please wear this shirt when you make the decision to love me

RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

Following my AUs and Prompts List from a few months back, here is a compilation of my favorite sentence starters for all your writing needs.

Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

"You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

"Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!” 

“It’s you, it’s always been you.” 

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

Sources: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
Got7 reaction to you being awake *smuttish*

Request:  Got7 reaction to you walking out of their room in nothing but a tee shirt and sexy underwear when the other boys are there and saying sleepily “Oppa come to bed” please?


Jaebum

When he sees you standing at the frame of the door mouthing to him “Come to bed”, Jaebum being an angel will smile at you, tell you to go cuddle yourself in bed, give him five minutes to make the boys go to their homes and he’ll come to cuddle you. He told you before going after you. Stopping you in the middle, he kissed the temple of your neck and whispered. “Do this one more time, and I’m gonna back fire at you. They saw something reserved for my eyes.” he said as he cupped your pussy. “That’s mine and I don’t like others to see it. Clear? Go to bed, I’ll deal with you tomorrow, Love.”

Jinyoung

“Oppa, it’s too loud. Please just come to bed.” you’ll say, tiredly rubbing your eyes with the end of Jinyoungs’ dress shirt you were wearing. The dress shirt lifted a little and the end of the Victori Secret panties, his favourite ones, was on display. “Baby, you are really tired.” he’ll say, before taking you in his arms bridial style and tugging you to sleep with the background of “AWWWWS” coming from Got7 themselves. When in reality, when he tugged you, instead of “Good night”, you received “I saw them. And don’t think they didn’t. Not quite the right decision to tease me in front of the others, don’t you think?”

Youngjae

When he saw you coming out of the room and asking him to come to bed, in nothing but a hoodie and the dark red lace panties showing under the hoodie, Youngjae was quick to kick the boys out, making excuses like “She can’t sleep from the noise.” when the truth was that he couldn’t sleep because of the sudden visit and was very thankful for your interference. And playful. Because of the panties.

Jackson

When a small voice interuppted the boys saying “Oppa, please come to bed. I don’t want to be alone.” Jackson saw his beautiful angel in one of his t-shirts hair braided and the ribbon of the lace pink thong he gave you, could be seen from the shirt. He forgot about those around him and smiled softly. Standing up from the couch, he’ll accompany you to the floor where no one could hear you two. A light-feather kiss will fall on your forehead and Jackson will ask you to wait just a little bit.

Mark

You were a little bratty creature indeed. So when the “emergency meeting” took more than 30 minutes, you got upest. They ruined the perfect mood for a wild night. You kknew Mark was nice to Got7 and he wouldn’t kick them out without a little push. So you put on his grey hoodie and steped in the living room. “Oppa, I know t’s probably really important, but can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Mark smiled, knowingly and was quick to add “Boys,she’s right. Let’s do this tomorrow. It’s really late.” Soon they were all out and Marks eyes were full of lust. “So, where were we?”

BamBam

Bam Bam was angry when the boys ringed on the door bell. He was just about to eat his dessert, you, for being a good boy, and Got7 decided to show up. He couldn’t just kick them out, so he told you he’ll come back soon and if he doesn’t you to just fall asleep. Which actually happend. You fell asleep, the boys came in and asked where you were. BamBam told them you’re sleeping and everyone went to check, which caused you to wake up. “Oppa, are you coming back to bed?” “Soon baby, I’m coming soon. Sleep for now.”

Yugyeom

If the others couldn’t kick the boys out, Yugyeom couldn’t for sure. The maknae was having actually a pretty good time, but he was worrying if his kitten, you, will be alright to sleep alone, to which the answer was “No.” Soon you were standing in the middle of the living room wearing only his sweater and black panties with a ribbon that fell down your legs and was clearly visible. And then the voice of an angel came “Oppa, come to bed please!” and Yugyeom became as hard as a fucking rock. Yugyeom called you and told you to lie on his legs to sleep if you want and you obligated fast and happy. Yugyeom’s lap was your throne after all. When you layed your head you heared a hushed whisper “ What I’ll do to you once they are gone. Wait and see.”

Nothing More [ III ]

Genre [Rating] : Angst

Length: 8.7k

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Summary: Watching the man you love love someone else was the most painful feeling in the world.

Nothing More Masterlist

Originally posted by katherine8595

Having a secret for so long that suddenly becomes public was uncomfortable and dread inducing. A part of you you’d kept locked away from prying eyes for years had not only been thrown into the spotlight, but shown to the one person you hadn’t wanted to see it. You felt naked, you hadn’t been ready to let the world know you were completely in love with Byun Baekhyun, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. The weight of keeping it hidden was gone off your shoulders but they still remained sagged from the pain in your chest.

Keep reading

I don’t even know. I was taking a walk today and this idea popped into my head. I swear I’m still writing the bookstore AU, too. Also, *pops confetti*, I hit 2k followers today! Who ARE all you guys? Anyway, this fluff/ridiculousness is for you. ~1.6k words, rated G. Sterek, of course.

now also on AO3

The whole thing starts with Stiles really, really craving a meatball sub from the place across the street.

“God, someone shut him up,” Erica groans. They’re all kind of at their breaking point by now; they’ve been camped out in this meeting room all day, brainstorming. “He’s been talking about the same goddamn sandwich for seven and a half minutes now, and it’s making me hungry.”

“If only our ad campaign were about sandwiches, Stilinski would have it in the bag and we could all go home,” Isaac sighs.

From across the table, Derek rises abruptly to his feet and storms out. (Or maybe it’s just that Stiles always interprets everything Derek does as stormy. With those eyebrows, it’s hard not to.)

Stiles assumes he’s just gotten so fed up with them all that it’s either storm out or kill someone, and he’s just grateful Derek chose Door Number 1. It’s a good day not to get killed by Derek Hale.

Only, fifteen minutes later he comes back in. With a paper bag from the deli.

As soon as he gets within grabbing distance, Stiles practically collapses across the table in his haste to reach for it. “Oh my god, is that what I think it is?”

Derek holds it up over his head. “Who says this is for you? Maybe all your talk inspired me to go get a meatball sub of my own.”

“Oh, please. Like anyone with your abs eats meatball subs.” Stiles leaps to his feet on his swivel chair—because screw safety, Derek will catch him if he starts to topple over—and snatches the bag out of Derek’s grip. Derek doesn’t fight him for it very hard.

“Why don’t I get a meatball sub?” Erica whines, thumping her head down on her notebook. “Doesn’t anyone love me?”

Derek shrugs and takes his seat again. “You didn’t ask.”

“You just like Stilinski better,” she grumbles, and Derek just shrugs again.

Meanwhile, Stiles rips into the bag and takes a huge bite out of the gloriousness that is this sandwich. He can’t help throwing in a few theatrical moans just to taunt Erica, and she suitably rewards him with a glare of death across the table.

“Mmm,” Stiles says. “Derek, I love you so much, dude. Marry me.”

