please understand that i'm trying as hard as i can

Family Dinner
  • Draco: I just dont see what makes it so special.
  • Harry: The sentiment, Malfoy. I told you this already.
  • Draco: I don't see what sentiment has to do with dinner. You follow the recipe and you eat the food!
  • Harry: Family dinners gives everyone time to talk and enjoy each other and enjoy good food.
  • Draco: Okay.
  • Harry: Okay?
  • Draco: Yep.
  • Harry: Good, I'm glad you understand. Now we can-
  • Draco: All I understand is that you're trying to force me into eating <i> 'family dinner' </i> with the Weasleys. And obviously enough, I'm going to have to pass.
  • Harry: Dra-
  • Draco: Pass
  • Harry: Molly wants to make you a sweater.
  • Draco: *terrified* Hard pass!
  • Harry: I already told her you were coming.
  • Draco: Oh great, now you're "The-Boy-Who-Lied". I'm not going.
  • Harry: Please?
  • Draco: No.
  • Harry: Please?
  • Draco: No.
  • Harry: Ple-
  • Draco: There is no way you're getting me to go to family dinner with the Weasleys.
  • Harry: No sex for a week otherwise.
  • <b>LATER</b>
  • Molly: We're glad you could both make it, Harry. Nice to see you decided to come along, Draco.
  • Draco: It's my pleasure.
  • Harry: *grins* He was almost as excited as I was. He might even join me again next week.

anonymous asked:

I know this is a bit more serious than your normal awesome anons so I'm sorry, but I really look up to you as an artist and wanted to know if/how you deal with negative feelings about your art? I just spent the past hour trying to draw anything remotely good and I'm crying and so frustrated and hopeless. It doesn't help that I keep giving up for months on end but it's so hard to deal with. Do you have any advice? I'm sorry you don't have to answer I know it's not a cute or funny ask I'm sorry

Please don’t feel the need to apologize, I appreciate your ask, it’s okay!
I understand what you’re going through, especially since I constantly feel like I’m disappointing myself or that I can do so much better. For me, I think the best thing to do is to not deprecate yourself. You’re doing your best, and it’s amazing that you decided to pick up a pencil today, you’re doing great already! 

Try to find the things that you’ve done well in your drawings! Maybe that one brush stroke was really smooth and your lines are amazing or that color looks really good and that one circle actually looks like a circle. Even if it’s a really small detail or something you liked during your drawing process, then you’re succeeding !!

Take your time, and be lenient with yourself. If it feels like you’ve been drawing for hours and nothing turns out the way you want it to, take a break. you can come back to it later, you did your best for the day, it’s okay
Allow yourself to doodle whatever else is on your mind without thinking about how good it should turn out, kind of like as stress-reliever or just to blep down silly ideas

Be proud of what you can do because you’re giving it your all, you’re constantly improving with every line you make, and you’re the only one who can draw the way you do! even if it wasn’t a complete piece, whatever you’ve drawn is already making you a better artist, so please keep going <:

blackarc  asked:

ok this is a genuine curious question. So I'm gay and trying to understand other aspects of LGBT so here goes: how does being trans work if the gender binary or gender itself doesn't exist?? Like how can you consider yourself to be the opposite gender if gender isn't a thing in the first place?? Again, just a curious question so please no hate, i just want to understand. Keep being you!

It’s very hard to not take a question like this as hate/invalidation/an attack, because it is phrased in a very hostile and disrespectful way.

But I’ll try to write out a tl;dr answer for you, even though I’m still sick so I’m not sure how much sense I will be able to make.

But I will also encourage you to look into some of the decades worth of queer theory that is written on this subject. Studying something is a good way to learn, and is likely going to be able to bring you more in-depth knowledge and understanding than what you’ll get from messaging trans blogs on tumblr.


Gender:

Gender most certainly exists. I don’t know who’s been telling you that it doesn’t, but I don’t agree with them. A lot of people seem to misunderstand “gender is a social construct” as “gender doesn’t exist” though, and I feel like that might have been what’s happened for you, so I will get into that a bit more here.

Something being a social construct doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. It just means that it doesn’t exist naturally. Like, money is also a social construct. It’s something that we humans created. And because we created it, it is now a real thing that we have to deal with. Same goes for gender.

Gneder, as a concept, is generally more flexible than money though. So it’s not necessarily a perfect comparision. But it will hopefully help drive home the point of “something being a social construst” =/= “something not existing”.


Gender is, among other things, how someone conceptualizes themself in society and in their languages.

If someone relates to the concept of “being a boy”, for example, and they enjoy being called a boy and other typically masculine-coded words? There is a very good chance that they are a boy. Regardless of what gender they were assigned at birth.


