so in let’s play minecraft - most dangerous game x, ryan mentions that michael usually cleans the office, which leads me to this:
vicious, poster-boy-for-anger-issues, famous criminal michael jones who cleans up after everyone else in the crew in his typical angry way: by picking up their trash, storming into their various rooms, and throwing it about while yelling at them about “fucking being CLEAN, like fucking human beings, and not leaving shit everywhere like it’s fucking spring break in fucking florida or some shit, i don’t give a fuck, this shit’s been here for a WEEK because NO ONE FUCKING FEELS LIKE PICKING UP THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM ONCE IN A FUCKING BLUE ASSHOLE, NO, IT’S GOTTA BE FUCKING MICHAEL TO ACTUALLY DO SHIT WHILE EVERYONE SITS ON THEIR FUCKING ASSES AND SHITS ALL OVER THE FLOOR”
gavin is the biggest offender when it comes to leaving a trash trail everywhere he goes, and squawks the loudest when michael is emptying the trash can out on his bed.
ray doesn’t give a shit, and usually lets michael rage around his room with red bull cans while he continues to play tetris on his phone.
everyone call tell when hurricane michael hits geoff’s room, because of the audible “oh, COME ON” and the various aborted attempts to reason with the lad as various gold-plated and pink-colored objects are smothered in fast-food wrappers.
as jeremy is rarely in his room — he can rarely sit still for long, preferring to be out and about, tinkering with the cars, or working out — he often has the unique opportunity to watch the hurricane building as michael plows through shared spaces, muttering to himself at increasing volumes, and as such usually slips out the door before michael has the chance to go off on him. ( mama dooley didn’t raise no bitch, but she certainly didn’t raise no fool. ) sometimes, he even plays the instigator before making his escape, sidling up to a murderous michael and asking with barely hidden glee, “whatcha doin’ there, buddy?” when the storm breaks — after jeremy’s out the door — michael just throws some shit into his room with an angry “not even FUCKING HERE” and moves on.
in stark contrast to the first few times this happened — during which she got just about as pissed as michael and would yell back at him — jack is utterly calm about it, and usually the last stop on michael’s route, because a) he’s usually almost out of trash at that point, and b) she just sits there with her arms folded and stares him down until he runs out of steam, and can always be counted on to help him pick up whatever’s left and follow up michael’s tantrum with stern warnings to the boys.
ryan is the only person who does not get affected by cleaning day, because he keeps fairly clean and michael knows it. this is not to say he’s immaculate: there are staggering amounts of diet coke cans left on the kitchen counter every day. but they aren’t left lying all around the house, and that’s what michael cares about. ( plus, every saturday morning, ryan washes out the soda cans and puts them in a bag for recycling, drives them out to a “can man” who weighs the bag and gives him money for the cans, and then donates the cash however he sees fit, usually to an animal shelter or buying a homeless person a meal. so the cans don’t remain in the kitchen for very long. he’s crazy, not heartless. ) and while his room is untidy as all get out — that’s where all the cans are strewn about — ryan tends to keep his mess contained and out of the general living space.
the one time michael did try to include him in the tempest, the can he was attempting to chuck at ryan’s head was suddenly impaled by a throwing knife. it was extremely sobering.
i may have lied. ryan’s not the only person to be safe from michael’s wrath on cleaning day. nobody pulls that shit on lindsay and lives.