Instead of the grumpy eyebrows he expects, Derek meets his eye, leans back smugly in his chair, and says, “Okay.”

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Another kinky wager

Summary: As he previously promised, Bucky helps you work out all those irritating little kinks in your pool game.
Characters: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Absolutely NSFW. It’s all sex and pool tables folks, please walk away unless you’re over 18.  

A/N: Decided to write a follow-up to ‘Pool balls and underpants’, because I just couldn’t move on without a smutty sequel. This can read as a stand-alone story, but it will make more sense why Bucky’s wearing Steve’s underwear if you read the first part. And besides, who doesn’t love reading sassy sexual innuendos from Bucky Barnes?

Also, I meant this to be short, and once again my imagination spiralled out of control, and here we are. I regret nothing.

Pool balls and underpants 
MASTERLIST


He’s startled for a moment, before a sly smile stretches across his face, and he whips around to follow, white socks slipping and sliding on the smooth tiles as he chases after you.

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A love of ice and thunder

Pairing: Loki x Thor x Reader.

Warnings: Smut and LOTS of it; a bit of drama too. There’s a lot of everything going on here so you might pick your blanket because this is also long af.

Summary: When Jane leaves Thor, in your heart you know he should stay with you, but as time goes by, his brother realizes that there is more to it.

A/N: I need Jesus, and when you finish reading this, you’re gonna need him too. My characters know they need Jesus, so that should tell you something. Feedback? It won’t hurt!


You poured some shampoo on your hand and gently started to massage your scalp with it. “So,” you started feeling the soft foam form in your hair, “I got a call from your brother yesterday,” you let the warm water run down your soapy self as you awaited for your boyfriend’s answer.

“Really? Thor knows how to make a phone call?” Loki snickered from the toilet seat. “Well, that is quite the surprise,” he shook his head.

“The thing is that he broke up with Jane just a few days ago and even though it wasn’t a lot, she’s given him some time to move out,” you casually said trying to elicit some kind of reaction from his uninterested being. “He’s really bummed, y’know?”

“I bet,” Loki pondered, “I’d be utterly destroyed if you dumped my ass,” he conceded, “but why are we talking about him anyway?”

“Well, I’ve been doing some thinking about it and… I wanted to ask you if he could stay here for a while,” you stuck your head from the end of the curtain and looked at him innocently. “I kinda owe him that…” you bit your bottom lip.

“How so?” He ran his fingers through his ebony hair.

“When SHIELD first sent me to the States I ended my renting contract with my landlord and I moved there, and when the agency died after the whole Winter Soldier thing I realized I had no home to go back to; Jane was still there and when your brother came to earth he stayed with her, so he asked Jane if I could live with them until I got my own place…” you sheepishly said as you rinsed the shampoo from your head. “I stayed there with them for like 4 months, so maybe he could stay here for that same time too, if you don’t mind,” you broke it down. “Can you pass me the towel, please?” You reached out your arm and he handed the soft cloth.

“What about our life?” He asked in a concerned voice. “I mean let’s face it, love; we are not the quietest ones and Thor isn’t either; he snores like a chainsaw,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but we’ll have to be a bit more quiet and just… hold on?” You drew back the curtain and got out with Loki’s help. “Let me return him the favor, it’ll be for just a little, okay?” You looked at him with puppy eyes, it always worked with him. “Can we?”

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he shook his head and unmade the towel, making it fall onto the humid tiles. “I might consider it,” he effortlessly lifted you in his arms, making you wrap your legs around his waist, “but only if you bribe me,” he mischievously smiled and headed for the room.

And just a few days after that, Thor was setting up this few belongings in the spare room of your apartment. He was really embarrassed for having to ask you that. He knew he was invading your privacy and your couple life with Loki, but he really didn’t have much choice or friends in the United Kingdom.

“It’s okay, big guy,” you placed a hand on his shoulder when he sat on the bed in defeat. “I know it hurts and all, but… you’ll be fine eventually, give it some time and you’ll see how things turn alright,” you shrugged lightly, “besides you’re living with us now, we’re gonna have fun!” You smiled widely and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He rested his head on your chest and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Now come, and we’ll ask for something to eat for dinner,” you said.

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#coffee #shop #fluff

Prompts: @imakeaesthetics
Authors: @queenofthyme

Sorry, I’m late,” Harry said as he hurriedly tied on his apron. “I swear it was the tube this - What? What’s wrong?”

Harry took in his boss’s expression and realised he wasn’t in trouble for being late. If anything, it was his boss that looked apologetic.

“I need you to train our new barista,” Tonks said, a weak smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“Of course,” Harry answered automatically. He had trained new staff before. It wasn’t too hard as long as the cafe wasn’t overrun with customers. And it was only a Tuesday. “Are they here yet?”

Tonks jerked an arm behind her and stepped to the side so Harry could see. Leaning on the counter by the cafe’s coffee machine was a tall, blonde-haired man with pointy features and long limbs. He was wearing the standard cafe apron over a three piece suit and a crisp white shirt secured with silver cufflinks. Despite the cups piling up next to the machine left by the register staff, he didn’t appear interested in fulfilling any orders.

“He’s…a little difficult,” Tonks explained, “But he’s my cousin and I promised his mother I’d get him a job. I’ve been trying to teach him but he’s testing my patience. Can you please take him off my hands so I can do some accounting? Please?”

Harry looked the man up and down. The phrase ‘fish out of water’ came to mind…“He doesn’t look like he needs a job.”

“He didn’t. Until last week. His parents were just jailed for fraud and embezzlement. They lost everything.”

Harry supposed he should feel sorry for the man, losing his parents, losing his money all in one go. But when the man stood there, with a snotty, disinterested expression, dressed in the most inappropriate clothes, that a month of Harry’s shifts still wouldn’t cover, it was hard to feel anything but resentment.

He sighed and nodded at Tonks. “I’l teach him,” he agreed.

Tonks actually jumped with relief - making Harry immediately regret his decision - and clapped Harry on the shoulder appreciatively before wasting no time in rushing back into the office in the cafe kitchens.

Harry took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back. He could handle a snotty rich kid. He headed over quickly, conscious of the mounting coffee orders.  

“Hey, I’m Harry,” he said on approach, holding out a hand. The man stared at it, his expression unchanging. “This is the part where you tell me your name and we shake hands,” Harry prompted.

The man’s lip curled. “Malfoy. Draco Malfoy,” he said, still making no move to shake.

Harry lowered his hand, already understanding why Tonks had taken the opportunity to run away when she did. “So, what do you know about coffee?” He asked.

That got a reaction. The man - Draco - pushed off the counter and stood up straight, staring down at Harry pointedly. “I’m not a moron. I know how to make coffee.”

Harry blinked back up at Draco for a moment. He hadn’t noticed from afar how impossibly grey the man’s eyes were.

