Anon requests: BEANIES AND NEGOTIATIONS KILLED ME OKFG. PART THREE PLEAAAAASE ITS SO
okay please continue writing more for beanies and
negotiations i’m in love
part 3 of beanies and negotiations pleaseee??? i
Can we please get a part three to Beanies and
Negotiations? One where the reader is wearing something else of Juggies and he
just kisses her or something cute?
Could you do a part three to beanies and
negotiations where the reader and Jughead get together finally
BEANIES AND NEGOTIATIONS IS LIKE MY CURRENT FAV
STORY PART THREEE I NEED IT IN MY LIFE
PART 3?? PLEASE
Please do a part 3 the of the negotiations!! (I
cant remember what its called sorry!)
Just discovered Beanies and Negotiations and OH
MY GOD. I need some resolution/closure hahaha But really you’re the best x
we all need a 3th part
Heya, could you do a part 3 to beanies and
negotiations, and Jughead like finally picks up the courage to ask the reader
Could you a third part for “Beanies and
Negotiations”? I love it sooooo much!
widely anticipated part 3 of the Beanies and Negotiations series, in which
Jughead and (Y/N) observe their own relationship and come to a realization
Word count: 1,181
A/N: hmm I wonder
if you guys wanted a part 3? haha I had a lot of fun writing this, I’m so glad
you guys have liked the Beanies and Negotiations series (which I hadn’t even
intended to be a series). Hopefully this
will give you all enough closure. Enjoy!
Jughead liked to consider himself a very clever and
perceptive person. So when all of his
friends were insisting that (Y/N) returned his feelings for her, he didn’t
believe it. After all, he was perceptive
enough to notice that. He noticed Betty’s
feelings for Archie, why couldn’t he see (Y/N)’s feelings? But because of what his friends told him,
Jughead took extra care to pay attention to all of his and (Y/N)’s
interactions. He overanalyzed everything
she said to him (which was a lot, he realized).
He asked himself, Do all friends
talk to each other this much? Later,
he came to the conclusion that no, not everyone talked to each other that much,
but he and (Y/N) were best friends. It
had always been like that. Then he
started to observe her body language. He
noticed that they touched a lot, maybe more than most friends do. She always had her hands brushing up against
his, her chin resting on his shoulder, her thigh right next to his. He wondered if maybe this body language meant
something a bit more flirty than friendly, but then he reminded himself that he
and (Y/N) were always like that, seeing as they were best friends. While he tried to form a conclusion about (Y/N)’s
feelings, Jughead realized that all this overanalyzing was making him fall
harder. He noticed his eyes lingering
longer on her sparkling eyes, her radiant smile, and the lines that formed on
her face when she laughed. How can someone be so beautiful? he thought.
“How do you know she likes me?” Jughead stood on Archie’s
porch at nine in the evening. Archie
sent him a questioning look, stepping outside to talk to his friend.
“What?” he asked. “Jughead,
what are you doing? It’s nine o’clock.”
“I know what time it is,” Jughead rolled his eyes. “But I need to know. I’ve spent the past week analyzing every
interaction I’ve had with (Y/N), but I don’t see it.” He sighed in frustration and rubbed his
face. Archie sent him a knowing smile.
“Jughead, I’ve known since the day you proposed to her,” he
explained, taking a step towards his friend.
Jughead’s head snapped up at the mention of the childhood memory.
“We were six,” he reminded Archie, but Archie shook his
“Doesn’t matter,” he replied. “What matters is she said yes.”
“No she didn’t,” Jughead countered. “She turned me down.”
“She did,” Archie said calmly. “But she also accepted, remember? She promised she’d say yes when you’re both
eighteen. Only three more years, buddy.” Jughead rolled his eyes but smiled, and
Archie laughed. “I promise you, Jughead,
she will say yes. Ask her out.” Without a reply, Jughead nodded, turned on
his heel, and left.
(Y/N) noticed Jughead’s shift in attitude for the past week. Deciding not to comment on it, she figured it
was something he had to take care of on his own. Otherwise, she told herself, he would’ve come
to her. Although she repeated this to
herself over and over again, she couldn’t help but worry for the boy she had
fallen for. On a Tuesday night, she
found herself sitting in a booth that wasn’t her usual booth, and the person
sitting across her was not Jughead.
Instead, it was Betty that occupied the seat.
“So you wanted to talk, (Y/N)?” Betty asked, interrupting (Y/N)
from her thoughts. She perked up and
“Yeah,” she replied, trailing off. “So we’ve been best friends since, like, as
long as I can remember, and I tell you everything.” Betty slowly nodded.
“Before you continue,” she stopped (Y/N), “is this about
Jughead?” (Y/N) bit her lip.
“Yes,” she responded.
“I know you know I like him, and you and Veronica and everyone else
always say that he likes me but…” she paused for a moment, “how?”
“How do I know?” Betty repeated. “Because, (Y/N), he proposed to you!” (Y/N) laughed at the memory. “He lets you wear his clothes and, hell, his beanie!
That boy is as smitten as you are.”
She took a sip of her strawberry milkshake. “Trust me when I say this, (Y/N). Jughead is head over heels for you.”
Two days later, (Y/N) sat in a different booth. Her normal booth. Jughead had yet to arrive, and she was
anxiously twiddling her fingers in anticipation. The bell on the door jingled, causing her to
snap her head to face the entrance. It
was not Jughead who entered, but rather Archie, Veronica, Betty, and
Kevin. They all smiled and waved at her,
occupying a table that was within earshot of (Y/N)’s booth. She groaned at her friends’ eagerness to
eavesdrop. When the bell jingled again, (Y/N)
didn’t look up. Jughead sat down in the
seat across from her, watching as she slowly lifted her head to meet his eyes.
“Hey, Juggie,” she smiled shyly. He smiled back, equally as timid.
“Hey.” The two sat in
silence, both contemplating how to phrase their newly found revelations. How do you tell your best friend that you’re
in love with them?
“How’s your book coming along?” (Y/N) attempted to make
“It’s good,” Jughead answered. “Kinda slow right now since nothing has
happened, but I figure it’s only a matter of time.” They both laughed, and just like that, the
tension in the atmosphere cleared.
“This is weird,” (Y/N)
commented, referring to their seating arrangement.
“It is,” Jughead laughed.
