Wtf, brain?

For some reason I want very badly to write about Dracula lost inside Erebor – it’s nice and dark, but those dwarves have skin tougher than elephants, and their blood tastes like licking an iron fence (which is nice if you like that kind of thing; Dracula doesn’t). Also, the last time he transformed into a flock of bats, an awful washerwoman gave him a concussion with her spare hammer. Fifty concussions, to be precise. What does a washerwoman need a hammer for? Who taught her to swing it like that?

And now the fat cook keeps going on and on about that bat soufflé recipe of his grandma’s… Really, it’s hard being an ancient vampire in a city of dwarves.

But now he’s found out they have a queen, and she’s human… If only that king of theirs were a little less attentive.

Originally posted by hotelt

I want a group of vampires that live in a house with one human

and they’re constantly yelling “DO NOT EAT THE HUMAN” at each other

And when the human gets mad, they make a garlic heavy dish and smirks from the window as they all are stalking outside until they can come in

Also they just all love the human so much, like the human is their pet, when in reality the human bosses them all around. 

Imagine if the first one to find out Ladybug’s identity...

…is Chloé Bourgeois. 

I can easily picture Alya finding out; I swoon at the thought of Adrien finally knowing. thelastpilot has given us an extremely spot-on characterization of Nino finding out who LB is. 

But when it comes to Chloé knowing, a part of me hesitates. Because I honestly don’t know how she’d react to that. She LOVES her some Ladybug, but absolutely cannot STAND Marinette. How does a person reconcile that? Will she like Ladybug less? Or stop altogether? Or will she stop being awful to Marinette? It could go so many ways! 

Imagine Chloé realizing that the girl she was secretly jealous of, the kind Marinette who made friends without money or fame or threats, the girl that Adrien seemed to enjoy being around, THAT girl was ALSO Ladybug? Who was loved by all of Paris? Including herself? 

Would her jealousy just get worse? Would she hate Marinette more? Try to sabotage her because no way can she have it all. She can’t be this popular pretty girl in school and ALSO a super hero. She doesn’t get to be so close to Adrien in school AND have him gawk at her as Ladybug. It’s just so UNFAIR. 

But then imagine Chloé knowing that with all the YEARS of harassment and rude comments  she’d subjected Marinette to, LB STILL saved her life. Multiple times. Marinette let Chloé call her a friend when she was behind the mask, even knowing she’d got back to school the next day and hear the mayor’s daughter throw insults at her. 

Maybe that is what, once and for all, stops Chloé’s reign of terror. Kinda

Imagine the class’s reactions when Chloé starts asking after Marinette’s health. Suddenly feeling guilty and realizing the girl might be falling down a lot because she has bruises or broke something in a fight or GOD what if she has the flu? 

Imagine Marinette’s skeptical reaction to that, and Chloé’s nonchalant “Well don’t think I actually CARE or anything…just don’t want your nasty germs getting all over me Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” 

Imagine Tom and Sabine’s bakery suddenly getting it’s debts paid off, courtesy of the mayor. Imagine them getting invited to cater at high-profile events and galas in Paris. Suddenly business is booming even MORE than before. The Dupain-Cheng’s don’t have to worry about money anymore. 

Imagine Chloé suddenly asking Sabrina to do two sets of geography homework. “You know…just in case I lose one or something!” But she knows an akuma attacked late last night and there’s no way Mari had time to do hers. 

Imagine there’s an akuma attack, and all their classmates wonder where Marinette is, and Chloé distracts them with a “Who cares about her anyway? She probably tripped and got herself locked in a closet somewhere. Let’s just go!” 

Imagine her purposely being late for school (she makes Sabrina do it too) as well so that the teacher leaves Marinette alone. Because if Marinette is in trouble then so is Chloé, and who would dare give the mayor’s daughter a tardy, and “We’re not late, the rest of you are just early!” 

Imagine that Chloé Bourgeois still pretends to be the stuck up rich brat everyone knows her as just to keep Marinette’s secret safe. 