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Need a hand (Zach DempseyX Reader )

Originally posted by oliviagrey3

Request; Hey could you do  a  Zach Dempsey smut where you find him jerking off and offer to help him. Also i really love the Musical fingers imagine.Btw I don’t know if you do 13rw Characters but if you don’t you could just turn it into a reggie mantle one Thanks in advance.

A/N; Let me tell you guys how this is another version of this imagine because the first one I  was doing  my computer shut down in the middle of it so I had to  rewrite the whole thing but  yesss   I do 13rw imagines I love that show and all the characters.In other news I write other things not just smut. I can write fluff romance drama just tell me what you want  sis or bro. Idk ask for a part 2 if yah want i lowkey feel this is short but at the same time long idkk

REQUEST ARE OPEN

Warnings;smut,sin, sin,sin ,more sin, jacking off ,blowjobs  blah, blah, blah

Part two

Originally posted by theworldisworthagif

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon one of those day in April when the weather is cooperating. A day meant to go out , the park. shopping , walking  it doesn’t matter as long as you go somewhere to enjoy the weather.Where was I going not anywhere I wished to go. I was walking down the street no not on my way to the park to enjoy this lovely warm weather instead I was stuck studying for a final tomorrow with my study partner Zach Dempsey. Yes you heard right the Zach Dempsey star player of the basketball team.Unlike his teammates he was actually I laid back guy.He knew what mattered.He was pretty smart for a sports guy, He worried about his grades as much as he worried about sports.He wanted to be a biologist or something like that. He told me on one of our study session, I honestly can’t remember correctly maybe I was too busy drooling over the hottie, maybe that’s the problem I’m too  distracted by him. I mean the guy is fit from head to toe, I guess sports really do pay off. Oh if he knew the dreams I have about him and how I fantasize over his lips being on  mine. Zach and I have weird friendship  we are always flirting with each other and making sexual innuendos but we have never made contact that wasn’t just the friend type even though I wished we had. I was early to our study date I was sure Zach wouldn’t mind my parents went out and I didn’t want to be home alone. Zach has texted me earlier to just walk in when I got there. Zach parents were out of town and they took  his little sister with them so it was just going to be me and Zach.I reached the long driveway of the Dempsey home and decided to let myself in.Walking up the driveway I remember all the time Zach has come to open the door for me.How  he’s always wearing a shirt that hugs his bodily perfectly showing off all his muscles and how his sweatpants always hang low on his hips. He looks mesmerizing each time. I reach the door opening it slowly trying to  remember the way to Zach’s room. I’ve been in this house couple of time but the house is a mansion figuring out your way through it is like trying to get out of a maze each time.Making my way up the endless stairs I start to remember the way to his room. When I reach the top of the stairs I hear a something that sounds exactly like a moan. Immediately  I regret my decision of showing up early. What if Zach had someone over? I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.My mind told me to get out of there but my feet wouldn’t listen they had a mind of their own and I slowly walk towards the door Zach moans got louder and I gotta admit they sounded enticing.Tempted to see what was happening inside I decided to look through the breach of the door. The view was captivating and alluring, Zach was pleasing himself his muscles clenching his hair was damped  and little droplets of sweat decorated his forehead and his eyebrows were furrowed.His hand moving up and down his exquisite cock and in that moment I desired that my mouth was his hand. As a gasp left his mouth I couldn’t hold it any longer my heart palpitated and I felt my body heat up the place in between my legs throbbing for attention.A sudden wave of confidence flowed through me as I stepped into the room speaking up.

“ Need a hand “ I say confidently

Zach is shocked he pulls his pants up in one swift movement turning the chair to face the opposite way that i’m standing.

“ wha… what did you say ?” he says stuttering

I start walking towards him “I asked if you needed help with that” I said standing in front of him. I sit on  his lap and slowly kiss his jawline

Originally posted by relacion-goals

“ like I said I could help but only if you want” I swing my legs to straddle him and get close to his ear I start nibbling on it slightly “Let’s be honest Dempsey you want this as much as I do so what are you waiting for” I say and I start kissing his jawline again.He grabs my hips firmly making me me grind on his bulge. I let out a gasp from the sudden contact. we craved each other. I look up at him his eyes darker full of lust the intensity between us growing. He harshly pulls my face to his crashing our lips together  and a surge of electricity runs through me.The kiss was passionate and lustful at the same time. Like we had been waiting for this forever and like it will last for eternity. I pull away short of breath and see Zach smirking.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that for” he says panting.I get on my knees making eye contact with him eager to have his luscious cock in my mouth my core burning with desire at every touch.I glidle my hand across his bulge and he hisses. I massage it slowly through his boxers. The anticipation of having him in my mouth is killing me but I also want to tease him. I slowly pull down his sweats and he kicks them off he’s only in boxers now giving me a better view.I take off his boxers looking up at him and batting my lashes I take him in my hands and he bucks his hips upward putting more of himself in my hand I pump him a few times before putting his savory tip in my mouth  a suck the tip slowly and he lets out a throaty moan. I take him in my mouth as much as I can slowly bobbing my head up and down  he starts thrusting his cock in my mouth making me moan which sends vibrations onto him.He forcefully pulls my hair into a pony tails guiding me. He hits the back of my throat and I gag. I can hear him cursing under his breath and I know he’s close. The view is consuming , he’s furrowing his eyebrows his mouth slightly open letting string of curse words fall from it once in awhile I moan at the thought of having him come undone inside my mouth. I feel him twitch so I moan again. I feel his milky liquid in my mouth and  I greedily savor his taste, his delicious cock still throbbing in my mouth.He lets go of my hair I wipe the corners of my mouth and get up.I sit on his lap again pulling his lips to mine kissing him passionately.

“Damn Y/N I didn’t know you were such a freak”

he says still short if breath

“Actually there a lot of things you don’t know about me Dempsey” I say smirking.I get up from the chair and start walking towards the door but Zach grabs me and throws me on the bed pinning me down.

“now its my turn to make you feel good” he says kissing my neck

Originally posted by sensuous

Hormones

Hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaa… I did it! Finally managed to finish this one! Thank you for everyone who enjoyed the preview, I really hope you buys enjoy the full thing. Please let me know what you thought of it! Lots of love, B xx

***

Originally posted by grabiajulia

Hormones.

They’re funny little things. 

Sometimes they take over your body and make you do things that you wouldn’t ever do if it weren’t for the obscene amount of hormones coursing through your bloodstream - you’d never eat a plate full of pasta and a whole chocolate bar right after or cry at the butter commercial cause that family looks just so damn happy that they have their butter and each other… And you would not, under any circumstances, be thinking about how much you want your friend to fuck you into oblivion if it weren’t for the hormones.

