najjaśniejsza z gwiazd

gdy którejś bezsennej i zimnej nocy

być może zabraknie ci mojej osoby

spójrz wtedy w rozgwieżdżone niebo

bo na granatowym morzu

odnajdziesz mnie zagubioną

a najjaśniej z wszelkich gwiazd

lśnić będzie

moja miłość do ciebie

NS. @brudne-wiersze

they tell us

reach

reach for the

stars

but what if you

are a

star

and all your soul

has ever wanted

is to graze the

earth


(i wish i would fall)

no, i’m not ok. i won’t lie to you, even if you lied to me one hundred times before. i’m nothing like you. and i should be better now that you’re gone but i’m not. i’m not ok. i miss your slow kisses, and i know every single one was fake. i miss the way you used to take care of me, it doesn’t matter if i wasn’t the only one. it’s all over now and i’m not ok. you were aggressive and mean, but also sweet and lovely. and your hugs used to make me feel warm, even if you’d smell like another girl. i guess, after everything, i’m still a fool for you.

the curl of a hand.

a wave goodbye

crashing on shore

sweeping itself back to sea.

there are days i forget

how much i miss you.

it comes and goes,

ebb, flow.

the days i remember

are always the hardest.

so i’ll sit hear with heavy lungs

hoping the exhale of the tide

will take the memories back.

To feel or not to feel?

To feel is pretty simple. Everybody feels something, navigates into the large sphere of human emotions.

Not to feel, on the other end, is so difficult.

Actually it’s a bit scary.

It makes you think you’ve become dull towards life, acquainted to it; watching as the world goes by before your passive eyes.

It’s scary because it takes a little bit of life away from you; it’s scary because you aren’t involved enough to take action, to think it would not be pointless.

It’s scary because you become the only silent spectator of your own life.

and on some days i wished our paths had never crossed. if only i could go back in time and tell myself then what i know now because you don’t know how heartbreaking it is to know that someone like you exists and i cannot have you.
—  i’m a lover, you’re a runner

słodki szept

nie proszę o zbyt wiele

tylko ty i ja

i by ta noc była nasza

wraz z twą dłonią

wplecioną w kosmyki moich włosów

i ze słodkim szeptem

na linii nagiej szyi

NS. @brudne-wiersze

New Relationship

I know you are afraid. I’m fucking terrified too. I don’t want to get hurt again. I know you don’t either. I’m terrified to be broken into a million pieces, but I don’t want to run away. I want to run towards you at a hundred miles per hour. There’s something about you that makes me want to risk the unbearable. I want to trust you with the billions of neurons keeping my body together. I want you to delve into the inner thoughts of my conscious and peer into my secret desires. I want to scream your name in anger, ecstasy, lust. I want 1 + 1 = 1. I want to love you unconditionally. I want to make the whole completely wholesome.

Trust me. Trust us. Let’s jump into the deep end together.

- C. May 14th, 2018 

i know that i fucked it up. one way or another, i always do. and i am so sorry for putting you in the middle of this. you didn’t deserve it. i say sorry so many times that it makes me wonder if being with me is the best thing for you. i want you to be happy so bad but maybe i don’t know how to do so. maybe i can’t give you all the happiness you deserve. and this couldn’t be more heartbreaking. i love you and i wanna be with you but i also don’t wanna be the one keeping you from being with a guy who isn’t going to fuck everything up like i do. i hope you understand that this choice is the hardest i ever made. because you’re my world and i am giving it up. maybe it’s gonna hurt you for one month or two. but 10 years from now when you get married with a man that you love and get a family that makes you the happiest person in the whole world, you will finally understand. i couldn’t do that and i couldn’t keep you from having what you needed. whenever this happens, i’ll still be here. and i’ll still love you with all my heart. but i’ll be in peace because you finally found your happiness.

ostatni raz

chciałabym spędzić z tobą

jeszcze jeden wieczór

tyle mi wystarczy

by spytać jak się czujesz

czy nadal pijesz kawę przed snem

i jak bardzo zmieniło się twoje życie

chciałabym ostatni raz

spojrzeć głęboko w twoje oczy

i ujrzeć w nich to czego zawsze brakuje mi w sobie

tyle mi wystarczy

aby moje serce mogło spróbować zacząć bić na nowo

NS. @brudne-wiersze