poetry by boy

I was thinking about how you’re always the first to say I love you; We were laying there on the couch, in a dark room illuminated by the light of the movie screen. I looked up at you. I could see the reflection of the movie in your eyes, the tension in your square jaw, and all the little creases in your curled up, crooked smile. You didn’t notice that I was watching you, but that’s okay. You didn’t have to. Every little thing that you did so effortlessly, I fell in love with over and over again. You turned to me and I hugged you closer, tugging on your shirt as I allowed your arm to rest around me. Before you could say anything, I leaned in to kiss you, but stopped myself just an inch before your face. You flash me that smile, oh so innocent, so sincere. I whisper your name, and find that those are the only words I know how to form. The following silence whispers the words I’ve been trying to say. You reply softly, “I love you too”, and I’ve never kissed someone so passionately as I had in that exact moment.
—  “i love you” pt.2 // 3.22.17
People say to fall in love with someone’s eyes, because they are the only thing that don’t change. But what happens when their eyes stay the same, but the way they look at you doesn’t?
—  won’t you look at me the way I look at you?// 2.1.17

You couldn’t look at me.

I was right there, and you couldn’t look at me.

Maybe it killed you to see that I could smile without you, that I could laugh with someone who wasn’t you. Maybe you finally realized that I could breathe and live, and that I didn’t need you after all.

Because at some point I got tired of chasing, chasing someone who was never going to come around. I was a fool, going back and forth playing your stupid, little game. The difference between you and I though, I tried to get through to your heart - I cared, I loved, and you didn’t. You could’ve let me in, you should’ve let me in, you needed to let me in.

But you made a decision, and your decision wasn’t me.

—  c.f. // “game over”
I wish you had met me when I still had that light in my eyes, that love was something I desired and didn’t hide from, that I didn’t always question your motives with everything you say. I wish you were my first so you could experience a completely different me, but that’s not going to happen.
—  my wish to you 
They told me heartbreak would hurt and that the pain would be a bitch. They told me that it would be unbearable and that I would find myself on my knees at times wondering it’s worth getting back up. What they never told me was that heartbreak is constant. They never told me that my heart would break all over again when I heard that song that reminds me of you or that the pain will knock the wind out of me on a Tuesday night as I realize I ordered enough food for two because I’m so used to ordering with you. Nobody ever told me that there would be nights when I fall asleep staring at your picture or mornings I wish would never come because I didn’t want another day to pass without you.

-Things they never tell you about heartbreak.

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #337


12:56 pm