please will you fix it for me

Agony

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Summary: Magnus finds an Agony rune on Alec’s hip.

Cw: Implied/Reference to Self Harm, Implied/Reference to Torture

(Please let me know if there is anything you want me to change, I haven’t written anything like this before and I don’t want to upset anyone, so if there is something that I didn’t handle properly, PLEASE let me know and I will do my best to fix it.)

____

Magnus’ eyebrows were knit together in concentration, tongue sticking out a little bit as he tread carefully across the carpet, taking each step as slowly as possible. A droplet of sweat rolled down his forehead, and his fingers were threatening to shake, as he made his way to the couch. The knock on the door made Magnus jump, the cup of tea falling from his grasp and splattering the ground with chai. Magnus groaned, and snapped his fingers, the mug reforming and the puddle evaporating, all evidence of the offending spill wiped away with just a little bit of magic.

Magnus should have known this would happen, Alec had said he was on his way over no more than thirty minutes ago, but the apartment had been too quiet and Magnus had needed a distraction. He fixed his face into as flirtatious a smile as possible and opened the door, slow and dramatic “Hello, Mr. Lightwo…is that your blood?”

Blush formed on Alec’s cheeks as he looked down at himself, forehead, neck, shirt, pants, hands, and hair caked in a thick, dark blood. “No,” Alec replied casually “Shax demon, took me by surprise as I was rounding the corner and kind of just…” Alec waved his hands around “exploded, when I stabbed it,”

“I see,”

Normally, Alec would have already made his way into the apartment, pulling off his jacket and heading directly for the couch. Today he hesitated at the door, which, admittedly Magnus appreciated because he really didn’t want to deal with boot tracks of ichor sticking to his carpets. “Do you mind if I use your shower?”

Magnus frowned, and stroked his chin in an exaggerated thinking face “Hmmm,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Alec “The Head of the New York Institute, naked, and dripping wet in my bathroom…” he clicked his tongue and sucked in a breath “I suppose I’ll allow it,”

Alec rolled his eyes, but the unconscious posturing at the usage of his new title did not go unnoticed by Magnus. “Thank you, oh kind and gracious, High Warlock of Brooklyn,” Alec replied as he stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him, kicking off his boots and tugging off his shirt as he made a beeline for the shower.

Between staring at the boots, brushing ichor on the floor, and Alexander’s delicious back, Magnus was impressed that he could close his dropped jaw long enough to manage a wolf whistle “If I had known there was going to be a strip show involved, I would have let you in my shower much sooner,”

“Oh, fuck off,” Alec said, but Magnus could see the red bloom across the back of Alec’s neck and shoulders.

“I love you too, darling!” Magnus called to Alec as the bathroom door closed behind him.

_

Alec took no time in peeling the sticky, stinking clothing off of his body, and crinkling his face in disgust. He muttered under his breath about the ruining of his favorite shirt, but didn’t fret too long, as the idea of washing the ichor off his skin, and the fact that he had a literally magical boyfriend who would more than happily return his outfit to it’s former glory, was more than enough comfort to convince him to go about his day.

It was strange to Alec, asking to use Magnus’ shower, considering how many times in the past few weeks he had showered here before work. When late night dates would turn into overnight stays, and he would wake in the morning with Magnus curled up against his side, the first rays of morning light streaming in through the cracks in the curtains. He made sure the faucet’s spout was pulled up, so the water would redirect itself to the shower head instead of pouring water down on his feet. It hadn’t taken Alec long to learn how big of a bath fan Magnus Bane truly was. He turned the dial to his usual setting, and pulled the knob out, releasing the water into a jet above him. He stood there for a minute, letting the water wash over his body and relax the tension in his muscles. He reached for his washcloth and the bar of soap, and rubbed at his skin until every last fleck of ichor was wiped away, and his whole body was red from how hard he had scrubbed. He ran some shampoo through his hair, and clasped his hair with both of his palms, forming as much of his hair as possible into a Mohawk in the center of his head. He hummed a little to himself, low and unintelligible from outside the general safety of the shower, glad that Magnus wasn’t here to see him making a fool of himself.

When the last of the suds had washed themselves down the drain and Alec felt like himself again, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel and rubbing it through his hair quickly before wrapping it around his waist and holding it in place with his hand. He stepped over his dirty clothes, he would pick them up in a minute, and wandered into Magnus’ room, straight through to his closet, pulling open the underwear drawer and searching through it.