“Come over here.” (Y/N) smiled
and stood up, moving onto the same side of the booth as Jughead. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he
wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
“Something’s different, Juggie,” she whispered. Jughead looked down at her and smiled softly.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Things
“You know, I…” (Y/N) struggled to find the words to explain
how she felt. She swallowed, then looked
up at Jughead and smiled. “I liked
wearing your beanie.” He threw his head
back with laughter.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he rolled his eyes, but his smile
betrayed him, “because I was humiliated.”
“You were not.” (Y/N)
lightly shoved him, and he laughed again before they both fell quiet. They sat there like that for a few minutes,
Jughead’s arm around (Y/N)’s shoulders, her head leaning on his shoulder, his
head on top of hers. Each of them were caught
up in their own whirlwind of thoughts.
“(Y/N),” Jughead interrupted the silence, causing her to
look up at him. His voice caught in his
throat. “I-” he didn’t finished his
sentence, but instead cupped her face and pressed his lips against hers. She sat there in shock for a moment, and then
placed her hand on his chest as she kissed back. A few tables away, Archie, Kevin, Veronica,
and Betty stood up and cheered. Jughead
and (Y/N) pulled apart, laughing as their foreheads rested against each
other. Jughead took his beanie off and
placed it on (Y/N)’s head. She smiled.
“Endgame!” Kevin yelled, pumping his fist up. Everyone laughed.
“(Y/N), I-”Jughead started, but (Y/N) cut him off with a
So I just finished posting the last of the previous volley of drabbles so I decided to come up with a new prompt list. It’s mostly a hodge-podge of stuff from my own brain or inspired by songs or different shows and stuff but there are some from other prompt lists so, if anyone wants me to give credit, drop me a message and I’ll be sure to do so.
“If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
“You’re too good for this world.”
“Could you be happy, here, with me?”
“How long do we have?”
“Do you think we’re bad people?”
“How did we become this?”
“I can hardly stand myself.”
“Go to hell.”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m going to take care of you.”
“There was a time before all of this.”
“No one will ever believe us.”
“Don’t come near me or I swear I’ll kill you.”
“My hobby is making fun of you when you talk.”
“I used to do a lot of things.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’ve moved on and I have to be okay with that.”
“Do you wish things had happened differently?”
“Don’t you dare look him in the eye.”
“I’ll be here as long as it takes.”
“We were never meant to fight on our own.”
“Something’s clearly wrong.”
“There’s nothing I can do anymore.”
“This is going to hurt.”
“I don’t need to be the hero tonight.”
“Am I ever going to see you again?”
“We always have a choice.”
“You’re holding back.”
“I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow.”
“Is that a threat?”
“If you don’t like this world then change it.”
“Are you kidding me? We’re not fine!”
“You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
“Keep your eyes on me.”
“You can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me.”
“I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing.”
“If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you.”
“I wasn’t going to mention it.”
“I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”
“I’m here for you.”
“What are you so happy about?”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!”
“You’re putting words in my mouth!”
“We have to stick together.”
“We’ll get through this. I promise.”
“Don’t leave me behind.”
“What are you looking at?”
“How did you find me?”
“Who did this to you?”
“I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“I have to tell you something.”
“I need more time.”
“You deserve better than me.”
“This isn’t fair!”
“If you kill them, you’d better kill me too, because otherwise I’m going to kill you.”
“Please don’t shut me out.”
“You are my best friend in the whole world, okay?”
“Don’t you dare die on me!”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re out of your damn mind.”
“No one can hurt me like you can.”
“You are my sunshine.”
“This is all my fault.”
“Please, don’t cry.”
“Maybe I can’t fix you but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”
“You should see this.”
“You make me feel invincible.”
“I’ll keep you safe.”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Let’s do something crazy.”
“We are not going to steal someone’s dog.”
“Do you trust me?”
“You don’t get to pick and choose. You’re stuck with me.”
“You know I’m gonna win, right?”
“Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about.”
Finally here is volume 2 of my mobile master list! I just wanted to thank you guys so much for everything, every single note, reblog and follow means the absolute world to me! Anyway enjoy and remember your feedback on any of my fics is always appreciated!
‘Kay, so I definitely have a NieR; Automata problem. Y’all better take away my tablet or my game—’cause my hands keep on slipping into different worlds. Fun worlds. Detailed worlds! Like really look at it, because it’s more detailed than what I did for Prompto! I love the difference between his YoRHa look and his Resistance look. I’m pleased and want to keep going and expanding this AU…even though I have like a billion AU’s and worlds! Either way, Enjoy!
((I decided to create a possible idea of what might happen with the Aftermath of this AU. It’s a brilliant AU, so many possibilities and great writing on your part (I also love your art wow)! So, here it is! I hope you like it!))
After the incident, everything in Jeremy’s life changed, and for the better.
After he told Michael about everything that had happened (using the journal as proof, even if he has to read it to him and persuade it to him enough to make him believe him), he was convinced by Michael to get the Squip out of his brain.
There was a whole shitload of stuff that happened (may possibly write it out), whereas Jeremy had to fight against the Squip'a forces, talk to Rich, and finally get that Mountain Dew Red to end it all, Michael being his main support.
Afterwards, with everything that had happened to them with the party and Squips, Jeremy finally seemed to be accepted by people. Not only did Rich come out as bi and started being good friends with Jeremy and Michael, he got them one step closer to Jake, Chloe, Brook and Jenna. Christine had taken a liking to helping Michael after the accident (Jeremy wasn’t into her anymore since he figured out his feelings for Michael, however he couldn’t help appreciate all the amazing things she did), and so the Drama Crew was formed, their friendship really unexpected and magnificent.
Not to mention that Jeremy and Michael had gotten together quickly. Jeremy visited Michael in the hospital everyday after the accident until he got out. Apparently Michael would have full blindness for up to a year, six-nine months at least, and then he’s have eyesight problems for the rest of his life (so, worse than needing glasses obviously, however he’d have partial blindness at times. However it wouldn’t affect him as greatly, and not as bad forever).
Despite the joking bets about how long they’d last, they lasted.. that’s just it. They lasted. They graduated, went to college together (They were cool in college, let me tell you,) and moved in together shortly afterwards. They went on dates, got a dog named Pac-Man (a stray Michael found on the street, what a furry,) , and eventually had a wedding! It was small but cute, the Crew was there, Jeremy’s dad was there, Michael’s parents were there, and Mr. Reyes was there for some reason. It was all amazing, life couldn’t go better for Michael and Jeremy Heere.
That’s the saying, you can only go up. But when you’re up, where else can you go? Well.. only down, of course.
