pls tell i got these right

attention college freshmen/anyone feeding themselves for the first time

this is for you

it has come to my attention that some people are not feeding themselves properly bc they don’t know how to cook/aren’t sure how to cook on a budget. bc i am everyone’s mom (or at least everyone’s wise older sister) let me drop some very real Broke Rookie Cooking Knowledge. 2 of my favorite recipes are under the cut, both of which come out to $2 OR LESS PER SERVING.

-MAKE a MENU. pick out like 5 things you know how to make and buy JUST WHAT YOU NEED FOR THOSE THINGS. and also a few snacks, but otherwise, JUST THAT. don’t just buy some random-ass groceries you think you’ll need. (also, if you don’t know how to make 5 things, seriously just google simple dinner recipes. i used a “mississippi heirloom cookbook” my aunt gave me and got a ton of good ones.)

-tbh i don’t even buy snacks except for a giant box of cookies that lasts me like 2 weeks at a time and an assload of apples. snacking is bad for you, and if you don’t HAVE snacks, you can’t EAT snacks. fuck snacks.

-off-brand EVERYTHING. you think you can taste a difference? you CAN’T. get shit in cans. vegetables. pasta sauce. salsa. whatthefuckever. it all comes in cans, and it’s always cheaper. i have no idea why.

-whole grain bread and brown rice/pasta are not more expensive than the regular kind, and they keep you full longer. GET THEM.

-@ my americans, Dollar Tree has literally everything. every kitchen utensil. (it’s where i got my big-ass chef’s knife, and that bitch is still sharp.) dishes/cups. snacks. drinks. literal loaves of bread. all kinds of basics, from peanut butter to sriracha to progresso soup. some even have freezer sections. all for ONE DOLLAR. go to Dollar Tree first, then go to the grocery store for whatever you couldn’t find there. i s2g it saves me so much money. (they also have tupperware, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, EVERYTHING. for one dollar.)

-produce is way cheaper than you think. get some fresh vegetables. you really will start to feel like a bag of hot garbage if you don’t eat your veggies.

-COOK in ADVANCE. i work during the day and go to school in the evenings, then i come home and work out. lemme tell you, my ass does NOT wanna cook when im done with all that. cook shit in big quantities, stock up on tupperware (dollar treeeeee), and stick it in the fridge for later. when you’re exhausted and remember you have instant dinner already made, you will want to kiss yourself.

-find some sandwiches you love. make a lot of sandwiches. (pls for the love of God dont use kraft american singles tho. deli-sliced cheese is literally right next to it, and it is NOT more expensive.)`

-FUCK organic free-range shit. you got organic free-range money? GREAT. i sure as hell don’t, and neither do most people. don’t waste your money trying to live your foodstagram #goals while you’re young and poor.

-if you qualify for SNAP/EBT, GET THAT SHIT. there are some assholes out there that will tell you not to, to leave it for the ~real~ poor people. tell them, ‘motherfucker I AM REAL POOR.’ for real though, corporations take advantage of any assistance the government gives them and they still lobby for more. you’d be a fool not to do the same. 

now some cheap-ass recipes

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Okay but

AU where everything is the same except the shield is an artifact like Mjolnir. Maybe it’s a long-lost Asgardian thing, maybe it’s some other non-Earth object. Point is, the shield is enchanted so that it only obeys the will of the wielder if their primary goal is protection. It’s just about impenetrable, can absorb any shocks, and strong enough to cut through or destroy just about anything–which would make it a perfect weapon, if anyone could figure out how to fucking use the thing. It doesn’t obey any laws of physics or movement as we know it, and SSR spends years experimenting with it until they finally give up and stick it in a crate somewhere. 

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You Meme A Lot To Me

Clint has created a chatroom.

Clint has invited Y/N, Natasha.

Clint: every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break

Natasha: clint, it’s 2 am.

Clint: every step you take

Clint: I’ll be watching you. happy valentine’s day. my gifts will be delivering later on pls do not trash them

Natasha: is that coulson’s song?

Y/N: this explains why my room is flooded with gifts from the others

Natasha: why must tony give us all cardboard cutouts of him every year?

Pietro has joined the chat.

Pietro: couldn’t u choose a better song old man? this is why u have no valentine. even ur wife said no.

Clint: did i invite u? no.

Pietro: today is a day of love so don’t be salty

Clint: Na.

Clint: hahaha get it

Pietro: no

Clint: ofc you wouldn’t

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they :) gonna :) need :) all :) the :) zodiac :) keys :) to :) use :) the :) neo-eclipse :) gate :) or?

navcissus  asked:

pls tell me that my guess that Bitty shotgunned with Nursey is right and also ya know if you were to elaborate on Jack's and Dex's reaction I wouldn't complain .... ...........

