Lance, Keith, and an experiment to save a planet ...
… by way of an aphrodisiac. The science in this is of the flimsy sort, I admit.
A while back I wrote a silly little blurb … And now it’s a fully realized fic wherein Lance thought he’d be all hey, boyfriend, let’s get our Marvin Gaye on …
But what it’s really like is more oh my god, everything is sore and sweaty and I just wanna sleep so don’t even look at me right now with your stupid pretty jerk-face …
So, to borrow the summary of my earlier post: An inversion of the sex pollen trope wherein both parties are well aware of what they’re getting into, have great fun for the first little while … and then reality sets in.
Or, that sex pollen thing except done supremely awkwardly, with only a bit of vaguely described sexy times, and a hell of a lot more complaining.
Keith and Lance volunteer to test out an aphrodisiac ...
… in a way that backfires spectacularly. An inversion of the sex pollen trope wherein both parties are well aware of what they’re getting into, have great fun for at least the first little while … and then reality sets in.
Or, that sex pollen thing except done supremely awkwardly and with only a little bit of vaguely described sexy times? (Potentially NSFW, but again, nothing really happens here except lots of complaining … sorry?)
“What, why? No, c’mon, man, I can’t …” Lance whined, stretched out on the bed, his long, lean body on full display, sweaty and naked — great things that Keith was normally all about on a good day. Really, two years with Lance had brought on so many wonderful, occasionally irritating, but also amazingly good days.
This was not a good day.
This was shaping up to be one of the worst days ever.
“Lance,” Keith said, and maybe he was whining too — he had no shame at this point. He had no energy to be ashamed. “I just … why did you agree to this?”
Keith sprawled out next to him, careful to keep his bare skin from touching Lance’s, since that would only lead to madness. Further madness that he literally had no ability to commit to right now.
“It wasn’t like I was alone in that room?” Lance turned his head sluggishly, his hazy blue eyes narrowing. He looked like a drunken disaster (no doubt Keith did as well), and his hair was sticking up all over, and his lips were bitten red, and Keith felt that demanding urge again, but also fiery frustration because he was too freaking tired.
“You were there too!” Lance complained. “You heard the same science I did! You signed on the dotted line —“
“We didn’t actually listen past the all-day marathon part of the science, and you damn well know it.”
“Well, what the cheese, dude? If you knew we were being dumb, why didn’t you stop us?!”
“You just answered your own question — I was being stupid, and I wanted to …” He lifted a hand limply, barely a few centimetres off the wrecked bed, making a half-hearted gesture at both of their naked bodies. “Yeah.”
“Use your words, Keith. We just banged six times in five and a half hours — you can actually say ‘sex’ right after we’ve had it, okay?”
“Fine,” Keith groaned out. “Sex. We both wanted to have lots and lots of sex, except this isn’t anything like … Holy crap … I want so badly —“
“Right?!” Lance closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. “My body physically can’t handle this anymore, but it wants to at the same time? Why didn’t they program some, I don’t know, science-y stuff that keeps you from pulling a damn muscle?” Keith could see Lance wincing as he massaged his left thigh. And then he shifted his gaze quickly because nope, no way, not again.
“And the chaffing!” Keith stared at the ceiling despairingly, feeling burning along his skin in truly awkward places. “Apparently, that’s something else they didn’t … Lance, I change my mind — this is all your fault. You were the one that raised your hand … I’m an innocent victim that got swept up —”
“It’s been almost six hours. We can do this. It’s only another twenty.” Lance ignored Keith’s accusations while staring down at his own body. “Except we are not spending those twenty hours having sex. We are done for today.”
“So what do you want to do then? Tell them we give up?”
“Um, no? I refuse to walk out of here with a boner and a ‘yeah, no more sex for me.’ That’s wrong on many levels — I can spend the next twenty hours explaining to you how it offends me on multiple counts.”
Author’s note: I am so sorry, I have no idea where this came from! *blushes* If y’all actually like this shameful piece of writing, I’ll add more to it and post it as a one-shot on my AO3 profile … If the embarrassment doesn’t get to me. *ducks under desk*