Jeremy and Michael were in their early 40’s. It had been so long since everything happened, the two never imagined Michael’s sight could be so bad ever again. He had been able to see just fine since he had turned 31, despite still needing glasses. They hadn’t even costed the doctor in a whole year, they were so confident.
Confidence wasn’t enough.
Michael had always been insistent on driving himself places after he had gotten better. To practice driving again after getting better, he went to the grocery store to get stuff for the week for them every week, and he had just kept it up since. It wasn’t a big deal.
It had been September when this whole instance occurred. Jeremy sat at home on this Monday, when he had the work day off for Labor day. He sorted through the papers in his hands that was keeping him busy. It wasn’t business papers, oh no (he couldn’t work for a big business anyways, it reminded him of the Squip. Plus he just hated the thought of working in a cubical), these were adoption papers. Jeremy and Michael had been thinking about this for yesrs, and now they were thing of going through with this. He was reading through the different foster care systems near them, when he heard his phone ring.
Jeremy wasn’t one to let his phone go to voicemail unless he was really, really into something or just couldn’t reach the phone. This wasn’t one of those times. He was quite calm at the moment, normal, feeling alright..
He suddenly didn’t feel alright. With the sound of the stranger over the line telling him about the accident. Telling him that his player two had swivered off the side of the highway into a ditch in a frenzy. He was at the hospital. He was under-
Jeremy had stopped listening. Why? Because he dripped his phone on the way outside. Panic ran through his body as he sped out of the driveway in his car, cutting someone off and not caring for a single second.
He could barely breathe as he raced towards the hospital. He knew where it was from how many times he’s been there for this man and this man alone. This man he loved more than anything in the world. The man he saw die so many times before- but felt it so real this time that he felt like he would die right here and now if he didn’t make it to the hospital.
Adrenalin filled him as he crashed into the ER, frantically waving down anyone at all to tell him where Michael was. He looked insane, so if course, security had stopped him before a nurse had came to him.
“Where’s Michael? Where- I-Im married to him! I-is he ok?”
“Sir, were doing everything we can. Hes in a critical state. You have to calm-”
“I can’t calm down! I have to see him- h-he can’t die! I can’t let him d-die! Please!” Jeremy held back the word ‘again’. He also held back tears.
Just then, a doctor stepped into the area. He talked to the lady at the front counter before making his way over to us. “You’re Jeremy Heere, sir?”
Jeremy nodded quickly. “Y-yes, where’s Michael? Is he ok? H-hes ok, right?”
The doctor had paused.
Jeremy felt a fear rush through him at this silence. “H-hes, t-tell me Michael’s ok! Tell me!” He persisted, his voice escalating.
The doctor spoke calmly, obviously rehearsed and drone-like. “I’m sorry sir. There was nothing else we could do for him. Michael had punctured his lung and bled to death before we could do anything usef..”
Jeremy felt his heart drop as the words sunk in. His thoughts seemed to stop, scream to a halt, not disappear, but a much , much worse feeling. The feeling of his whole life crashing down on him and fleeing him at the same time. His heart stopped, like everything else, for a pause that seemed to last for hours.
Then it all hit him. All of it. His heart came back, feeling an ache that only grew worse with every pump. His mind filled with the words of the doctor, the thoughts of his lovers death, the thoughts of Michael, Michael, Michael is dead.
Jeremy was crying. His cheeks were leaking as he pulled himself away from the other men. He stumbled back, still staring at the doctor. His vision became blurry as he started crying harder than every before, his breath becoming tiny gasps, his feet losing balance when he realised he was outside the hospital, on the grass. He brought his hands to his face, weeping and whaling profusely to himself, alone.
Everything came flooding back. And it all guilted him. He could have gone grocery shopping with him. For him. He could have taken him to the doctors to get checked up, seen that his sight might get worse. Checked that his lover was ok with a phone call, say “I love you, player two” one last time. The worst part was that he couldn’t remember the last words they had exchanged.
His mind was in such a spiraling state that he started thinking of everything bad that he ever did to Michael. He reached his deaths, he reached the looping. He remembered every death. He remembered his pain and how none of that pain was nearly as bad as it is now. Now was the worst day of his life. And there had been many bad days for Jeremy Heere.
He just wanted to see his face one more time. He wanted to see his lover, his player two, his alive husband, his best friend, his partner in crime, the most amazing person in the world-
“Or you’ll what?”
The bathroom. The light. The taste of shitty, terrible liquor threatening his mouth. And right in front of him, almost 30 years younger, was the love of his life. He teared up.
(HOOOOO BOYYYYYY I AM. I AM DEC E ASED
I AM LIKE. LIKE THIS
I’M AM PHYSICALLY W EAK
That was really really really fantastic, wow!! I have had thoughts about making the timeline where Michael goes blind the final timeline, sort of like, there’s gotta be some sacrifices, but they don’t necessarily have to be someone dying, ya know? And just imagining all the fun stuff that he and Jeremy go through afterward, hoooo!
All I can think about now is Jeremy pushing Michael (who’s wearing like, shutter shades or a pair of ridiculous sunglasses probably) around in a wheel chair through school and Michael’s like “Move outta the way, bitches, I got an escort to class” and like. Once they recover they get comfortable enough to make blind jokes ppfffp Although I do like the idea of Michael’s sight coming back eventually. Like the accident at Jake’s house was only temporary and he regains his sight after a couple months or a year or smth.
BUT ANYWAY BACK TO SCREAMING THAT WRECKED ME AAAA!! I just can’t imagine how awful that would be, to live thirty years and then be taken back in time all the way back to the start of the whole thing;; but now Jeremy can try to prevent the whole blind thing, yeah? (Maybe instead Jeremy ends up going blind :0)
STOP KILLING MICHAEL I say as I continue to kill Michael in multiple of my AUs haha–//shot
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!! You guys are awesome continuing to shower me with fics and beautiful art and giving me more ideas for this AU I AM TRULY. TRULY BLESSED.)
holster will at some point propose to ransom in the form of a well choreographed flash mob
and the proposal will go flawlessly
but in the weeks beforehand…
Holster: Okay Jack, you’re only available next Thursday for practice, so I need you to learn the whole ten minute choreography before that and be ready to execute it flawlessly.
(Jack learns it. The execution is another matter.)
On one hand Bitty tries to get Holster to put Beyoncé’s Put a Ring on It on the playlist, on the other hand, Jack has expressly forbidden him to use any Beyoncé songs because he has dibs for future proposals.
The playlist is mostly showtunes, but there are too many to chose from. He had to go from twenty to three, because they may all be hockey players, they don’t have the stamina to pull off a whole musical.