(You are correct but to be fair I also was going to accept Ransom holster Chowder dex and shitty as an answer. Like every answer was correct)

Yeah my guess was that it happened at a kegster during year 2 and jack’s upstairs but bitty and the frogs are all chillin on the back porch. They’re passing a joint around (not a bowl, sorry Bits) and it got to the point where there was like one hit left, so nursey suggests shotgunning. (more under cut cuz i wrote too much)

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nightmares off (bellamy blake au)

Plot: Bellamy Blake’s been having nightmares nonstop since his mother died and his sister was taken away from him. You’re both a good friend of his and, as he liked to call you, “his favorite shrink”. There came a point in your practice when you realized that the only way to help Bellamy would be to find his sister. So you set out to do just that.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader, Lincoln x Octavia

Warnings: language maybe but probably not, mentions of anxiety and sleeplessness and self doubt (no smut yet, but there will be some in the next part sorry!!)

A/N: WHAT UP WHAT UP???!!!! okay just to clear things up, Y/N is a psychiatrist, but she’s seeing Bellamy as a friend, not a patient. Octavia got taken away when she was 16 and Bellamy was 18, right after their mother died. Octavia removed herself from the Foster Care System and became harder to track down. (unless you know a Penelope Garcia, everything is hard to track down and you’re a friend psychiatrist) I know that things probably aren’t 100% accurate (at all) but pls be nice and tell me what you think!!! much love to y’all! (gifs don’t belong to me!!)


“They won’t go away, Doc,” Bellamy looks up at you, eyes bloodshot as he recounts the nightmare he’s had every night for the past five years.

“I know, Bellamy, I’m so sorry,” you whisper and lean forward, studying him as he tries to get this weight off his chest.

Originally posted by theartofwriting-imagines

“And the worst thing is that the damn nightmare isn’t the worst thing. The worst part of all this is waking up everyday knowing that the stupid nightmare isn’t just a nightmare, it actually happened. The worst part is knowing that Octavia is somewhere out there and god knows how she’s being treated. I know that teenagers are a lot less likely to get adopted. Where the hell is she? What is going on with her? Why can’t I find her? Why the hell did I not help her? Why–? Why?” He takes his head in his hands and it kills you to see him like this.

“Bellamy,” you whisper and walk over to him, wrapping your arms around him as he sobs silently. “I don’t know where Octavia is, okay? But I do know that wherever she is, she loves you. She will always love you.”

“A lot of good that is,” Bellamy brushes you off, looking away as he realizes you can’t help him anymore. “She’s gone because of me. My mom died because of me. I know I have to live with that. The fact that Octavia loves me doesn’t help anything. I love her, and I feel like shit. This has nothing to do with love, Y/N.”

“No, Bellamy, I know that. It’s just–”

“It’s just nothing. I have to go,” he wipes his tears and stands, face hardened as he puts his coat on. “I won’t be coming back here.”

“What?” You whisper, brows furrowed as Bellamy glances at you.

“You’re a good friend, but I can’t be around a shrink right now.” And with that, he walks out.

You really want to call out to Bellamy, tell him that you’ve been looking for his sister these past few months, but you know you can’t say anything yet. You can’t tell him that you’ve been looking only to come up with no leads. You wanted to give him something concrete. Bellamy couldn’t build himself up only to be torn down again. So you stay silent. You let Bellamy walk out.

A couple weeks go by and you hear nothing from him. You’d gotten closer to finding Octavia, and today you’d find out where she was, how she was. You’re sitting anxiously by the phone, pen in your mouth as you look over your patient files. You hear a knock and before you can respond, the person speaks.

“Y/N?” Bellamy whispers and you look up at him, pen dropping out of your mouth.

“B-Bellamy. H-hi,” you clear your throat and stand, walking out from behind your desk. “What’re you doing here?”

“I, well I–” he huffs and looks up at you. “I came here to apologize. My outburst was uncalled for.”

“Oh, well, it’s okay, Bellamy. It happens,” you shrug and give him a small smile.

“It’s not okay, it’s mean. All you’re trying to do is help and I burst out for no reason,” he sighs and shrugs.

“Bell, you’re fine. Seriously. But if you feel that bad, you can invite me over to your place for dinner tomorrow night?” You raise a brow at him, keeping the mood light as Bellamy’s eyes widen a little.

“O-oh, sure. Yeah, I can do that,” he smiles at you and your phone rings.

“Hey, I need to get that, Bellamy. I’ll call you later, okay?” You walk him out the door as the phone rings again.

“Okay, see you!” he laughs as you all but push him out the door, locking it as you run to your phone and pick it up.

“Hello!?”

“This is Raven Reyes. I’m the analyst for the Foster Care system.” The voice on the other end speaks as you catch your breath. “Is this Dr. Y/L/N?”

“Yes, it’s me. I contacted you in hopes of finding Octavia Blake?”

“Well we tracked her for you… and we found her!”

“Oh my god!” You squeal on this end as Raven chuckles lightly on the other end. “Thank you so much! Where is she?”

“You’re very welcome! She’s been very close to home this entire time, actually. She’s about three hours away. She left Foster Care after she turned 18. She now lives with her boyfriend Lincoln. She’s 21 years old, has a job as a self-defense instructor for women.”

