Red Queen characters as dogs

MARE: the dog of the block. the one no one wants to mess with. has no owner.  might have a bit of a anger problem. gets into fights with every dog. owns the biggest trash can of the city like a boss.

CAL: the dog who only wants to be pet but when you actually do pet him he /licks/ the hell of you and ends up throwing you to the ground with he’s paws cause he’s so excited and only wants to be loved. finishes he’s food in 2.7 secs.

MAVEN: thinks he’s a cat so spends all the time licking himself and sleeping. trying to improve his purrs. loves when his owner makes him wear dog clothes (specially tuxedos). gets involved cause of /drama/. has no friends cause he keeps stealing their food for fun.

KILORN: the kind of dog who looks at everyone like he’s judging them but if you throw a stick would chase after it like his life depended on it. the one who spends the whole freaking night owling at the moon like an idiot. likes to chase his own tail.

FARLEY: rage chiuaua. too little to bottle all the rage inside her. bites. and bites hard. is /small/ so owns the best places to guard her when it rains

SHADE: the dog that steals the neighbours chickens and that knows where to find the best places to pee. 

CAMERON: owns a collar for /style/. too proud to sneak to the trash cans. may bite if you get too close.

EVANGELINE: the most fabulous white poddle around the block. don’t let her pink toenails fool you. 

PTOLEMUS: loves to leave presents in every garden. flirts with every other dog.

LUCAS: dead in a ditch.


animals! #1

here’s a new series about animals! i’ll be giving you the name of the adult male (bc yeah, french genders EVERYTHING, EVEN FUCKING CHAIRS) - i don’t want you to feel sick at the end so we’ll stick with the male version except if the female one is weird and then the name of the bby when there’s one! (A + B / C)

NB : if the female version is regular add -e or a second last consonant and -e


- dog : chien / chiot ; cat : chat / chaton

- bird : oiseau / oisillon (no female version)

- rabbit : lapin / lapereau ; hare : lièvre + hase / levraut 

- horse : cheval + jument / poulain ; bull/cow : taureau + vache / veau

- goat : bouc + chèvre / chevreau ; duck : canard + cane / caneton

- pig : porc/cochon + truie / porcelet/pourceau

- donkey : âne-sse / ânon ; chicken : coq + poule / poussin

- rat : rat / raton ; guinea pig : cochon d’Inde ; hamster : hamster

- mouse : souris (f) / souriceau ; hedgehog : hérisson


- dalmatian : dalmatien-ne ; german shepherd : berger allemand

- greyhound : lévrier + levrette (which is also the name for doggy style lololol)

- bloodhound : chien de Saint-Hubert ; basset hound : basset

- bulldog : bouledogue (français/anglais) ; spaniel : épagneul ; pointer : braque

- pekingese : pékinois ; dachshund : teckel ; poddle : caniche

- Newfoundland : terre-neuve ; sheep dog : bouvier ; great dane : danois

- pug : carlin ; mastiff : dogue ; pedigree dog : chien de race ; mongrel : bâtard

NB : if I haven’t translated a name, we probs use the same


- pigeon : pigeon / pigeonneau (no f) ; raven : corbeau / corbillat (no f)

- crow : corneille (f) / corneillard ; parrot : perroquet + perruche 

- blackbird : merle / merleau ; eagle : aigle / aiglon ; hawk : faucon / fauconneau

- nightingale : rossignol / rossignolet ; peacock : paon-ne / paonneau

- ostrich : autruche (f) / autruchon ; lark : alouette (f)

- stork : cigogne (f) / cigogneau ; flamingo : flamant rose

- tit : mésange (f) ; penguin : pingouin / poussin ; vulture : vautour 


So much negativity going on lately so here is a cute puppy Poddle. I didn’t have Kelda as a pup but just imagine if Pod were grey and thats pretty close to what she probably looked like. :P 

anonymous asked:

For the prompt thing 113 with Cinnabun or Playride please? I just really want to see Christine

Christine was having the worse day of her life…

No she really wasn’t, she was being dramatic but it could have well been the worse day of her life. It was another day she was getting ready for rehearsal when the worse thing could have happened to her. She got sick. Christine only got sick twice a year, and though she had known it was a while since the last time she had been ill she didn’t think it would come around the time she was going to be leading the school in this year’s production of Hamlet. 

Instead of practicing her lines for Ophelia she was stuck in her room, medicating a cough and a runny nose. She had no doubt her understudy would be fine but it was a crippling disappointment to miss opening night due to her immune system deciding to take five. 

She laid in bed with her eyes closed, ignoring all the texts of pity she was receiving. In true Shakespearean fashion she didn’t want to suffer out loud, but perhaps with a lengthy soliloquy. That was until a certain ringtone caught her off guard. She looked over and noticed Brooke was trying to facetime her. 

