plus srry for it being long

Confession

Tbh I don’t know why but I’m really starting to think that I have to lose weight just to get a boyfriend or be in a relationship. It’s hard being fat and black.
I don’t even think I’m ugly. I’m beautiful. I used to think I was ugly because boys (mainly dark skinned boys and even girls lighter than me) would talk bad about my skin tone and always call me ugly but as I got older I realized that I’m pretty.

I just don’t get why no one really approaches me or anything. Like if guys do approach me it’s always older men or guys my age that are honestly creeps. And I had nice guys approach me before but I honestly pushed them away because I thought they were talking to me as a joke (that has happened to me a lot) I know I’m not ugly. I’m overweight but I consider myself kind of thick too because all of my weight went into my butt and thighs and boobs and I do have a little chubby-ness on my tummy but my tummy is one of the smallest parts of my body and my waist is defined so I just don’t get it.

I’m even losing weight right now. I lost like 15 pounds (I used to be 270 like 2 years ago but now I’m 240 something. I was 260 something like two months ago) and I definitely see the difference in my hips and torso and I definitely look skinnier but like part of me feels like I’m gonna have to be like 150lbs just to even get approached but the other thing I don’t get is that I see other girls bigger than me get approached all the time so it makes me think there is something wrong with me.

I’m trying to be confident and I’m doing well with it but I still think guys will look at my physical appearance instead of my personality and confidence. I keep my head up high, I smell good and I dress nice and I’m a nice person. I don’t get it at all.
And like I even see black couples pictures on here with the girls mainly being skinny and that makes me feel as if the only way I’ll be in a relationship is if I’m skinnier. It’s unfair.

I never used to want a boyfriend but like at this point I feel like I should have one. I’m turning 21 in the fall and I’ve still never been kissed or been in a relationship and I’m still a virgin. And if I do get in a relationship I think that the guy will think I’m weird because I’m still a virgin and have no experience with kissing or dating. I know people are gonna say focus on myself and that being single is better but I still feel ready to be in a relationship. Like how do other plus size girls get in relationships? I need some tips. I just feel so awkward. 😔

**srry this is so long.