Mama, at what point do you think homophobia from the family becomes intolerable and you're justified in walking away from it?
My dear lgbt+ kid,
At any point.
If cutting off ties with your family will make you feel better, you are justified to do so. Your well-being, your emotional health are priority number one.
No amount of homophobia is okay or not “bad enough”. There’s no set tipping point at which homophobia (or any kind of hate, for that matter) turn from “okay” to “not okay” - it’s always not okay.
I’m not saying that it is always necessary or the best decision to cut off ties with anyone who ever said anything homophobic. My point is: How much homophobia, if any, you can tolerate or forgive your family for is a highly individual decision.
When you feel it is intolerable, it is intolerable and I fully support you in taking whatever measure you need to take to feel better.
@paper_gardens uploaded this heartwarming photo in our WSLF Facebook Group with the caption “we used to decorate cookies” I can’t think of anything more wholesome to capture the tipping point in a healthy lifestyle for a family. Big sister of the year award for spreading this touching image. This fills my heart with so much joy! This changes the future.
Let bad things happen to good people. Let your characters try and fail. And try again. And fail again. Let them be betrayed in the worst possible way. Let them betray others because they have no choice. Force them into situations that make them uncomfortable. Force them to argue or fight or bargain their way out. Drive them to the brink of insanity. Push them over the edge. Take everything away from them. Let them realize what they’ve lost.
Be kind to your characters.
Let faith and perseverance win out. Let love be enough. Let the Sun dry up the rain. Give them friends who will never leave. Let someone save them before the axe falls. Acquit them of false accusations. Give them the strength to stand up again. And again. When they’ve lost hope, give them something to believe in. Remind them there’s good in the world. Remind them there’s good in them, too. Surprise them. Make them laugh until they cry. Teach them that they can’t be broken.
Most importantly: balance.
Even the darkest tragedy has its moments of light; if your reader has no hope that things will get better, if your character doesn’t learn or become stronger for their suffering, the story becomes meaningless pain. Likewise, not only is it unrealistic for a character to go through life never encountering conflict or sadness, it’s boring. Not every conflict has to be life-or-death in order to be meaningful. Give your characters and your plots high points and lows; just make it real for them.
1. Before bed every night, use a spoolie to apply coconut oil to lenghten the hairs of your brows, and castor oil to thicken your brows.
2. Find eyebrow tools that work for you. Pomades and gels are good for a dramatic, more bold look. Pencils and powders are better for beginners (better control) and give off subtle, natural looks.
3. When filling in your brows, be sure to apply your product of choice in the direction that your hairs grow in, to ensure an easy, natural look.
4. Apply product with a heavier hand towards the tail of your brow, and less pressure and product towards the middle and head of your brow (the end closer to your nose)
5. If you’re growing out your brows, RESIST THE URGE TO PLUCK. The best thing you can do for your brows is have patience, they will grow back I promise.
6. If you have particularly oily skin or hair, try applying a thin layer of translucent setting powder to your brows before filling them in with any product. This absorbs up any natural oils around your brows and helps your brow makeup last longer.
7. If there is any makeup product to splurge on, it should be for your brows. Anastasia Beverly Hills is waterproof, pigmented, long lasting, and worth everu penny.
8. If you wake up with your eyebrow hairs bent or wildin out, wash your face with regular soap and water for a few minutes and brush your brows out with a spoolie to keep them under control. Do NOT TRIM OR PLUCK ANY FLYAWAYS. It’ll fuck with your shape.
9. Outline your brows with a decent concealer after filling them in. This enhances your brow shape for a more fleeky IG look, and keeps your product from falling.
9. STICK TO YOUR NATURAL BROW COLOR. Don’t go too dark just because thats how your favorite beauty guru does hers. The more natural, the better.
10. Loreal Paris sells a decent brow mascara to help keep the shape of your brows, control flyaways, and make your makeup last. Even on days when I don’t wear makeup, I’ll apply a quick coat of clear brow mascara to shape my brows and make them look a little fuller.
11. Trim your eyebrows once a month to keep your shape clean and your hairs tamed. Brush your hairs upwards with a spoolie, and trim any hairs that extend up past your natural arch with a small pair of hair/brow scissors.
12. When plucking your brows, outline the shape that you want with brow product or concealer, to make it easier to see which hairs you want to pluck.
13. When going to get your brows waxed/threaded/sugared, be sure to read the reviews of the salon you’re going to before committing to them. Make sure that they use proper techniques and products to ensure a quality finish.