Christine wasn’t one to break her strict ‘no talking’ rule for a speedy recovery but gosh did she have a soft spot for a blonde who happened to be working at Lust at the mall. “Hi” she croaked once the camera came into focus. As always, Brooke was stunning, from her pink, plump lips to her nearly poreless face and near-constantly half lidded, bedroom expression on her face. “Are you on break?” 

“Yup” Brooke smiled, “and look what I have~” She turned her camera around and turned it towards the floor. Christine saw as dozens of fluffy, waggy tailed puppies danced around the floor and weaved through Brooke’s feet. They barked and licked at her ankles causing her to giggle and pick up a small poddle. “Aren’t they cute!” 

“Well yes” Christine giggled, coughing between each one. Once she steadied her hoarse throat she continued. “But where did all these puppies come from?” 

“I’m on break and I know usually we walk around the mall and whatever…” She smiled, “but Chloe was busy…and I dunno, I missed you. So I thought what’s something almost as just and fun as Christine.” Brooke babbled in her soft, lilted voice. She had a way of making her voice sound sleepy and ever so sweet. The idea that Christine was missed made her fever double in heat. 

“So…you got puppies?” 

Brooke nodded earnestly, “they’re almost as cute as you.” She booped noses with the tiny poodle puppy she was carrying. “Sadly they do not kiss as nice as you do.” Brooke blushed a bit letting the puppy lick at her chin. 

Christine bit her lip suppressing the urge to both laugh  and cough. “Well at the moment anything is better at kissing than I am…I’m sick.” 

“mm doubtful, even sick I think you’re still pretty fantastical.” 

“Agree to disagree then.” 

Brooke placed the puppy down and then stared at Christine. “I’ll come over and change your mind–” 

“Brooke…” Christine wanted to fight her off but with Brooke looking at her like that…she couldn’t help it. “I don’t want you getting sick.” 

“I’m already sick” she faked coughed into her fist. “See, I’ll bring you soup and lots of puppy kisses!” She quickly hung up the phone and sent Christine a text. 

‘ kove you! xx ‘

Christine looked over the typoed text and nodded, “Kove you too.” 

100+ Prompts

the signs as youtubbers
  • ARIES: doodle poddle
  • TAURUS: even eggringers
  • GEMINI: hand towel
  • CANCER: cracksick
  • LEO: zozilla
  • VIRGO: pooed i pie
  • LIBRA: shaved door son
  • SCORPIO: charlie is co co
  • SAGITTARIUS: kicktehpg
  • CAPRICORN: tiedye oaktree
  • AQUARIUS: a maze and hill
  • PISCES: troy seavan
Seventeen Vocal Unit reacting to you scaring them


Our smol leader was focused on producing a new song so he didn’t notice you entering the room. You slowly tip-toed over to his chair and yelled loudly into his ear. He jumped up slightly, losing his headphones in the process. He turned around to see who it was. When he saw the grin on your lips, he bit down on his lower lip, looking down to hide his pink cheeks.
“One of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack."  he stated, pointing at his heaving chest.


You were sitting on the couch, watching a scary film with your boyfriend, Seungkwan. He was holding you close to him as he was staring at the screen, focusing on the scene. You took it as the perfect opportunity to give him a fright. Just when the murderer was about to walk around the corner, you jumped out slightly. "Oh my god!” you yelled, making him yell back at you. He looked at you with a horrifyed expression on his face, taking his time to realize what just happened. You leaned your head back in laughter and he pushed you off him slightly.
“I could’ve died." he said, trying to make you feel guilty.
"But you didn’t." you answered, winking at him before feeding him some popcorn.


You and your boyfriend just got done watching a scary movie and you went into the bathroom to wash up while your boyfriend was getting ready for bed. You decided to hide behind the bathroom door and wait for him to come inside to scare him.
"Jagiya, can I come in?" he asked and walked in when you didn’t answer. You could feel that he was frightened by the way he didn’t walk in straight away. He slowly set foot into your shared bathroom and just when he was about to look behind the door, you jumped out at him. He jumped slightly and let out an annoyed groan when you started laughing. Dokyum smacked your butt lightly and pointed at you.

“You’re gonna regret that." he threatened and for the rest of the night, you both continued to frightened each other.