Imagine her actually wanting to be Marinette’s friend even MORE, but feeling super embarrassed about everything between them and not really knowing how else to be. This is all new for her, and she’s never been really good at making friends. ;) 

And she thinks maybe that’s what she deserves for treating Marinette so terribly. Maybe she doesn’t deserve to have her as a real friend. But she’s definitely going to do what she can to help.

She IS Ladybug’s number one fan after all. 

a “you’re my best friend but please be my fake boyfriend for my family Christmas party you’ll get free food and we’ll be at a nice cabin but my family always asks why I don’t have a boyfriend and I need this from you shit we slept together this is awkward” 1x1

i want a fucking serial killer plot like say muse a and muse b have been dating for the longest fucking time, they’re totally in love, and then at like 2 am one night, muse b comes back home fuckin covered in blood like “ok usually i have time to clean up, you weren’t supposed to see me like this but they had 911 on speed dial and i had to come home” and it’s muse a like oh, oh shit i’m in love with a serial killer and muse b like well fuck the love of my life knows i’ve killed like so many people and idk i feel like this could go places u know

forget the fake dating plots, give me the fake engagement plots because it’s a hundred times more angst i mean?

  • when muse a has been telling their parents they’ve been seeing somebody and finally say they’re engaged to get them off their back, and then surprise!! the whole family ships out to meet the lucky person and they gotta suddenly scramble for a fake fiance/fiancee
  • when the person they ask is their friend and muse b has been secretly hiding that they actually have feelings but say yes just to get close to muse a and hopefully get rid of the feelings but god knows that doesn’t work
  • the moving in together and having to get used to sleepy faces and sleeping in the same room and awkwardly brushing their teeth in the morning but it eventually becomes very familiar and natural
  • meeting the family!!! listening to embarrassing stories and cute naked baby pics while muse a sits around moping bc “mooomm why are you showing these i asked you to burn these”
  • having to practice being affectionate so it looks real
  • “what do you mean kiss? right now? in front of the whole family?”
  • “kiss me right now in front of the whole family”
  • what becomes normal hand holding and touching even when they’re not in public
  • mom/grandmother bringing their old wedding dress and insisting muse b trying it on and it’s huge on her but the mom/grandmother is crying and muse a comes in and the dress is literally falling off muse b and their family members are crying in the corner
  • the family throwing a bridal shower and the couple casually cheating to win the newlywed game
  • actual bridal dress shopping!!! when muse b tries on ‘the dress’ and everybody is like omg…and muse a is like “shit shit these are real feelings ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION
  • when the family leaves and the two try and go back to normal but deny there are any real feelings :(
  • when muse a starts dating somebody else and their family is like “they’re okay but i liked muse b better”
  • A N G S T

cliche plots i’m always a slut for

  • the summer road trip
  • bad boy / good girl
  • bad girl / good girl
  • TA / college student
  • penpals that become best friends and maybe more through letters
  • rich ceo’s kid / rich ceo’s beleaguered employee
  • actually, rich ceo / rich ceo’s beleaguered employee
  • people on a movie set who are love interests in the movie but hate each other irl
  • arranged marriage
  • FAKE DATING
  • enemies to friends to lovers
  • popular kid / nerd
  • breakfast club style all day detention
  • blind dates
  • friends with benefits
  • rich guy / trophy wife
  • bonnie and clyde plots
  • the goody-goody and the juvenile delinquent that are actually best friends and will fuck u up if you mess with the other one

(feel free to add more)

plot about muse a and muse b who were two high school sweethearts who had a really bad break-up but are always kind of on each other’s minds even as the years pass and then one day muse a moves into an apartment complex miles away from their hometown because of a job and their neighbor is constantly having sex and it’s just getting really annoying so one night they they go knock on the door to say ‘HEY CAN YOU STOP BANGING ALL THE TIME I’M TRYING TO SLEE–’ and then whoops it’s muse b. surprise!!

*whispers* Someone please give me a plot with a reckless underground boxer who cares very little for his life and/or safety and he meets and falls in love with someone who is shy, protective and worrisome at one of his matches and they fight constantly over the issue but they always come back to one another like please?

