forgiven the things she has done before
167. Because even when he is hurting as a result of something she did, she remains the one person he can open up to
168. Because she is the only one he tells his deepest secrets to
169. Because he can cry around her
170. Because he never canceled dinner
171. Because he wishes he could just flip a switch and get over the hurt
172. Because she wishes she could go back and change the past
173. And so does he.
174. Because no matter what she will always be the only one he trusts.
175. Because he is sorry he made her lie to Roman.
176. Because they flirt while disarming a bomb.
177. Because “don’t die” is the new “I love you”.
178. Because he refuses to accept that she is responsible for anything that Sandstorm are doing.
179. Because he was willing to take a bullet for her.
180. Because he’d never let her be the one who takes out her brother.
181. Because they are not their families.
182. Because he knows her heart and knows who she is.
183.Because when he says “I am not leaving my people” what he really means is “I am not leaving Jane”.
184. Because hand on knee.
185. And hand on heart.
186. And holding hands just before he leaves.
187. And because he just wants to keep her safe.
188. And because he fluffed her pillow.
189. Because after everything that has happened she is still the only one he trusts.
190. 
Because she is worried about him.
191. Because when Director Hirst tells her she is free to go to wherever it is she would like to go, Jane thinks of Kurt.
192. Because running through SIOC and hugging fiercely in front of everyone.
193. Because if there is something he wants to say to her, he shouldn’t put it off.
194. Because they are both allowed to be happy.
195. Because he will drive the ambulance full of nukes away as long as she remains somewhere safe.
196. Because she won’t let him go alone.
197. Because he won’t let her be the one to shoot her own brother.
198. Because he wants her to stay here with him.
199. Because “I love you, Jane, I love you.”
200. Because this is where she wants to be.
201. Because “I love you, too, Kurt”.
202. Because she still has longing in her eyes.
203. Because he traveled to the ends of the world searching for her.
204. Because he cannot believe he finally found her.
205. Because he was scared and she is sorry.
206. Because it needs both of them to work.
207. Because he is still wearing his ring.
208. Because their fates are forever intertwined.
209. Because his first thought after being in a crash is of her.
210. And because her first thought is of him.
211. Because MARRIED!