You and Jeonghan were walking home from the cinema when you walked through a creepy alleyway. You could feel your boyfriend tense up as he squeezed your fingers slightly. He mentioned to you about how creepy this alleyway was and you just agreed, smiling to yourself. Jeonghan was reacting sensitively to every noise he heard which you took as your only chance to get him back for all the times he scared you. You let out a loud gasp and pointed at the emptiness in front of you. Jeonghan stopped mid-walk and looked at you. When you playfully sticked out your tounge at him, he came back to his senses and pointed at you.
"Don’t." he said huskily, letting out a frustrated sigh before taking your hand in his and walking faster through the alleyway.


You decided it was a good idea to scare your boyfriend, since it was halloween. You told Seungcheol to text you as soon as Joshua was on his way back to your shared apartment. When you recieved his text, you quickly followed your masterplan and hid in the closet afterwards. Before hiding, you’ve smired fake blood all over the kitchen tiles and placed splinters of a already broken wine glass in the blood poddle. When Joshua entered the apartment, you could hear his bag falling to the floor and him calling out your name several times. A few minutes later you heard the door to your bedroom being opened.
"Y/N?" he called out, his voice filled with worry. You could hear his footsteps inching closer and took your chance. You jumped out at your boyfriend, causing both of you to fall to the floor. He looked up at you, his chest heaving heavily underneath you. 
"Happy Halloween." you said, pecking his lips. He wrapped his arms around you and embraced you in a deep hug.


Would anyone like Poddles red riding hood coat? :P He’s got a jumper style one for this winter which suits him better :) It was made to fit an odd saluki mix but Kelda (small female greyhound) can fit into it. Its around 24 or 25 inches i think and would suit a similar sized dog, a growing pup (current or future!) :) Its not waterproof but works well on its own for cold dry days or as a base layer for rainy ones. Its in good nick, well washed thanks to Pod but perfectly fine. I only want postage for it so if interested send me a message!  

October 30th, 1340 | The Battle of Río Salado

Have you heard of the Marinids? No? They ruled Morocco from the 13th to 15th Century’s … still no? Okay, you probably should have, because their administrative and military center was Fes Jdid, and Fes was the LARGEST CITY IN THE WORLD at the time.

So who the heck were these guys, and what makes them so special?

Picture North Africa, particularly the area around Tunisia, Tripolitania and Constantinois. There was a tribe bumbling around this desert known as the  Zenata Berber, but because their parties were always tame as hell, a splinter group known as the Marinids formed and they poddled off westward and into the north-eastern Morocco area.

Now Morocco was already owned by a local gang known as the Almohads, so when the Marinids arrived they were all “yo, yo, whatchudoin’here?” The Marinids responds “it’s cool, bro, chill. We’re just gonna sleep under this palm tree here, we’re not crashing for long. Listen, if you need to tumble, count us in, ‘cos we’ve got sick MMA moves and we’re useful in a scrap, right? Call us.”

They did something right, because the Almohads not only let them stay, but they did take them on various little sorties, one of which was deep into Spain against King Alfonso VIII of Castile at the Battle of Alarcos, where the Muslim forces drop kicked the Christians into a bloody submission.

And because the Marinids really strutted their stuff there, when they got back home they had kind of an inflated ego and figured that they were owed a little more than a palm tree to sleep under. So they started taxing the local farmers and acting all like a proper little government, which really – to put it mildly – pissed off the Almohads. I mean, they were meant to be doing the taxing around here, what the heck were the new guys doing?

Things got strained and the Marinids got themselves thrown out on their ear; a little like that couch guest who not only overstays his welcome, but he uses the last of the coffee and doesn’t offer to replace it. Yeah, he’s gotta go.

But in their 30-year exile in the mountains, the Almohads started to get shanked by the forces of Spain and bit by bit territory was being lost. Feeling bad for their former mates, the Marinids rode down from the mountains in a glorious demonstration of friendship and support.

Pfft! Of course they didn’t, they rode down from the mountains and started rabbit punching the Almohads in the kidneys, stealing every bit of land they could! They took Taza, Rabat, Salé, Meknes and Fes, made Fes their capital (‘cos: swanky place, yo!), hired a bunch of Christian mercenaries, and took Marrakech. From starting off as a small group of dissatisfied nomads, they were suddenly in charge of a small kingdom. Time to party.

But there was a problem, because around this time the Kingdom of Castile is being a right royal pain in the arse. After recovering from their defeat at Alarcos, the Spanish Christians were all over the place, tipping over plant-pots, tagging walls, turning over trashcans. It was a right mess.

Their ruler - Abu al-Hasan ‘Ali – decided to do something about it. A large kick-ass army was pulled together: 40,000 cavalry, a whole slew of Andalusian archers, and a personal bodyguard of 7,000 men. And you know that you’re doing something right in the world if your personal escort is of the 7k range.

Of course, if you have close to 50,000 men at your disposal you may as well do something with them, and during the years around 1340 various little kingdoms and cities were throat-punched into submission, which gave the Marinids a huge territory, spanning from southern Morocco to Tripoli.