__

Magnus was just finished preparing another cup of tea when he heard Alec’s voice, muffled from behind the wall “Maaaaggss,”

Magnus smiled fondly to himself, but ignored it, holding preference over the tea he had wanted to drink this morning.

“Magnus!”

Magnus groaned internally, and placed the kettle on the stove before making his way into his bedroom. “Yes, dear?”

“I swear to the Angel if you disappeared my underwear again, just so that I would walk around naked, we’re breaking up,” Alec’s voice replied from the depths of Magnus’ closet, only somewhat joking.

“When have I ever done something like that?” Magnus feigned hurt and surprise.

“Two weeks ago,” Alec pointed out, head poking out to look Magnus in the eyes.

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, Alexander, but I did not disappear your hideous underwear,”

“How can there not be a single pair of clean boxers in this entire apartment? Half my clothes are in here…including my socks!” Alec shook a pair of socks in Magnus’ general direction for emphasis.

‘You mean your socks with the holes in the toes?”

“Yes, those,”

Magnus shook his head, and circled around the room, looking for any of Alec’s clean laundry. “Here!” he said, pulling a pair out from a drawer in his dresser, and striding across the room, tossing them at his boyfriend when he had closed enough distance.

“Thanks,” Alec said, twisting to catch the flying piece of cloth. The grip on his towel slipped momentarily, revealing a scandalous portion of his hip. Not that it mattered much anyway, as Alec let the towel fall to the floor, and slipped his boxers on. “Where did you find them?”

Magnus’ only response was a shaky intake of breath. Alec turned around to face Magnus once more “Magnus?” he asked, taking in his sudden paleness and the look in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

Magnus looked down towards the floor, and then up at Alec, an unreadable flash of something appearing on his face. He took a step forward, and then another, and another until he was almost flush against Alec’s chest. His shaking fingers curled around the elastic waistband of Alec’s boxers.

“Magnus, what are you doing?” Alec asked as Magnus began to pull the fabric on his right hip down. Alec took Magnus’ hands in his and pulled them away from his underwear “I have to get dressed. Besides, ripping my clothes off would be kind of anticlimactic at this point, don’t you think?” Magnus barely seemed to register Alec’s words, as his hands slipped from Alec’s grasp and went back to his boxers, beginning to pull them down on one side “Magnus, seriously, what are you doi- oh,” the color drained from Alec’s face, his entire body feeling as if he had been plunged into ice, as his eyes trailed down to Magnus’ hand, hovering over the dark black lines carved into his hip.

“I know this rune,” Magnus said, voice tired and drained. Alec could not bring himself to look Magnus in the eye, focusing instead on the ceiling. The pain and anger in Magnus’ voice hit Alec hard enough he almost lost his balance. “Why do you have it?”

“I forgot that was there,”

“Is that all you have to say?!” Alec flinched at the harshness in Magnus’ tone “You forgot it was there? I don’t accept that,” he clenched his jaw “Why is it there?”

“I-I don’t know,” he told the floor, voice growing small.

“That’s bullshit, Alec! That rune is not something you draw on a whim, it’s not something to take lightly. Why is it there?!” the words ripped themselves out of Magnus’ throat, loud, and rough, and Alec could feel the panic starting to claw away at him.

“I wanted to know what…no, I-I had to know what you went through, what I put you through,”

“So you tortured yourself?” Magnus wheeled backwards “What were you expecting? That you’d feel better? Did it make you feel better?”

“No, no it made everything worse. When I came out of it for the first time, the guilt I felt about what happened made me want to rip my heart out of my chest,”

Magnus’ face fell, took a step back, hurt rushing to his face as if he had been slapped “The-the first time?”

Fuck. Alec’s eyes widened imperceptibly Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUC-

“Did you use it more than once?”

“No,” Alec replied.

“You’re lying to me,” disbelief flashed in Magnus’ eyes “Did you use it more than once?”

Alec closed his eyes tight, squaring his shoulders, and biting his lip. “Yes, I-, yes,”

“What were you thinking, Alexander?” there was no anger in his voice, no rage, just disappointment and…sadness.

“I don-“

“Don’t you dare tell me you don’t know,” and it struck Alec in that moment just how terrifying Magnus could be, how exactly he could strike fear into the hearts of those who stood against him. Even without his magic flaring up around him, Alec could feel the sheer amount of power that coursed through Magnus’ veins. “That rune, it causes a kind of pain that I would never wish on anybody…not even Valentine. So let me ask you again…what. were. you. Thinking?”

