policy db8

the nine circles of policy debate hell

Circle I: Limbo. Often seen as novice year, but actually most often is 1st year as varsity. The sophomore slump is real, and it’s coming for you.

Circle II: Novices. They don’t write their own cases, their speaking is about as interesting as the obituaries column, and they can’t tell the difference between a counterplan and a kritik. Pathetic.

Circle III: Being ‘Abusive’ Towards the Neg. Because running non-generic arguments and bringing up new points in your 2AC is apparently unethical.

Circle IV: Weird, Hyperspecific Ks. One team in our circuit is literally running a Shrek K. Someone please help me.

Circle V: Stock Issues. The worst paradigm. Please no.

Circle VI: Time Slots. Often, especially at novice tournaments, policy will be given an hour & fifteen minute round time slot instead of an hour & a half, like it’s supposed to be. Because of this, if one team goes over time, then the whole tournament is off. Stop doing this. 

Circle VII: Whiney Morons. Often use more of their speech time to complain about technicalities than they do actually debating. They never have evidence backing the few claims they do make.

Circle VIII: Two Boys v Two Girls. The boys will yell, the girls will yell louder, it turns into a screaming match, and more often then not, the judge thinks the girls are to blame. Awesome.

Circle IX: Stupid Cases. THE KFC CASE. BECAUSE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN IS OBVIOUSLY THE ANSWER TO THE CHINESE DEBT CRISIS.

FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS DEBATE ISN’T A SPORT. FUCK ANYONE WHO THINKS IT HAS TO HAVE JERSEYS AND A GODDAMN BALL FOR IT TO BE A SPORT. FUCK ANYONE WHO THINKS IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MEET THEIR DEFINITION OF A SPORT. THEY DON’T APPRECIATE HOW AMAZING WHAT YOU DO IS AND YOU DON’T NEED THAT KIND OF NEGATIVITY IN YOUR LIFE.

you are good at debate even if you don’t have bids!!!! you don’t have to get speaker awards or clear at every single national tournament to belong in this activity/community!!!!! debate is a super difficult and challenging activity for a ton of different reasons and everything you do in debate is impressive!!!!!! your debate career is not a waste of time just because you weren’t nationally ranked or didn’t go to the toc - but what actually can leave you feeling like debate is a waste is not being kind to yourself about national circuit success (or lack thereof) rather than celebrating all the constant growth and progress you make in debate regardless of arbitrary things like bids!!!!!!!!!! you’re kicking ass no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!