poetry is necessary

I Forgive You

I forgive you for hurting me
I forgive you for loving me for seven years, only to break my heart
I forgive you for breaking my heart in the most devastating way
I forgive you for cheating
I forgive you for ignoring me, for never even calling to break up with me
I forgive you for emotionally abusing me for all those years
I forgive you for taking all my pain, weaknesses, & insecurities & using them against me
To tear down my already limited self-esteem
I forgive you for constantly lying
For constantly making excuses
I forgive you for using me
For walking all over me
I forgive you for manipulating my love for you into putting up with so many problems
So many red flags
I forgive you for insulting me
For publicly humiliating me time and time again
I forgive you for saying such hurtful, scarring things like, “How do you think it makes me feel when one of our friends looks at a girl SMALLER than you & says she’s too BIG for them?”
I forgive you for wasting all of my time
I forgive you for tainting every good memory of my life over our years together with your betrayal
I forgive you for having no remorse
I forgive you

What I can’t forgive is myself
For putting up with you
For putting up with your intolerant, judgmental, & dysfunctional family
For always taking you back whenever you’d cry your eyes out to me because I never wanted to hurt you
For sacrificing my own happiness to stay in an unhealthy relationship to make you happy
For giving you a place to live when you needed it, rent free for 5 years, and never thinking that you were using me
For keeping the pain of our problems inside because I was too embarrassed to tell anyone, even my closest friends, because I knew they’d all judge me for not leaving you
For not having any self-respect
For never listening to other people’s concerns about how you treated me
For still dwelling on our relationship & the pain you’ve caused me after all these months
For not learning these lessons sooner
For not loving myself

Because that’s what it all boils down to, right? I didn’t love myself when I loved you.

Clearly.

But I love myself now. More than ever.

I love the person I’ve become
Stronger, smarter, more resilient, happier…

So, thank you.
Thank you for being weak enough to lie & cheat
Thank you for being a coward & never calling me to end our relationship
Thank you for hurting me in a way I could never have even imagined hurting you
Thank you for making me realize what a wonderful, deserving person I am

I’ve learned & I’ve grown so much. And now I know what I won’t put up with in my next relationship.

Thank you for setting me free for the guy out there who actually deserves me. I can’t wait to give him all the love I have bottled up inside of me that I would’ve wasted on you.

ghost
is what they call you;
soldier
weapon
asset-

entropy
is what you are;
volatile
disorder
chaos

—  they should concede to call you Ares | s.m.
walk like a lady in three easy steps

ONE

i.
take these socks;
make them squeeze your ankles
until they turn inside out,
completely & crudely exposed

ii.
take those shoe soles;
make them so dirty
they’ll sing their lust
out in the streets

iii.
take your heart
& stick it on
the tip of your tongue


TWO

             i.
             understanding a body
             so painfully obscene
             is letting it fall free
                                                                             ii.
                                                                             opening a mouth
                                                                             is allowing it to come
                                    iii.
                                    being is to feel


THREE

(i) a woman moves with the weight of every thought that was choked to its knees & every desire that hung itself in the dining room (ii) the step of a woman feasts on your soul & spits out a spirit that can never be silenced (iii) the feminine touch wrecks & rebuilds every tiny seed flower tree forest river wave sea ocean the bluest of planets & it all now smells of change

“When life married death she ended it all,
Decided for the rest of us that we would take her fall.
The mystery man that she chose to bewed, would be the vow that left all of us dead.” ~Shae Spades

  • *normal geeks pushing 30*: Go into young adults book section and buy an entire book series because...well...why not?
  • Florence Welch: Goes into the young adults book section and buys an entire book series for in-detail research to write a song for a movie soundtrack. Then writes the song after having geeked out about every single book.

aren’t we the perfect pair?
a story written for the ages, of heroes red and blue
in opposite sides of a war that was never meant to happen
as it was forced into our hands.

they wrote me, perhaps they always will,
as the villain to your heroic spirit;
two men larger than life
trying to fight a battle that no one could truly win.


but they forgot one thing-
the most important thing.
they forgot where we began,
forgot the names, our names, behind the armor and shield.


they forgot:
me, the boy hungry for love and approval
made into a man who wears pride as gold-titanium armor
and you, the soldier Brooklyn-born and raised,
hiding frail lungs and a heart strong-
full of love with illimitable depths.

—  we’re the perfect pair:
two men with broken hearts hiding behind heroic facades || jG
Loneliness is necessary for pure poetry. When someone intrudes into the poet’s life (and any sudden personal contact, whether in the bed or in the heart, is an intrusion) the poet loses his or her balance for a moment, slips into being what he or she is, uses his or her poetry as one would use money or sympathy. The person who writes the poetry emerges, tentatively, like a hermit crab from a conch shell. The poet, for that instant, ceases to be a dead person.
—  Jack Spicer, After Lorca