14. If you have a hard time using gels and pomades, it may be because your brush is too big. Try a smaller, flatter eyeliner brush to apply your product.
15. When using eyeshadow or powder to fill in your brows, make sure your product has a matte finish. Nobody looks good with shimmery brows.
16. Using a matte highlight/light shadow right under your arch gives you a solid base glo before adding your regular highlight.
17. On the bottom of your brow, apply product from head to tail and blend. On the top of your brow, only apply product from the middle of your brow to your tail and blend. This technique gives you a more natural look, and ensures you don’t apply too much product towards the head of your brow.
18. To get a dramatic arch without plucking, apply product over your arch on the top of your brow, and round out the shape with concealer.
19. This should go without saying, but never sleep with brow makeup on (or any makeup for that matter). The dirt and oils can clog up hair follicles and cause acne or irritation.
20. Always set your brows with setting spray before doing the rest of your face.
21. Brush your eyebrows at least once daily with a spoolie to keep your hairs tamed and in their natural shape.
If you’re trying to do a parody song for something, look at the syllable structure of the original and match it with your new parodic message. Syllables can be hard for some people (there are syllable/stress dictionaries! Google it, that might help) but trust me if it fits it’s so so good and makes a good parody perfect.
Also less crucial I’d say is following the rhyme pattern of the original, if there is one (mine/shine could be replaced with tour/your for example, the rhyme can change as long as the pattern remains)
Writing an immersive third person limited point of view.
What is third person? In third person pov the narrator refers to all character by third-person pronouns, such as he, she, or they. In contrast, first person pov uses the first person pronouns, I and me, for the narrator.
What is third person limited? Third person limited is the alternate to third person
omniscient. In third person limited, you have one single pov character narrating the story at any given moment (though you can have as many of these limited pov characters as you want throughout the course of the story), whereas in third person
omniscient, there is an
(all knowing) narrator.
Why choose a limited third person pov?
- The reader forms a stronger, more personal connection to your pov character(s). - You can easily build suspense because the reader never knows for certain what the non-pov characters are thinking, feeling, or planning. - You can more easily write an unreliable narrator because your narrator tells things only as they see them, and not as they truly are.
At the end of the day, there is nothing you can’t do with limited if you’re creative and willing to think outside the box.
So you want to write a good limited third person pov then?
Keep in mind that most of these tips also translate to first person pov. In many ways, third person limited is very similar to first person, because you have a single narrator at any given time, and the reader is confined to that narrator’s interpretation of the world.
Here are some key things you need to remember while writing limited third person:
Homogeneous Fantasy Races: So. You’ve got your world. You’ve got your cultures and peoples. You’ve got their countries and their governments. You’re even able to describe them when asked: “They’re a [this] kind of people, characterized by [this look, this skin tone, these eye and hair colors].” That’s great, because your audience can all of a sudden immediately identify where a person is from based on how they look. … Yeah. Great. Because our world looks like that. Ever. Where are the people who’ve moved, the people whose parents moved? Where’s the cultural diffusion and people who don’t always wear their nationality on their sleeve? “This person is [from here], clearly! Look at their [coloration].” Please stop. It’s so, so common for fantasy stories to have the market-towns as their stage, where the diversity of their other cultures more easily comes to the foreground because these towns are where people naturally congregate for a purpose, but it’s unrealistic for all travelers ever to only go to those towns. Please open up the border fences and stop thinking of your peoples as monoliths. Also, lose the “foreigner as a novelty” theme. Show me peoples that have taken in immigrants over the centuries, who no longer remember that they were immigrants, who call them one of their own. Show me peoples whose traditions have morphed over time as people from other places have come in and established their identities in this new place. Show me dynamic races that have grown and changed over time, that don’t feel as though they were established a decade ago.
First Person With Overly “Quirky” Narrative Styles: There’s nothing wrong with first person storytelling, so don’t get me wrong here. There are certain stories that crave the first person technique to be executed well. What I’m tired of are the crazy-strong, super prominent, usually dry and quippy and sarcastic voices that go with them and have over-saturated the story with that first person viewpoint. I know: “But Pear! That’s what they tell you to do so that your story stands out!” I get it. I do. But many of these voices, recently, have been too strong for me, too distracting to the story or prohibitive to my understanding of the world that they feel a bit forced. Not just that the persona is forced, but that I am being forced–forced to be an inhabitant of this world in order to understand the story or not to understand at all. The invitation in through the door is gone. Now, of course, this is personal preference. In fact, all of these “things I want to see” posts are pure personal preference. I’m exhausted by authors’ attempts to validate their choice of first person through the over-use of world-slang and catch phrases and dry cynicism. They want to provide a peek into this character’s head, but that attempt to show that voice inside doesn’t always feel natural to me or even deepen the breadth of worldbuilding. Show me characters who know their world but don’t require me to be a native. Show me first person narratives that have restraint in their delivery of worldbuilding so that I can learn it. Show me voices that are strong without requiring me to wear their skin. Show me comfortable characters that have some joy and want to share their world.
