pointlessthought

Color Run

The Color Run was amazing. I ran the three miles in under 25 minutes (which I’m very proud of.) It truly is the happiest 5k on the planet. I ran into a couple people which I surprised me because I didn’t think I’d see anyone I personally knew. The color throw at the end of the race was insane. I couldn’t see anything but flying corn starch. I think its safe to say I’ve inhaled and sniffed up a lot of corn starch. People got me square in the face with pink and orange cornstarch. This morning after my shower I found red cornstarch on my Q-tip. 

Photo credit goes to Jen for taking a picture of us trying to take a picture. HAHA! 

Dear Future Boyfriend,

You don’t have to prove yourself to me. Just be you. You don’t have to surprise me by taking me to a fancy restaurant because I might not even have something fancy to wear. Just take me to a park where we could have a midnight picnic and hopefully by that time I know how to swim so we could go swimming in the lake. Or let’s go on a long drive. We don’t have to know where we are or where we’re going. We could lay in the back of your trunk and watch the stars at night. Just something totally simple is all I ask.

For our anniversaries and my birthdays, please don’t shower me with expensive jewelry or designer shoes, handbags and whatever is insanely expensive. Remember its the thought that counts.  

Let’s cuddle and play with each others hands. You probably won’t understand how much you mean to me and how the simplest things you do make me melt. Run your fingers through my hair as I fall asleep on your chest. Randomly surprise me with kisses and hugs from behind. Please be my rock when I’m down and hug me when I’m upset. Don’t ever let go, wait until you see me smile and hear my laugh.

To be honest, just writing this makes me have butterflies… And as I’m typing this I’m still alone and single. I may not have found you yet, but I know you’re out there. You won’t be perfect, and neither will I but if you truly love someone then all their flaws and imperfections wouldn’t matter.

Until that day… until we meet. I’ll be here waiting and keeping a close eye out. And one more thing before I end this letter, I would like to thank you for showing me that I can be loved and what its like to be loved.

Love, Jeline.  

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

I say that to every person who has ever promised me anything. As soon as I hear the words, “I promise…”, I cut them off and say that line.I take promises way too seriously and let’s just say its one of my pet peeves. When people over promise and continuously break promise after promise. To me, when people say, “I promise” it gives me hope. It gives me something to look forward to and when people break that promise, it becomes false hope. I’m a strong believer of hope. I’m a hopeless hoper. And I’ve had times where people continually broke their promises, who continually gave me false hope. And I think that’s why I take them so seriously. I don’t want anyone breaking their promises that they’ve made me. Hence, don’t break promises you can’t keep. 

Dear Future Boyfriend,

Let’s start small. Let’s go out of town for a couple days and work our way to bigger adventures. We can backpack across the country. Can we try to step foot in every state? Can we get lost in cities we know absolutely nothing about? It doesn’t matter to me where we go, how we get there or how long we’ll be gone. Let’s just go. And once we backpack across the country can we backpack across the world? Let’s be adventurous and experience things we never would normally experience. Let’s just be free and careless. 

Can we just make these memories come to life so that when we tell our children about these adventures they’d think we’re super cool when in reality we’re not? 

Love, Jeline. 

If I could go somewhere that looked like this everyday, my mind would be at peace and clear from all the thoughts that bother me. Just by sitting on that swing and watching the waves crash on shore would make me forget about all the problems that constantly bother me. This would be my happy place. If only I could drive somewhere similar to this photo. If only. 

Tell them how you feel. Don't live a life filled with what ifs and I wonders.

Since Kindergarten, I’ve told every crush that I’ve liked them. And it was always the same remarks: I don’t like you that way, You’re not my type and I don’t think you’re cute/pretty. So basically, I was rejected every single time. It’s what I expected. It’s what I’m used to.

And in a way, it’s kind of given me a loss of hope. Like seriously, Jeline? When will you ever learn? But at the same time I moved on a lot quicker and of course crushed on someone else.

There was one person that I had a major crush on in high school. And he was the only one that I haven’t told that I liked him. I was scared. I knew he knew and clearly he didn’t see me like that but he kept me as a friend. Which ended up hurting me more.

