poem-tattoo

Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.
I won’t glorify or romanticize heartbreak, for me it was a kind of death and I was forced to keep living.
—  Warsan Shire

“Him,” he repeats distastefully, his lip curling. “You like him.”

“Yeah, I do,” She shot back, her eyes flashing.

He sneered. “Why?”

She stared for a long moment at the boy standing in front of her, the boy who had shattered her heart.

“Why?” She asked coldly. “Why? Maybe because he’s nice enough to pick up the mess you left behind. Maybe because he doesn’t ignore me when he’s had a shitty day. Maybe he actually cares and-”

For just a second, his expressionless face revealed more than he had intended to show. “Don’t you dare think for a goddamn second that I didn’t care.”

And without warning, he grabbed her and kissed her. He kissed her until she couldn’t breathe and she was intoxicated on his scent. And just like that, she knew she didn’t like that other boy. He never left her breathless from a single kiss. Her heart never felt like it was going to pop out of her chest from a single glance.

What a twisted life it is, she thought, whilst her forehead was pressed against his. The boy who broke my heart is the only one who can make me feel whole again.

—  n.g. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #8
You claim to love her, inside and out, but the only time you call her beautiful is when it’s 3 in the morning and I’ve already turned you down.
—  girls tell each other everything, c.j.n.

“Do you think he ever loved me?” she asked quietly, grabbing the vodka bottle and taking a large gulp.

His best friend looked over at her and shrugged; it was another blow to her already broken heart and she took another swig. He gave an exasperated sigh and yanked the bottle from her grip, placing it on the other side of him, away from her grasp.

“He loved you more than anything in this entire goddamn world,” he told her, and it was true. She was all he talked about for months.

“Then why did he leave?”

“He loved you,” he repeated, pausing, “and that terrified him. He wasn’t ready for it to hit him that hard and when it did, he did the same thing every person in his life he ever cared for did to him.”

She understood now.

“He fled,” she whispered.

—  n.g. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #17

i’m in my prime,
not withering and old.
but i refuse to play
your wicked games any longer.

i know this tether is unbreakable,
but you make me feel like i’m interchangeable.
you drew a target on my heart,
when did this become fatal attraction?

i don’t have the strength,
the energy,
nor the patience
to be held hostage by your love.

so baby please don’t despair
when i say that
i’ve found the courage to
let you go.

you were never meant to be tied down in the first place.

—  believing i could love you was my mistake, c.j.n.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.