“THAT I WOULD STOP THINKING!” Alec exploded, anger erupting form his chest. “That maybe I could concentrate on the pain and that I would stop feeling, stop thinking, that I could just….focus on one fucking thing, that my brain would go quiet…even for a second. But it didn’t, it hasn’t, all it did was make it worse. I fucked up, is that what you want to hear? I always fuck up. All I wanted to do was help my sister and instead I got you tortured and almost killed, I tried to be a good soldier, play by the rules, win back favor with the Clave even though they handed everything I had worked towards to Jace, and I betrayed your trust, again, I didn’t listen to my gut, again, and I’m doing it now. You were the one that suffered, you are the one trying to figure out how to live in your own body again, and I’ve made it all about me, because I’m stupid, and I’m selfish, and I ruin everything,”

“Hey, hey, hey, that’s not true,” Magnus stepped forward again and began to reach out to Alec, but he recoiled as if Magnus might burn him. “Your actions were justified, and expected–“

“Stop, Magnus,”

“Valentine is the most dangerous man alive. He manipulates people, he hurts people, and being suspicious of the things I was telling you when I was wearing his face. It was completely normal. It would have been bad if you hadn’t. I don-“

“JUST STOP!” Alec immediately regretted shouting when he noticed Magnus jump slightly, fear taking over his body for just a moment.

“Wh-“

“Stop pretending like you don’t blame me, stop pretending like it wasn’t my fault. It was my fault. It was ALL my fault. Stop pretending like we’re okay, like you don’t hate me for what I did to you.” It took everything for Alec to speak through the tears and the tightness in his chest “I hate me. Stop pretending like you still trust me, how could you? I betrayed you, I hurt you, and I hurt you again, right after I promised you I wouldn’t. I just…need you to stop,”

The silence that settled between them was thick and suffocating, and Alec was more than happy to let it strangle him.

“Alexander, look at me,” Magnus’ tone was soft but forceful, leaving no room for argument, a command rather than a suggestion but one that Alec was willing to follow. “What happened with Azazel affected us both, hurt us both. What he did to me was…traumatic, and honesty I don’t know if I’ll ever fully get over it, but you were a victim too. And I’ve been so preoccupied with pretending like I’m fine, that I didn’t realize that you weren’t either. And…I forgot for a moment that you would give away every last part of yourself to help somebody else. Look, I’m sorry I snapped, and that I got angry with you, I just…I never wanted you to feel that kind of pain.” Magnus reached out slowly, resting his hand on Alec’s arm, when he didn’t try and pull away. “I want you to listen to me very carefully, Alexander, I don’t blame you for what happened. You don’t ruin everything you touch, you make it better. You learn from your mistakes, you love with your whole being, you would do anything for your friends or your family, for me,” He smiled softly, warmly “I know how hard it is for you to believe you’re good enough. But you’re coming into yourself, Alexander, you’ll have your ups and downs, but look at everything you have, you have Clary and Simon, Jace and Izzy, your mom, the council, the Institute, and you have me. You’ll always have me, no matter what, forever.” Magnus pressed a soft kiss to Alec’s cheek “I love you,”

Alec sighed, a calm he hadn’t felt in months washing over his body, pressing their foreheads together and breathing him in. “I love you too, and I’m sorry about…what I did. I never wanted to hurt you, I just…honestly I hoped you wouldn’t find out, that the rune would just fade in a couple days and you would never have to know about my…moment of weakness,”

There was hurt in the setting Magnus’ shoulders “I thought we’ve been through this, love” Magnus replied, rubbing small circles into his arms “I want you to tell me when things get bad. It would kill me to know you were going through something like this all on your own.”

“I know, I just…I didn’t want to make you relive the worst moment of your life because I…because I felt guilty, because I was being stupid,”

“You don’t have to hold all of this inside you, Alexander. Not here, not with me.”

“I know,” Alec and Magnus’ hands were intertwined, their foreheads pressed together, Magnus could feel Alec’s heart beating slow and strong in his chest, and he used that to ground him. To wipe away the anger, the pain. To stop the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. Alec had felt so guilty about what had happened he had tortured himself. Not just hurt himself through overuse and neglect, like he had after Jocelyn’s death. No, he had actively, and purposely drew a mark meant to cause him agony, he had carved it in to his skin, he had sat in his room triggering it over and over again until the memories had blurred together and all that remained was exhaustion, and the knowledge that Magnus had gone through the same thing. But he hadn’t been alone, Alec had been there watching, letting it happen, and he hadn’t been in his own body. And Magnus didn’t quite know how to reconcile that “Magnus, I am so sorry,”

“For what?”

