poetry is necessary

we tried hard to stand it. we

were barely human. we were bodies

stacked with pain. we never said sorry,
didn’t wanna. you were always drunk
& sad & too far gone for that. I was
terrible & I didn’t care about being better.
but now you’re standing in my bedroom.
now you’re scared & you say you
wanna get into heaven. you wanna

stand in some form of light that isn’t
filtered through clouds of crude smoke.
good luck, & who knows, maybe god
will forgive us for all of this. the stones
we threw, the ankles we bit, the people
we kissed. showing up at the gates
with our tails between our legs.

starved & mad, two dogs who missed
their last meal, licking our wounds &
itching for a fair fight.

there so much to get mad about.
go ahead pick something. imagine
if it helped. imagine if mattered.
I didn’t cry when you left. I just
circled ‘round the block & waited
for you to come back. because
you always do. because I know
how this goes. we pretend we
aren’t the same & then we realize
we are & we pretend we don’t care.
we need each other & that’s all we do.

it’s crazy the things you do for a friend.

it’s crazy the way you’ll act for love.

I Forgive You

I forgive you for hurting me
I forgive you for loving me for seven years, only to break my heart
I forgive you for breaking my heart in the most devastating way
I forgive you for cheating
I forgive you for ignoring me, for never even calling to break up with me
I forgive you for emotionally abusing me for all those years
I forgive you for taking all my pain, weaknesses, & insecurities & using them against me
To tear down my already limited self-esteem
I forgive you for constantly lying
For constantly making excuses
I forgive you for using me
For walking all over me
I forgive you for manipulating my love for you into putting up with so many problems
So many red flags
I forgive you for insulting me
For publicly humiliating me time and time again
I forgive you for saying such hurtful, scarring things like, “How do you think it makes me feel when one of our friends looks at a girl SMALLER than you & says she’s too BIG for them?”
I forgive you for wasting all of my time
I forgive you for tainting every good memory of my life over our years together with your betrayal
I forgive you for having no remorse
I forgive you

What I can’t forgive is myself
For putting up with you
For putting up with your intolerant, judgmental, & dysfunctional family
For always taking you back whenever you’d cry your eyes out to me because I never wanted to hurt you
For sacrificing my own happiness to stay in an unhealthy relationship to make you happy
For giving you a place to live when you needed it, rent free for 5 years, and never thinking that you were using me
For keeping the pain of our problems inside because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, even my closest friends, because I knew they’d all judge me for not leaving you
For not having any self-respect
For never listening to other people’s concerns about how you treated me
For still dwelling on our relationship & the pain you’ve caused me after all these months
For not learning these lessons sooner
For not loving myself

Because that’s what it all boils down to, right? I didn’t love myself when I loved you.

Clearly.

But I love myself now. More than ever.

I love the person I’ve become
Stronger, smarter, more resilient, happier…

So, thank you.
Thank you for being weak enough to lie & cheat
Thank you for being a coward & never calling me to end our relationship
Thank you for hurting me in a way I could never have even imagined hurting you
Thank you for making me realize what a wonderful, deserving person I am

I’ve learned & I’ve grown so much. And now I know what I won’t put up with in my next relationship.

Thank you for setting me free for the guy out there who actually deserves me. I can’t wait to give him all the love I have bottled up inside of me that I would’ve wasted on you.

A savior stands in the doorway. I fear forgiveness.

Heaven comes home and knocks on an open door.

                   I hide among taxidermy sins, stuffing

my own limbs with excelsior in the dark. I stand in the corner of the

room. Where the paint chips, wallpaper 

looks like condemnation. Saviors have many

false faces - mine have looked like lovers

                       and felt like fists. 

                                                     I pick at

                                                    the scabs of concealment

                                until I see a pattern.

The world is a game of hide-and-seek.

Culture has given me the skills

             to do both at the same time. 

ghost
is what they call you;
soldier
weapon
asset-

entropy
is what you are;
volatile
disorder
chaos

—  they should concede to call you Ares | s.m.

“When life married death she ended it all,
Decided for the rest of us that we would take her fall.
The mystery man that she chose to bewed, would be the vow that left all of us dead.” ~Shae Spades

I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary // Margaret Atwood.

Variations on the Word Sleep

by Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping,
Which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
Sleeping. I would like to sleep
With you, to enter
Your sleep as its smooth dark wave
Slides over my head

And walk with you through that lucent
Wavering forest of bluegreen leaves,
With its watery sun and three moons,
Towards the cave where you must descend,
Towards your worst fear.

I would like to give you the silver
Branch, the small white flower, the one
Word that will protect you
From the grief at the center
Of your dream, from the grief
At the center. I would like to follow
You up the long stairway
Again and become
The boat that would row you back
Carefully, a flame
In two cupped hands,
To where your body lies
Beside me as you enter
It as easily as breathing in.

I would like to be the air
That inhabits you for a moment
Only. I would like to be that unnoticed
And that necessary.

aren’t we the perfect pair?
a story written for the ages, of heroes red and blue
in opposite sides of a war that was never meant to happen
as it was forced into our hands.

they wrote me, perhaps they always will,
as the villain to your heroic spirit;
two men larger than life
trying to fight a battle that no one could truly win.


but they forgot one thing-
the most important thing.
they forgot where we began,
forgot the names, our names, behind the armor and shield.


they forgot:
me, the boy hungry for love and approval
made into a man who wears pride as gold-titanium armor
and you, the soldier Brooklyn-born and raised,
hiding frail lungs and a heart strong-
full of love with illimitable depths.

—  we’re the perfect pair:
two men with broken hearts hiding behind heroic facades || jG
  • *normal geeks pushing 30*: Go into young adults book section and buy an entire book series because...well...why not?
  • Florence Welch: Goes into the young adults book section and buys an entire book series for in-detail research to write a song for a movie soundtrack. Then writes the song after having geeked out about every single book.