police dude

  • police: freeze right there!
  • me: wait what i didn't do anything please
  • police: naw dude i just wanted to say you have a super cool yuri on ice jacket
  • me: ah thanks
  • police: you're also under arrest for robbing that entire store of all their yuri on ice merchandise please come with me
3

You wanna hold her?

anonymous asked:

Dude Louis' police reports said he's 5'9. I'm shook because he's a little taller than me. What am I supposed to do knowing my wittle Louis isn't so wittle? 😔

louis: please put me down as 5'9

police: that would be forgery

louis: i’ll perform a special acoustic version of just hold on for you

police:

police: you heard the tiny man! forge that shit

2

anonymous asked:

I came into work today and apparently a coworker walked out during his shift yesterday. Fine, but now he's saying that he's going to sue us because he thinks walking out doesn't count as quitting. He threatened one of my employees and carries a gun in his car, something he brags about. I have minors working and if he comes in today, I will have to call the police. Dude was a nightmare to work with and now I have to worry for everyone's safety, all because he wanted a break and didn't get one.

Watch on hot-mess-opotamia.tumblr.com

duUuUUUUUUDDDDDE

I typically try to avoid being the identity police, but dude, it sounds like you couldn’t get hard because you didn’t like her and didn’t want to be there.  That doesn’t mean that your world is falling apart and that suddenly you’re asexual.  And if you think that an intensive program of sex toys and porn are going to change things, well, have fun with that and all, but if you really are ace, that probably ain’t gonna do much.