“For not coming to you when I first started thinking about it. For not coming to you when I did it. For…trying to keep it a secret from you. For not telling you I was struggling. For thinking I could just deal with it on my own. I just…I didn’t want to burden you with any more shit. I love you, and I never want to hurt you, or cause you pain.”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, wrapping his arms around Alec’s waist and pulling him impossibly closer, so no space at all existed between their bodies. “No one can walk through this world alone.”

Alec was quiet, only the sound of his breathing and the beating of his heart. “Do you know what I saw?” Alec whispered, lips brushing across Magnus’.

“Do I want to know?” Magnus replied, a nervous lilt in his voice.

“Yeah,” and Magnus was struck by how sure Alec was. “Yeah. It’s good, actually, in a twisted way. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, who could? It was the day Valentine attacked the Institute, and the Soul Sword was activated. I had almost forgotten the taste of fear at this point, so much has happened since, but seeing all those Downworlders, seeing the look of horror in Jace’s eyes, I could feel the guilt spreading through my body from our rune, like it was a poison. And Clary, the realization on her face when she saw me, when she remembered that you had been here too. And I was scared, Magnus. I was afraid, I was devastated, I thought of every way you could have died a horrible death. I was beating myself up, thinking that I might have stepped right over your body on the way down to the control room, that you could have died, alone in a place that you hated. Or worse, that some of Valentine’s men lingered, what they would do to your body if they found you. I was falling apart with every step that I took. I could feel the panic rising up in my chest, overwhelming the hope that you would be okay,  with every room that I walked in, with every second that I didn’t see your body laying there, life drained from your eyes. And that’s where it ended. It ended at the moment that I had begun to lose hope, when the thought that I might never see you again flashed through my mind, the moment I was ready to die.”

“How is that good?”

“Because you’re still alive, you’re still here. Because I remember feeling all those things, but I also remember the way my heart leapt out of my chest when you grabbed my arm. The relief that spread through my body the moment I saw your face. How glad I was to see you, to know that I still had time with you. To know that I loved you, that I love you. With all my heart.”

“I love you, too,” Magnus smiled, although he did not lean in for a kiss like he usually did, just holding him there, trying to keep him grounded. “Alec, we need to talk about this,”

“This?”

“This rune, your hand, the night of Max’s Rune Ceremony,”

“Mag-“

“It doesn’t have to be now, it doesn’t even have to be this week, but, Alexander, I love you, and I want to be there for you, to talk through healthy ways to deal with your emotions that don’t involve you dramatically leaping from my balcony, or literally torturing yourself,”

Alec sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Magnus’ “Okay,” ‘

“Thank you,” and the last droplets of despair evaporated from Magnus’ body, exhaustion seeping in to his bones instead. Mind thick and foggy from too many relived memories. “Alexander?” Magnus said after a moment, fighting the urge to bite his lip and reveal his uncertainty in Alec’s future answer.

“Mmm?” Alec hummed in response, his eyes closed, and breathe beginning to slow to a steady rate as he followed the rise and fall of Magnus’ chest.

“Will you hold me?” Magnus asked, voice too small for a High Warlock, too quiet and doubtful for the likes of Magnus Bane. But it was a voice Alec was used to, the voice of his lover, of Magnus, not the leader, not the mask, just him, laid bare and hoping for the best despite leaving his heart open and vulnerable to attack.

“I’ll never let go,” Alec replied, entwining their fingers and pulling Magnus gently to the bed. And if Magnus trembled in Alec’s arms, fighting back tears, reliving the darkest moments of his life, neither of them said anything. They just hold eachother closer, tighter, and press soft kisses across bare skin, until the sun sets behind the horizon and they fall asleep.

Masterlist

 Kim Seokjin

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Min Yoongi

Originally posted by sugagifs

Jung Hoseok

soon to be filled, boiz

Originally posted by jminies

Kim Namjoon

he empty too

Originally posted by rapnamu

Park Jimin

yeah, nothing here too

Originally posted by yoongiski

Kim Taehyung

Originally posted by jeonbase

Jeon Jungkook

Originally posted by jeonwilds

Hyung Line

I can’t find a nice hyung line gif to put here god dammit pls help me find one

Maknae Line

Originally posted by jiminddeok

BTS

Originally posted by charrytommoto


Please tell us if this masterlist isn’t working! We will fix it immediately! Pls enjoy at your own risk, friends.

