mybeautiful10  asked:

My partner and I just recently chose to have an open relationship. It's been going decent, but I've noticed in my time w him he is distracted with his new partner. I feel cheated in this. Trying to get to the bottom of these feelings and don't want to put constraints on him. Any advice?

Hey there!

Welcome to the world of NRE (New Relationship Energy) 
When you are the one experiencing it, it’s wonderful. It’s exciting and your brain is like that of a kid after shit ton of pixie sticks. [”This is your brain, this is your brain on NRE” kind of thing…] 
When you are the one watching your partner experience it, it can be… well, I think this sums it up many’s feelings perfectly:
“[…] your established partners would care to remind you that they’re still there. They still love you. They’re still important. They may not be the “new shiny” but they’ve still stuck by you for all this time and deserve just a little more attention, time, love, and respect. I think most poly partners can recognize when one of their partners are in NRE and make suitable allowances, but it can go south very quickly. You can quickly find yourself down a rabbit hole ignoring other partners which can lead to all kinds of bad. At this level, allowances and patience are thrown out the window and your pre-existing partners would insist you’ve “got your head up your ass”. At that point it’s time to wake up and start making changes.” [source

Talk to them about it. I’ve had to do it before and my partner(s) have had to do it to me before. Most of the time, you’re just too excited to notice that your partner is envious/sad/lonely/missing you and when it’s pointed out, you immediately thing, “oh, damn. You’re right. I’m so sorry. I’m going to make sure I spend some more quality time with you, or maybe set some limits on myself to ensure we get some quality time together”. 

- Mimzy ( @polygoing

anonymous asked:

So, my boyfriend is poly and he's dating me and another boy and! I'm really happy! I was really afraid his boyfriend wouldn't like me but he does and now we're friends! So now I have a boyfriend and a new friend it's so nice!

This is amazing!!!!! Polygoals

anonymous asked:

Are there any "Intro to Poly" type resources that I could send to my mono partner? They don't really understand and I want to help educate them in the right way. Thank you!

Hey Anon, 

There are some amazing resources out there depending on what you’re looking for. The Big Three that seem to be the core of the recommended readings are: 
- “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
- “ Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships” by  Tristan Taormino
- “ More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory” by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert [https://www.morethantwo.com/]

Let’s not forget the countless blogs and articles on this site, Google, and this wonderful resource list: https://www.morethantwo.com/resources.html 

You can also see if there are local meetups and take your partner to one. 

Hope this list helps!
-Mimzy ( @polygoing )

chaosandfiddlesticks-deactivate  asked:

I recently realized that I'm poly and around that same time came to meet a couple who are also new to polyamory. I like both of them a great deal. I'd like a little advice specifically bc although it's pretty clear that they are unicorn hunters I'm find myself getting anxious bc when I look for advice for new bi girls in the poly world all I find is "be afraid of hunters". I ted to self sabotage so any reassurance would be great!


Firstly, I’m wired on caffeine, so please bear with me. 

People warn against “Unicorn Hunters” (especially when all/some parties are new to polyamory) for a couple reasons:

1. The poly “community”* tends to frown against the 2+1 mentality because usually the 1 gets disregarded or their concerns aren’t heard (SEE: Couple’s Priviledge). This can be because the couple has the “majority vote” or it could be that they view themselves as the “core” to the relationship and put each other first over their unicorn. It could also be that they aren’t aware of The Relationship Bill of Rights

2. There is the stereotype that people who are “Unicorn Hunters” are only looking to “spice up the bedroom” with a random, disposable third. 

3. There is the stereotype that “Unicorn” is usually also not aware of the Relationship Bill of Rights and ends up being used, hurt, or manipulated. 

However, these are stereotypes and ones that are deeply rooted in fear of (and pain from) Couple’s Priviledge. A great comic I stumbled across on here that I found at @open-and-closer shows how “Unicorn Hunting” can be healthy for all parties. 

Here is a good example of the assumptions that people have about “Unicorn Hunters”: Urban Dictionary 

Here is an open letter from an “ex-unicorn” explaining what they view to be the difference between Unicorn Hunting and a “healthy” triad.

I know I responded ridiculously late to your question, but I hope you have read around and found some answers to inform you, and your potential partners, on how to do this so all will be included, loved, and heard. 

-Mimzy ( @polygoing )

*I have quoted “community” because I just mean the loudest voices within the group of polyamorous people I know and does NOT represent the ideas of every polyamorous individual. 

anonymous asked:

do poly people belong in the lgbt+ community, regardless of who they are attracted to? i'm not looking for trouble, i would just like to know. thank you

Okay, so, I think this is one of the few times I have stared at a question and have been at a loss for words. I have been debating myself for a while and still really don’t have an answer for you. I have even asked fellow polyamorous (and monogamous) people their opinions and they were also stumped. But, here are my thoughts: 

1. The LGBT+ community is a uniting of people who are marginalized for their sexual and/or romantic identities. Pride Parades around the world are an opportunity for those minorities to be heard, to be proud, and to be public about who they are in a wonderful time of unity… However, last year was the first time in my life as a queer individual that bisexual people in heterosexual presenting pairings should not be included/welcome in Pride. On one hand, my back shot up and I got immediately defensive but then that little voice inside my head (which gibbers and gabs at me all the time) whispered, “Check your privilege here, Mimzy.” Well, shit. Right. Heterosexual Privilege is a thing that didn’t even occur to me. The same as Couple’s Privilege is the same in the polyamorous community (which also didn’t occur to me until I talked it over with a friend). 

1.5. While polysexuality is a thing, it is usually not directly tied into gender which is a common denominator in the LGBT+ community. 