Keep reading

Submit To Me - Dylan O’Brien

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Dylan O’Brien/Reader

Word Count: 15,061

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Public Teasing, Public Masturbation, Teasing in the car and in the bedroom, pleading, seduction, striping Dylan because he’s sexy as fuck, dry humping, thigh riding, hand jobs, face riding, handcuffs, blindfolds, 69 (aka oral male and female receiving), overstimulation, praising, orgasm denial, female riding male (regular and reverse cowgirl), whiny Dylan, mentions of dominant Dylan, A lot of submissive Dylan, BREATHY MOANS

Notes: I will make this short as I am writing this pool side from hell. I’m so sorry this took forever. I have no excuses. But hopefully it was worth it. I honestly don’t know if this is my best writing for what you guys wanted from this. I promise the next thing I write won’t take as long. 

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Writing Prompts 2.0

So I’m doing this again because my phone is broken and I’ve lost all the progress I’ve made on A Winchester (3). So send in a character and number and I’ll write a drabble. 


1. “Is that what you’re doing? Trying to make me to hate you?”
2. “I’ve been in love with you my entire life.” 
3. “I’m not happy here.” 
4. “If he’s going to treat you like shit I’m going to kick his ass.” 
5. “I just want to cuddle and watch Friends.” 
6. “You’re hiding something from me.”
7. “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” 
8. “I want my best friend back.”
9.  “You better have a good reason for waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn.”
10. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” 
11. “A wedding?”
12. “I just want to be alone right now.” 
13. “Don’t you dare to ever do that again!”
14. “Where would someone hide in a town like this?” 
15. “If I ever see you anywhere near her, you’ll have to deal with me!”
16. “I thought you were a dream come true.” 
17. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”
18. “I came here to explain what happened, and I’m not leaving until you listen.”
19. “I made a mistake.” 
20. “H-How long have you been standing there?” 
21. “You can’t break my heart like this!”
22. “I wasn’t going to wait around for you forever.” 
23. “The skirt is supposed to be this short.” 
24. “I’ve moved on.” 
25. “This is why you don’t ever have any shirts to wear.” 
26. “Run, and don’t ever look back.” 
27. “The three seconds rule doesn’t apply to sticky foods.”
28. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.” 
29. “Please, don’t give up on me.” 
30. “When are you going to realize that I don’t care?”
31. “I may be an idiot but I’m your idiot.”
32. “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”
33. “Fuck…I feel I’ve been hit by a car.”
34. “Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”
35. “I know that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”
36. “i;m tired of being your secret.”
37. “They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly it seems quite dangerous.”
38. “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”
39. “Let me tell you exactly where in hell you can go.”
40."Who gave you that black eye?!”
41. “After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”
42. “I miss her so damn much, and it’s killing me that she’s gone!”
43. “What the hell are you doing here?! I told you I never wanted to see you again!”
44. “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
45. “Are you drunk?”
46. "I’m sorry, what were you saying? I keep getting lost in your eyes”
47. “You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”
48. “It’s OK baby, I’m here for you.” 
49. “You say the nastiest things when you’re angry, so yes, I’m walking away from you now.
50. “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”
51. “My parents asked about you.”
52.“Oh, gosh, you’ve insulted me! What ever shall I do? I’ll be mentally and emotionally scared for years!”
53. “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”
54. “Do you need me to get anything from the store?”
55. “They say I’m in here because I’m crazy, I think I’m crazy because I’m in here.”
56. “You’re hurting me, let me go.” 
57. “If you don’t want to talk about what happened, then say so. Don’t just lie and say it’s fine.”
58. “I was going to kiss him, but then my friend texted me about going to Taco Bell, and, well, there’s this cashier that works there who is way cuter, so I bailed on the rest of the date.”
59. “Don’t say you love me.”
60. “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

anonymous asked:

Hi!! Just wanna say I loved all the fics you recommended about hurt/comfort- they're my fave. If you have more time, is it possible for you to recommend more? Thanks in advance!!

Thanks for all these requests! I have a whole section of hurt/comfort fics on my fic rec master list page where you can also find a sickfic list!

Originally posted by sawumura


Yuuri/Victor Gets Injured 


Fall hard (on your head) by I_hate_usernames, Gen, 10k
Takes place in episode five. Instead of getting a bloody nose after attempting the triple flip, Yuuri hits his head and gets a concussion. Love confessions, delusional Yuuri, and mutual comfort. Thumbs up!

Praise Please by surveycorpsjean Explicit, 5.3k
Yuuri gets distracted by Victor’s praise on the rink and hurts his ankle. Victor knows a few ways to make him feel better. Fluff and smut. Love!

Embrace by CherikThilbo, Teen, 1.4k
After his crash in the ring Yuri is a little worse for wear. CUDDLES!

Quadruple Flip by haganenoheichou (bondageluvr), Mature, 17k
After he injures his knee, Victor has no other option but to quit skating. Yuuri can’t know his coach is injured, though, so Victor tries to keep it a secret. A little angsty, the epitome of hurt/comfort, and a happy ending.

Saudade by AdvisedPanic, Teen, 6.6k
After an injury at the GPS that prevents his 5th consecutive win, Victor vows to return to skating to reclaim his title. Katsuki Yuuri is a ballet danseur who suffered a similar injury years before and made a successful comeback. Yuuri choreographs and coaches Victor through his toughest competitive season yet, but as it will always be, they fall in love along the way. LOVE!

Insult to Injury by glim, Gen, 8k
Almost a whole week alone with Viktor might not be worth one of them made victim to a sprained ankle and both of them to a winter head cold, but maybe it is worth all that, at least in some small way. Snuggles, a head cold, and a sprained ankle!

Enough by youaremarvelous, Teen, 3.7k
While training for the Hot Springs on Ice skate-off, Yuuri tries to outrun his anxiety and ends up with an injury. Happy ending, don’t worry!

Stretch by cosmonaut_field, Teen, 19k (WIP)
Competitive figure skater Viktor Nikiforov injures himself on vacation right after winning another gold medal and is in need of a physical therapist. Enter the quiet Dr. Katsuki. SO GOOD!

Broken Skates by realityfallsapart, Not Rated (Smut in last chapter), 9.7k
Viktor saw what was going to happen a split second before it did, and judging from the sharp intake of breath next to him, so did Yuri.

Benched by apollosoyuz, Gen, 2.1k
One bad landing was all it took to break Yuuri’s leg and now he’s benched for the season, but the person taking Yuuri’s time off the hardest is Viktor; afraid that the injury could be enough to force Yuuri to leave skating – and leave his side. Thumbs up!

the minor fall, the major lift by melonbug, Teen, 29k (WIP)
Victor Nikiforov knows first hand the tragedy of a rising skater breaking too soon. He’d retired early, due to an accident of his own, and he steps in to be Yuuri’s coach in the wake of his injury, determined to guide him better than he himself had been guided. Great fic, so many feels!

Old Wounds by Piike, Gen, 985 words
It’s when Viktor takes off his shirt to change when Yuuri notices a small scar he’s never seen before on his upper back. He reaches a hand forward, his fingers lightly brushing the shiny pink skin, and he blushes when Viktor turns to acknowledge him. “Would you like to see more?” VERY sweet and quick! (No one gets injured, they just reminisce on past injuries!)