There is not “opposite” gender, however, because:


The gender binary:

Is a lie.

It’s an entirely fake idea.

Seriously.

Like, the mere existance of genderqueer and nonbinary people is proving this. There are people who feel that our genders can’t be neatly categorized into the “man” or “woman” boxes, so there should - there are - clearly be other boxes available.

I’m not going to argue against getting rid of the boxes altogether, because putting yourself into a box where you feel that you belong is a wonderful feeling and it’s not something I want to deny anyone. The issue lies with people forcing others into boxes where they aren’t comfortable, or with there not being enough different boxes as options (and, of course, choosing to stand outside of the boxes should be an option too, for those who wish to do that.)

And in many cultures, the gender binar isn’t / wasn’t a thing. The gender binary is not an universally accepted idea and it never has been.

Even biologically, as in “sex” rather than “gender”, humans are far from binary. [I have a tag more or less dedicated to this]. And many intersex activists have written and talked at length about it, so I do highly recommend listening to their voices on this too.

anonymous asked:

always known i was into girls and identified as bi since 14. but ever since i got my first bf at 17 a year ago, i started to question heavily whether i might actually be a lesbian. we're still together, the relationship is amazing and fulfilling, and i decided not to look into this until the relationship falls apart. i don't want to hurt him, he does suspect. for now i'm gonna stay with him. maybe i'll figure it out later.

Listen, this is EXACTLY what I went through in high school. Please, do this for yourself. It’s hard and it can be painful when you’re in a relationship with a guy that’s otherwise happy, I know. It’s super tempting to just squash down that feeling, to try and ignore it and keep getting along.

But if he’s a good, kind person–the kind of person that you deserve in your life–he will understand, and wouldn’t want you to stay just for his sake. If he won’t understand, if he’d rather put his own feelings above your needs, then he’s not the kind of person who deserves to have you in his life and you don’t owe him anything. 


self-rec saturday

Or Sunday, oops, as it crossed midnight while I was typing. I saw a few people doing this and thought, what the heck. Here are a couple of things I wrote more recently.

proof of life 2550 words, explicit, warning for intentional self-injury (see end note). In which Hux is Secretly Disgusting, and I actually wrote a proper summary instead of just picking a quote!

Ren is far from the Finalizer, at an outpost with unreliable communications. He has been there for almost a month, and even optimistic forecasts have him there for another. Hux has reviewed the data, analysed the evidence. He does not want to think anymore.

Observations on Treachery, In Which The Case Against Maj. Armitage Hux Is Fully Refuted, Written By Himself 5600 words of the most dedicated crack (so far), rated M. Familiarity with the actual Reynolds Pamphlet, or the song, not required.

The charge against me is a connection with one Luke Skywalker, for the purposes of delivering classified First Order intelligence. My real crime is an amorous connection with his apprentice, for a considerable time while our true identities were concealed.

shadowplay 2400 words, explicit, started out as crack but then I upset myself and thought I’d share. I might be writing a sequel that’s even worse.

“Why are you still here?” Hux asked, as if it wasn’t obvious. He tensed in Ren’s grip, just enough to make him push back, and his weight felt good. “Don’t you have mystical things to do?” He punctuated the mystical with a squeeze of his thighs around Ren’s. “Somewhere else?”

“I’ll be away at least a month,” Ren said. “Maybe I’ll miss you.”

hidden 1440 words, rated M, part 2 of what I came to think of as the December Suffering Trilogy (these last 3 fics, connected only by my writing them in December and the gross amounts of Suffering, most of it Hux’s. And mine).

For all the comfortable familiarity of the morning, Hux’s heart races as if it is the first time, Kylo’s body and care luxuries he is still reeling from, eager for. Something inside is urging him to take this chance and use it well, before it is taken away.

fever to tell 7900 words, explicit. My longest single work, and one I wrangled and rewrote for MONTHS so I’m extra proud to have published. Dub-con elements, please read the end notes or shoot me an ask if you wanna check of this is the fic for you.

Hux was waving the thought like an obscene placard, and when Kylo latched onto it he made a low sound, half surprise and half pleasure, grip tightening around Kylo’s wrist.It was crude, but appealing nonetheless, and it rose up on a seething mass of images and emotions that Hux hadn’t a hope of concealing now. Kylo took a deep breath, centring himself, resisting the temptation to just take and take.

Hux thinks he understands what Kylo Ren wants from him. So does Kylo Ren.