“Wow,” you whisper, almost surprised at how grown up she sounds. “I’ve always pictured her as a little 16 year old girl.” You chuckle softly, elated. “Could I get her phone number by chance? I’m a good friend of her brother’s and he’s been going crazy trying to find her!”

“We’re normally not allowed to give information out, but seeing as she’s an adult and no longer part of the system, yes I can send you her information.” You can hear Raven type away as the smile on your face grows wider. “Okay there. The information is in your email. Can I help you with anything else?”

“No, thank you. You’ve helped more than you know, Raven,” you exchange goodbyes and hang up the phone, the smile on your face now hurting your cheeks but you don’t care. You found Octavia.

So you wait until the clock strikes sic before you call her, after the work day is over. The call rings once, twice, three times–

“Hello?” IT’S HER???!!!!

“Hello, i-is this Octavia?”

“Yes, this is Octavia. And who are you?”

“My name is Y/N. I’m a good friend of your brother’s, of Bellamy’s,” you whisper and you can hear her breathing stop for a second.

“Bellamy?”

“Yeah, Bellamy. He’s been looking for you for the past few years with no luck. He’s-he’s had a hard few years. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it’s been for you,” you whisper, hoping that you hadn’t lost her. “Octavia?”

“I-I’m here,” she lets out, voice cracking. “All these years I thought Bellamy forgot about me, I thought he didn’t care.”

“Oh no! That’s not the case at all! He loves you. He’s been looking all over for you, darling,” you reassure her as she sniffles. “I know this is too soon, but would you like to come over to his place for dinner?”

“W-what?”

“It’ll be a surprise for him. I’ll reserve a hotel room for you. It’ll be paid for for an entire week. You can come stay in the city and whenever you’re comfortable, you can come see your brother.”

“Wait, he doesn’t know you found me?”

“No. I didn’t want him to know anything until I got a solid answer. I wanted to know more about you before I told him anything. I don’t think Bellamy could take any more loose ends,” you whisper, biting your lip as you thought about Bellamy.

“So he doesn’t know that you’re inviting me to his place?”

“No. I want you to come. I know he’d want you to come. But on the chance that you don’t come, I don’t want Bellamy to be heartbroken, O.” You don’t even realize you’ve used her childhood nickname until after the fact.

“O, huh?” She sniffles, chuckling on the other end. “Bellamy would always call me that.”

“Yeah, I know,” you chuckle, a smile on your face as you remember all of Bellamy’s animated stories. “He told–”

“Lincoln and I will come see Bellamy tomorrow,” Octavia blurts out, interrupting you.

“What?”

“Yeah, Lincoln and I will come see Bellamy tomorrow!”

“Oh my god! That’s-that’s perfect. Of course! I’ll text you his address and the information about your hotel room!!”

“Are you going to be there, too?”

“Y-yeah, I was going to be there, but I can skip–”

“No. I want to meet you,” Octavia lets out, grateful. “I want to meet the woman who’s bringing my brother and I together.”

“I can’t wait to meet you, darling,” you smile as Olivia says goodbye. You hang up, finally letting out a breath. “Now to convince Bellamy to make food for four.”

You end up just shooting him a text telling him you’re bringing a couple friends with you, with which he seems okay with. Okay time to relax and prepare.

Of course, you can’t sleep at all. You manage to rest your eyes for an hour and a half before your alarm wakes you. You turn off the incessant noise, grumbling about how much you hate clocks and how time is a manmade construct.

You go through the rest of day as you normally would, only with an overwhelming amount of anxiety under your chipper tone. Normally, the crippling anxiety waits until you get home. But today, you couldn’t help it: all you could think about was how the Blakes would react towards each other. So by the time your work day is over, you’re more exhausted and excited than you’ve ever been.

You’re just glad you brought a change of clothes to work. You slip on your dress and drive over to Bell’s. You get to Bellamy’s place and just stay outside for a few minutes, composing yourself before you get inside. The few minutes outside don’t do much help when you’re face to face with the man who’s brought you countless sleepless nights.

“Y/N, hey!” Bellamy smiles, wrapping his arms around you and it takes all your willpower not to melt into his hug.

“Hey, Bell,” you smile tiredly up at him as he pulls away.

“Someone keep you up last night?” He smirks playfully and you chuckle in response.

“You have no idea,” his face falters for a quick second at your little inside joke with yourself. Before you can comment, his face breaks out into a smile and he grabs your coat from you.

“When will your guests arrive?”

“They’re your guests, Bellamy,” you chuckle, nudging him as the bell rings. “I-I guess that’s them, Bell. I’ll get the door.”

“Perfect, I’ll crack open a bottle of wine!”

You shoot him a smile as you make your way to the door, heart practically pounding out of your chest as you try to picture Octavia and Lincoln. GOD why didn’t you ask Raven for a picture? You reach out and open the door and you have your breath knocked out of you as the woman on the other side of the door gives you a small smile.

“Y/N?”

“Octavia?” You smile widely as she goes in for a hug, holding you close as her boyfriend Lincoln smiles at the two of you. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

She pulls away and you hold her at arms length, studying her with a smile on your face.