Naturally Yours by chellethewriter, Teen, 7.3k
Viktor’s smiles are fluid, passionate, overpowering – worth more than money, worth more than anything that Yuuri could possibly offer. They’re worth all the stars in the sky and everything beyond. SO MANY EMOTIONS

On My Love by Phoenix_Trite, Gen, 2.4k
Yuuri has been practicing harder than ever for the upcoming competition and Victor could not be prouder of him. But tensions rise between the two when Yuuri takes a bad hit. Tears will be shed!!! (Happy ending!)

Don’t Stop Me Now by Iggysassou, Gen, 2.6k
An accident occurs during the warm up session preceding the Rosetelecom Cup’s free skate program, leaving him slightly injured. Viktor is determined to compete though, even if his decision goes against his coach and his fiancé’s wishes. Post-canon fic! Yuuri is sassy in this at the end and I love it!

#1-126 Prompts for any Character!!

Okay!! So, you can pick any of these prompts for any character you want at any time. Thanks!!!!


1. “This isn’t gonna end well!”

2. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”

3. “Are you kidding me? We’re not ‘fine’!

4. “You’ve only heard his side of the story. You never asked for mine.”

5. “Well, this is where I live.”

6. “Oh my God! You’re in love with him/her!”

7. “You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

8. “For some reason I’m attracted to you.”

9. “I am not losing you again.”

10. “Why don’t they just kiss already?”

11. “I think I picked up your coffee by mistake.”

12. “All I wanted was your honesty.”

13. “Why do you keep pushing me away?”

14. “I can’t explain right now, but I need you to trust me.”

15. “I’ve never felt this way before….and it scares the shit out of me.”
16. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

17. “Are you really taking his side against me?”

18. “Wait a second are you jealous?”

19. “I wish I could hate you.”

20. “I’m sorry if this upsets you, but I’m going to marry her/him.”

21. “You know, it hurt when I realized that you’re not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her.”

22. “Come over here and make me.”

23. “This is by far the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”

24. “You’re the only one I trust to do this.”

25. “I thought you were dead.”

26. “This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.”

27. “I love you, you asshole.”

28. “You did this for me?”

29. “You can’t protect me.”

30. “You know I wouldn’t do this if I had any other choice.”

31. “Promise me you’ll look after your mom.”

32. “I’m so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.”

33. “Stop talking about the past, I could be dead in a matter of hours… make me up a future.”

34. “The way you flirt is shameful.”

35. “I waited and waited, but you never came back.”

36. “You never told me you had a fucking twin.”

37. “I want to go back to before….”

38. “I just wanted an easy day with my girlfriend/boyfriend. What’s so wrong with that?”

39. “Go then, leave! See if I care!”

40. “Why are you up so early?”

41. “Please, take me instead!”

42. “You braided his hair?”

43. “She’s been missing since Friday and you’re not worried?”

44. “Have you lost your damn mind?!”

45. “Please don’t argue. You have to leave right now, you aren’t safe here.”

46. “I’m your daughter.”

47. “I’m not surprised that you murdered him.”

48. “Is there a special reason, as to why you’re wearing my shirt?”

49. “Am I supposed to be scared of you?”

50. “Don’t use me as an example. I wasn’t a good kid.”

51. “Is that what you’re doing? Trying to make me to hate you?”

52. “I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”

53. “I’m not happy here.”

54. “If he’s going to treat you like shit I’m going to kick his ass.”

55. “I just want to cuddle and watch Friends.”

56. “You’re hiding something from me.”

57. “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

58. “I want my best friend back.”

59. “You better have a good reason for waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn.”

60. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

61. “A wedding?”

62. “I just want to be alone right now.”

63. “Don’t you dare to ever do that again!”

64. “Where would someone hide in a town like this?”

65. “If I ever see you anywhere near her, you’ll have to deal with me!”

66. “I thought you were a dream come true.”

67. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

68. “I came here to explain what happened, and I’m not leaving until you listen.”

69. “I made a mistake.”

70. “H-How long have you been standing there?”

71. “You can’t break my heart like this!”

72. “I wasn’t going to wait around for you forever.”

73. “The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

74. “I’ve moved on.”

75. “This is why you don’t ever have any shirts to wear.”

76. “Run, and don’t ever look back.”

77. “The three seconds rule doesn’t apply to sticky foods.”

78. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.”

79. “Please, don’t give up on me.”

80. “When are you going to realize that I don’t care?”

81. “I may be an idiot but I’m your idiot.”

82. “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

83. “Fuck…I feel I’ve been hit by a car.”

84. “Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

85. “I know that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

86. “I’m tired of being your secret.”

87. “They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly it seems quite dangerous.”

88. “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

89. “Let me tell you exactly where in hell you can go.”

90.“Who gave you that black eye?!”

91. “After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”

92. “I miss her so damn much, and it’s killing me that she’s gone!”

93. “What the hell are you doing here?! I told you I never wanted to see you again!”

94. “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

95. “Are you drunk?”

96. “I’m sorry, what were you saying? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
97. “You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”

98. “It’s okay baby, I’m here for you.”

99. “You say the nastiest things when you’re angry, so yes, I’m walking away from you now.

100. “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”

101. “My parents asked about you.”

102.“Oh, gosh, you’ve insulted me! What ever shall I do? I’ll be mentally and emotionally scared for years!”

103. “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

104. “Do you need me to get anything from the store?”

105. “They say I’m in here because I’m crazy, I think I’m crazy because I’m in here.”

106. “There’s no getting out of this. You ruined me”

107. “If you don’t want to talk about what happened, then say so. Don’t just lie and say it’s fine.”

108. “I was going to kiss him, but then my friend texted me about going to Taco Bell, and, well, there’s this cashier that works there who is way cuter, so I bailed on the rest of the date.”

109. “Don’t say you love me.”

110. “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”

111. Meeting him/her for the first time

112. Him/her asking you out

113. Your first date

114. Your first kiss

115. Cuddling with him/her

116. Neck kisses

117. “I swear I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

118. “Why are you wearing my shirt? Please, don’t take it off. It looks good on you.”

119. Going on a vacation together

120. Going to an amusement park together

121. Dancing together

122.Him/her rescuing you (if the person you want can do that ex. superhero)
123. Your first time

124. And what did we learn from that?” “Not to mess with you.”

125.Comforting him/her after a nightmare

126. The wedding day

Hands.

Pairing: Bucky/Reader.

Warnings: SMUT. Metal arm porn, fingering, dirty talk, Bucky being a cocky lil shit. Me loving my Buck-Buck.

Word Count: 2631.

Rating: 18+

So… @sexylibrarian1 once wrote me something about Bucky’s hands and I had this floating around (obviously what she wrote is 1000% better than this, go read it) and I decided to post it. My wife is inspiring, if I was John Legend she’d be one of my Chrissy’s because @thecrownedrose would be the other.