So. Yeah. Please read my things?? I’ve been finding it hard to keep up with fic lately, so I’d be interested to see other self-rec lists in case there are any I’ve missed from folk (or any I desperately need to reread!).

anonymous asked:

How the hell did you manage to survive high school? All they do is push math and science but all I want to do is write and draw so to them I look like I'm not trying and/or I'm dumb but I'm literally trying as hard as I can 😓

Alright, so I’m gonna be 100% with you.  I am equal parts a great person to ask this of, and and awful one.  I clawed my way through high school with severe OCD and ADHD.  I don’t know who was more miserable; me, or the teachers who had to try and teach me.  I understand completely what you are dealing with right now, but also, I was really bad at school.  

That being said, please, please, please, keep plugging along.  You don’t have to be the best in the class.  You don’t even have to be good! You just have to pass.  If you don’t, then you’re stuck repeating the classes you hate over and over again, and taking up time you could be spending doing the things you love.  I didn’t really appreciate that until I got into college.  It might take you a while to finish, and you might not want to go on to college when you graduate high school, and both of those things are super perfectly fine choices.  No one can decide the best future for you except for yourself.  Just be sure to make the choices that are going to lead to you having the opportunity to do and explore the things you love.  And that means getting through those difficult classes.  

Also, please remember that you are in no way dumb or less than anyone who is good at math or science.  People learn in very different ways and even though the school system doesn’t always value that, these are the same people that don’t think all children should have access to free lunches, so who’s the real idiots? Stay at it, stay creative, and stay lovely <3

Sending big love to everyone dealing with food-related anxieties as this holiday season begins, it can be extremely hard to celebrate happily if you’re worrying about how you look and what you’re eating but please know that you’re meant to enjoy your festivities and all the goodies that come along with it, and that you deserve to experience this time without worry or judgment, only happiness and contentment

I got the “you have so much potential, don’t let your pain hold you back” speech last night from a relative’s girlfriend. At one point I was defending myself and saying that I don’t measure my self worth by my physical ability anymore, because I can’t. Their reply was that if I just tried then I could do so much more.
I’m just really fucking tired of able bodied people who don’t understand illness or pain at ALL telling me I’m not trying. If I wasn’t trying I wouldn’t be here. If I wasn’t trying the pain would consume me. 
Please, just don’t ever tell the spoonie in your life they aren’t trying. I promise, they’re trying as hard as they can. 

[TRANS] 150624 Yixing - Interview with SEWeekly: About Episode 2

[translator’s note: I honestly hope everyone will take a few minutes to read this interview where Yixing explains his thoughts and the reason behind his tears in Ep 2, it shows a lot about him as a person. even though some people criticised him and even though I didn’t agree with his actions 100%, his thoughts and mindset still make me respect him a lot, and I’m still very proud of him ^^]

Being criticised as “cannot afford to play” (t/n: meaning can’t take a joke/taking things too seriously) and “heart of glass”? “Little lamb” Zhang Yixing answers various topics about <Go Fighting>.

Last Sunday’s episode of <Go Fighting> ignited many topics on the internet, adorably dorky and pure Zhang Yixing once again got “hurt” by the da-ges. Sun Honglei’s cheating and betrayal of Little Brother nearly caused Yixing to have a “breakdown”, even when Honglei-ge took the initiative to make amends, there appeared a “lecturing” Da-ge speech, triggering much discussion. This afternoon, in between filming for the show, Yixing took the time to accept a Wechat interview from reporters, answering various hot questions.

Q: Do you think your EQ is high?

A: I don’t know if my EQ is high or low, but me having a slower reaction is something I acknowledge more.

Q: During the second episode your entire mood was very down, what was the breaking point?

A: Actually that day during the filming, I had a lot of mixed feelings, from the start I believed Honglei-ge but afterwards some things happened. Afterwards when he apologised to me, actually inside I had already accepted his apology. But I could not bring myself to accept the suitcase, I did not know how to trust him again, and did not dare to trust him again. Inside I had a dilemma, at the beginning I wanted to gain everyone’s trust on the show, but during the end when someone apologised to me and I still could not bring myself to trust him, actually I teared up.

Q: Go back to the story of the moment when Sun Honglei returned your suitcase.

A: During that time at the pier, actually I did not know Honglei-ge’s inner monologue. Before going to the pier I was with Huang Lei, Huang Bo, Wang Xun and Show Luo at the place we ate. When they called Honglei-ge on the phone he told them that he did not pick me up, that I had lied to them. Hearing that I was even angrier, this part was also not shown. When we reached the pier, I felt that if I had asked him for the suitcase and he gave it back to me, that would have been different, but not him saying “Here I’m wrong I’ll give it back to you, you must take it back”. But when everyone was together (he) gave me a lot of pressure, saying “Take it take it, Ge was wrong, Ge is giving it back to you, you must take it back”, so I thought why must it be like that?