Doing the mage time travel quest with Inquisitor Solas is wild

Inquisitor Solas: we’ll undo this abomination of a future. We’ll fix it. You’ll all die so that we can stop this bad thing from happening, all right? It’ll be like it never happened.

Solas: exactly what I was thinking. This world is wretched and I’d die to fix it

Cassandra: thank the maker, someone’s speaking sense. We’ve got a second chance.

Dorian: I love this plan. A good plan.

Leliana: you don’t even think this future or our pain is real.

Inquisitor Solas: Nope 🙂

Leliana: people are terrified of mages because of this kind of power, to snuff out whole realities like it never happened

Everyone else: Solas, please destroy this reality!!!

Inquisitor Solas: of course I will

Me: 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Puppies

Originally posted by dallas41chicago88

Originally posted by stuff-from-web

Requested?: Yes.ย  So I spent like all day looking up dog videos, and I wasย wondering if you could do an imagine for Freddie Andersen, where the reader and him go and adopt a rescue? Please and thank you!

AN: I donโ€™t know much about Frederik Andersen other than he plays for the Leafs but I hope you enjoy and omg I LOVE dogs this is cute. Also its 1:57 AM if there is any errors please tell me and Iโ€™ll fix it. -M

Up Next:ย  Andre Burakovsky.ย 

Keep reading

REQUESTS AND STORIES: Gold and Honey (Dayday)

→ none of these pictures and gifs are mine! Credits to the owners (everything found on google; if I took your picture without credits by mistake, or you didn’t want it edited, let me know so I can fix it). Please don’t remove the captions.

masterpost

Tags: nsfw / +18 / angst / suggestions of smut / cheating / khh / best friends au / first person pov (unnamed female oc) x idol (but readers can insert themselves in the story easily if they’d like)
Featuring: David Kim (Dayday)
Writer: CL
Word count: 985 words
Comments: The story is in first person narrative, but you, my dear reader, can easily insert yourself in the story if you’d like. If you don’t know who Dayday is, here’s his Instagram, his latest released mv (Call Me) and his soundcloud.
Synopsis: After David’s birthday party, our oc wakes up at the one place she was avoiding for months.

ATTENTION, PLEASE READ: This is a fictional story. Any similarities to real people are unintentional. This story contains mature themes. By reading this story you agree that you are 18 years or older. The author does not authorize the reproduction, reposting, editing or any alteration of this material, fully or partially.


“David, I…”

“Shhh…”

His fingers trace a path from the small of my back to the middle of my shoulders under my light tank top. Oh my, I still had that on. How on earth did he take off my bra but managed to keep the top?

I awkwardly stare at his dark hair. I always liked his hair. Black, straight, simple haircut. No need for fancy styles or bright colors. Yeah, I focus on that. The way the messy dark strings cover his forehead, giving him a perfect tussled morning-after look. I can’t face his eyes right now, I can barely get myself together with his warm touch on my skin. If I look into his eyes I fear I won’t be able to resist. Again.

I close my eyes when he momentarily sets me free, breathing in relief. This was a mistake. Just because it was his birthday it didn’t mean I should have given in. What I should do right now is get off this bed, his bed, and act like nothing happened. Not that it would be easy after last night. Not that it has been easy to pretend that nothing was happening since the beginning.

I lower my gaze and realize my breasts are still exposed. In the heat of the moment, David just tugged my top down to play with my breasts while he… fuck, not now. Flashes of last night aren’t a good memory right now, they will only make harder for me to leave. I don’t even want to remember what happened five minutes ago. This whole thing was a mistake. A mistake I tried for months not to make, but in the end… It was that good of a mistake. I fix myself, covering my nipples. I sigh.

“David, I really should get going…”

I motion to stand up, but his tattooed hand stops me. Midas. What a funny tattoo. Yeah, his touch is golden alright. Those fingers should be insured in a million dollars because of the way they made me feel…

It had been a while. They were deep within me, blissfully guiding me through the paths of lust, driving through my high. And later, rubbing my precious nub as he pounded inside me, making me reach another wave of raw pleasure. He made me climax like no one before him. Not even… not even…

This was a mistake. His golden touch was a mistake. Last night and right now. I close my eyes trying to shoo my thoughts and feelings away.