This can be m/m or f/m?

plot idea: PLs a hot as fuck high school music teacher who never really got out of his leather jacket and biker phase and used to be in a band but now teaches high school students what real music is and is notorious for being arrogant and vv sarcastic and a kindergarden teacher who loves kids and wears lilac/pink/purple color cotton shirts and smooth pants and is cute as a button and imagine him teaching the kids to make flower crowns and music teacher sees a flower crown on him and smirks and teases him about how cute he looks

do not add conversation while reblogging please

the enthusiastic virgin and the older experienced one
plot full of firsts and really excited make-out sessions and cautious handjobs and full-body blushing and hard breathing and guiding with words lots of ‘yeah just like that i like that’ 'you’ve got it baby’ and bodies shaking from ecstasy and holding and caressing and making soup after sex at two in the morning

Secretly Dating/Fucking Plots
  • We’re coworkers and usually that wouldn’t be a problem but I’m your boss, so stop looking at me like that
  • We’re roommates and I swear if anyone else we live with found out we’d be tormented until the lease was up
  • You used to be my teacher/professor and it’s totally cool that we’re seeing each other now, not weird at all- not even when we run into people- maybe this should be kept quiet
  • You’re my RA and you signed a contract saying you wouldn’t hook up with your residents but can we overlook that for just tonight? and next week? and for the rest of the semester, maybe?
  • We hooked up after the office party even though there’s a strict no dating rule and honestly? we shouldn’t keep doing this but it was really fun
  • I’m your ex’s new roommate and you were only coming by to pick up your stuff and you walked in on me dancing around in my underwear
  • We’re in group therapy together
  • We’re competing against one another for valedictorian/that promotion
  • Your sibling is my significant other
  • We’re part of a trio of friends but we don’t want our friend to feel like the third wheel
  • You’re my best friend’s ex
  • We’re both camp counselors at a sleep-away camp
  • Our kids are dating
  • I’m your boss’s child
  • You’re a really close friend of my sibling/parent/cousin/roommate but we also really hit it off?
  • We were high school sweethearts that grew apart and into our own lives, but now we live in the same town/we work at the same place/our kids go to the same school/your significant other is my work bestie

muse a is an artist who is constantly at the local coffee shop drawing people, when one day they see someone captivating walk in (muse b). muse a immediately drops everything and starts drawing muse b and does this every day they see them come in. a few weeks later, muse a drops their sketchbook which is now loaded with sketches and drawings of muse b outside of their apartment building, while they were fumbling for the right key. before muse a can even pick up the dropped sketch book, muse b picks it up and sees what they’ve been drawing: them.

FxF plots to consider
  • one is openly gay/bi/pan/whatever and the other isn’t sure and is experimenting and they meet in a lesbian bar
  • “heathers” with lesbians
  • they started to pretend to be dating to get fuckboys to stop creeping on them but whoops they actually like each other
  • “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE MY BOSS’ DAUGHTER?!” “I DON;T KNOW WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WORKED FOR MY DAD???” “GOD DAMMIT!”
  • one is a sorority president and the other is a new pledge
  • actress and techie
  • 1920s au - a fundamentalist and a flapper
  • alternatively, a 1920s au where one’s a bootlegger
  • “oh shit the new girl that got kicked out of her old school for fighting is super hot help”
  • single mom and kindergarten teacher
  • high-strung businesswoman and a chilled out barista who gives them their daily coffee fix

i’m .,, dying for a plot where it’s like these two friends & and somehow somewhere tht can be discussed they ended up kissing and it’s like ?? wow ur good at this… we really shouldn’t but can we like,, kiss a lil bit more ?? and from then on it’s like every time they get together they kind of make out ? a lot ? and then it’d develop to hookups with breathless “just friends, right?” mixed in with it and that was fi nE bc they were just friends like no feelings at all lmao…,, until one of them eventually gets a boyfriend/girlfriend and the other is just like haha yeah dude no i don’t care that’s cool…,, it was just for fun anyway… i don’t miss our little thing together i swear i’m not jealous…,, not at all i don’t havE ANy FeeLINGS FOR U WHATSOEVER..,,, fuckin beautiful jerk and it’d just be really angsty and fluffy and lots of developing feelings tht shouldn’t be developed nd n*ce

