pocket-bitches

4

With the snow falling down around you, wet and sticky, you pulled your half-drenched coat around your shoulders and listened as your feet slapped against puddled pavement… It wasn’t that you didn’t like the snow - winter wonderland and all that jazz but this was damn near akin to rain and it had a way of sinking bone deep every time the partially melted flakes touched against your skin.

“You look kind of miserable…” Ray chuckled after he pulled his hood up; his eyes cutting toward the dirty slush coating the streets as a car zipped through and splashed it onto the sidewalk.

“How could you tell?” You joked, shoving your wet gloves into your coat pockets.

“Well, your resting bitch face looks pretty… resting.” He replied with that spacey grin of his, which managed to make you snort though a small laugh. “Want me to put a smile on your face.”

 At that you let out puff and glanced upward to see the city lights catching and reflecting through the falling flakes before saying, “Unless you and your suit can stop this gross weather, I’m not sure that’s possible.”

“I’ll take that bet.” And in one quick move, Ray wrapped a light grip around your forearm, his touch warming even through your wet clothes, causing a shiver to vibrate up your spine as he dropped on his knee. It took you about ten seconds after he’d fished a small, tell-tale box out of his pocket to really put it together; your gloved hands instinctively shooting toward his face to run a cold, wet touch along his jaw. “Will you marry me?”

With your head now bobbing frantically, you felt your lips pull into a bright grin and without thinking, you bent forward to kiss him senseless.

(X) (X) (~♫♪~)

*Imagine Ray Proposing to You*

@rutherfxckerreally cute christmassy way (if that makes sense) to the reader? And also - I check this blog a lot (especially for Harry 😍) and it always cheers me up, so thank you for doing what you do!!! 

Domestic Snowbaz
  • Simon, on the couch in his Pjs eating a scone: Baz can you vacuum the floor?
  • Baz: I just did yesterday!
  • Simon: I got crumbs on it
  • Baz: but you already at a scone this morning...
  • Simon: and? You already drank three rats as of yesterday and what do I see hanging out of your pocket? Yeah. Fucking clean bitch.

Look at this COMFY ASS bitch. She’s strolling around the airport looking hella FRESH-FACED like she just got out of a 8-hour long massage at LA’s premier spa for Hollywood’s effortlessly beautiful up-and-coming actresses BUT NO she’s at the FUCKING AIRPORT. And instead of showing up in stained XXXL sweats and a beanie because WE ALL DO THAT, she decides she’s going to show up in some trendy ass 50% normcore 50% comfycore outfit and she’s NOT EVEN WEARING JEANS SHES WEARING SOME PERFECTLY CUFFED STRAIGHT LEGGED PANTS PROBABLY WITH WELT BACK POCKETS CAUSE THIS BITCH IS CLASSY AF. NO SKINNY JEANS HERE BECAUSE SHES ROCKING THAT NEXT LEVEL COMFYCORE.

AND WHAT OUTFIT WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT DOPE ASS LEATHER CPs. LOOK AT THEM. THOSE ARE SOME WELL CONSTRUCTED BEAUTIFUL SHOES. A STREETWEAR MINIMALIST’S DREAM. A NORMCORE FUNDAMENTALIST’S RIGHT HAND SHOE.

LOOK SHE EVEN WEARS THEM OUTSIDE BECAUSE FUCK THE DIRT AND GRIME THAT JUST GIVES THEM CHARACTER. EVEN THE FUCKING DOG IS NERVOUS THAT ADC IS FLEXING MAD HARD IN ITS PRESENCE IT CAN BARELY KEEP UP. GOOD LUCK DOG NEXT TO THOSE PERFECTLY CUFFED ANKLE PANTS YOU BETTER STEP THE FUCK UP.

FIRST TIME SKYRIM PLAYERS! HERE'S SOME TIPS AND TRICKS SO YOU DON'T FUCK UP LIKE I DID MKAY?

SO HERE’S THE DEAL.

YOU GET THROUGH HELGEN AFTER THE DRAGON ATTACKS WITH HAVARD OR HAGARD WHATEVER THE FUCK HIS NAME IS.

IF YOU CROUCH BEHIND HIM IN THAT BEGINNING AREA BEFORE YOU GET OUTSIDE AND TRY TO PICKPOCKET HIM, IT’LL SAY SOMETHING LIKE “This character cannot be pick pocketed”

WELL IF YOU TRY TO PICK POCKET THAT BITCH AFTER THAT FIRST BIT IN THE CAVES, GOOD FUCKING LUCK.

• HE’S GOT A SHIT TON OF HEALTH BECAUSE YOU’RE A LEVEL 1 FETUS CHILD.