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Little Witch (Part 3)

Pairings: Peter x reader

Word count: 3 194

Summary: The reader is raised by Hydra but manages to escape after they kill her parents. She is emotionally unstable and can’t control her powers. The Avengers rescue her and give her everything she missed form life and wanted to feel. But would her new found love be enough to extinguish her desire for revenge? What would be the side she would choose to rely on? Will she be ready to face the real her?

A/N: I am so happy how this turned out out to be. Flashback is in Italics:) I hope you like it an please, i am begging you, let me know what you think about the story ♥ Enjoy (Sorry for the mistakes) 

Part 1 // Part 2

Originally posted by misshollander1

Peter was sitting next to the closed door waiting for the mysterious girl to get clean. He had showed her his room because he had a personal bathroom and was the only option he had. He couldn’t get her face when he told her which this room was to out of his mind.

‘Fantastic, she thinks I am a fool now.’ the boy was deep in his thoughts. The usual feeling of nervousness when you think you had messed up in front of a person you wanted to impress was now taken over him. He surely had showed Tony something he didn’t want to with his behavior or the way he was looking at her, but how could he resist? He was amazed not that much from her appearance but the fact she wasn’t a cry-baby but a tough little…witch. He longed for the moment to understand more about her character, what she liked, what her dreams are now and so on without knowing why. Maybe the mysteriousness in her personality was the only thing responsible for this.

‘Come to Earth, Peter! You just met her, you can’t be head over heels about a girl you don’t even know!’

As the boy was trying to convenience himself to stop the unstoppable desires of the soul, a noise came from the bathroom. With his blurred senses he entered the room with fuss thinking about the worse that could have happened.

“Oh my god, Peter! Don’t you know how to knock?!”, the girl screamed as she tried to cover her with the towel. Peter turned around and covered his eyes “You are lucky I am wearing a bra and underwear. I didn’t think you are so pervert and creepy.”

“What, no! I-I just heard something falling. I thought you have hurt yourself, I didn’t want to- bother you or see you naked.”

‘Great! Amazing! If she didn’t think I was a fool, now she definitely does!’

“You already saw what you saw…there’s no need to hide and act innocent.”, (Y/n) retorted. Unfortunately, Peter was thrown in a serious dilemma.

‘If I turn around, this may show her I want to scan her half-naked body…but if I don’t, she will think I am acting just to impress her. What the hell am I supposed to do!?’

As every man, he had to understand the girl’s mind faster and come up with a decision. In his opinion, turning around was the better option, so he did so. As he removed his hand from his face he got stunned. (Y/n) was wearing a bra and jeans given to her from Wanda but the body wasn’t what caught his attention. It was her back.  

“Beautiful, don’t you think?” bitterness and sarcasm was read in her response. Her bare back was marked with a stranger and macabre scar. The letter ‘X’ was carved deep in her skin.

“I-I am sorry, staring at it wasn’t my intention.”

“There’s no need to apologize, Peter. I am not ashamed of it, I don’t wanna hide it.”

“Why do you have it?”, the boy came back to the reality as the girl put a t-shirt on and hide the mark.

“I got it from Hydra. Like I said I was tortured.”, Peter wasn’t able to find any word to say something. He was amazed and angry at the same time by what had been done to this girl at her young age, “Let’s go to the others and finish this.”

“If you are not okay with explaining wha-”

“Wanda and Bruce told me about what they’ve been trough. I know others weren’t in paradise either. Maybe when I tell somebody what exactly happen, it won’t be that hard to bear it on my shoulders. ”

“Here you are, we thought something happened between you two.”, Stark smirked at the teenagers as they entered in the living room. He had a drink in his hand while standing near the huge glass wall.

“Actually, it did happened. Peter stormed into the bathroom as I was changing.”, the girl had crossed her hands in front of her so tried to make a pissed expression.

“That’s not how you try to win the girl, Peter!”, Stark exclaimed.

“What were you expecting from him? He is 24/7 with you, of course he will act like you.”, Nat smiled as she waved at the girl letting her know she can feel home here.

“I-It…I thought she had hurt herself, okay?”, it caused the whole group to laugh, especially when Peter got as red as a tomato.

(Y/N) sat down between Wanda and Nat. She ran a hand through her hair showing her worry. Wanda put a hand on her shoulder saying that it will relieve her and promised that she would feel better. They all waited in silence. (Y/N) didn’t wanted to start mainly because she didn’t know from when to or how. Steve managed to spot it.

“Well (Y/N) if Peter hasn’t scared you and you haven’t change your mind yet, we would like to know how you got possessed by Hydra, and if there are other people like you who we can save.”

The girl took a deep breath and began.

“It all started ten year ago. I don’t remember the date but I all the events after are still remained in my brain. We went on a holiday in Russia to spend New Year…”

1st January, 2007. Moscow, Russia.

The sequential cold day in the enormous and scary Russia. A war had been waged since last year but that didn’t stop the people from celebrating New Year, more precisely the new beginning, the time that would give them hope, strength, and maybe the time when the bloodshed would be stopped.

The clock had gone past 00:00 an hour ago. The people were still roaming through the centre of the capital city too excited to feel fatigue. There were young Russians enjoying the holiday, soldiers protecting the nation, families with their little children playing the snow, old people smiling as seeing their heirs happy. Nobody expected that this happiness will soon be ruined by a woman screaming.

A seven-year-old girl, named (Y/N) (Y/L/N) was holding her mother’s and father’s hands while admiring the splendor view of Moscow. She was coming from a country where snow wasn’t accumulating in such huge heaps like here. She wanted to throw herself into those cold clouds and play.

“Mummy, mummy!”, the girl pulled her mother’s coat getting her attention, “Can I play in the snow?”, the lady kneeled down and smiled at her little girl.

“Of course you can, but after that we will have to go back. And please, be careful.”

The little girl nodded in excitement and ran towards the other kids to play with. The family sat in a bench looking at their precious angel. She was far away but they never left an eye from her.

“Look how happy she is.”, they both were contemplating. The man took his wife’s hand and kissed it causing them both to look at each other for a moment. And that was their mistakes.

“Mummy!”, a shouting kid made them to both look away from each other. All the mother saw was her child token from a man in back and a van that seconds later got away. The woman couldn’t figure out what was happening in the first seconds.

“No! My child! They took my child! No! Save her!”, the lady began screaming. Everything went dead for a moment. The people were staring shocked at the screaming and crying mother. She ran straight to the soldiers and tried to shake one of them. Nobody did anything. The soldiers played as though nothing had happened. The mother was dying from the inside. Her kid was gone. She fell on the ground, her agony splitting the happy atmosphere. Her heart was slowly and painfully breaking, sticking it’s sharp ends in her chest not letting her take a breath.