“You’re such a beautiful woman! Wow,” you smile and she blushes. “Every time Bellamy spoke of you, I kept picturing you as a small little teenager and you’ve grown so much.”

You all laugh lightly as you greet Lincoln, hugging him lightly as well.

“So, Bellamy’s home?” Octavia looks at you hopefully and you nod, leading them both inside.

Bellamy’s back is to you all, so he doesn’t see who you’ve brought the guests in. He’s looking through the cabinets, looking for something.

“B-Bellamy?” Octavia whispers and you see Bellamy stiffen, you can almost feel his breathing shallow as he hears his sister’s voice after five years.

Bellamy doesn’t respond, probably thought his mind was playing tricks on him. So you urge Octavia to say his name one more time.

“Bellamy? I-it’s me, Octavia. It’s O,” she breathes out as Bellamy turns to face us, tears in his eyes.

“O?” His eyes twinkle, a happiness even in the tears. “It’s really you!”

Octavia nods excitedly, tears running down her cheeks as Bellamy runs over and picks up his little sister in his arms. Your hours spent awake, tossing and turning were all worth it. Seeing Bellamy and Octavia this happy was worth it all.

Bellamy and Octavia spent the rest of the evening catching up and crying and hugging and laughing and reminiscing. You and Lincoln spent part of the evening watch the siblings and the rest of it getting to know one another. He was a great man and he loved Octavia immensely.

“We’re gonna head out, Bell,” Octavia smiles at her brother and grabs a hold of Lincoln.

“But you guys live three hours away! Why don’t you–”

“Actually, Y/N got us a hotel in the area. It’s only 15 minutes away,” Octavia interrupts, turning her smiling face towards me.

“She what?” Bellamy furrows his brows, realizing that he didn’t ask Octavia how she found him.

“Y/N’s been looking for me for a while. She contacted me yesterday and asked me to come see you. She knew that we lived further away, so she booked us a hotel room,” Octavia watches Bellamy who’s now watching you. “She really hadn’t said anything, huh?

“No,” Bellamy shakes his head, eyes not leaving your face. “I had no idea.”

“Surprise?” You whisper, raising your brows at Bellamy as Octavia and Lincoln chuckle.

“I guess we’re going to have to leave you two with that,” Lincoln clears his throat, winking at me as Bellamy finally pulls out of his daze.

“I guess so,” Bellamy looks over at Lincoln and hugs him. “Thanks for keeping an eye out for O.”

“Thanks for loving her,” you smile at Lincoln who in turn smiles at Octavia. “Go home, lovebirds.”

And that’s what they do, leaving you and Bellamy standing in the hallway in an awkward silence.

“I can’t believe you,” Bellamy whispers and suddenly there it is: the crippling self-doubt and mind-numbing anxiety. “I can’t believe you found O.”

Boyfriend/Girlfriend Tag

Originally posted by martziplier98

Request: Your writing is AMAZING❤ Could I request an Ethan x reader? Where the reader is a youtuber and they doing the girlfriend/boyfriend challenge?

Summary: Fem!Reader and boyfriend Ethan do the boyfriend/girlfriend tag for reader’s youtube channel! Lots of fluff ensues.

A/N: Hey there kiddos, I would like to apologize for taking so long with this request. I had class today, not to mention an essay due just a couple hours ago so I mostly tried staying away from my phone. That being said I loved this request so much because there were so many possibilities for fluffy stories ahhh. I mean as it stands, it’s 1am as I’m typing this right now and I have no regrets. I’m kinda proud of this one tbh. Sorry, no self deprecating humor in this author’s note. Anyway, thanks for the request so much, it was so fun to write this! Enjoy!

Wordcount: 1131 srry I got carried away whoops

Warnings: s o m u c h f l u f f. Physically repulsive to read so much cute thing. Continue at your own risk. Also i said ‘ass’ a couple times I think.

Please request some more! My inbox is empty! Pleaseeee!

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anonymous asked:

Phichit Seung Gil and Yurio love at first sight headcanons :0?

I LOVED WRITING THIS ! Honestly, 10/10 for these prompts. Thank you, like so much. <3 Please enjoy~


[Viktor Nikiforov]

  • This man isn’t shy at all, so of course he’s going to approach you when he first catches a glimpse of you
  • You’re in your favorite cafe alone, holding back tears and staring into the contents of your cup; you can imagine how upset you look
  • It’s been just a bad day in general, and you thought that getting your favorite drink and sitting alone would be enough to clear your head, but it hasn’t been proven effective yet
  • but it’s about to get a whole lot better for you holy shit fan just wait a minute okay prince charming is comin
  • Viktor enters the cafe to get a coffee for a little extra push of caffeine, but he stops in his tracks when he sees the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen tucked in the corner of the cafe by themselves
  • He’s immediately drawn to you and his heart swells in his chest; he’s become devoted to you before he even knows your name, and he can’t stop himself from walking over to you
  • at this point you’ve got tears leaking from your eyes so when he approaches you you’re like ‘oh fuck me right in the ass fuck fuck fuck go away pls’
  • “Hello, love. I just saw you from over there and wanted to tell you that you’re very beautiful when you cry.”
  • “What the fuck.
  • Viktor blurts the first thing that comes to mind because his smooth talking function doesn’t seem to be working, and his comment takes you off guard
  • He quickly apologizes and asks to sit with you, and you reluctantly allow him to do so once he introduces himself
  • “I’m sorry if this is unusual or a bit odd. You just caught my eye, and my heart is racing a little bit. Wow. It’s almost like love at first sight, I guess!”
  • You blush and giggle a bit, feeling a bit better because of the stranger that you’re beginning to fall in love with already

