To my mother,
I wish I could take back every hurtful word I ever said to you.
I wish I could remove every scar of yours, physical and emotional, that were inflicted by me and because of me.
I wish I could bring back the smile that used to grace your features in the days before I let the demons take over my soul.
I wish I could replace the dead and dying stars in your eyes, forever burnt out by the toxic poison expelled in my breath.
I wish that you didn’t feel like a failure when you look at me; you say you are proud of me, but it’s written on your face: “Try harder.”
I wish I could easily apologize for all the times I spoke at you with disdain in my tone, for all the times I walked away leaving you in pain.
I wish I could hug you tightly and glue together every little piece of your broken heart that I hold in my own.
I wish I could go back in time and open the door to my soul for you.
Mum, I wish I could go back to when I was 10 and hurting so bad, and not close myself off for the next thirteen years. If only I had dealt with my pain, I could have saved yours.
To my mother,
I’m sorry I may not have been the courteous, loving child you wanted. I’m sorry I broke your heart as many times as I’ve broken my own.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you while I didn’t love myself.
But I did love you.
I do love you. And I’m learning to love myself.
— chari0ts-of-fire, happy mother’s day