poly drama

I’m not sure where to start so here goes......

Last Tuesday, D and I finally met face to face to hang out at his house. That was fine, we hung out, watched a movie and talked… a lot. But one thing led to the other and we ended up having sex. He didn’t come in me thank goodness because I asked him not to.

He said that the only way A would know if she asked. I told him that she should know and The Hubs should know as well. So I left a while later.

Yeah…. getting to that night…. She wasn’t exactly thrilled when she was told. And I completely understand because she hasn’t met me. Also comes to find that she’s not interested in me in that aspect. That she was interested in someone else and wants to be faithful to that person. This was all coming from D.

A and I don’t talk at all so this is all coming from D because she’s not good with words. After I told them quite a few times that they need to communicate this shit with me. A also said something about friends with benefits…. I don’t remember much because I was tired to even comprehend.

I told him that she and I can go slow and see where it goes. But I don’t know. I’m leaving it all to her what she wants.

Now fast forwarding to last night’s conversation. I decided it was time to talk to them because I was confused about this whole thing.

I spoke with D and expressed how I’m confused about this whole thing with A not being interested in me in that way which is fine. But the one thing that confused me the most was the whole friends with benefits shit. He said that she was not thrilled that we went further with out me getting to know her. Which was fine. When asked about the whole friends with benefits things… according to him, she wants D and I to be friends with benefits.

Not something I’m okay with since I don’t do friends with benefits. He knows about my past with being used and I don’t want to go down that route again. I told him that I don’t do friends with benefits. I was told that it was all a misunderstand on their part and was told not to bring it up to her or him….

A couple things…..

1. As I expressed, I’m looking for a relationship. Not friends with benefits. I was used in the past and I don’t need another repeat. I wasn’t expecting to go further with D than we did. Even though he said not to feel sorry or anything like that. I feel awful. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship with a couple to be honest. I wanted to give this a go to see if this is something I want….

2. I told him a few times if she had an issues or wanted to talk to me than do so. If they want this to work… then all parties should be communicating, not two out of the three. I understand that she’s not good at expressing her feelings. I’m not either but I’m doing so. I’m just irritated that she’s relaying what she wants to say to D and have him be the messenger person….

She’s giving me the mixed messages. First she’s interested, then she’s not, then she wants D and I only to be FWB, then it’s all a misunderstanding. I’m making the assumption that neither of them communicate to one another in this aspect. I’m beginning to think that they don’t know the dynamics of an open relationship is and what it entails.

The Hubs and I know what an open relationship is and what goes with it. We know that all parties need to communicate, we both know that sex is going to happen, we both know that both he and I would like to meet the partners or potential partners. We both know that we need to talk about how we feel and stuff. We both know not to keep our partners private.

I need to be in a relationship with people that I can openly express how I feel, not to be shut out. I need to be in a relationship with people who communicate openly not to just me but their partners as well.

I don’t know what to think about this whole thing. But I do know that both D and A need to really think this through before expressing what they actually want with me or anyone else. I can’t deal with the drama between them. It just feels like almost everything in my past is coming back though them.

I don’t know what to do. I think I need to talk to the Hubs and see what he suggests me to do and go from there. I know that this my issue and my issue alone, but his opinion matters at this point. He hates seeing me hurt.

At least the hubs and I go on a small date on friday so that’s a huge plus.

I’ll update more soon….

narratorsvoice  asked:

Aww, that sweetheart must've been not that long in the desert. Would've noticed that almost everyone is poly. Missed the drama with Charme. Hell, even I am poly. NV x

See? He gets it. The basic idea between how Blue and I handle the whole sex with others thing is just trust, I trust her enough not to run off with somebody who fucks better than I do, and I would assume she knows I would never do that to her either. Sex can simply be a way to relive tension or frustrations, kid. It doesn’t mean you’re in another relationship just because you fucked around.
S x H

anonymous asked:

I feel like there would be time for a Clexa sex scene next week, just because based on the promos and stuff it seems like the whole episode is going to be Lexa/Clarke/Grounders/Polis drama with hints of Octavia/Indra? Or would you say that's just my wishful thinking getting in the way

That’s entirely possible! And that would actually give me more hope that it isn’t a simulation and that there will be time in the episode. So yay!! (guys i don’t really want that simulation theory to come true fyi. i was just throwing it out there as a possibility.) But, we are going to be getting flashback in this episode, so I’m not sure how much time that will eat up. However, it this episode is solely based in Polis, i could see the sex scene for sure fitting into the episode (near the end though, i still don’t see it happening in the beginning or middle of the episode) 

It’s possible that episode 7 might entirely be centered in Polis (the other cast members might just be listed on the episodes because they are ‘main cast’). PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS BE TRUE!!! This would then make sense for episode 8 to then be entirely focused on Arkadia to make up for the previous episode being entirely in Polis and focused on that storyline. 

I’m going to jump on this wishful thinking train! 

I’m actually really looking forward to this next episode of The 100 - is anyone else actually finding the Bellamy/Pike/Kane/Abby conflict really interesting? Plus I love seeing Miller and Monty involved. Everyone’s complaining about the show at the moment but I’m actually enjoying seeing the interactions between this new mix of characters