• YOU TAKE ONE THING FROM HIM, HIDDEN AND ALL, DON’T EVEN TRY TO RUN. YOU MAY GET AWAY MOMENTARILY BUT AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK ON THAT YELLOW BRICK ROAD TO RIVERWOOD, YA DUN FUKT UP YO

• THE MUSIC WILL KICK UP AND HAGERD ‘I-HOLD-A-GRUDGE-FOR-EIGHT-GODDAMN-YEARS’ MCGEE IS RUNNING AT YOU WITH A SWORD

• HE WILL JACK YOUR STY’S (however that word is spelled)

• DON’T GO INTO ANY CAVES

• THERE’S MOST LIKELY BANDITS AND OTHER DEADLY SHIT

• WOLVES ARE NOT FRIENDLY

• AFTER YOU’VE PICKPOCKETED THIS ASSHAT, WHATEVER YOU DO: DO NOT TRY TAKING A JAUNTY ASS STROLL INTO RIVERWOOD.

• HAVADWHATEVERTHEFUCK TOLD HIS FUCKIN UNCLE, AVLON OR SOME SHIT ABOUT YOU AND THE WHOLE TOWN IS ON YOUR ASS

• YOU DIE

•AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE POINT WHERE BASICALLY ZUKO FROM AVATAR ISN’T MAD AT YOU FKR STEALING HIS SHIT.

~ OTHER TIPS: DON’T KILL THE CHICKENS. DON’T KILL ANYTHING IN TOWN UNLESS YOU’RE AT LEAST A LEVEL TEN AND GOOD AT SNEAKING. DO NOT STEAL FROM PEOPLE UNLESS YOU’RE GOOD AT SNEAKING. BE GOOD AT SNEAKING.

okay I’m better now. This just happened to me so I thought I’d share my tale of woe… Here’s some nice gifs for your troubles of this beautiful game.

Originally posted by taultvec


Originally posted by hextina


Originally posted by bleakfalls


Originally posted by keldornfirecam


Originally posted by hiddenskyrim


Originally posted by beastborn

She Don't Love You Skit
Lil' Kim
She Don't Love You Skit

Lil’ Kim has the best album skits.


[Kim] Hello?
[Girl] Hello.. Is this Lil’ Kim?
[Kim] Who’s this?
[Girl] Don’t worry ‘bout all that - I found your number in my man’s pocket
[Kim] Well shit bitch! Give it to him then! No wonder the motherfucker hasn’t call me yet! Your fuckin’ groupie ass, Stealin’ numbers and shit!
[Girl] Wha? Fuckin’ bitch! I’m gonna see your ass at the motherfucking concert

My poor dash

is in the middle of warring metas on TAB…

*clears throat; mic squeals, spot-light focuses*…

In one corner we’ve got Johnlock…IT’S ALL GAY, BITCHES!

In another is Sherlolly…DID YOU HEAR HOW HE SAID “HOOPER”? SHE’S THE ONE THAT COUNTS, BITCHES!

In yet another corner we’ve got Adlock…HE’S KEEPS A PICTURE OF IRENE IN HIS POCKET-WATCH, BITCHES!

In the final corner we’ve got Sheriarty…THEY WANT TO F*CK EACH OTHER’S BRAINS! GUNS=DICKS, BITCHES!

And then we’ve got Mystrade over at the concession stand….SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE! THEY STOOD NEXT TO EACH OTHER, BITCHES !!!!!!!!!!!! As they all hug one another, sobbing snottily in glee.

Ahhh fandom shipping. It’s a beautiful, f*kt up thing.

concert tips for girls

go to goodwill or savers

find the mom jeans section

try on some in a color you like

feel those huge pockets? 

90′s bitches had it good

buy those rockin ass mom jeans

go home and cut that shit up into appropriate shorts length

cuff the edges and sew them so they stay up

congratulations you now how kickass high waisted shorts with huge pockets

put all of your shit in those pockets for the concert you will attend

i once carried my ticket, three sharpies, my money, ID, and keys at a show

all in my POCKETS

[Kim] Hello?
[Girl] Hello, Is this Lil’ Kim?
[Kim] Who’s this?
[Girl] Don’t worry ‘bout all that..I found your number in my man’s pocket
[Kim] Well shit bitch! Give it to him then! No wonder the motherfucker hasn’t call me yet! Look at your fuckin’ groupie ass…Stealin’ numbers and shit  [Girl] Wha? Fuckin’ bitch! I’m gonna see your ass at the motherfucking concert

nicki minaj: 

CAUSE THEM BOYS OUT N THEM TOYS OUT!

STILL BANGIN THAT NOISE OUT!

YOU CA GET IT IN THE WINTER TIME OR THAT MAYWEATHER LIKE FLOYDS OUT !

ALLATHESE BITCHES IN POCKET (UH!) IM BOUTA MAKE A DEPOSIT(UH!)

TELLEM TO GO HEAD AND GOSSIP AS LONG AS YA HOUSE THE SIZE OF MY CLOSET !!!!!! …….(uh!)

me:

holy shit the guy who reviewed the doa game not only paid for it out of pocket but is also bitching that an ASIAN game only released in ASIA in which ASIANS voted in a poll about which characters should be included only has ASIANS in it

also he thinks they’re all white so he’s complaining that “there’s no POC in it” motherfucker what do you think asians are because they ain’t white