My partner and I just recently chose to have an open relationship. It's been going decent, but I've noticed in my time w him he is distracted with his new partner. I feel cheated in this. Trying to get to the bottom of these feelings and don't want to put constraints on him. Any advice?
Welcome to the world of NRE (New Relationship Energy) .
When you are the one experiencing it, it’s wonderful. It’s exciting and your brain is like that of a kid after shit ton of pixie sticks. [”This is your brain, this is your brain on NRE” kind of thing…]
When you are the one watching your partner experience it, it can be… well, I think this sums it up many’s feelings perfectly:
“[…] your established partners would care to remind you that they’re still there. They still love you. They’re still important. They may not be the “new shiny” but they’ve still stuck by you for all this time and deserve just a little more attention, time, love, and respect. I think most poly partners can recognize when one of their partners are in NRE and make suitable allowances, but it can go south very quickly. You can quickly find yourself down a rabbit hole ignoring other partners which can lead to all kinds of bad. At this level, allowances and patience are thrown out the window and your pre-existing partners would insist you’ve “got your head up your ass”. At that point it’s time to wake up and start making changes.” [source]
Talk to them about it. I’ve had to do it before and my partner(s) have had to do it to me before. Most of the time, you’re just too excited to notice that your partner is envious/sad/lonely/missing you and when it’s pointed out, you immediately thing, “oh, damn. You’re right. I’m so sorry. I’m going to make sure I spend some more quality time with you, or maybe set some limits on myself to ensure we get some quality time together”.
- Mimzy ( @polygoing )