[Yuri Plisetsky]

  • Yuri’s in a grumpy mood after skating practice one day, and he decides to go unwind with a shopping trip
  • but honestly the clothes aren’t whats going to turn his day around lmao
  • His day only gets worse when one of his favorite stores doesn’t have a jacket he adores in his size; he goes to the lengths of yelling at an employee of the store
  • “I don’t care how limited stock is! I came all the way here for this damn jacket and I plan on leaving here with it, today! Unbelievable!”
  • “oh my god please calm the fuck down you child why are you yelling at m e”
  • Soon the manager is involved, and she calmly explains to Yuri that the last jacket of that style and size in the store is being tried on by the person in the dressing room
  • Yuri about to start yelling again when the door to the dressing room swings open, and you step out in that leopard print jacket he wanted so much; you look stunning, beautiful, and magnificent
  • In an instant, Yuri’s heart isn’t racing with anger, but with infatuation instead; he can’t seem to stop staring at you in that damn jacket
  • Pleased that Yuri has shut up, the manager goes over to the dressing room to compliment you, while Yuri just stares while his heart pounds in his ribcage
  • “holy shit who is that idk but i want them and i want them in that jacket n o w holy fuck ily”
  • His trance is broken when you approach him at the counter, standing next to him to pay for the jacket
  • You offer Yuri a smile and a wave as you exit the store, while he is unable to form words around the fur the has seemed to grow inside of his mouth and dying it out
  • He follows you around all day, determined to get that jacket, and—hopefully—your attention as well

[Phichit Chulanont]

  • Phichit is the type of person who loves anybody and everybody he meets—unless, of course, they give him a reason to not like them
  • You’re definitely not an exception to the rule, but something about you is a bit more special than everyone else
  • It’s no secret that Phichit also has a special love for ice skating, which is what brings you together
  • sorry if this is stereotypical or basic but cmon it’s a cute troupe lmao
  • He’s volunteering to teach children how to ice skate on a day off, determined to spread his love for ice skating
  • Phichit’s goal is to let everyone know how fun ice skating is, so why not start from the bottom and show the children?
  • well he’s gonna gain a bit more than the satisfaction of spreading good vibes if you get my meanin wink wink
  • He enters the rink to see the kids all getting bundled up into their coats and getting their skates on, but someone else catches his eye as he scans the scene
  • Phichit is unable to stop the smile that spreads on his face at the sight of you helping a child lace up his skates, you kneeling in front of him with an encouraging smile on your face
  • His swallows a lump in his throat, suddenly very nervous to be in your presence, but he approaches you anyway; he wants to get a closer look at your beautiful face
  • omg imagine nervous phichit like he’d probably tell really dumb jokes and laugh way too hard and smile a bit too big and he will probs get antsy ugh what a cutie
  • As soon as he sees you up close, the butterflies in his stomach seem to come up and choke him; he finds himself lost in your eyes as you greet him and smile at him
  • “Hey, uh, I’m Phichit! I’m guessing we’re a team today? Let’s have some fun then, shall we?”

[Seung-Gil Lee]

  • Seung-Gil can be known to be a bit headstrong or emotionless, but he’s got some love in him
  • That love has only made itself known to him around this family and his dogs; this love takes him off guard when he’s least expecting it
  • and you’ll never guess why lmao it’s bc of you of course duh
  • Seung-Gil is out for an evening walk with his dog, trying to unwind and relax after a long day’s work
  • He wears a bored expression the entire time, staring at his surroundings and letting his mind wander to wherever it wants to go
  • His train of thought crashes and derails when he catches a glimpse of a dog running towards him with its leash dragging on the ground beside it
  • He glances up to see you running towards the dog in a dead sprint, calling for it and yelling for it to stop
  • Seung-Gil gets a good look at your beautiful face, hair, body, everything, and he can’t seem to stop his heart from racing or his eyes from staring at you intently
  • As you get closer, he realizes that you’re yelling at him and trying to get his attention to help you get your dog under control; it takes a moment to register, but he snaps out of the trance you put on him and runs after your dog, managing to grab the leash
  • As soon as you catch up, you thank him with a huge smile, and Seung-Gil knows he’s fucked in love with you, but he decides to be bold and break the ice
  • “I’m Seung-Gil. Would you, uh, like to walk with me and date me?”
  • Of course, you agree, and Seung-Gil counts it as his first date with you

anonymous asked:

as much as I'd like kara to be a lesbian... she's not?? like she loved james and it's not right to erase that. you could headcanon her as bi, don't erase her attraction to men too

don’t tell me what i can and cannot headcanon as a lesbian pls. compulsory heterosexuality is real and yes she 100% loved james and still does but when things got romantic it felt wrong to her (a lesbian? i think yes). however bi kara headcanons are totally valid too!!!

