Polyamory involves a lot of scheduling. Scheduling dates, conversations, time with partners, phone calls, meetings between partners and metamours and friends and…you guys. I love it, but it is so much all of the time. And I have been doing all of that. I am REALLY good at keeping a full calendar and scheduling time for others. But I have not been scheduling time for myself.
I work, I babysit, I make time to go to the gym, I work on coding, I take my TEFL courses, I meet with people and go on dates and hang with friends. I do a lot. All the while, I am barely paying attention to how physically tired and emotionally drained I am and how starved I am for some time by myself. Just time to do absolutely nothing (or everything!) with no one to answer to but me.
So that’s what I did today. After last night, I really craved it. I woke up this morning wanting to just have a day to take care of me. So I did.
I bought myself a huge lunch at the store and picked up a bunch of yummy snacks and drinks. I went to the library, walked up and down aisles slowly, and checked out a ton of books. I took a long nap on my lunch break. I put my phone down for a bit and just ignored calls and texts and emails. I bought chai after work and drank it in silence before my class tonight. I took the longest and hottest shower when I got home and just stood under the water, letting it pour over me as I relaxed every muscle and bone in my body. I made hot cocoa. Now, I’m in bed. I’m reading. I’m writing this. I’m getting ready to sleep.
I have been giving my love to so many people that I have almost forgotten how to give it to myself. No more.
This is the realest article I’ve ever read on non-monogamy.
As in I can see the difference between my polyamorous relationships that work and my polyamorous relationships that didn’t based on how much the relationship in question acknowledged the points in this article.
i feel like theres a lot of misconceptions when it comes to how people see/think polyamory is so like. here’s a small reminder for people who may or may not be polyamorous that:
a polyamorous relationship isn’t restricted to just a 3 person relationship
just because person A may be romantically involved with person B and C does not mean that person B and C must also be romantically involved
polyamory isn’t an exclusive right for someone to go get 3 new partners while being involved with one. all parties must consent and give a clear okay that the relationship is good to go. if one or more of your partners doesn’t feel comfortable with another partner being introduced to the relationship then that must be respected
there’s nothing wrong with acting differently with each partner! openly expressing affection to one partner but being more casual and friendly with another doesn’t mean you like the other any less
this one is obvious but communication!!!!! its super important!!!!!! communicate any problems, any doubts, any concerns!!!!!! don’t bottle it up just because you’re afraid of upsetting your other partners because your feelings matter too. everyone should be happy in/with the relationship and you shouldn’t sacrifice your happiness just to please your other partner
and most importantly, being in a poly relationship doesn't make you “selfish” or “greedy” or whatever else and it is not cheating. poly relationships are valid.
It’s about community, finding reflections of ourselves in others. It’s about finding that label where you go “aha! That’s me!” Pride is about solidarity, about standing together when the world tells you you’re wrong. It’s about standing up and saying “I am not broken! I have a right to exist!”
For many of us, we fit under multiple flags. Trans/Pan, Gay/Polyamorous, Enby/Ace, and so on. Sometimes we want to show off more than one of our PRIDES at the same time, and these scarves are the perfect fashion element to do just that.