Lardo: Maybe make sure Rans knows the songs, too?
IF HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT SONG I’M NOT MARRYING HIM
‘Okay guys, nice practice, but I need to give constructive criticism’
‘Dex, it’s left, left, sashay, not stomp the ground like you’re trying to kill the thousand cockroaches with your feet.
‘Chowder, less jumping, more swaying please.
‘Nurse, you had it for three seconds and then you tripped. Try not to do that. The tripping part.
‘Bitty, I need you to be less sexy, or Ransom will end up marrying you instead of me. We don’t want that.
‘Jack, please move more than your shoulders. Please. I’m begging.
‘Lardo and Shits, if you guys don’t stop goofing off I’m removing you from second line!
‘THAT WAS A THREAT NOT A PROMISE
‘Tadpoles, I need you to learn the second line moves in case I need you to fill in for those idiots.
‘LARDO WE’RE SHORT ON TIME HERE
Jack: You know, Ransom likes Tater, I can get him to be there?
Holster: ‘Zimmermann, what part of I want Ransom to marry ME didn’t you understand?’
Tango: ‘Have you thought of asking the Haus ghosts to participate?’
Holster: ANYWAY, as I was saying, it was left, left, sashay- BITS stop with those hips damnit- JACK COME BACK- BRING HIM BACK- DAMNIT YOU’RE ONLY HERE FOR THE AFTERNOON-
You Made Flowers Grow in My Lungs, but I Couldn’t Breathe
A/N: hey guys, once again I’m sorry for lack of content. This is really mediocre, but like… Here it is ig. This is based off of a fictional disease called the Hanahaki Disease, where a person will cough up petals and flowers due to unrequited love causing flowers to bloom in that person’s lungs (yeah I dunno but I like the idea okay it’s my blog I do what I please). It’s also loosely based off of some fanart I saw. Anyways, please enjoy, this is my first bmc fanfic, I hope it’s good :)
Pairing: Boyf riends
Word count: 4105 (jesus fuck im so sorry im jst emo abt the musical/book also michael)
Warnings: uhh lots of angst, sad michael, drugs, spoilers from the book ending, like literally almost all the dialogue here is pulled directly from or references something in the book, i think that’s everything?
(also, side note: Even though I’m using events and dialogue from the book, the characters look like how they are in the musical, i.e michael isn’t a white-bread motherfucker, neither is christine)
-2 years before the wall? Wait is this like a baby bat Rhys POV?
-oh God this field isn’t a nice place. Kinda like it tho.
- omfg 6 High Fae… 6, to defeat one Illyrian… damn.
- Rhys is so protective if his brothers it’s killing me.
-AGH PART ONE HERE I FUCKING COME.
-Yes Feyre, burn this shit.
-Already thinking about that wingspan Feyre? Can’t blame ya.
- Ugh Tamlin no can you not enter this moment just yet. Ugh Lucian I’m fucking watching you.
-Oh for Fuck sake I gotta read about Ianthe soon to?
-ugh I just want some smut and it’s only page nine.
-Feyre you can roll your eyes. God knows I am.
- Oh hey Ianthe, go Fuck yourself Ianthe.
-You definitely revived something from Rhys hands Feyre, but it was far more pleasurable than torture.
-Lucian I won’t ship you and Elaine. But please, for the love of God, kill Ianthe.
-Oh hell fucking ni, Jurian, go fucking Fuck yourself and stay the Fuck away.
-Oh snap, Nesta and Elaine already so powerful they can drain the cauldron.
-Oh snap, Feyre laying down these facts. Also that’s how I spell Miryaim’s name.
-Feyre you savage.
-Jurian, talk about Elaine like that again and I will kill you.
-Oh Fuck off Ianthe, I’ve read enough of you.
-Okay Lucian, my heart is softening towards you.
-God I missed you Alis.
-Damn summer solstice is giving me goosebumps.
-Rhys you are giving me life.
-Uh Oh, Tamlin’s getting jealous of friendship.
-YOU FUCKING BURNED THEIR WINGS.
-Ahhh Feyre you also cringing about Elaine being fucked by a fire blooded male?? Let me introduce to Azriel. He’s far better in my opinion.
-All these painting titles… we’re they like, working title for Acowar.
-Rhysand you get that tongue to work.
-Also Tam you prick.
-TAMLIN YOU MOTHERFUCKING PRICK HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A WHIPPING.
-God Alis, my bae.
-Feyre slit her throat.
-Yes Feyre Fuck this bitch up.
-Oh these twins. Can you fucking not.
- Go Lucian Go.
-Bring on Part Two.
-“He can get in line,” Feyre getting a list of people who wanna kill her to rivals Aelins.
-Oh for Fuck sake, everything was going so well, until Lucian’s brothers showed up.
-OMG CASSIAN YOU’RE BACK.
-AZRIEL MY CUPCAKE.
-“There’s no such thing as a High Lady,” bitch excuse me.
-Cassian you melt my stone cold heart.
-Mor my darling.
-OMG IT’S HAPPENING, RHYS IS COMING.
-Amren, boo. Hru?
-Lucian being called a girl, I’m dying
-“Go find somewhere else to be,” I know what that means.
-The smut was worth it.
-Oh I missed the banter of my baby bats.
-And Rhys’ swearing begins.
-Cassian sunning his wings. I wonder if a certain Nesta sees.
-Cassian trying to be chill around Nesta is my new aesthetic.
-Nesta reads romance. Hell Yes.
-“You come between a male and his mate, Nesta Archeron, and you’re going to learn about the consequences the hard way.” Trying to foreshadow something there Cassian? I Ship.
-No is mentioning the sorrow and longing in Cassian eyes, Feyre, for the same reason no one mentioned it when Rhys looked at you all those months ago.
-Reading about Elaine is painful.
-I’m relating to Elaine and all those open curtains too much… shit.
-Cassian you’re to precious.
-I missed the Amren/Cassian banter so much.
-Shit Mor is getting pissed.
-Feyre keeps calling Rhys mate and I’m feeling bad for the Australian readers.
-“Because I can’t stay away” well Fuck me if they ain’t mates.
-Nesta looking as Cassian like he’s the only one in the room.
-Damn right there was a reason Lucian wore a fox mask.
-Idk what to write but the nessian at pg.203. gahhhhhhh.
-“Surely Nesta wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle,” omfg Feyre, it’s hilarious of you to think that.
-Feyre were you not there for Acomaf. He was very clearly, cocky then.