Time to deal with the damn Spanish Christians and the Kingdom of Castille.

al-Hasan gathered up his fleet, threw his massive army on it, and sailed over the short distance to Gibraltar. The Christians – somewhat alarmed, because they hadn’t invited anyone for a sleep-over – were face-smashed and their entire fleet was reduced to matchsticks. Out of almost 40 Christian ships, only 5 managed to escape to Cartagena.

Muslim troops started to flood across the Straits and into the Peninsula and they started besieging anything that couldn’t move out of the way. But the sultan screwed up: the cost of maintain his fleet was pretty high, so thinking that Castille would take a long time to rebuild, he laid up his ships, returned borrowed ones, and left himself with just 12.

What he didn’t know is that Alfonso XI was running a Kickstarter campaign to raise a new fleet, and his biggest backers - King of Aragón and of his father-in-law, Alfonso IV the King of Portugal – threw in 27 ships. Which promptly turned up in the Straits and cut off all supply lines from Morocco.

Meanwhile old Al and his buddy King Po’ gathered together 20,000 of their best Marinid stomping men and they started marching on the Sultan’s position.

“Well … bugger.” Said Hasan.

He had to act quickly, but an all-out assault against the besieged Tarifa failed and lost a whole slew of guys on both sides, forcing Hasan to break the siege and seek the safety of two hills nearby. They had barely got there when the Christians arrived, promptly placing themselves between the Muslims and the beach. Between the two was a valley crisscrossed by streams and a river, which – in hindsight – probably wasn’t the smoothest of places on which to wage a battle.

That night Alfonso sent 1,000 horse and 4,000 foot to Tarifa hoping to catch the sultan’s men there from behind and give them a rude surprise. But the troops encountered very light resistance and entered the town without a problem. Now the Muslim commander in charge of ensuring that didn’t happen reported to Hasan that “not a single Christian has entered Tarifa.” So either he was covering his ass and didn’t want to get into trouble, or he was completely oblivious to 5,000 men marching through his position. In either instance, the following day this erroneous report would have serious consequences.

October 30th … ‘twas a fine morning and the sort of weather that invigorates the soul and has you reaching for your halberd looking for a body to skewer.

The Christian war council decided to split up into two main forces and hit each of the Muslim hills simultaneously. And then they met the river and had to do some serious assed fighting, failing to cross in the center, but capturing a bridge on one flank. The fighting was tough, but the Christian forces were able to cross and start heading up the hill towards Abu Hasan’s camp.

Hasan was all “pffft, we’ve got this shit,” and had good reason to defend the hill extra hard, because he just happened to have his many wives there. As you do. When in battle. Take the family, nice day out and all. Maybe a picnic. Picnics and battles just go together so well.

And it’s at this point that the reinforced garrison from Tarifa appeared and smashed up the backside of the Sultan’s position. I’m guessing at this point that Hasan probably looked towards his commander from the night before and said “you lying little fucker,” but it’s somewhat by-the-by, because the entire camp was utterly smashed beyond recognition.

The Sultan was forced to withdraw off the hill, but in so doing saw that some distance away, isolated from the main army. The two locked eyes, started mad-dogging each other, and Hasan ordered an all-out attack on the king. Alfonso was all “Bitch, I will freaking pwn you!” and started to ride into melee while sticking out his arms and wiggling his body. No one knew what he was doing, but the trend would catch on about 700 years later.

Archbishop of Toledo, Gil Álvarez Carrillo de Albornoz, grabbed Alfonso’s reins and muttered “Sire, you’re a king, what the fuck are you doing?” and promptly led him away from the fight. Somewhere distant Hasan’s cries of “Yeeeaaaahhh bitch, mommy is protecting you!” haunted Alfonso’s ears.

The fight raged on until Christian forces sacking the rich Sultan camp looked up and thought “oo’eer, we probably should get back down there!” and it was with their arrival that the Muslims finally broke.

And the pursuit was RUTHLESS.

I’m talking almost 4 miles of you running for your life and tens of thousands of men pursuing you. FOUR MILES. No mercy was shown by the Christians and they butchered their way from the battlefield to the Guadamecí river. The Sultan’s wives were killed, kinfolk were captured (including his sister and son), and various Muslim celebs. It was carnage.

Hasan got away and that night sailed for Ceuta in a galley.

This was a disastrous defeat for the Marinids, forcing them to withdraw from Andalusia. And just as they had pounced on the Almohads years before, so too did an eastern faction of Arabian tribes rise up in southern Tunisia, thus losing them their eastern territories.

The decline of the Marinids had started.