plus size performers

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This is a lot but basically it’s come to my attention through sharing my story that this guy is a serial emotional abuser and manipulator. I had been talking to him as a friend for a couple months & then met up with him when I was out in Cali for a 3 day trip. He’s almost 10 years older than me and he really went out of his way to try and show how mature he was by planning everything when it came to hotels & rental cars because I had never really booked either on my own, he downright INSISTED, saying he “wanted to see me happy” saying over and over again how he loves doing these things for me and that it’s no trouble at all despite my thanking him many times. I paid him my half for everything, I paid for my room, my flight, I paid my half for the rental car, my food, a few times his. without even telling me the day before our trip he went and switched the days for our hotel & had to pay an extra hundred, which I had no idea about until we met up. We also had to switch rental car services because his card was declined, again, everything he said he was going to take care of. From the beginning he was very intense & almost hanging off of me, there were a few times where I had to physically move his hands off of me, even when I was driving. He hardly made any of his own conversation other than laughing at all of my jokes & staring at my chest. I was finding him a little boring & thirsty but I thought he was nice so I was still with it. He had a meltdown on our second date cause he left his luggage in our previous hotel, he became despondent and wouldn’t call the hotel and couldn’t understand the idea of having to drive back so I called them, drove roughly 60 miles total in a car that I wasn’t registered to, to try & deal with the situation. That entire day was squandered trying to cheer him up and motivate him to use the little time I had there productively. Next day I met up with a friend in Disneyland and he was barely present & apparently got angry that I took time away from him to text a friend of mine. I hadn’t been able to meet up with friends prior to that because he very much wanted that time with me so I gave it to him willingly, but it wasn’t enough for him. All in all he was very needy and self interested from the beginning & super possessive & my gut told me let’s just be friends, which he said he was cool with prior to the trip. Well he immediately deleted me, proceeded to write passive aggressive shit about me instead of just taking the L, & then I told him very plainly that I don’t wish to be friends either. I blocked/deleted him off everything but he proceeded to then text my phone & ultimately send me this seething email basically calling me poor, saying he went to law school so he had money to spend whereas I didn’t, & I was ungrateful for a $20 Mickey Mouse ring he bought me that I never asked for & he was mad that I didn’t pay him extra for his fuckups, lying and saying I didn’t pay for shit when I paid for sushi and he paid for my $6 inn-n-out burger. If you’re really so rich & well off cause you went to law school (but you’re not a lawyer) why are you sweating a $20 ring & a $100 cancellation fee? In the email he also shamed me for taking antidepressants saying I of all people should be sympathetic towards him. He claimed i couldn’t function without weed that he went out of his way to get from a friend for free entirely on his own, whom I even offered to give money for, but again he just “wanted to do something nice for me”, yet here clearly we see every “nice” thing had a cost because the minute you are not feeling it he will emotionally abuse you and manipulate every seemingly nice thing he did for you as a way for you to feel ungrateful and to villainize you. Well, since I shared this on Facebook multiple women have come forward citing similar stories of harassment and abuse, all when nothing romantic/sexual is wanting to be pursued. This is some deep emotionally abusive entitled shit & i’m not about to stay silent because he threatened me to. Fuck this asshole & the women he’s exhausted and berated over YEARS.

PLEASE share this & If you’re in the Philly/Seattle/PDX area please do not engage with Nnamdi Ezeife (Nnamdi Bawsism on Facebook, “comethroughitslit” on Instagram, “constant-ringing” on Tumblr) he has been targeting plus size bloggers/models/performers and other women in the community & making it very unsafe and toxic & causing a lot of emotional distress all around.
iridessence.tumblr.com
Chicago Plus Size Burlesque Group

Attention to Chicago Area Body Positive Babes!

Molotowcocktease and I are starting up a plus size burlesque performance group in Chicago and we are looking for members! (Please read through even if you are not femme, plus size OR a performer yourself— we may still need you!)

As someone who’s been interested in the realm of theatrical performance since forever, I have always enjoyed being on the stage. However, there can be a lot of erasure of fat bodies in the theatrical arena, especially fat bodies depicted as desirable and the focus of attention. So naturally I was overjoyed when Molotowcocktease and I met for the first time (and became best buds) and she brought the idea up to me. She and I are going into the venture as partners and we want to hit the ground running! We want to show Chicago that fat women and femme-identified people can be sexy, sensual, talented and fierce, and inspire others like us.

We are looking for an array of people to join us! As of right now, this is a voluntary endeavor, thus any and all parts of participation for the time being are likely to be a donation— we just hope you’re inspired enough to want to be apart of this! The following list is one of many kinds of folks we’ll need.

Performers:

We want plus sized (size 14+) women and femme-identified folks that are ready to get sexy and outrageous on the stage! While it would be super cool if you had it, absolutely no formal dance training is required. I myself (iridessence) don’t have any official dance training, but I’ve always been able to quickly pick up a style and get down. Striptease is likely going to happen, as what we’re doing is modern burlesque. If you don’t feel confident enough to be a solo performer, don’t worry! We’ll have plenty of group numbers, but we hope you’ll gain the courage to perform solo one day. Unless we can fund raise, the cost of your costume will be on you, but the people involved so far are a very thrifty group and we can always look for affordable options together as well as possibly lend clothes. We will interview you and may require an audition.

Kittens/Stage Help:

If you’re not a dancer/don’t have time for rehearsal, not yet ready for opening night, uncomfortable with striptease and/or not plus size, this could be ideal for you. Basically kittens help with collecting the tossed clothing items or with prop setup between numbers if need be. You’ll have to dress up a little for this because it’s not all behind the scenes, but it’s your opportunity to wear that corset or lingerie you’ve been thinking about without having to peel it off! Kittens might also double as ushers and greeters and people helping with last minutes stuff backstage.

Makeup Artists:

You don’t need an official license or some huge kit to help out, just a means to demonstrate your skill for the purpose of what we need and sanitary values! We don’t expect you to have makeup in every color; there are certain things you can ask of performers and other things we hope you can provide on your own. If we have a program, you can expect to be credited in it as well as thanked in closing remarks.

Costumers/Accessorizers:

Can you put together a great outfit for a number? Are you good at figuring out themes for costumes as related to musical content? Do you design/sew/bedazzle/fancify clothing? Are you good at finding fashion bargains? We can use your help! Finding good-looking clothing for fat people is hard enough as it is, but sexy/cheeky stage costumes that can be easily stripped out of for a reasonable price can be even tougher. If you are designing a costume for a performer, you won’t be expected to pay for all of the materials for it, that will be through the performer or a group fundraising effort. If we have a program, you can expect to be credited in it as well as thanked in closing remarks.

Publicity, Advertising, Design, Street team, etc.:

If you can design professional looking art, logos, advertisements, flyers, programs, web stuff (like site design, mailing lists, etc. for the future), do lighting or A/V work, connect us to other important relevant art professionals (photographers, videographers, etc.) and you are passionate about our work and purpose, we would appreciate your help! Depending on what you do, if we have a program, you can expect to be credited in it as well as thanked in closing remarks.

Other talent:

If there’s another talent you have or another way you think you can help, run it by us, we’re very open minded.

And if you just want to be kept in the loop about performances, just let us know.

For some general, quick questions, you can send me an ask or submit something longer. For official business such as expressing interest in participating, please email us at thefemmefatalesburlesque@gmail.com@gmail.com and we’ll try to get back to you promptly.  Please spread the word by reblogging or telling a friend and we hope to hear from you soon!