assassinregrets  asked:

tell the christopher reeve butt story again pls thank

okay, so, christopher reeve was an apprentice at the theater festival in my tiny home town when he was a teenager, and I guess he really liked it because according to wikipedia he moved there when he got tired of hollywood and lived there at various points in his life

as far as I know, there were very few intersections of his life and mine, but when I was about three, I was at the post office with my dad and we were waiting in line

and it’s the post office, right? it’s boring. I’m bored. I don’t have an attention span now, let alone at age three. so my attention wanders and I lose track of time, I probably get distracted by a shiny object. and I zone back in and realize I can’t see my dad

obviously, I panic. he’s probably dead. I’m small, I lack object permanence. I look around, desperate, and spot him, run over, and tug on the part of him that I can reach

which is, you know, his ass. I am a tiny child.

but, being a tiny child, I really couldn’t see much of him, so really I just groped the first dude I saw in jeans

and that dude was christopher reeve

I don’t think I recognized him as, you know, superman, so I was just like STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

and my dad’s in line behind us laughing his ass off because I totally just felt up christopher reeve

luckily this was during the brief period of my life (birth to age five, roughly) when I was actually cute and not awkward looking, so I choose to believe christopher reeve was charmed

true story

2

Just because I can’t win, I’ll quit? Isn’t it because I’ll give up that I can’t win?!

The Call of the Wild Burrito

So I got a request from @sassyspn67 that says:

“Reader in spn gag reel pls!!!!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘 funny things”

Here’s my best attempt at this; I hope it’s funny enough, and thanks for the request!

Word count: 1329

-

“God damn it, Jared! Get it together!” you crow, hitting his shoulder with the back of your hand. “We’ve done this like thirteen times!”

“You’re still new here, [Y/N], but Jared is always gassy,” Jensen tells you, grinning slightly. As if on cue, Jared releases another blood curdling fart that nearly makes you gag.

“All right, that’s a cut!” the director calls as Jared bursts into laughter. “Take five to settle and we’ll get back to this.”

“We’re so close to being done!” you groan, falling back into the chair you were supposed to have just been freed from.

You hear the snap just too late to get up, and you tumble backwards onto the set floor into the fake puddle of blood.

“God damn it!” you screech, lifting yourself from the red goo.

“What was that?” Jensen asks, holding his gun up and aiming down the hallway behind you.

“I thought we killed them all!” Jared says, his eyes widening as he looked over Jensen’s–sorry, Dean’s–shoulder.

They really chose right now of all times to get into character?

After the past ten minutes of trying to film this scene with zero successes because of Jared’s butt cheek screeching, now they decide to get into this?

Of fucking course they do, because they’re Jared and Jensen. Sam and Dean. Whoever the fuck they are right now.

“You okay?” Dean asks, and you roll your eyes.

“I’m fine, and you two are stupid,” you snap, wiping your hands off on your pants, since you’d have to get a wardrobe change anyways.

“One of them obviously broke the chair!” Sam says, sending you a subtle wink as his back turned to the camera. He mouths, “Go with it.”

“Did you hear that?” Dean asks, looking back at you. “Down the hall. Sounded like Sasquatch.”

“That was Sam’s ass,” you return, shooting him a look. Dean snickers but holds his composure for the most part.

Why couldn’t they do this while filming?

God, you hoped someone was getting this for the gag reel though. Their ideas were always wild, and who knew? This could be the next “Eye of the Tiger.”

“I had a burrito for lunch!” Sam cries as Dean starts down the prop hallway. You roll your eyes but go along with it, following the taller male as he followed his brother.

“Look!” Sam says, gesturing to the red paint on the wall that was supposed to look like blood later on in the scene.

You know, the part that you couldn’t film because Sam’s butt trumpet was acting up? Yeah, that one.

Dean presses his fingertips to the red liquid and then touches it to his tongue.

“Cherry pie filling,” he whispers, and Sam snorts. “Wait…”

He sniffs his fingertips twice, looking back to the two of you.

“Smells like sulfur to me,” he says with a wicked grin. “Looks like we got a demon on our hands!”

“Or it’s still Sam’s ass,” you state, wondering how long they were going to play this off.

It was kind of funny, to he honest, how witty they were. How they just seemed to know what train of thought each other were on, and how to improvise so well.

“Wait, so…” Sam swallows and looks around the set, pointedly avoiding the camera. “We have smell, taste, sound… It had to have touched the chair, so we have touch… We just need sight.”

“What if it’s invisible?” you ask, and they both look at you with wide eyes.

“Damn these demons are getting craftier and craftier,” Dean says, cocking his gun. “Come out, come out, you invisible son of a bitch.”

“Damn it, Dean! Don’t call it to us!” you cry, smacking his arm. Okay, this was a little bit of fun. “It might not even be a demon!”