Q: When Sun Honglei cheated you, it seemed like you were holding back tears, what was your inner monologue like?

A: When we were recording, actually I did hold back tears, I did not let them fall. At that time what I thought was Honglei-ge was indeed my idol, in my heart he was very perfect, and is also a gege I trust a lot. At the end when he said he was willing to lose, I was willing to share my gold with him, because I didn’t wish for him to lose, I’d rather sacrifice myself. But after he did this, I think my heart was full of inner dialogue. I also thought of how in the past I had helped many people I considered friends, but in the end I did not obtain some friends’ trust or understanding or sincerity. Sometimes the problems in our lives are actually reflected in here.  

Q: After facing off with a few geges, do you think your 3 essential outlooks (t/n: world view, values, and philosophy on life) have collapsed?

A: Actually at the start when I faced off against the geges I did crumble on the inside, but I also understand, and learnt that there are many different reasons that are inevitable for many things. But I’m still learning more things, and changing myself.

Q: During the first episode when Huang Bo stole your plates, did you really not notice? Some people will suspect that your cute silliness is an act, or wonder if you are like that in real life? How do you respond to this?

A: With regards to Huang Bo taking my plates in the first episode, first of all I did see it the first time, but I saw that he placed the plates on another table, so I did not suspect anything. But I did not know that afterwards he took all of them away, that was something I really did not think of, and really did not know. Actually what everyone sees of me in variety shows is basically not much different from my real life, this is truly what I am. So there isn’t an element of acting in it, I promise! Actually when we were recording, we recorded the second episode first, before recording the part about the “spy” in the first episode, so it can be said that I learnt a little something.

Q: Netizens say you are too serious and have no sense of variety, do you agree?

A: At that time I did not think about how to face the public, I only wanted to truly express my own feelings. Everyone thinks that when those born in the 90s are persistent, they are reckless, they are wrong. But at that time and moment I was truly myself. Maybe I was a little wilful, and a little stubborn, and did not consider everyone’s feelings, this is something in which I am also slowly learning and slowly growing.

Q: Some people think you cannot “afford to play” (t/n: cannot take a joke/take things too seriously) and this kind of personality is not suitable for a reality show, what do you think?

A: It’s not that I cannot afford to play, it’s that I cannot afford to get hurt, cannot afford to hurt this heart anymore.

Q: You are talented in dancing, piano, guitar, composing, drawing and singing, how do you do it?

A: Because I like them, so I am persistent, so I work hard at them. I focus on the fields that I want to focus on, don’t give myself chances to slack off, so I can be this good. And maybe because I focus on these, so my understanding towards society is not enough, I am slowly trying to learn about this society.  

source: (x)

translation by elaysium | @elaysiums. please take out with credit.

Honestly, I don’t deny that Kubo has worked hard for the past fifteen years – in fact, no one is.

But you want to know the issue here and why a majority of the fandom is so pissy over the last damned chapter of Bleach?

I’ve said this more than once, but it seems like people still don’t understand for the sake of their fucking ship.

THAT’S FIFTEEN YEARS OF HARD WORK HE TRASHED.

YES, being a manga-ka is hard. YES, he was rushed. YES, WSJ screwed him over. But that still does not justify the shit ending that he gave his fans who have devoted their time and fucking money just to keep the series going, in spite of it being obviously dragged on.

He could have left it open-ended with no ships becoming canon. But no, he decided to whip some undeveloped shit out (and no, I’m not just saying this as an IchiRuki shipper, but kEEP IN MIND OF THE NON-SHIPPERS TOO), destroyed the development of the fucking characters, and didn’t even bother to close at least a few of the plot holes that count over seventy-two. Hell, he OPENED MORE. 

So no, we DON’T have to be satisfied with what we got just because Kubo had been ‘trying to please us’ for the past fifteen years.

It is not an obligation to be ‘satisfied’. 

  • family: you have such a small appetite.
  • family: you don't eat enough.
  • family: you eat basically nothing anyway.
  • family: oh, you never an appetite.
  • family: look at your sister, she's eating lots!
  • family: I've already have two breakfasts today and you're saying you can't even finish one?
  • family: Are you hungry? Oh silly question - you never are.
  • family: your grandmother says you don't eat enough.
  • family: that's not enough.
  • family: that's not enough.
  • family: that's not enough.
  • me: I am trying. I am trying SO HARD to get better, and you guys are NOT FUCKING HELPING. PLEASE can you not make comments on people's eating habits - i t d o e s n t h e l p. It makes them feel like crap. I'm doing my best - don't you see? Don't you understand that at all?