That night was the last time (Y/N) saw her mummy and daddy. After being put in the van she was anesthetized so no one would hear her screams and weep. The girl woke in an unfamiliar room. She didn’t want to eat. All she desired for was seeing her parents again. But it’s different with kids. They don’t have the strength to do such things till the end. After days she gave up and attacked her lunch like a lion which hadn’t eaten in weeks. This time was the first she actually left the room she woke up into. A young lady had showed her the playground where she met other kids like her.

“Where is mummy?”, the little girl asked.

“She will come sweetheart, only if you do what we tell you.”, the lady gave her a bright smile causing the girl to believe her. The next few months she did what she was told but her mother wasn’t coming.

5th June, 2011.

(Y/N) didn’t believe anymore to the lies that were told to her. She knew her mother was gone, her father no more to be seen. Although she was only eleven, somehow she knew this place was probably her grave.

Since three years the men in white, how she decided to call them, had started doing some experiments with her. At first she didn’t know why and wasn’t resisting due to believing that this was the only chance to see her mummy and daddy again. Years later she still didn’t resist. There was no point.

Her schedule was hooked up in her room. 7am – breakfast, 7:30 – studying session (Maths, Russian, History); 13:00 – lunch, 13:30 – time to understand about your physical and psychological condition (that was how they called all the experiments they did to her, all the pain she felt and the indifferent from the doctors); 19:30 – dinner.

Each day was the same. The only different things were the subject they were teaching. This way of living ended on this day.

This time the experiments were two hour long and the other time was occupied with trainings. The remained children were getting a 4-hour long infernal torture. They began with learning how to use cold weapons. The first lessons were on dummies but the next week they began practicing on each other. Nobody wanted to hurt the friend opposite them. Some of the kids refused and got punished in front of all. They had to see that not obeying leaded to pain, not doing you best was leaded to torture. Since then (Y/n) was coming to her room all in blood, bruises and a hell pain that troubled her movements in the next day. Every night she was finding a first aid kid which she used to heal the wounds. Nobody was showing the kids how to use them, they had to learn on they own. Three kids died because of losing too much blood, from exhaust, from going nuts. Even those events didn’t stop Hydra with her experiments on their ‘rabbits’.

17th October, 2014

“Everything you’ve gone through was to get you ready for the cruel world out there, for the humanity. You are the one that would change the story. You will lead the planet to a better place and will do it with the cost of your life. Wars will be won by you and your names would be taught in the books.”, a tall beautiful woman was standing in front of the 14-year-old boys and girls who were formed in a perfect position. They looked willowier that the Russian army (Y/N) had seen 7 year ago. They were more dangerous with their killing skills. They were the perfect built weapon for Hydra’s plans.

“All the tasks more of you managed to survive had to unlock your powers which we gave you when you came. Everyone has different skills and now you should show us what you are capable of!”, after a cold smile the lady went away. They were in the usual training hall that was transuded with the blood of innocent kids who had lost their self. There was a hidden room where the people were looking at them, to see how they cooperated, how better they were becoming.

In the first day of this new training almost all of them found their power. One was able to get invisible, another one had the strength to break through a wall with his bare hands. Only (Y/N) was standing there not knowing what she can do. She tried several different positions but nothing. Once she got panicked she knew the result would be zero.

Two days had passed and (Y/N) was at the same conditional – no powers found. As she was putting all her efforts in understanding her abilities three soldiers stormed into the room. Two of them caught the girl by her hands and a voice filled the room.

“Ms. (Y/L/N) why aren’t you training?”, the words were spoken slowly and cold. They sent shivers down her spine and she stuttered an answer.

“I-I am doing my best, mister. I-I just don’t think I have powers.”

“Bullshits! You are considered as a rebel Ms. (Y/L/N) and I am sure you know what we do to them.”

“No, no, no!”, the girl began protesting, she kicked them all down in seconds and tried to run but other five soldiers came. She was doing well, observing, kicking, showing no mercy as she was thoughts until one of them punched her in the head. For a moment she lost balance. They took her hands and chained her. One of the soldiers kicked her in the ankles so she wouldn’t be able to stand. Her body weight had to be hold only by her hands. She took a breath and looked up seeing the red symbol of the organization. As soon as she did so, she felt an indescribable anguish in her back. The sound of a whiplash tearing a skill echoed through the room. Her so called friends were looking trying to show no sorrow or empathy.

Ten whiplashing later the familiar voice spoke again.

“I hope you learnt your lesson. If not, the whiplashes will increase with each disobey from you side.”

What was said had been done. The torture had increased and (Y/N) had been whiplashed in front of everyone.

“She is going to die!”, a woman spoke in the hidden room as she and some others people were watching ‘the show’.

“No, she won’t!”, said the leader – a tall woman with short brown hair.

“But it doesn’t change anything. We observed her. She definitely shows no signs of anything supernatural in her.”

“Why the others have and she doesn’t?!”, screamed the leader.

“Her powers are probably connected with her emotions. We raised those kids teaching them to hide, to forget about having feelings. That’s the problem.”, explained one of the doctors.

“So we should provoke her?”

“Yes.”

23th November, 2016

“Don’t you feel pain, Ms (Y/L/N)?”, the voice asked her for a hundredth time.

“No”, she asked calmly as the whip went along her back for one more time.

“Don’t you feel anger towards us for torturing you like an animal?”

“No.”, and with that the action was repeated. The girl was lying. She’s been tortured since two years. They did give her months to recover, to gain strength but two months weren’t enough for her body. The big letter ‘X’ was carved in her body, bleeding almost every night. But that wasn’t the worst. They had begun to manipulate her. Giving her pills, playing with her mind they had tried to made her show any sign of emotion. The girl thought this was some kind of a task that she had to pass. She never let them know she was suffering. She never let her anger out, not even when she was alone.

“Do it how many times you want!”, the girl spoke though her teeth as another whiplash hit her. This time she screamed. She made the mistake to let her feeling out for a moment and when she did, she couldn’t stop, “Do it! You won’t break me! YOU WON’T BREAK ME!”, she shouted and at the same time the windows in the Hall busted. She looked shocked as the people who had now been exposed.

“Finally”, said the leader with a smile on her face, “She showed her spark. Let’s see what her true power is.”

13th April, 2017

(Y/N) was led to a new premise. They made her sit on a chair and tied her tightly to it.

“We saw you have qualities for becoming the best soldier we have ever created.”, the girl didn’t answer, “But something is stopping you from revealing your full potential. Well, for you fortune we came with a decision how to remove this obstacle.”

The room had nothing else expect the chair she was tightened to. One of the walls was made by a Plexiglas or a common material. It was definitely showing another room and when the voice finished his statements a light from the other room showed what was there. The girl’s eyes widen at the view in front of her. There they were. Two well known faces the girl never forgot through her life here. They were the only thing giving her strength, courage to continue, to get through the Hell. Only the hope of seeing them is the reason she was still alive. She smiled for the first time in years.

