please talk to me about your i lucifer feels

Can we please talk about Sam in that episode

because the scene where he fake cuts his throat was so jarring for me. Sam’s in probably the worst state of his life mentally after just losing Dean (Lucifer’s torture aside), and Sam would be struggling for things to live for at that point in time. So when he’s reliving all these horrible memories and Dean’s voice telling him “It’s your fault”? It hit me that Sam could do anything to himself in that moment, and I just wanted to cry. 
Sam must have been feeling all kinds of pain, yet he still found the strength to tell the British MoL where to shove it, and even make a plan to escape.
My precious bby Sammy had me feeling all the feels, and his story in this episode was so well done.