Those three years were hell. He dated other girls, one of them being a softball team friend of mine. I guess what we had was complicated. Some days I felt we were strangers, some days friends and other days… more than friends. He’d come to me for advice instead of his girlfriend. He’d let me borrow his jacket. Whenever we texted he’d use winky faces. There were even times where he told me he loved me.

I should probably stop talking about him and get back to the point. I never told him that I had feelings for him and basically wondered and what ifed about us. I hate I wonders and what ifs. People shouldn’t be living a life of I wonders and what ifs. The whole point of life is to figure things out, to learn. We aren’t here to waste time and wonder. We have the capabilities to seek out the answers.

So the lesson here? If you like or love someone tell them. Even if it ends up having a bad ending. Sometimes, life can surprise you. But you won’t ever know unless you try.

A year ago…
I was self conscious. I was insecure… uncomfortable… and unhappy.
I’ve always felt that way about myself but never did anything to change it. Typical, right? It’s typical for a girl to post something like this. But it’s something I’ve learned to overcome. And I never would’ve thought I’d be in the position I am today. Before all this, this was a dream… an ‘I wish.’ It was something I thought would never happen.

A year ago, I was 164 pounds. I could barely walk up the stairs without having shortness of breath. I ate anything and acted like I didn’t care. I was self-conscious. I didn’t have any self-confidence and my self-esteem was darn right low. I could never see the positive things in me. All I saw were the negatives. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. 

Double chin, round face, flabby arms, pizza face, muffin top, a stomach that folded over two or three times whenever I sat down, gigantic boobs that caused me to not see my feet. 

Those were the things that I would point out. Those are the things I am self-conscious about. I say am because every now and then it gets to me. I may not have the flattest stomach, and my arms may be a little flabby when they’re dangling from my sides but it’s better than how I was before. Progress is progress.

Starting this whole thing would probably be the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Sticking to it would be the second. But thankfully I wasn’t alone. My best friend was with me every step of the way. Eventually, we influenced the rest of the group to join us. She forced me when I didn’t have the motivation. She was there making sure I didn’t cheat myself. We were both there for the same reasons. To lose weight. I never felt alone. I knew I wasn’t the only one. My best friend… I don’t know how she put up with me. Through all my complaints, through all excuses. She never let me give up. Not once. 

Before I knew it I lost 2 pounds. And soon enough I lost another 5 pounds. Then 10… 15… 20… 25.. 30… It was adding up. And I slowly found my motivation. I wanted that number to drop. I was never happy with the number and that made me work more. 

I lost 36 pounds without dieting. I seriously can’t remember the last time I weighed 128 pounds. I literally ate whatever I wanted. Never had to give up pizza and burgers. Just ate them in smaller portions. And even then, even when I had a slice of pizza or half the burger I’d feel guilty.

SIDE NOTE: You don’t have to go on crazy diets to be skinny. Eat things in moderation. Eat smaller portions. Don’t force yourself to not eat. I’ve been there, done that. Seriously though, I ate whatever I wanted and still got to lose weight. If I can do it, you can too. 

I would run two to three miles daily. I never missed a day at the gym. There were simply no excuses. I spent two to three hours at the gym daily. I would spend most of the time running. Personally, I was never into the idea of lifting weights. I was okay with running. It seemed to be working just fine. Nowadays, running hasn’t helped me lose the weight and get closer to my goal. If anything, its been helping me maintain the weight. Since I’m not seeing much progress (which bugs me) I’m slowly getting into lifting weights. 

If there’s one thing I regret, it would be not taking progress photos of myself. I can’t look back at all the hard work I put into. One of the reasons why I didn’t take the photos in the first place was because I didn’t want to see them…EVER.

SIDE NOTE: And to the people who are reading this. TAKE PHOTOS. No matter how humiliating they can be. Take them. It’s you’re own accomplishment. No one can take that away from you or say you haven’t changed. You’ll have the photos to prove that you have changed and that you have accomplished something. 

Since I don’t have progress pictures I’ll just list what I’ve noticed, what I’ve accomplished and what I’ve been proud of. 