“She’s right,” Sam says, and you struggle to keep a straight face as Sam’s stomach rumbles loudly. “What was that?”

He turns so quick you think he might get whiplash, and you rush into action since neither of them seem to know where to go with the improvised scene.

You pretend to aim a kick beside Sam, punching at nothing as though fighting an invisible foe.

Pressing your hands to your neck as though trying to pull off invisible hands, you drag yourself through the doorway and then scream.

“Where did she go?” Dean runs into the open doorway, but you don’t see the camera following him. He holds his finger up to his lips, signaling for you to remain quiet. “She’s gone, Sam! She disappeared!”

He rushes away, and you have to stifle your laughter as you hear them run down the hallway.

You bury your face into your hands and laugh quietly as your shoulders shake.

God, those two were a hoot.

“Sam, help me!” you cry through the doorway. “Dean!”

“She’s back there! Go, go, go!” Dean yells, and you hear the thundering footsteps coming toward you.

“Where is she? I don’t see her!” Sam yells as he leans through the doorway. He looks right at you, and you crack up slightly as Dean pokes his head in beside Sam.

“Maybe she’s invisible too!” Dean says, looking to Sam. “Check the room! Maybe you’ll bump into her!”

They both stumble in, hands outstretched while roaming around. You see the cameraman come in and focus on Dean, since filming Sam would put you in the shot, too.

Finally, Sam’s big hand lands on your arm, and he yells loudly. The camera switches over to you, and you make it look as if you were just turned visible once again.

With a loud scream.

Dean sees the two of you and starts to yell loudly, jumping up and down while waving his hands.

As though one being, you and Sam both start yelling and mimicking Dean until the crew filming the three of you are laughing loudly.

Finally, Jensen can’t hold it in any more and starts laughing his ass off, and Jared follows suit.

You even manage to crack a smile for a few moments before the Sam’s ass lets loose another yodel, and then you absolutely fucking lose it.

Sam shoots upright, trying to get into character while simultaneously stopping his laughter.

“Wait,” he laughs a few times and lets out a breath. “Wait, I think…” He laughs again, and by this point Jensen is nearly in tears. “I think I heard it again.”

“Sam, the only monster here is your ass trying to exhume the dinner corpse,” you say, and he doesn’t even try to hold character any longer.

“Shit, this is definitely going in the movie,” Jensen exhales after a few moments.

“You three done?” the director calls, and you stifle a giggle. “All right, let’s get [Y/N] a wardrobe change and start this over. Let’s run it from the top and get it done so we can go home.”

You sigh and make your way to get a change of jeans and a new jacket from wardrobe, and by the time you make it back to the set, Jensen and Jared are back in place where the scene had been before all of your shenanigans.

“We good?” Jared asks you as you take your place in the new chair they’ve placed, since you managed to break the other one.

“As long as your rectal turbulence is,” you return, and a fresh round of laughter erupts.

“Focus,” the director calls, and the three of you manage to get into place. “And…”

In the span of the two and a half seconds of silence before the director calls “Action,” Jared releases the loudest ass acoustics of the night.

You let out a weak whine as you try to keep a straight face.

“Did you hear that?” Jensen asks, his eyes wide. “I think it’s back.”

You burst into laughter and Jared does, too.

God, this was going to be a long scene to film if they kept this up.

Nymphe on fr version is full, she can’t eat any more! Send your eggs different way, please (◦ ॑꒳ ॑◦)


So they said they repaired bugs. Right after that message i had another bug XD If repairing bug brings another you can’t really say it’s repaired (꒪⌓꒪)

…but if you think that event bugs were terrible i’ll tell you something. At the beginning of this month users of pl version started reporting that they didn’t get maana after selling something on auction, that they bid auction and lost but didn’t get their maana back, that someone bid less than someone else and got item but didn’t get maana taken away from account. Begining of this month and all we got so far was “bug is reported”.
Totally neglected.

And if you think it’s easy to miss some maana added to account - it’s not that easy when we are talking about 500, 1000 or even 4500 maana getting lost in space(it’s not a joke, i stopped bidding on auctions because of that. At least people deleting their accounts are nice enough to sell valuable items for 1 maana each before leaving eldarya)

NCT MTL to date a 01 liner

MASTERLIST

Anon: Nct mtl dating ‘01 liner pls?

Anon: Hey can i have a mtl who would date foreigner who is ‘01 liner (not literally right now but in general lol) thank you so much, have a wonderful day or night (?)

If you want more explanation as to why certain members are where they are, just send it in and I’ll tell you.

I’ve got an really in depth MTL for 99 liners so you can refer to that as a general guide. It could be helpful. You can find it here.

I’ve also done a post about the (assumed) age preferences for each member in NCT. There’s no explanation but it could be helpful. You can find that here.