His precious fingers tangle in my hair, keeping me in place and I open my eyes. Damn it. I find his bright brown orbs after avoiding them at all costs. He doesn’t need words, but he speaks anyway.

Don’t. Don’t overthink this. Just stay.

My eyes water.

I’m torn. I’m the happiest that I’ve been in months and still I feel completely guilty about it. And he knows it. David knows very well. He’s been my best friends ever since I set foot in this foreign country.

He brings me closer. I lose myself in his embrace, the side of my head in the pillow. His head sets like a puzzle in the crook of my neck.

I cry. I don’t need to pretend in front of him, he already seen the whole of me. He knows about everything that concerns my being, and he is aware of my emotions. He wipes my tears and kisses my face. How could I do this?

As if he’s reading my mind, David soothes me. He calls my name and his voice is smooth and sweet like honey.

I pull away slightly and I voluntarily look at him. The man that is gold and honey. The man that is perfect for me in so many ways. And yet, I do this do him. To myself, to us. To…

“Don’t go, please.”

He means it this time because he says it out loud.

However, his tone is dubious. David wants me to stay over in his bed, in his warm embrace. After months of behaving politely, controlling our feelings and impulses, restraining and stopping ourselves from doing what we just did, of being just friends, we gave in. His birthday party and too much booze were just the droplets that made our cup too full. It was stronger than us. It was so for a while now, maybe I was too much of a coward to admit.

But David also meant… he meant so much in that three-word sentence. I could hear the echo of past conversations, of drunk confessions, of all the time we’ve spent together and all the things we said to each other.

Don’t go back to your country. “You don’t have a future there anyway!” he said one time after we had a couple of beers after hours. His hand that still didn’t have any dark ink back then in it grabbed mine and made me promise to always think of myself first. You see, I never do that. I always put other people first. And they not always do the same for me.

Don’t leave me. “Where am I gonna find someone like you?” he jokingly said at work quite constantly. But the way he said it lately made it clear that he didn’t mean it simply as someone he worked with.

Stay in Korea. Stay with me. That was what David Kim was saying. But worst of all… he was saying…

Don’t go back to your man.

I close my eyes as I battle all my emotions. The decision was made within me, I just have to accept it. His honey voice fills me and I can only do as he asks. I feel petrified, as if his touch had turned me into solid gold like the real Midas and suddenly I can’t move.

I’m a horrible person. I stay.

“If you’re not bullshitting, if you’re making a good faith attempt at providing a fix, we’re in,” Trickster spoke, not looking at Coil.

A “fix”? For what, exactly? Your team’s internal struggles that Sundancer alluded to?

“Excellent,” Coil replied, not twitching a muscle.  There wasn’t an iota of surprise there.

“Fix?” I asked Trickster.

Yes, please elaborate.

“That guy,” Trickster tilted his head in Coil’s direction, “Is offering my team a temporary solution to an ongoing problem, with promises that he’s going to look into a possible permanent fix.”

Well, that’s… vague. Doesn’t tell me much that wasn’t already clear, but fair enough. Wouldn’t be much of a trickster if he didn’t have some secrets, would he?

(Maybe Tattle knows now.)

anonymous asked:

hi! i have this is sort of dilemma with school and this hellhole of SZPD. i'm currently attending college studying computer science and i'm having really hard time completing anything, because i just can't give an Eff about any of the work. i am interested in computers etc etc, but finding motivation to Do Anything is borderline impossible. got any tips or other help to get my shit together please? thank you!

Oh yeah, that’s the massive problem for most schizoids. I’d say it’s probably THE most important issue with being schizoid. The rest of it one can adapt to, find some workarounds or just get used to be this weird asocial loner and don’t pay much attention to it.

But it’s hard to get along with being incapable of motivating yourself to do things that must be done. Trust me, I relate to it a lot. And spoiler: there’s no cure or treatment or anything that’d actually work to fix it. Sadly.

But there are a few things you can try to make it work a bit better. I guess different schizoids can find different workarounds. Things like coffee or sportish non-addictive stimulators help a few to keep themselves somewhat active, but it won’t really solve the motivation issue. 

Just going with the natural flow of your own interest might work since you say you are interested in computers and such. I.e. just for a while stop forcing yourself to do things you think you need to be doing and just try doing something you feel like doing. 

Yeah, I know that’s hard to tell what are those things and do they even exist. Because schizoid. But there must be something that boggles your mind once in a while like “oh yeah, that subject I find curious, someday I should get to understand it better”. 