The Throes of Romance: Again, don’t get me wrong. There’s a time and place, and if you’re writing a romance story, there’d better be romance. I’m also not saying no romance ever. I’m just exhausted of reading a story and finding all the cliche little moments of a tell-tale budding romance between two characters. It seems to be the same phrases, the same internal conflicts, the same choices over and over and over. Generally, if a story has a male and a female protagonist, there will be a romance. I’m tired of it being a necessary check-box writers think they have to include in order to have a successful story. What you need is a compelling relationship between your characters; what that doesn’t mean is that it has to be romantic. And if you do want it to be romantic, find new ways to show it outside of the historical phrases. Show me more friendships that are strengthened or shredded by the events they go through. Show me more families who stand together despite that all Mom’s got to contribute is one hell of a swing with an old iron. Show me found family without the scenes upon scenes of sideways glances and admiring of jawlines and luscious hair in the breeze and turning away to allow them to change and the electric feeling of skin touching skin. Show me the depth two people can establish in a relationship without needing to go through the cliched romantic motions.
You want to look snatched for hours on end? But you don’t want to spend $50 for that Dior foundation because you got bills?
This L'oreal true Match liquid foundation has not budged in 10 hours. And I didn’t use primer.
Normally foundation starts sliding off my face after 6-7 hours. But nope, most of my face is looking semi matte with a slight dewy glow where I put my highlight. It looks even better than when I first applied it. HOW?!?!!
It slightly oxidizes so get a shade up from what you think you are. My pores are invisible 😱 just don’t let anyone touch your face, that shit will transfer.
Had this foundation for a year and forgot about it. Learned my lesson. Save your coins for expensive lipstick not expensive foundation
Some of you have requested that I show you my note taking technique. This is in no way a proven technique, but it really works for me and many of my professors have applauded my structure. So try it, and if you like it and it works for you, great! If not, I commend you on having a more structured system! These are my general rules when I take notes:
1. Leave space. A lot of space. While going through previous notes, whether it be right after class or a month later, I always found that I had information that I wanted to add, and cramped pages never allowed for that. Plus, it’s a bit less daunting on the eyes when there is some room between ideas. I do realize that this is not very eco-friendly, but hey!
2. Use the margins in a smart way. I have developed a “legend” of symbols to draw in the margins so that when I need a quick scan of what pages in the textbooks I referenced or vocab, I can find what I need easily. It might not seem useful on this one page, but when you have a whole 3″ binder full of notes, it’s a blessing.
3. Write on one side of the page. Again, not a eco-friendly option. However, I’m sure there are those of you (my past self included) who have wished you just had another page to write down book notes or additional thoughts without having to get a fresh paper. This solves that!
4. Make it pretty later. I know this page is visually appealing, but keep in mind that I was in my nice warm room by myself and listening to music while writing this. My notes straight out of class aren’t color coded and they definitely don’t have cute little decorations on them; just get the information down, worry about aesthetics later.
5. Put yourself in the classroom. You might think: “but I’m physically in the room what the hell are you talking about”. The concept is weird but it works. I always try everything I can to make sure I place as many visual cues in my notes as I can so that when I look back on them later I remember exactly where I was and what was happening. Are you not paying attention and thinking of food? Write it down. Did someone fart? Write it down. Placing yourself in the room is the most beneficial thing you can do for future you.
6. Keep it short. I can’t tell you how many times I freaked out when I first got to college because I was trying to write everything down. I was certain I was going to miss something. WELL HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU. You aren’t going to miss anything if you keep your bullets to a minimum of one sentence. It’s proven that short phrases in your own words help memory better than full sentences that the professor gives you.
