police dude

Mom Deals With Local Traffic

When I was a wee thing, my parents moved out the the Highly dubious condo in East Palo Alto and into a relatively nice suburban neighborhood, into a house immediately across the street from my new elementary school.  Immediate, as in, less than 40 feet from the traffic circle.   Mom would wave at me from the driveway sometimes while I was in class.  This should have made getting me to and from school easy, but there was an issue:

I still had to cross the street, and because I was living in the over-caffeinated heart of silicon valley at the time, that meant dodging the local commuters barreling through the school zone at upwards of 40 miles per hour with no regard for the stop signs.

The flashing “School Zone” signs were ignored.  
The city refused to put in speed bumps or devote extra patrol cars.
One of my classmates grandmother’s volunteered as crossing guard, and some jackass in a BMW ran over her foot on the first day.

Now, mom declared as we drove Mrs. Manchez to the hospital her foot in a beer cooler full of ice, Would be a good time to take the law into my own hands.

So after dropping Mrs. Manchez off at the hospital, we drove to the thrift store, where my mom found a navy blazer, aviator sunglasses, a pilot’s cap and an old, clunky-looking hair dryer.  

The next morning, mom went out to the sidewalk in her new “uniform”, with the hair dryer and a legal pad so she could write down the grocery list.  Every time a car would come roaring down the road, Mom would look up, point the hairdryer at them, and, and write something down.  

I remember listening to brakes squeal all day the first time she tried it, Mercedes and BMWs screeching to a crawl as they passed the school, glaring at her.   By that afternoon, cars were creeping along at an over-cautious 10mph, and I was able to get home without taking my life into my hands.

After that, Mom went out “in uniform” every couple of days, because intermittent re-enforcement is what REALLY gets a change in behavior going, and point the hair dryer at anyone speeding through the school zone, usually while writing down grocery lists or short stories, or drawing unflattering caricatures of the other PTA moms.

Eventually, however, one of the cars that came through was a patrol car, and he slowly pulled to a halt in front of mom, glaring at her though his own reflective glasses.

She smiled an waved the hair dryer.  “Good afternoon!”

“…What’re you doing?”  he groaned, 3 in the afternoon entirely too early for this shit.

“Writin’ a grocery list.”  She beamed, and when that failed to satisfy him, she explained about the speeding problem and that if they couldn’t send a partol car out here to ticket people regularly, she figured that a hair dryer would be the next best thing.  Working like a charm so far.  They didn’t even notice the little airplanes on the Pilot’s hat.

The officer stared at her for a moment longer before his face broke out into a slow grin.  “Y’know, when we’re out of a car, we usually wear visibility vests.  So more people see you and your… Phaser.”

And that’s the story of how Mom and Officer Brown met and started the neighborhood watch program.

Things I love

•Bahorel who is a total badass in a leather jacket covered in scars, bruises, and tattoos ready to fight anyone and everyone, who chain smokes and does illegal things either because they’re necessary or just because
•Bahorel who dresses very bright and #aesthetic, who loves makeup and fashion and is an open loving dude with a big belly laugh that gives everyone bear hugs and loves to bake, is friends with everyone and can never be bored
•Bahorel who is Both of these people because it’s possible to be both and is even more exciting and well rounded than having one or the other

I work at a gas station.
We keep one of our date gun (the gun that puts date or price stickers on product) in a cubby under the customer microwaves so it is near the sandwich cooler.

A customer found and was playing with the date gun while heating his food. Started putting stickers everywhere until I yelled at him to stop and put it back. It’s not a toy. And then I pelle off the stickers and went back to work.

The dude finished heating his food and rushed out. He was quick enough that I thought maybe he stole. But my coworker said he paid for his food, so I went back to work again.

A minute later…. smoke was billowing out of the microwave. I opened it and there is a fire… and the date gun.

So I grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. Got yellow powder all over my face from the blowback…which proceed to fucking burn until I got it washed off.

Had the fire department and the police…. and the dude was stupid enough to use a credit card to pay for his shit, so we have his name.

But omg… Wtf. Put me so behind on my work having to clean all that up.

3

You wanna hold her?

anonymous asked:

Wow you are headcanoning a lot of straight shit, like cmon its pride month my dude

Me: *squints at my jamilton hcs from this morning, two fic updates that were m|m, my hc dumps about Christine x Jenna and Marliza, and a series of just character hcs no inclination that any of them are “straight” just personality stuff because lord help us if we in LGBTQ+ community have personalities outside who we fuck and don’t fuck* mydude, you want more non hetero stuff by all means send an ask :3

anonymous asked:

Dude Louis' police reports said he's 5'9. I'm shook because he's a little taller than me. What am I supposed to do knowing my wittle Louis isn't so wittle? 😔

louis: please put me down as 5'9

police: that would be forgery

louis: i’ll perform a special acoustic version of just hold on for you

police:

police: you heard the tiny man! forge that shit

Another unarmed black man with his hands up, another tombstone.

This is why i support colin Kaepernick! An unarmed black man just minding his business and has his car broken down. Oh here comes some obviously racist cops and shoot him while he has his hands up…. and sadly he dies. Now how come this isnt coming up on major news stations or the media? Why, because black oppression and racism is a real problem in america yet they deny it and everybody focuses on a man not standing for the anthem and yet overloom his reason and motive. Where are all the white people who say that all cops are good and there is no black oppression? You can never solve a problem unless you recognize there is one to begin with…. smh

Man kills stranger and videotapes it as a message to ex-girlfriend

“In the video showing what appears to be the shooting of [Robert] Godwin, a man resembling Stephens exits his car saying, “I found somebody I’m about to kill. I’m about to kill this guy — this older dude.”

Police said Sunday evening that Godwin is the only known victim. Police initially said his name was Robert Goodwin, then corrected their identification.

In the video, the man who appears to be Stephens asks Godwin, “Can you do me a favor?” and then asks him to say a person’s name. (BuzzFeed News has chosen not to reveal the name.) Confused, the elderly man repeats the name, and then the shooter says, “She’s the reason, why, uh, this is about to happen to you.”

Godwin pleads briefly before he is shot, saying, “I don’t know anybody by that name.” He is then shown lying on the ground with a long streak of blood beside his body.

Williams said that police made contact with the woman mentioned in the video and said that she is safe.

In a text message to CBS News, the woman mentioned in the video confirmed that she was Stephens’ ex-girlfriend.