plo-koon

I want an au where Jango Fett survives the Battle of Geonosis and goes about his bounty hunter business with Boba during the a Clone War. All is good, he’s got his son and his credits and he is managing to avoid this war and his clones. All is good.

Until one day a small group of Jedi consisting of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Plo Koon show up wherever he and Boba are currently living. Their reason for coming?

They are here to fight him for parental custody of the clones.

  • Anakin, desperately trying to hide the wedding photos falling out of his pockets: what, no, Senator Amidala and I are just friends-
  • Obi-wan, pretending to do paperwork but actually writing love letters to Satine: be mindful of your feelings, Anakin-
  • Plo Koon, filling out adoption forms for Ahsoka and the entire Wolfpack: you get attached too easily-
  • Yoda:
  • Yoda: end well, this will not
100% Totally Accurate Facts About Your Favorite Jedi

1. Depa Biliba is the reigning Jedi Temple Beer Pong Champion.

2. It’s well established that Anakin Skywalker eats live bugs.  Less well known is that Ahsoka has moved up the food chain to live small vertebrates.

3. Mace Windu has played Dr. Frankenfurter on stage.  Three times.  He’s got a lovely voice and the legs for the role.

4. 67% of all chupacabra sightings are actually Master Yoda.

5. Obi-wan Kenobi has “lost” a total of twelve robes since the war began,  However, at least three of them are in his Commander’s foot locker.

6. Quinlan Vos has technically only broken one bone in his life, his left radius.  However, he’s broken it on seventeen separate occasions, mostly by doing “Stupid shit” according to his commander.

7. Jocasta Nu can rap like hell, and has been a contributing artist on several underground albums.

8. Plo Koon is considered massively attractive for a Kel-Dor.  He rarely visits his home-world because he doesn’t like the attention.

9.  Kit Fisto cries whenever he sees baby animals.  They’re so small.

10. Aalya Secura is a Certified Tax Accountant, and does a side business on the rare occasion things are slow.

11. Shaak Ti didn’t realize she actually IS venomous until she was well into her thirties.  She didn’t realize she was dyslexic either.  Jedi healthcare is a goddamn mess.

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS JEDI DESCRIPTION BY YOURS TRULY

Yoda:Looks really chill, nothing can bother him. Probably listens to Eminem in his room and dancing. Really smart, probably was bullied by kids when he was Padawan. But who’s laughing now?

Mace Windu:Hates everything. Has no tolerance for our boy Anakin. Or anyone else. Sceptical. Probably insults every member of the Order internally.

Kit Fisto:His smile can cure cancer. Chill dude. Loves water. Generally awesome. Deserves better. Probably everyone’s best friend.

Obi-Wan Kenobi:Sarcastic. Sassy. Classy. Eyes to die for. Bassicly what I look for in a guy. Amazing hair 10/10. Fashionista. Has a secret girlfriend, and a child (I am 100% convinced that Korkie is Obitine love child, fight me.) Better than anyone else.

Anakin Skywalker: Wears all black, looks fabulous in his clothes. Has a secret wife. She probably taught him secrets of fashion. Reckless. Eyes to die for. Hair on point 10/10. Has an awesome Padawan. Would die for his friends. Best guy out there.

Plo Koon:Father of all the clones. Loves them. Adores them. Loves Anakin’s Padawan. Loves everyone generally. Deserved better.

Ahsoka Tano:BADASS BITCH. Outfits on point. Holds lightsaber’s backwards, because she is awesome. Better than you. Kickass. Sarcasm is pouring out of her. Generally awesome.

Shaak Ti:Goddess. Spends time with clones, believing in them. Calm. Pretty. Classy. Deserves better.

Clones with De-Aged Jedi

So sauntering-down​ has been giving me de-aged clone feels, but what would happen if the JEDI were the ones to be De-aged?  Imagine the poor clones trying to cope.

Cody can’t get over how TINY General Kenobi is(He was a little guy before, but this is stupid cute) and won’t stop floofing his padawan-hair.  Obi-wan is still a snarky little shit, but his wit stings a lot less when one of his comebacks is interrupted by his voice cracking

The clones in Quinlan Vos’ unit are amazed how little he changes.  Quinlan didn’t really grow up, he just got taller.  Similarly, Gree has to deal with Yoda as an infant, and is amazed how little this changes things.  Yoda is still bald, , getting into trouble and largely unintelligible.  The only difference now is that Yoda is SO tiny that he now fits comfortably inside a helmet, which makes for adorable pictures that are immediately uploaded to the holonet.

Fives and other clones on Kamino almost don’t recognize Shaak Ti, her facial marking change so much.  The finally believe it’s he after she addresses the kaminoans attempts to experiment on her with her usual “Do-I-Have-To-Cut-A-Bitch?” tone.  Shaak seems to have forgotten much of what she has learned about patience and Fives ends up following her around trying to dissuade her from disemboweling people for being obstructive.

post-puberty Aalya’s Clothes do not fit Pre-puberty Aalya, even though they are nearly the same height, and Bly and the rest of the troops panic and scramble to cover her with whatever fabric they can find, which turns out to be their sleepwear and a tarp.  She looks fabulous anyway.

Ponds is amazed to discover that Mace needed eye surgery in his teens, and now that he’s a kid again, is so near-sighted he’s legally blind.  He and Trap take turns leading him around like guide-dogs until they can find a set of glasses for him.  His hair is back as well, and the texture fascinates them, though they try to be polite about it.  Mace knows it is only well-meaning curiousity and eventually lets one of them braid it while he squints at the reports.

There is panic among the Wolf Pack.  Droids? No problem!  Giant monsters? Got this!  Tiny Plo? WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO!? The first issue is that Plo’s mask nearly falls off during the change, and only stays on because Wolffe Tackles him and pins it in place.  There is a scramble to find another mask, then the trials of trying to keep a telekinetic and perhaps too trusting six-year-old out of trouble on the outer rim.  The Pack forms a peramenent guard around the tiny Kel-dor, and wolffe spends most of his time carrying him becuase it’s the only reliable way to know where he is at all times.

The winner though, is Rex, who arrives at the temple days later looking a mess and like he hasn’t slept in a month with Baby Ahsoka in a harness on his chest and Anakin on one of those little kid leashes. The restraints do little to keep the out of trouble-  Ahsoka can still levitate things off his belt (Like blasters) and the leash is still long enough for anakin to run into traffic, off ledges, and into all manner of danger.“I am not prepared for this level of responsibility.”  Rex mutters before collapsing.