Finally, make it yours. This is a system that works for me because my brain is weird and can’t take notes the Cornell or outline way. The most important thing to learn in school is your own flow of things. Experiment, be creative! I hope I have helped those of you who aren’t traditional learners realize that there isn’t just one way to process information. If any of you have any questions or need specific examples, let me know! (I realize there is a typo on this but hey don’t worry about it) 🙈
I thought since it is back to school time I would share my back to school tips that aren’t that far fetched because a lot of the studyblr community assume most people are organised. I on the other hand am not. I need a planner but sometimes I forget to use it. Sometimes we need straight to the point tips so here I am for you!
Get a planner/bullet journal: Over the past few years in school I was very unorganised so I started a bullet journal last year. I use a cheap notebook as my bullet journal and I use a very simple layout so it doesn’t take up too much time because typically I don’t have time to do much other than my school work. I have found it to be super useful to help me and keep myself motivated through out the year.
Write out your timetable: I takes me forever to learn my timetable. In April of this I stood outside a class that I didn’t even have for about 10 minutes So I like to write out my timetable at least three times and stick one in my school planner, one beside my door in my room and then save one onto my laptop. It comes in handy during the year if I get lost.
Go through all your stationery: I normally have a lot of stationery from the year before so before I go back to school shopping I like to go through every bit of stationery I own and make a list of what I need. This way I only buy the essentials and it saves money as well! I often buy stuff I don’t use or need.
Cut out people that have a negative effect in my life: I think this is a super important thing to do. If you have a “friend” that everyone in your life thinks has a negative effect on you believe them and cut them out of your life. I have had to do this with a few friends over the past few years and I have finally found a group of friends that I am super happy with.
Look through your textbooks: I usually wouldn’t do this but I have been revising over the summer so I plan on just reading over my notes before class starts in September!
Treat yourself the night before: I find the day before I go back to school is stressful and I tend to get very anxious so I like to treat myself the night before school starts. So I might have a bath or shower, moisturise, watch a few episodes of my favourite show or listen to music.
Start a routine about a week before: I start to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier to get my sleep schedule back on track. It won’t be too drastic but I will aim for an hour earlier than what I have been which is about 3am so I will try go to bed at 2 or half one and wake up about 9 or 10am.
So these are my realistic tips because sometimes we need those simple tips to get through the start of school year. Hope they help at least one person. I would be happy for people to add their own tip if they wanted!
Hi, I’ve been considering starting a book in the fantasy genre. I really wanted to give some Native American representation in it, since it's something that I rarely see. However, this story wouldn't take place in America, it would be in a completely different world (though one loosely based off of earth in the 14 hundreds ish?) This is similar to your mixing cultures post, but I wanted to know: is there a good way to give Native American representation in stories that aren’t historical fiction?
Representing PoC in Fantasy When Their Country/Continent Doesn’t Exist
The core of this question is something we’ve gotten across a few different ethnicities, and it basically boils down to: “how can I let my readers know these people are from a certain place without calling them by this certain place?” Aka, how can I let people know somebody is Chinese if I can’t call them Chinese, or, in your case, some Native American nation without having a North America.
Notes on Language
As I have said multipletimes, there is no such thing as “Native American culture”. It’s an umbrella term. Even if you are doing fantasy you need to pick a nation and/or confederacy.
How do you code somebody as European?
This sounds like a very silly question, but consider it seriously.
How do you?
They probably live in huts or castles; there are lords and kings and knights; they eat stew and bread and drumsticks; they celebrate the winter solstice as a major holiday/new year; women wear dresses while men wear pants; there are pubs and farms and lots of wheat; the weather is snowy in winter and warm in summer.
Now swap all those components out for whatever people you’re thinking about.
Iroquois? They live in longhouses; there is a confederacy and democracy and lots of warriors from multiple nations; they eat corn, beans, and squash (those three considered sacred and grown together), with fish and wild game; they wear mostly leather garments with furs in winter; there are nights by the fire and cities and the rituals will change by the nation (remember the Iroquois were a confederacy made up of five or six tribes, depending on period); the weather is again snowy in winter and warm in summer.
Chinese? They harvest rice; there is an emperor appointed by the gods and scholars everywhere; they use a lunar calendar and have a New Year in spring; their trade ships are huge and their resources are plenty; they live in wood structures with paper walls or mud brick; they use jade and ivory for talismans; their culture is hugely varied depending on the province; their weather is mostly tropical, with monsoons instead of snow on lowlands, but their mountains do get chilly.
You get the gist.
Break down what it is that makes a world read as European (let’s be honest, usually English and Germanic) to you, then swap out the parts with the appropriate places in another culture.