2. Another thought I had was the fact that there was a Polyamorous Float in the Vancouver Pride Parade (The one I attended in 2015). There was excited whooping from both sides of the road as it passed. So, the organizers of this particular parade felt that it was okay that they were included as a part of this day. 

3. Okay, so, while I believe that polyamory is a valid orientation, I’m not sure where we stand, or IF we stand within the LGBT+ community. While I believe we can overlap (because a lot of polyamorous people I know are on the LGBT+ spectrum), I believe we do have to check our privilege before declaring that we are a part of this community. I, personally, will wear all my colors (blue, red, and black for polyamory and the rainbow flag because my sexuality depends on what I ate that week, where Mars is in relation to Jupiter and Mercury, and where exactly a specific ant was on July 23 3 years ago today) while attending an LGBT+ event, but I would only say that I was part of the LGBT+ community because of the people I was attracted to rather than the number of partners I have/had/am interested in having. I believe we, as a polyamorous community, are more allies to the LGBT+ community based off polyamory alone.

But, honestly, I have a lot more to investigate and think on before I could form a solid, I’m-going-to-completely-stand-behind-this opinion on this question. 

I hope some others have some opinions on this.

-Mimzy ( @polygoing )

anonymous asked:

I just started dating someone and he's my first boyfriend and he's poly. Everything is a bit new to me but I'm open minded. I'm his secondary and I'm having a hard time understanding my feelings :/ I feel like I got really attached to him and I can't imagine him seeing someone else besides me and his primary, and most days I feel awful because I can't see him and be with him while his partner can. I know I shouldn't feel jealous but it just hurts. (cont.)

(Cont.) My friends told me I should try to see someone else and maybe it would make me feel better but we’ve just started dating and I don’t really feel like looking for someone new right now, I don’t even know where to meet new people. I don’t want to break up with him because I like him a lot…everything has been so confusing, I don’t know what to do.


Hey Anon! 

It’s not that you shouldn’t be jealous. Jealousy is something we have all been conditioned to feel and do nothing about other than being possessive. You need to sit down and express these things to him. Face to face. You have already acknowledged why you’re jealous: you can’t see him and be with him as much as you want to. Talk to him (and maybe his primary partner as well) and see if there is anything that can be done to help you feel more secure and have your needs met.  

Here is a great resource: Relationship Bill of Rights
“You have the right, without shame, blame or guilt:
In all intimate relationships:
-to feel all your emotions
-to feel and communicate your emotions and needs
-to seek balance between what you give to the relationship and what is given back to you
-to know that your partner will work with you to resolve problems that arise”

Plus there is a ton more specific to poly relationships and poly networks. 

While, yes, it may be time to end the relationship, it might also be a perfect time to figure out how to compromise with all involved so that everyone is content. Go with your gut - I find that it is almost always right. There is a lesson in everything and by facing this situation head on, you will be stronger for it in one way or another. 

-Mimzy ( @polygoing )

anonymous asked:

hi! I'm poly and recently me and my girlfriend started dating someone else and I need advice. Do you know anymore poly blogs I can follow?

Ohhhhh, mannnnnn, do I ever *cracks knuckles*: 

@polygoing (my other blog)
@polyamoryvlog (I posted a link to their youtube channel the other day)

Just type “polyamory” into the search bar and there are so many lovely blogs out there that are amazing and worth following! I’ve just posted a couple that I could think of quickly off the top of my head, but I’ll try and work on a master post soon. (Or reblog additions to the list). 

-Mimzy ( @polygoing

anonymous asked:

I've seen several posts about poly folk dating people "trying it out" but the general vibe I get is "don't try poly out with poly people cuz the poly people get hurt". I just don't understand how one would understand if poly works without trying it?

I think, ultimately, what makes me insanely nervous is the fact that they are phrasing it as “trying it out”. You are in a/starting a relationship with me/them/whomever, you’re not trying a pair of jeans on at an outlet store that you can just decide not to buy. Especially because, I personally find, that these babypolys are saying they are polyamorous when really they are not sure what they want and if they want polyamory. People who are interested in polyamory can do research, join forums, attend meetups, read some lovely blogs and books, before actively jumping into a polyamorous relationship with real live emotions. 

Of course, as always, there are exceptions. Like if everyone is aware that you are trying it out and that it’s simply that… But, still, people aren’t disposable so you can figure out what you want and completely invalidate their feelings in the process.

-Mimzy ( @polygoing )

totallyawesomeharry  asked:

I have a question. I'm having an argument with the few people I'm out to over if poly is a sexualtiy or choice, and wondered your views? They say Polyamory is the state a relationship is in so not a sexualtiy. I say I wouldn't be happy mono so it is

Ah, the debate rages on around us. While I feel that polyamorous relationships can be a choice, in the way that a poly individual could choose to be in a monogamous relationship and a mono person can open up and be in a polyamorous relationship, I do personally identify as polyamorous by orientation. I would not be true to myself, let alone happy, any other way.

In a moment of self reflection, I realized there was never a point in my life where I have not loved/crushed on more than one person at any given time. I would jump into serious monogamous relationships because I did not know of polyamory and felt guilty having the feelings I did in such a mononormative society. When I finally heard of polyamory, everything clicked. This was me and this was who I was. It was how my brain already viewed relationships. Of course I still struggled to unlearn the things I was taught to believe was “normal”, but it finally felt right.

So, while it can be a choice in how people choose to run their relationships, I do believe that it is an orientation as well. For example, my best friend understands open relationships and swinging because she only has romantic inclinations to one person at any given time and has no interest in relationships outside of her monogamish relationship unless it is purely sex. She is monogamous romantically and by orientation.

-Mimzy ( @polygoing)