-Library sex? I’m in.
-oh, so no library sex.
-To the Bone Carver we go. RIP.
-Oh so, the Carver, and the Wearer are- I’d be shocked only I read that spoiler.
-Oh so the Carver is a mirror type of perosn? What even is a mirror person? Is it his kink?
-Oh Nesta having death powers.
-Feyre constantly calling Rhys mate tho.
-Tbh all I wanna know is who or what the carver appeared to Cassian.
-Everyone in this book be complementing Rhys good taste.
-Ah Az and Elaine be starting. Az be carrying his ship.
-Poor Cassian. Nesta will come around, I promise, I read the spoiler.
-YES AZRIEL SHOW HER THE GARDEN. I’VE READ THIS SPOILER PAGE SO MUCH AND NOW IT’S MINE.
-You know, I wrote a fanfiction about Az and Elaine in a garden and her calling his scars pretty. They kissed in it.
-“Azriel isn’t the ravishing type,” Rhys you should read the fanfic I wrote about him. He loves to ravish.
-omg Cassian calming Nesta- ugh how many more pages until this kiss?
-Az, sunning your wings for Elaine? How scandalous.
-“Why not make them mates?” Feyre babe I’m asking the same question.
-FEYRE YOU SHIP ELRIEL TOO? Oh sweetie I love you more than Cassian rn.
-Rhysand, let Feyre play matchmaker.
-I was about to bash Kier for insulting Az, but Az got this shit.
-Oh not this fucking Eris bitch again.
-Rhys the Fuck you playing at?
-Okay, ngl I know Mor is gay but those Eris know? Ffs.
-Okay everyone is fighting and I’m more intrigued than I should be.
-Double d'aw Elriel.
-Pg.303 and back to sassy Az.
-Sassy Az KS giving me life.
-It was at page 306 that I realised I was in love with Az.
-Nephelle’s be giving me goosebumps.
-Yes bathtub scent with Rhys.
-Oh it’s actually a massage scene? I’m in.
-Feyre are you trying to start a war? Cassian flying with Nesta. Dammit who am I kidding I wanna see that.
-Yes Az, help Elaine in the garden. I am sailing this ship.
-Nesta watching Cassian lick his fingers and I’m like, now imagine that kissing elsewhere.
-Nes? I ship.
-Some shit happening in the library.
-ohhhh so we finally reached the part where people wonder if Elaine is a seer.
-Yes Feyre, put Elaine’s riddles together.
-Okay that scene was intense but Nessian at the end was calming.
-“Amren on the hunt,” a novel by sjm.
-Damn Az, took you awhile but bravo, she’s a seer. God it couldn’t be any easier to love you.
-Lucian I swear to God if you die, looking for this sixth queen, I will kill you.
-Also where is my Suriel.
-Shit Alis don’t die.
-oh FFS, look, “king” of Hybren, old buddy. If you’d kindly fuck off. Only it’s late, I don’t need these plot twists.
-Look, “King,” I’d pay good money to see you try and take Feyre.
-Rhys if you could destroy my upcoming exams the way you did those ships, I’d be grateful.
-pg.379, more smut, hell yes.
-pg.381, Nesta all concerned.
-The amount of sex feysand are having. That wingspan must be truly impress you Feyre darling.
-So Cassian is terrible at complements.
-Ah yes boys, bringing up that wingspan again.
-This Nessian tho.
-“she threatened to freeze my balls off,” Kallias, Viviane, welcome to my heart.
-I’m in love with Viviane.
-God sake, Tamlin Fuck off.
-Tamlin, let me tell you, Rhys and Feyre have fucked so much I’m sure he could recount every noise she is capable of making.
-Fucking shut up Tamlin.
-Eris if you’d kindly shut the Fuck up too, it’d be a pleasure.
-Pg.438, Nesta, damn, *blows kisses.*
-nvm of 439, Go Feyre. Slay.
-Helion…. wait… look I can’t go around loving all these people. It makes me look like I have a heart.
-You know I’d be surprised at Lucian being a whole, some air of dawn court, but I already read that spoiler.
-Okay mor is gay why is- you know what, never mind, I give up.
-Oh. Oh Fuck.
-lol, I’m so tired, whenever I hear the wall mentioned all I can think of is humpty dumpty.
-“Don’t even start,” Nesta, sweetie, we’ve been shipping this since the last book.
-Part three here I come.
-btw this is still the same day for me. I’ve read up to part three in a few hours. It’s two in the morning. Never underestimate a fangirl deprived of her smut.
-Jurian just has to show up, doesn’t he.
-idk who I am to believe anymore.
-I wanna say Fuck this shit I’m out. But I am so in.
-So am I meant to trust Jurian or not.
-Nessian will kill me quicker than these plot twists.
-Ayyy more shut, god I love you Sarah.
-Yes, the Suriel is coming into play bitches. I’d been surprised by what happens only I’ve seen this spoiler too.
-Okay first thing first, Ianthe please Fuck off Secondly rip Suriel 2K17.
-Cassian what happened. Nesta please. I know the ending and shit but tf happened.
-Feyre be joining up these dots about which way Mor floats.
-This, Varian, Amren thing, yeah I’d like another five books of it.
-Awww, Az, you’re to sweet and selfless.
-I’m so tired IDK how to feel anymore.
-Oh greatttt, Feyre got hit with an arrow. Any more plot twists.
-Wait Tamlin? Fuck, ugh.
-d'aw, Elaine kissed his cheek.
-it’s four in the morning. I have less than one hundred pages left.
-Fucking hell Elaine stab them bastard.
-Also Nessian hell yes.
-Also…wait what’s happening.
-Rhysand you fucking bastard it’s five in the morning don’t do this to me. I know you live god dammit don’t fucking do this.
-oh thank fuck that’s all settled.
-This book. These plot twists. These ships. It’s all so heart wrenching and shit.
-Wait is she flying over Velaris in her lingerie.
-Fuck it’s half five in the morning. I read this book in under 24 hours. I need to sleep.
-omfg I need to read this shit again. It was so good. The High Lords, the banter, the near death experiences. The romance. The sass. Sarah you queen.
-if the at least the novellas don’t have nessian or Elriel tho I may be tempted to cry.
And that, my friends, is a snippet of the roller coaster if thoughts and emotions I went through. I was too tired to cry during it but my heart was successfully ripped out a few times.
I get it. The media have done a fucking number on Corbyn, the man is not left enough for you, or for some reason you think he’s fine but unelectable and therefore won’t vote for him (top tip: everyone is unelectable if no one will vote for them).