Research, research, research. Google is your friend. Ask it the questions for “what did the Cree eat” and “how did Ottoman government work.” These are your basics. This is what you’ll use to figure out the building blocks of culture.
You’ll also want to research their climate. As I say in How To Blend Cultures, culture comes from climate. If you don’t have the climate, animals, plants, and weather down, it’ll ring false.
Start to build the humans and how they interact with others. How are the trade relations? What are the internal attitudes about the culture— how do they see outsiders? How do outsiders see them? Are there power imbalances? How about greed and desire to take over?
This is where you need to do even more research on how different groups interacted with others. Native American stories are oftentimes painful to read, and I would strongly suggest to not take a colonizer route for a fantasy novel.
This does, however, mean you might not be researching how Natives saw Europeans— you’ll be researching how they saw neighbours.
You’ll also want to look up the social rules to get a sense for how they interacted with each other, just for character building purposes.
Sensitivity readers everywhere! You’ll really want to get somebody from the nation to read over the story to make sure you’ve gotten things right— it’s probably preferable to get somebody when you’re still in the concept stage, because a lot of glaring errors can be missed and it’s best to catch them before you start writing them.
Making mistakes is 100% not a huge moral failing. Researching cultures without much information on them is hard. So long as you understand the corrections aren’t a reflection on your character, just chalk them up to ignorance (how often do most writers get basic medical, weapon, or animal knowledge wrong? Extremely often).
This is where you really get into the meat of creating people. You’ve built their culture and environment into your worldbuilding, so now you have the tools you need to create characters who feel like part of the culture.
You’ll really want to keep in mind that every culture has a variety of people. While your research will say people roughly behave in a certain way, people are people and break cultural rules all the time. Their background will influence what rules they break and how they relate to the world, but there will be no one person who follows every cultural rule down to the letter.
More sensitivity readers! See step 4 for notes.
Rewrite— and trust me, you will need to. Writing is rewriting.
Repeat steps seven and eight until story is done.
I’ll be honest— you’re probably going to need a certain amount of either goodwill (if you’re lucky enough to make friends within the group you’re trying to represent— but seriously, please do not make friends with us for the sole purpose of using us as sensitivity readers. It’s not nice) and/or money to get to publishing level.
The good part is the first three steps are free, and these first three steps are what will allow you to hurt others less when you approach. While you’ll still likely make mistakes, you’ll make a few less (and hopefully no glaring ones, but it can/does happen) so long as you do your due diligence in making sure you at least try to understand the basics.
And once you feel like you’ve understood the basics… dive down even deeper because chances are you’re about to reach a tipping point for realizing how little you know.
People will always find you did something wrong. You will never get culture 100% accurate— not even people who were born and raised in it will, because as I said in step five: cultures have a huge variety of people in them, so everyone will interact with it differently. But you can work your hardest to capture one experience, make it as accurate as possible, and learn more for next time.
so...a Victuuri version of that Adam Scott, Mark Hamill clip needs to happen y/y?
“38.7 million views in 24 hours. Do you know what that means? You beat Adele. You beat the Avengers. You beat that Psy video where he wears harem pants and pushes people off treadmills. You are in a very exclusive club, my friend.”
The audience laughs, and Yuuri should laugh too, but Kerry Washington’s skin is perfect and he can’t stop staring. And her teeth are so white that they don’t even look like teeth. It’s like when he was writing his thesis and spent so much time staring at the opening sentence of the discussion section that he had to check four times to make sure he spelled “the” right. There’s a name for that sort of brain malfunction, but hell if he knows what it is.
Why you shouldn’t share the name of your companion!
So! Spirit companions are quite a popular thing in this community. They’re cool friends and are super great in general. Something you may have noticed, though, is that everyone seems to abbreviate their companions’ nicknames.
Now why is that? Abbreviating the name of one’s companion is a safety precaution. As you probably have heard, names hold a lot of power, especially for spirits. When someone has the name of a spirit, that means they can potentially force conjure your spirit.
“What’s force conjuring?” you ask. Force conjuring is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It where someone basically kidnaps the spirit via conjuring. They call, and the spirit has to show up. It is a very harsh method, so much so, my companions are shuddering with the thought of it. It’s a super not cool thing, but it could happen to your companion if someone decides they are mad at you and want to hurt you via your companion. This is one of the reasons why some spirits may not want to tell you their real name when you meet for the first time.
So yea, don’t share the name of your companions. Aside from them possibly being uncomfortable with the whole world knowing their name, it can put them in a lot of danger! Be smart and stay safe.