ok but i need a plot where there’s these two idiots who are roommates, and they bicker and act like a married couple constantly, and can hang out like bros but they’re completely platonic, no we’re not in love that’s preposterous!! and it’s so evident that they’re into each other like whenever one goes out on a date, the other is all bitter like ‘no i’m definitely not jealous’. and they like leave bars together at some stupidly early hour and their friends tease them and they just go home and get drunk together instead. and like domestic washing the dishes and fighting over who does what and flinging soap at each other. and then one day it kind of just clicks, you know, like wow you’re my best friend but i think i might love you as more this is so difficult and just, give this to me now.

Give me a vampire couple that’s been on and off again for like hundreds of years. Like they fight like crazy and break up and not see each other again for a long time but then come back together like nothing has changed and are all over each other in love. They won’t admit it but they’ll love each other forever no matter what, even if they’re not always together. 

y’all someone please give me a m/m plot where muse a is a a good lil church boy pastor’s son and very much closeted and constantly brings home girls and stuff because his dad and muse b  is very much a trouble maker and very gay and his mom and or dad and or someone told him he needed to straighten his life out and forced him to go to church and he would show up high and stuff and he planned on not going until he sees muse a who’s like super tiny and always dressed to the nines and sits with his picture perfect family and muse b is like holy shit i have to ruin him 

i’m supposed to be marrying your sister but then whoops i met you au

your friend paid me to go on a date with you but i actually kind of like you but whoops you find out about the bribe au

i’m that one celebrity that you hate that you win a date with au

you were on vacation and your house was empty so i decided to live there for a little while au

we hate each other but had to do this dumb project together au

our parents are dating and want to introduce the kids to each other but whoops aren’t you the girl i hooked up with that one time au

1989 plot bunnies
  • blank space: muse a is a celebrity known for being a serial dater, and muse b is merely their latest squeeze. although muse b is at first thrilled to be dating someone so rich and famous, they soon find that muse a is a little more… intense than they first expected. will they work things out, or will muse b just become another ex-lover who says muse a is insane?
  • bad blood: muse a and muse b used to be partners in crime – literally. as well as being friends (and maybe even lovers), they were two of the most feared criminals in the country. but one heist, muse a betrayed muse b in a way muse b never thought possible, and handed them over to the police in exchange for a reduced sentence. now, muse b is out of jail, and out for blood. muse a will pay dearly for what they did to muse b, unless they can form a counterattack in time to save their own skin.
  • wildest dreams: muse a and muse b meet, and instantly hit it off. attracted to one another but knowing that nothing lasts forever, muse a proposes something to muse b: for one night, they’ll have the ultimate love affair / one night stand. a night full of romance, excitement, adventure, passion, and the sort of fantasy you read about in fairytales. after that, nothing. no contact information, probably never even seeing each other again. muse b accepts. after the night of passion is over, will their attraction to one another lead them together again, or will they only be left with memories?
  • i know places: muse a and muse b are in love, but their families don’t approve of the match. desperate to be together, they do the unthinkable, and run away together, despite not being even out of high school yet, and having no money. trying to start a new life for themselves, as well as hide from their families, the two may have bitten off more than they can choose.
  • how you get the girl: muse a broke muse b’s heart six months ago, and now realizes it was the worst mistake they ever made. now, they just want muse b back. but muse b isn’t going to make things easy for them. can muse a convice muse b to take them back, or is the relationship a lost cause?
  • style: muse a is the clean-cut, goody-goody type, and they’ve fallen hard for muse b, and older, rebellious delinquent. behind their parents’ backs, muse a dates muse b, sneaking out with them and finding themselves deeper and deeper in a “real” world they know nothing about. their relationship is a tempestuous one, but no matter how tense things get, they’ll never leave each other.
  • wonderland: everyone warned muse a and muse b that rushing into things so quickly wouldn’t work out for them, but they didn’t listen, and began dating almost immediately after they met, moving in together after barely a month. before six months are out, the two were married. however, they’re still getting to know each other, and more and more problems arise in their marriage every day. will they prove everyone wrong and stay together, or will they drive each other mad?