I agree. The system is a fucker. We need to burn it down and rebuild. But in the meantime, disabled people are dying. Refugees are dying. The NHS is being systematically dismantled, and will be even more of a shambles when the Tories start getting rid of immigrants.
I repeat: people. are fucking. DYING.
Please. Please. I am begging you. Get out there and vote. Get Labour in. Hold them accountable. I’m not asking you to accept every policy. I’m asking you to stop the Tories from killing more people like me. I’m asking you to stop Theresa May from, in a strong and stable way, ruining and ending more lives.
The Tories have shown what they want. They have shown what they’ll do. Save us. Please. This is not a time for in-fighting. This is not a time for nitpicking. This is not a time for making fun of the jumpers his mum knits (and tbh I feel like it speaks highly of a politician when he goes to work in a jumper knitted by his mum).
This is literally a time when people have been dying of “austerity” for years. A time when promises to take in refugees have been blatant lies. A time when racism and ableism and all manner of other isms are being magnified by the people in power.
Please vote. Please get Labour in. We can still burn it down. But we can do it without throwing others under the bus in the meantime.
“Prompt: Maggie says no.” from the hard-hitting (and I effing love it) @foreverblueraven and @goodslothnoodle “Please fix the proposal That one kind of sucked” and @laurarasmith “
Also sanvers rationally talking about getting married cause like ok. They can be engaged. Sure. But can we plz get the logistics conversation” and @ahhveee “I’m really conflicted about the proposal…but like post-proposal Maggie saying yes but also her getting assurance from Alex that this isn’t only a reaction to everything that happened and it’s really something Alex wants” and @sanvers-cuddles “In anyway you see it but like could there be more of a build up to the proposal”
There was a time when she would stiffen and grab her gun and body slam anyone who came up behind her and touched her like that.
But Maggie has asked – “May I?”, she’ll always say, always softly, never expectantly – so many times that Alex has just told her, please, please, please, I love when you hold me like this, you don’t have to ask.
So there was a time when she could have literally killed someone for doing just what Maggie does.
But now? Now, Alex sinks back into her touch, her warmth, her comfort, her love, her support, immediately. She revels in the feeling of Maggie’s chin on her shoulder, Maggie’s body solid and strong behind hers.
“She’ll be okay,” Maggie tells her, and Alex tries to believe her.
“I hope so,” her voice trembles slightly, because a week ago, Kara almost lost her.
Yesterday, Kara almost lost Lena. Today, Kara lost a piece of her past. Today, Kara watched her city exploding around her, and Alex knows – because Alex feels it too – that Kara is blaming herself.
She feels Maggie staring at her, and she thinks about her promise to Kara.
To never let Maggie go.
The tears in Kara’s eyes, the lilt in her voice.
How far she’d come with Maggie, how much she tried.
How much Alex’s almost dying – almost, almost, almost, she reminds herself – had brought her sister and her girlfriend together.
But she doesn’t want Maggie to just be her girlfriend.
“Hey,” Maggie is saying, pulling back slightly and taking Alex’s hands into hers. “I know the Danvers girls, you don’t break easy – “
Her voice is soft and it’s smooth and it’s the most soothing thing Alex has ever heard, and Alex has always been impulsive, but Kara had basically given her blessing, and she needs her, god, she needs her, because what if she lands in the hospital during the next war – and there will always be a next war – and Alex can’t get to her without being her wife, her wife, god, Maggie Sawyer’s wife.
It’s never appealed to her before. She’s never understood it.
But this woman, this woman with the calloused heart and soft hands, with the tender soul and sharp wit? This woman, comforting Alex about the Danvers girls, her Danvers girls –
Her eyes search Maggie’s face and she watches as the slight smile, the affirmation, on Maggie’s face melts into terror. Melts into incomprehension. Melts into disbelief.
Because she’s always been worthless, and she’s always been disposable.
And when she hasn’t been, she hasn’t trusted it. She’s blown it up in her own face. Like she deserves.
But Alex Danvers? Alex Danvers, with the wide eyes and the desperate voice?
Alex Danvers who has almost died more times than Maggie can count in the last few weeks alone, Alex Danvers who has held on for her and is holding on to her hands and is saying… What the hell is she saying?
And Alex nods before she speaks, like she understands Maggie’s disbelief, like she understands Maggie’s shock. Like she’s feeling it too, but god, god, god, Alex took her by the forearm and pulled her into their first kiss in the bar, and she’s doing it again, now, because we should marry the girls we want to marry, and she wants to…
“Seriously? Marry me. Please?”
She breathes the last word and Maggie doesn’t know when Alex’s hands went to her shoulders, and she doesn’t know when her heart started flying out of her chest and her ears started buzzing, but she knows her mouth is smiling, her eyes are smiling, because god, god, god, she loves this woman.
She loves this woman, loves her like she’s never loved anything, and she’s never been wanted like this, wanted like…
Wanted like Alex nearly died, and Alex nearly blew up her own sister, and Alex nearly cost planet Earth its existence, and Alex nearly lost everything.
“Yes,” Maggie whispers in tandem with her eyes.
“Yeah?” Alex breathes, and Maggie nods, but then she shakes her head, because yes, yes, yes, but also no, no, no.
“Yes, one day, Alex. One day, I want to marry you.” She stops smiling and she steps back, and she hates herself – hates herself like she hated herself the night Alex first kissed her – and she shifts Alex’s hands from her shoulders to her own hands.
“One day,” Alex repeats like she was just punched in the gut, and Maggie brings Alex’s limp knuckles to her lips.
“Yeah. Yeah. Yes. But Alex, I don’t… I don’t even know what marriage means to you. What it would change for you. For us. We don’t live together yet, not really, and finances, and our dog – when do you want to get a dog? – I just… I want a lifetime of firsts with you, Alex, and I want marriage to be in there. Once, to be clear. Just once. To you. But not… Alex, you almost died, and then the Daxamites, and then – “
“What, you think I haven’t thought this through?” Her eyes are wide and her eyes are pain, and Maggie steps back closer to her and thanks the goddesses when Alex doesn’t shrink away from her touch.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about it, Alex. With all that’s been happening… hell, even before that. But we haven’t figured out… what does it mean to you? To get married?”
“Till death do us part and all that. Seems pretty relevant nowadays, huh?” Her eyes are wet and so is her voice, and Maggie gives a dry chuckle.