“You missed them didn’t you?”

And then she came back to reality. Hydra wasn’t going to bring them to her so easily. They were going to do something to them and that scared her.

“Don’t hurt them!”, she screamed, “Mummy! Daddy! I am here! We will get out of here!”

“They can’t hear you.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Show me your powers. Revile them!”

“I-I can’t! Don’t you understand, I CAN’T!”, she shouted, tears rolling down her face. She didn’t want to lose them, not now.

“You don’t give us another option. Enjoy the show.”

(Y/N) tried to untie her but her body wasn’t that strong as before. The tortures had weakened her. She screamed as loud as she could in order her parents to hear her. The girl was raging by now. She had to help them, she had to save them.

“Nooooo!”,she screamed as the way her mother did 10 years ago. With those emotions the ropes fell down on the ground black. She looked at them confused. Somehow she managed to burn them but now it wasn’t important. She ran towards the Plexiglas wall and started hitting it but nothing happened. Suddenly two soldiers appeared next to her parents. Her mummy and daddy were about to ask what was happening when out of a sudden they got shot in their heads. The girl fell on the floor at the same time her parents did.

“No!”, she was soaking quietly while looking her parent’s blood spread in the floor, at their eyes, which never saw her again, “Nooo! No! NO!”

Her rage unlocked. She fell the air getting hotter. Closing her eyes she let her feeling overwhelm her.

Part 4

@thevanishedillusion @philautia-love-of-self @purplekitten30 @itscalledfandombitches @legendarydazekitten @spookymaddie @sammysgirl1997 @1akemi5 @ichbinannaaa @livegreater-loveharder @briannareneea985 @nyu-kun69 @b-orderline @lucifersimapala @fav-fan-fic @devilsdaughter1225 @coolmarvelgirl @ora-la-few 

If you want to be tagged, just ask :) 

Comfortable?

Summery: Bucky being annoying can lead to fun times.

Triggers: oral, making out, 69, general smuttyness

Word Count; 1500+

A/N: I just needed to write some smut so here you go. (thank you @likochkah for helping me, I love you so much and I hope you did some revision)

Tagging: @bovaria @marvel-ash @marvelfanfichq @givebuckyhisplums2k16 @starstar1012 @fairy-frills @emilypkuzu  @annadier @buckystories  @shamvictoria11 @feelmyroarrrr @totheendofthelinepal @fvckingavengers @thelazyorange @creatorofwritings @callingmrsbarnes @whotheeffisbucky @palaiasaurus64 @likochkah @professional-fandoms @james-bionic-barnes @punktransparentdinosaur @janetgenea @amrita31199 @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt @blonde0n @complex-petrichor-iridescent @shitsxnxgiggles @captain-amelia-bradley @missrainbow15

Originally posted by ohhseby

‘I swear to God, James. One day I’m gonna be on the news for your murder’ Bucky had sat at your seat at the breakfast table again, after you had told him again and again that it was your seat.

‘Ohh harsh words from the short ass.’ You rolled your eyes at his attempt to hurt your feelings. ‘And don’t call me that’

‘What? James? Oh, James’ you continued saying his real name in different voice, mocking him. He retaliated by throwing daggers at you with his eyes.

‘I will be on the news for both your murders if you don’t stop’ Steve, who was reading a newspaper and had just finished his bowl of cereal, murmured at you. Loud enough for you to hear but quiet enough for you to listen.

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Faithfully (Bucky Rockstar AU)

Characters: reader, Bucky, OC Ava Barnes, Steve, Clint, Tony, Wanda.

Summary: Being on the road with your rockstar husband had it’s challenges. What if you found out he was unfaithful? (Avengers AU)

Warnings: babies, pregnancy, possible cheating, tiny bit of language, sex mentions, drinking, nudity, bit of angst, mostly fluff. 

Word Count: 3k (including lyrics)

Song Inspiration: Faithfully by Journey

Tags are at the bottom

A/N: Oof. This idea struck me like lightning. I’ve been working on another fic but felt a little stuck. This one flowed out of me in the space of a few hours. I freaking love Journey and this story! I’ve sacrificed quite a bit of sleep to finish, so I hope it was worth it!! Please let me know your thoughts! Love you guys!! :)

Masterlist

_______________________________________________________

Originally posted by veronikaphoenix

Brushing your fingertip over perfect round cheeks while marveling at gorgeous long lashes and her tiny pout, you fell in love all over again. This little person had your heart. Well. A good portion of it. Speaking of your heart…

You heard rustling in the next “room” followed by the partition sliding aside. Bucky stumbled out of the bedroom, rubbing a hand over his face. His chin-length hair stuck out in ten different directions and he was clad in only a pair of boxers.

“Morning, handsome,” you greeted him with an amused smile.

He let out a groan, “What time is it?”

“Almost noon.”

“And…where are we?”

You chuckled, “Somewhere in the midwest, I think. St. Louis, maybe?”

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Anatomy 101 - Anthony Ramos x Reader

Summary: Anthony is an art student who needs someone to model nude. He chooses the reader, who happens to have an unadvisable, annoying crush on the sunshine-y boy. 

Warnings: Swearing!

Word Count: 2,966

A/N: It is officially the first day of the Write-A-Thon! I may have stayed up until 12 just for this, oops. But I’m super excited because I love Anthony Ramos and I love this AU and there is just a LOT of love to give, okay??

askbox | masterlist


Really, when it came down to it, Anthony Ramos had asked you to be naked for him three times in total.

Let’s get some context in here.

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texts from last night! meme

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

[text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

[text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.

[text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW

[text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA.

[text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.

[text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese

[text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it

[text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?”

[text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?

[text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him.

[text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.

[text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.

[text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever.

[text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife.

[text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops.

[text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.

[text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.

[text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.

[text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling

[text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One.

[text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us

[text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

[text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”

[text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

[text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me

[text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings.

[text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug”

[text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.

[text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

[text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

[text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

[text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

[text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

[text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.

[text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury

[text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart.

[text] When was the last time you wore pants?

[text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation

[text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

[text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time

[text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.

[text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going?

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition?

[text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.

[text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist?

[text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special

[text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

[text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin.

[text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb

[text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

[text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

[text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

[text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

[text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.

[text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

[text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant

[text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.

[text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

[text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

[text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

[text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

[text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

[text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire.

[text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

[text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

[text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

[text] you traded sex for a burrito?

[text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

[text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

[text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

[text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable.

[text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest

[text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

[text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.

[text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka.

[text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

[text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

[text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos”

[text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

[text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style.

[text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.

[text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs

[text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

[text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year

[text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

[text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

[text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

[text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

[text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

[text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

[text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

[text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

[text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

[text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok.

[text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

[text] Because when I say 'You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’

[text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

[text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

[text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

[text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

[text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

[text] never. drinking. again.

[text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

[text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night

[text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

[text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

[text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.