Like, for me those probably would be artificial neural networks. Srsly, interesting stuff. The only reason I’m not spending most of the day building neural network robots is because… yeah, because schizoid. >_> But if I was to boost my own motivation even if temporary, I’d try to force myself into at least wiki article on it, then onto some practical examples. Then, if I’m lucky, that’d set me onto an idea train, which might actually end up consuming most of my time for a few days. 

The trick is that by the end of that motivation string (when I run out of ideas or get bored of it or just swap onto another subject) there’s this window of opportunity where for a while I might be able to quickly finish all that lingering stuff I’ve been stockpiling for years. Too bad it’s really unreliable and depends on both being able to get onto doing something with interest and then failing in it and getting just stuck and bored. So I can’t say for sure if this would work for anyone else. 

Similar in mechanic, but not exactly the same option is to find something you dislike the idea of doing even more than whatever it is that you try to complete. But that must be something you honestly need and honestly dislike to a greater extent. Start doing that… or, well, at least thinking about doing it right now. Then by the time your brain will scream from despair and will try to drag you into doing something else — anything, ANYTHING, JUST NOT THAT. That’s where this something else might be what you actually need to be doing. It’s not real motivation but more exploiting your own bugs, but hey, as long as it works…

Another potential solution — also not too reliable and definitely not the most pleasant for schizoid — is to vampire the motivation out of someone else. Like, literally feed of someone. Well, surprise: that’d require you to step over being asocial and not-too-communicative and have a relative/friend/mate/whoever to get personally involved in the same matter you need to achieve but fail to find motivation for. 

If said friend has no issues being motivated, and can poke you cheerfully and consistently how awesome it would be if you did that instead of staring at the tumblr dash all the time, then it might trick your brain into believing it is your own desires and motivation. 

The key is, again, you must give at least a single flying fuck about that person’s wellbeing. Not necessary to actually care all that much, but I doubt it’d work with a complete stranger (tho it might on occasion). Then this person must NOT fake the interest. Your brain will not buy that bs unless it’s real, you’re likely too smart for that. And it must be emotional kind of desire for you to get that thing done — the one that you probably lack. Just rational “yeah dude, you should really get to study asap” won’t work for sure — you can tell that to yourself a million times and it won’t make a difference.

So, just give it a thought: is there someone who is actually interested in you doing your best in that college? Any of them is at least somewhat emotional kind of person? Any of the above cares enough for you to actually invest their own time and effort into literally dragging you through this on a fuel of their own motivation? 

Because that’s a hard, exhausting work to keep a schizoid from being useless piece of human flesh and making them actually use their potential without wasting. A mom or dad might be that person, if you have them and they aren’t assholes. Or maybe some other relative, or that one close friend you might have (some schizoids do, at least). If that’s the case, you can just explain it to them plain and simple.

 That it’s either they help you this way, or it’s probably gonna end with lots of failures. If not, well… you’re on your own then. Yay for schizoid dream. ^_^ But srsly tho, it’s hard when you’re not yet mature enough, even for a schizoid. 

You can also ask folks on our discord — other schizoids might have different tips (there’s even a separate channels for schizoid motivation and lifehacks). And of course, will reblog anything on this subject from you guys, or alternatively you can just toss it in my inbox. 

anonymous asked:

PART 1 Perhaps being straight would be easier by societies terms, but your wife can teach your kids to throw the ball around. It's something you can learn with them. I myself have two moms. I never once wished I had a father. I didn't need a dad to show me how to shoot hoops. My mom was an all star athlete in hs and she taught me everything I needed to know and then I moved on to being a collegiate athlete. My other mother taught me how to sing and fix cars. Because I have two mothers...

Posting each one of these because I feel like everyone needs to read this. I needed this, thank you. Can you come off anon and please be my friend?

PSA://

Please be aware that my tumblr likes to unfollow people at random. 

It’s done this for a long time, often when I gain a new follower, and I try to fix it as and when I can. But Please, let me know if you spot it. If you unfollow back immediately in a sulk then I will not be able to find you, and then that’s both of us buggered.

anonymous asked:

Before you decide to sell the monster ads, you might want a proofreader to go over them. There are several spelling and grammar errors.

Aaaah I was pretty sure it was the case since english is not my first language.

Please do feel free to point out my mistakes by IM, as long as you’re not an ass about it it’s actually very helpful for me. I will not go back and change the file in the posts since they already were reblogged a lot but I will fix them for the print files. Thanks for the heads up !