“But that’s exactly my point, Alex. I don’t want you to… I’m ride or die for you, Danvers, you know I am, but we don’t have to rush, we don’t have to – “
“But what’s the difference? Between you saying you want a lifetime of firsts with me and me saying I want to marry you?”
“Babe, getting married… that lifetime of firsts suddenly includes a lot of joint housing and financial decisions, and a lot of… it’s forever, Alex. And I want forever with you. But it’s miles from where we are: we just started this thing, you and me. And I want to treasure every bit of it. I want to treasure the conversations we have to have about dogs, and kids, or no kids, and careers and apartments and bank accounts and life goals and compatibilities and where we want to be in five years, ten, forty. I want to treasure the conversations we have to have about my parents and your extended family and planning mutual proposals with Adrian. I want to treasure talking about what kind of rings we want and designing wedding dresses or suits with Winn – do you want to get married in a dress? – and I want to treasure figuring out retirement funds and taxes and last name changes and illness and health care and all of it. I want to treasure all of it, Alex. I don’t want to do it while we’re mourning and grieving and recovering.”
“But we’ll always be mourning and grieving and recovering.” Alex’s voice is small, and it breaks Maggie’s heart in as many ways as a heart can possibly be broken. And more.
She pulls her down for a soft kiss, and Alex parts her lips, kissing her back eagerly.
“Yeah. But not like we are today, babe,” Maggie tells her when they press their foreheads together, and Alex nods.
Nods because the taste of water still burns in her lungs and the taste of Daxamite ash still chars her nose.
“So you’re not saying yes, but you’re not saying no.”
“I’m saying, not right now. But ask me again sometime,” Maggie smiles, and lets Alex draw her close into her body somewhat warmly, somewhat possessively.
“You love me?” Alex asks, because the logical part of her brain hears Maggie, understands her. Agrees with her, even. But every single other part of her is trembling with fear.
That she’s said too much, that she’s offered too much, that she’s demanded too much.
That Maggie will leave because she’s failed. Again.
“I love you through and beyond, Alex Danvers,” Maggie whispers against her lips, and that?
Request: Can you do an imagine where the reader gives her first blowjob to Clay who is also receiving his first? And/or leading to loosing their virginity
WARNINGS: Smut, swearing
“What do you want to watch princess?”
“I don’t care, you can pick whatever.” I’m laid up with Clay in his room as he surfs the guide. It’s a Saturday night and I rather be with my boyfriend than home alone. Granted we are alone right now, being that his parents are out at some function, but at least we are alone together. I trace circle on his clothed chest as his eyes are focused on the TV, finding something to watch. I can tell that he is pretending to be into the TV so that he doesn’t need to focus on my hand against him. I snuggle more into him as he sucks his teeth.
“There are no good movies on babe” he says, throwing the remote down as the TV stopped on Full House.
“Then we don’t watch TV, we can do something else anyway” I say, as I slide my hand under his shirt. He looks a little nervous as he looks down at my hand.
“Like what?” He sounded a little nervous, but flirty at the same time. I move my leg across his torso and put my lips up to his ear.
“Anything.” I pur. He looks down at me, his eyes on mine. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I know he wants nothing more than to feel my lips on his. As if he read my mind, he pulled my face up to his, pressing his lips onto mine. The kiss was nice and slow. It’s like our lips were made for each other. His tongue grazed my bottom lip as he asked for an entrance. I didn’t allow him in to tease him and he squeezed my thigh making me yelp. When I opened my mouth he stuck his tongue in, softly wrestling with mine. I rolled on top of him and sat on his lap, never breaking our kiss. The kiss suddenly went from slow and sweet to more rougher and needy. Clay’s hands were on my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. When I started to slowly move my hips against his, Clay suddenly withdrew from me.
“What’s wrong, why’d you stop” I pant as he avoided my eyes. When he didn’t say anything, I got worried.
“Did I do something?” I ask. His eyes found mine again and quickly shook his head.
“No no no, god no. It’s just I’m getting a little um..a little-”
“Horny” I smirk, looking down between us and seeing him semi-hard. He looked embarrassed and nodded his head. A giggle at his nervous state.
“So what babe.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m rushing you.” He said looking down.
“Last time I checked, we are both virgins. And what if I’m ready.” His eyes widen and he swallowed hard.
“A-are you sure, cause I’m not rushing at all trust me, I can wa-” I stop him from rambling on by crushing my lips on his.
“Clay, I love you and I’m ready. I mean if your not that’s fi-”
“No! I am, it’s just we don’t have to. It won’t make me love you any less if we don’t.” I smile at his cuteness and press my forehead against his.
“I’m ready Clay.” I pull on his shirt so that our lips collide again. Feeling his body against mine made me loose the fear in the moment and only made me want him more. I pull away to take my shirt off as he took off his. He stared at my bra and looked away when he noticed I saw. I pulled his faced back towards me and smiled.
“I’m all yours Clay.” With that, his mood lightened up as his hands cup both of my breast squeezing. I threw my head back as I felt his lips on my neck, sucking lightly.
“Your so beautiful y/n.” He unclasped my bra and I suddenly felt so exposed and nervous. He can tell I felt weird by my face.
“Don’t be shy about your body, you look amazing.” I smiled and loosened up as his lips went to my breast. His lips attacked one of my nipples, while softly massaging the other. I bit my lip to keep me from moaning as his sucking got more harsh, making my core wet. I started to hump back and forth on his now rock hard member, making him groan against my breast making me moan. The friction beneath us was killing me and I want nothing more than to take everything off. I unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants down as far as I could without moving off his lap.
“Clay can I try something?” I pant as his sucking went from my breast to my neck, surely leaving like 10 bruises.
“What is it babe?” He said, not breaking his series of kisses.
“I-I um want to please you..” I felt his kissing stop as he stayed there, probably waiting for me to finish, or just not knowing what to say. Probably both.
“You know..please you down there.” I felt so shy asking him, but I really wanted to make him feel good like he does to me. I just want to do it in a more intimate way.
“U-um I don’t know y/n, you don’t need t-”
“I want to.” He looks at a lost for words, debating on what to say. When we takes to long, I just take matters into my own hands. I slide off of him, sliding his pants all the way down, along with his underwear. When I did, his dick sprung all the way up, smacking again his stomach. I positioned myself so that I was in between his legs with my butt in the air, looking up at him.
“Y/n stop you don’t hav-” I quiet him by slowly taking his entire member into my mouth, almost gagging. I come back up, licking his tip while pumping him with my hand.