This doesn’t have any explanation because the other MTLs basically give it to you :-)

Originally posted by lovingnct


Most

Chenle

Jisung

Haechan

Jaemin

Jeno

Mark

Renjun

Taeyong

Jaehyun

WinWin

Doyoung

Ten

Kun

Yuta

Hansol

Johnny

Taeil

Least

blogrates✨

guess what annoying girl just got to 600 followers and is here with some blogrates for y’all ?? i bet you guessed right ! yeppp it’s me

so i wanted to do something for all of you and who doesn’t love blogrates? if you want one this are the things you gotta do:

  • you don’t really have to be following me but it’d be nice:(
  • pls reblog this to spread the word
  • send me an ask giving me a song recommendation, telling me about something you love, how was your day, someone you love and why or just whatevs you want really

format under the cut


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hello!! Random question. What's your opinion on Guidestuck, if you've read it. Idk if your comfortable w these sorts of asks, what with the backlash you got on your last sort of review ;-; but I've never read it before and I trust your sort of opinion so if you have read it and are comfortable with this.. pls tell me what you think of it !!!

Hello, anon! Worry not, if there’s one thing that really doesn’t do anything for me, it’s anon hate. So, even if someone decides to not like my opinion, I’ll deal, lol. As for Guidestuck, I’ve given it a go - and, much to my surprise, I have to say that I’ve seen it before; right when I had joined Homestuck fandom, guidestuck was pretty popular (only I didn’t know where it was coming from).

Now, let’s get one thing clear - Guidestuck is pretty old. It was started in 2012 and lasted to July of 2014, when it was updated one last time. This means it was done well before Cherubs were introduced and thus, it’s pretty innocent and different with approach of the subject it tackled. As the title suggests, it’s about humanized version of guides from Homestuck, who decide to play SBURB, while the human kids we know from it, have form of animals. Cute?

Definitely cute.

I have to admit, if there is one thing I really have enjoyed in Guidestuck, it was artstyle and designs of basically everyone, be it kids, humanized guides or their guardians.

Who, by the way, not only look adorable, but also make me think I’m missing something. Is Jaspers’ dad a human version of Maplehoof?

Who cares, he loves his kid.

And this, by the way, is something I’ve been missing in Homestuck all along; despite having what seemed to be caring guardians and defiant kids (which was all done cause age gap, generation gap, etc.), guardians really show they care for their kids.

Which actually gives such panel a powerful meaning - to an extent more powerful than the one John and Dad had.

This extends to most of the relationships that are developed (cause sadly, most of them aren’t). I have to admit, Quinn’s design and personality is my favourite of all, because she does look and dress and act like a goofy harlequin girl. Also, little John plush toy? 

Adorable. Sort of expected it to end up in a kernelsprite just to lulz at how in original story John was the ony kid who never ended up in one, but sadly, story never goes as far to even entertain the possibility.

Relatable.

Also, nice design of shoes, 10/10.

Now, what the story is trying to do mostly before the SBURB becomes the central plot point, it’s trying to hide from the reader that one of the kids is basically a humanized version of Lil Cal (which, btw, gave me mixed feelings, cause Dave’s guide was a crow and it ended up unmentioned at all). Given this is way before author or anyone ever could suspect what Lil Cal ever was (aside from being a creepy puppetdoll), I found it hilarious how actually close to Caliborn Lil Cal was character-wise. 

Anime filled room with manga posters? Check. 

Treating Dave and Bro puppets like characters from Homosuck? Check.

Imagination nation? Check.

Check.

Check???

I don’t think we need to say more.

Also, we have something that’s surely not intentional, as we didn’t know Calliope by the moment this dialogue was introduced - Lil Cal being called “Callie” (can I say lol?).

I just really like these panels, okay.

But yeah, aside from that, the dialog between Lil Cal and Quinn is providing the most uncomfortable info I’ve never thought I’ll read in a comic, original or fan-made.

Um.

Uhhhhhh, you know how weird it sounds???

And speaking of uncomfortable… let’s talk about the aliens.

You know, the lusi.

While I don’t wanna spoil too much (there’s not that much to spoil anyway, since the lusi are not that developed anyway), they have a really neat design themselves,

and pretty distinct (at least from what little we’ve seen) personalities. I find it kind of adorable that they mention taking care of trolls and it’s shown in pictures that the said trolls actually look pretty huge in comparison,

even the ones that shouldn’t - which, I suppose, is made by swapping the sizes between trolls and lusi.

They also act pretty troll-like (and by that I mean trolls you could’ve known or heard from legends). Sadly, there are downsides to this story that are not only capturing uncomfortable dialogue and unfinished story (cause it’s way unfinished in the three years ago - pretty early too, only one kid has managed to enter the medium - by which I assume it’s abandoned by the author for good), but also such things as missing pictures (probably thanks to servers getting deleted)

and dialogue that falls apart at times.

Which really is a shame, cause even if the story is not superb and the greatest thing I’ve ever seen, it’s far from being bad and while I have suspicion that some of the story parts might sound pushing (Goatdad as a Mind player? Aurthour as a Hope player?), we didn’t really get to see where it was going to lead and what was going to eventually happen. I say it’s a nice read, but it simply loses on being unfinished, 3 stars out of 5 for effort anyway.