[EDIT] thank you for the proofreading, I’m correcting the mistakes as I receive it ! Crazy to think so far only one of them had been pointed out to me in tags when theres so many little things that did not make sense. (curse you french brain that translate idioms words by words thinking it makes sense in english !)

so in golion their names were metals and I kinda wish they would’ve kept them

can we please just go back to error messages that actually fucking tell you what the hell went wrong. i’m so tired of Hip Websites going “whoops! whoopsy-doodle! we had a fucko! Oops! Oh no! oh no!” whenever there’s an error. just fucking tell me what happened so i can try and fix it

Iโ€™ll be waiting for you when youโ€™re ready to love me again,
Iโ€™ll put my hands up,
Iโ€™ll do everything different,
Iโ€™ll be better to you.
—  Adele โ€˜Iโ€™ll be waitingโ€™

hey, to all mlm fans of voltron: please know you are not a fetish and you are not whatever is assumed about you by some people in the voltron cast. I’m so sorry you guys had to see that, and that it even happened. you deserve to feel safe, loved, and supported in this fandom.

2

a soft and beautiful man and the sharp asshole that lives in his house

AoEx Boys Helping Their S/O with Painful Cramps: 

(Requested by @thiscityneedsyounow! I hope these are okay! And I hope you feel better soon sweetie!! ) 

Rin Okumura! 

  • he’s at a loss
  • totally caught off guard
  • and a little scared ?
  • he knows that girls get cramps on their periods…but…he doesn’t KNOW
  • you’d have to walk him through it - but he’d do whatever you ask 
  • You want chocolate? Sure - he’ll go get it. 
  • A heating pad? Definitely. No problem. 
  • You want him to rub your back? No big deal. 
  • Need more pads/tampons or pain killers? Just tell him which ones to get and he’ll get it. 
  • (he’ll text you pics of the different ones at the store until he finally has the right one)
  • also he’s always down for cuddling so if you just need affection - he’s THERE 
  • he’ll wrap his tail around your waist and nuzzle against you and its so cute and warm and lovey dovey  

Yukio Okumura! 

  • he’s a 
  • DOCTOR
  • he KNOWS what to do 
  • he’s already got everything you need 
  • likes giving you little facts about this or that revolving around a period 
  • “Did you know that chocolate actually helps ease period cramps because-” 
  • “Yukio - stop. Please don’t talk about it.” 
  • “Well, okay Y/N. But there’s no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed of it - its totally normal and - “
  • “YUKIO”

Ryuji ‘Bon’ Suguro! 

  • oh geez
  • big gorilla lookin muthafucka buyin pads/tampons at the convenience store with THAT expression ^ 
  • he doesn’t honestly have a problem with it 
  • but he has to keep up appearances - you know?
  • constantly worries about you though 
  • if you’d let him he’d wrap his arms around you - his hand lightly holding the heating pad/hot water bottle in place against your abdomen 
  • presses soft kisses to your shoulder comfortingly 
  • stays quiet usually but if you just want to hear his voice he’d recite sutra 

Konekomaru Miwa!

  • bless his sweet little ol heart 
  • he’s not prepared in the slightest 
  • feels useless cause he doesn’t know how to help 
  • probably prays about it when your napping or whatever 
  • is willing to run around and do whatever you say so that he can be of use 
  • its sweet
  • he’s kinda like a puppy 

Shima Renzou! 

  • he ALREADY KNEW when this day would come
  • he’d noticed your habits in class and stuff before ya’ll had become a thing 
  • and could pinpoint approximately when you would start 
  • its kinda creepy Renzou 
  • but he always offered you a water bottle and he always knew when you wanted chocolates and he always kept a supply of pain relievers in his bag when he knew this day was approaching 
  • now that ya’ll are a thing - he’s still the same 
  • he’s still ready for it and he spoils you days in advance 
  • bringing you your fave flowers or a teddy bear and something chocolate 
  • when the cramps happen - it shocks him that they’re so bad 
  • but he stays chill and rubs your back and does whatever you need him to 

None of them ever say anything if there’s blood on sheets/blankets/clothes/towels. They just let it be. They might text their mothers (or girls they know, ex: Shura) and ask how to remove the stains - and if they can’t they might just throw out whatever it is and get a new one (unless its something important to either of you - in which case they just don’t speak about it and eventually they don’t even notice it anymore to be qh).