poems by hannah

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

I am usually only sharing my writing with you because it’s what I do best but I also loooove to draw/paint and even though I’m not particularly good at it, I’m sharing this with you because art is about fun, not what others might think of it.
So this is a quick drawing of the most beautiful woman in the world
(you have no idea how long I had to scrub my desk after I sprayed those “stars” on with a toothbrush, god haha).

Please. (addressed to God, anyone.) I need to know if my daughter, bird boned, and ready for sleeping will see the dawn and feel it resting at her shoulder.

What’ll banish the purveying dark?    

How do we start again?

Between the sun and moon, who’s better for healing? The languid moon, or the jaundiced sun? Please. She hides her head in her shoulders, and walks without complaint.

Would a sunset be better for bone?

Please. Don’t let me die moonless: give her something kind, something warm,
something happy.

Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.
100 poems for Hannah, 20/100

Safety is all we ever sought
Smoking, drinking, never caught
Is your smoke still black like mine?
Are your doubts still stacked like mine?
Does it still eat you up at night,your soul attacked like mine?
Do you remember my face?
Do you still hate this place?
Do you think about it at night sometimes with all that space?
Safety is all I ever sought

I just… I just miss being in love with you.
I cannot love you like you need. I am the ocean and you are a rock; try as you might to stand strong, I will wear you down until you are nothing but sand beneath me. And I will weep when you are gone, but I cannot change who I am. I cannot wake up every morning and greet you with a sleepy smile and a kiss, for some days I will wake up with tears already running down my cheeks. Some days, my heart will be empty. I will look at you and feel nothing, and that nothingness will bring pain because I will remember the way just a day ago, my heart bubbled with joy at the sound of your voice. Some days I will be furious with you for god knows what reason, and the next I will beg you never to leave my side. I am the tide; constantly pushing you away only to draw you back in. My kisses can be gentle butterfly wings or feel as if my greedy lips are trying to drink in your very essence, stealing all you offer and then some. Some days I will beg you to touch me just so I feel wanted, so I feel alive. Some days my heart burns for you and the intensity can leave scars; other days, reaching for me results in blue lips and frostbitten fingers. I am not what you need. Do not let yourself be my drug. Do not be another tool in my self destruction, only to be tossed away when I’ve sucked all of the life out of you. My love can break you. I don’t want to break you.
—  go find the love you need.

Once upon a time
I thought of you as my mountain
And I was the ocean

Not because I was in love with you
Or even wanted to be
But because you had always been there for me

Even when the waves crashed
And thunder roared
You stayed and you stayed and you stayed

But then one day
Life shook you to the core
An earthquake hit and you were there no more

My mountain had crumbled
To dust in the sea
That’s when I realized my only constant was me.

—  Hannah Taylor, “From the Ocean to the Mountain”
You claim to love her, inside and out, but the only time you call her beautiful is when it’s 3 in the morning and I’ve already turned you down.
—  girls tell each other everything, c.j.n.