  1. I went from a size 11 to a size 5 in jeans.
  2. My bra size went from a 38C to a 36B.
  3. I went from an extra large or large to a medium or small in shirts.
  4. My ring size went from a size 7 to a size 5. 
  5. I couldn’t wear size 6 ½ boots because my calves were too big so I had to wear a size 8. Now, I can actually wear boots that fit me perfectly.
  6. I don’t have shortness of breath when I climb up the stairs.
  7. My face is clearer.
  8. I’m happier. 

It’s true.. when people say a lot of things can change in a span of a year. I may not be at my goal yet, but I’ll get there eventually. All I can say is never give up. Find ways to stay motivated. Find new upbeat songs to work out to. Find someone to be your gym buddy. Do whatever it takes to make you reach your desired goal. Losing weight has its rewards. Trust me, you’ll feel so confident and accomplished. It’s not as hard as we picture it. I’ve learned to not say no. (And I admit there are some things I say no to. I’m not perfect.) Just remember that by saying no, you’re only cheating yourself. 

 

Comfy is the best way to go.

A box full of less than a dollar shirts and free shirts from runs I’ve signed up for makes me one happy camper.

Loose shirts are my ideal and perfect gym attire. I’m not into wearing right tanks and shirts. I feel like everything just shows. With loose shirts I not only hide everything but I feel more free.

The sad part is that I have more comfy tees for the gym than regular clothes to wear to school, work, parties and so on.

LNT: Late Night Thought #4: Leading Yourself On.

Love has and forever will be complicated. With leading one another on, dramatic love triangles, liars and or cheaters, seeing the one you love, love someone else and so on. 

Through my experiences and observations, people love to lead other people on. Which I could never really understand why someone would do such a thing but I think that’d be better off on another post. What people don’t realize is that you can lead yourself on. 

The reason why I’ve been thinking about this is because earlier today while I was getting ready for the gym I overheard two girls talking about leading people on. One of them asked to the other girl: “Do you think it’s possible to lead yourself on?” The girl didn’t say anything and just shrugged as they both walked out of the locker room. 

After giving it some thought in between sets and my late dinner here’s what I’ve came up with: 

It is possible to lead yourself on. Not very deep, I know but stay with me. I believe it’s possible because by creating all these scenarios with the person whom they admire, the person begins to create these false expectations (which eventually sky rocket through the roof.) That person begins to believe what they have daydreamed or created in their mind. It may sound a little creepy or insane in the membrane but everyone daydreams and wishes their love life was a little better than what’s real. Love can sure make one crazy. Anyway, getting off topic, by believing the fantasies, comes attachment. That person becomes attached to the made up person they’ve created. In ones mind, they can create a scenario of the both of them having a late night picnic under the stars when in reality that never happened. They become in love with the person they’ve created; the person they wish they were. Instead of trying to start a relationship, one begins to believe in their fantasies more than reality,  because it’s easier. Which may be because there’s no actual confrontation with fantasies but there could be a hundred other reasons. Continuing with what I was trying to explain: one begins to hope for that happy ending when in reality, they have absolutely no idea where they stand. 

And that concludes my late night thought. 

One thing I need to do before the summers over: Have a bonfire. I’ve learned that some things are better off in the past; that it is okay to move on. Its time to say goodbye to what used to be and be optimistic about the now and future. I guess burning everything that reminds you of that person seems drastic but its almost giving you a fresh start; and being close to a fresh start is all I need.

Women’s Run.

Five miles in an hour. My mind is blown. I seriously had no idea I could do this. I woke up this morning thinking: Well today’s gonna suck. I’m probably going to be the last one done. I ran 80-85% of the time and I sprinted to the finish line because I just wanted to get it over with. I’ve never felt so proud and accomplished as I did this morning. Me being able to do that makes me realize that I’ve come a long way. Not even a year ago I couldn’t stand running and now I’m here participating in runs and sprinting to the finish line. More than 7,000 Alaskan women showed up. It was pretty crazy but it’s nothing compared to next weeks run. Apparently there’s supposed to be 15,000. The Color Run needs to come sooner. I’m so excited.