“Oh my-” Clay’s eyes were shut tight as he threw his body back. I flattened my tongue against the side of his shaft before taking him in my mouth again, pumping in and out faster.
“Fuck babe, that feels good” He’s a moaning mess above me as he looks down at me sucking him. His eyes are glued to mine as I look up at him through my eyelashes, pumping my hand faster. He’s a groaning mess as he continues to do a string of curses. Unaware of what he’s doing, Clay starts thrusting into my mouth, making me even more wet. He grabs my ponytail and that was my motivation to go faster. I take all of him in my mouth, not caring that I was gagging, as I started picking up my speed. I start to moan with him still inside me and that threw him over the edge.
“Fuck! y/n I’m about t-” He doesn’t know what to do with his hands as he releases inside of my mouth. I swallow what’s left as he pulls me up to him, kissing me passionately, still panting.
“Sorry that I did that, I should have told you I was…you know.” I smirk at what he was trying to say, “That’s okay, I liked it.”
Clay turns us over and starts peppering kisses down my neck. He kisses all the way to my stomach as he pulls my underwear off. He comes back to my lips, smashing his with mine, his hands roaming all over my naked body. He stops and looks at me.
“Are you sure about this?” He asked genuinely.
“More sure than anything.” I smiled. He pulled off of me and got something from his desk draw. When he came back, he hovered back over me, pulling on a condom. When he started having trouble pushing it on, I held in my giggle, stopping his hands.
“Let me help.” I unraveled it, slowly pushing it on his member, making sure to lightly squeeze him in the process, making him groan. I wanted this, his body on mine.
“I’ll be gentle” he breathed, his voice soft, “Just tell me if it hurts.” I pulled his face closer to me, making that as a sign for him to go. He starts to slowly push into me, giving me this stretching and ripping feeling throughout my body. I try to adjust to him as he continues pushing in slowly. I squeeze my eyes shut, gasping into his mouth as I grabbed his arms tightly. I whimpered as I just waited for the pain to go away. He pulled away from my lips as he looked at me.
“Is this okay?” he pants, looking at my face for any bad reaction. I nod my head, wanting him to keep going.
“Yes baby, keep going.” I try to focus on the pleasure, even though I can still very much feel the pain. I was slightly tense and as if Clay sensed that, he started dropping kisses against my jawline, making me more relaxed. I started grinding my hips up against his and wrapped my legs around his back. He started thrusting a little faster, his eyes shut as he started groaning. I moan, tilting my head back into the pillows. As his speed picked up, the pain slowly subsided, giving me nothing but pleasure. I felt his weight on me, his body against mine and I realized just how much he meant to me.
“Fuck princess, you feel amazing” he moans into my neck. I tighten my grip around my neck, moaning into his ear.
“Baby f-faster please” I whimper. He did just that, his thrust getting deeper and deeper. His body slap against mine and all I can hear are our loud moans and the headboard against the wall. He picked up his speed even more making me dig my nails into his back, surely leaving a mark.
“Fuck baby!” He screams, drilling into me. My breast are jumping up and down as I scream louder, the pleasure becoming overpowering.
“Clay! oh my god!” The faster his thrust got, the more I felt my stomach clench up. My body started to stiffen as he kept pushing in and out of me, on and on.
“Come for me baby” he whispers and I let go.
“Fuck Clay!” My body went limp as I exploded. He kept pumping through my orgasm as I squeeze around him and in the same second, he screamed out my name, releasing himself. With both of us still panting and breathing heavily, I open my eyes to see Clay staring back at me. He slides off of me, laying his head on my bare chest. I run my hands threw his hair, kissing it after.
“That was amazing babe” I breath out, earning a nod from him.
“If that was amazing, wait till next time.”
A/N - This was my first Clay smut!!! Hope you liked it, I did!!
Everything is more beautiful
Because we are doomed.
Doomed to an inevitable fate.
Doomed to a fate
That will claw on us
Make us feel like a burning candle
In which the fire is fading into embers.
Beauty is a temporary thing.
And we are all temporary.
Tragedy is a thing of beauty,
A spark that only shines once.
You will never be lovelier than you were before.
So please, oh gods, let the day before the storm be immortalised.
For I still want to kiss his lips
And press his cheeks to mine
And embrace his body
But not like this.
Not when his eyes are closed.
Not when his body will inevitably burn.
Not when he will never show his smile again.
Not when I will never see him alive.
This was all my fault.
I'msorryi'msorryi'msorry i’m SORRY
PLEASE GIVE HIM BACK
GIVE HIM BACK TO ME.
I have never asked for anything else
Let his eyelids open once more
Let his eyes shine like it always does
Let me drown in all that is him
All soft and all beautiful and all bright
Or let me drown in my black sorrow.
But i always thought the gods were amused by mortals.
Are you amused now?
As i scream and beg for him,
Are you amused?
As i slaughter for him,
As i injure you kind,
As i kill your children,
Are you amused?
Let the world not remember me for my rage
But for the grief that I had shown
For the hollow husk i had become
For the heartless war machine i became because my heart and soul burned along with him.
Oh how it hurts.
It hurts so much.
For when I always wake up
I think everything was a nightmare
I could change the course of fate
And sail back home
And he and I could grow old together.
And when I turn to him,
To embrace him,
He feels cold.
He feels stiff.
Why is he cold?
Why? Did i hog the blankets like I do all the ti-
And i am weak
To the hands of death.
Let him take me,
Let him take me to where he is.
Oh please, Hades.
For I am nothing without him
For I am a machine without him
For I am everything I do not want to be without him.
Let me end in a beautiful, tragic way.
And let everyone know that I followed him.
That I am with my heart once again.
So was this cake competition Sangwoo's way of projecting his mother's issues onto Bum (i.e defending her/Bum by winning)? Does Sangwoo still see Bum as his mother, or as a separate person?
Interesting question, anon. Honestly, this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think Sangwoo actually sees Bum as his mother, or even really as a “replacement” so to speak. Bum has always been his own person, but Sangwoo wanted to have the companionship and unconditional love that his mom provided him. So, I don’t think he ever really saw Bum as a “new mother” or some kind of mommy kink thing. I think he was really just lonely and looking for someone who would accept him as he is. As for the comparisons, I have a feeling the forced feminization was a method of control through humiliation. How better to keep Bum off-balance and subordinate? Plus it reminds him of his “place” in the household, namely beneath Sangwoo and at his beck and call.
I do think that Sangwoo was trying to defend Bum’s “honor” though. He walked up to his “partner in crime” being harassed and bullied by some other guy, someone who was stopping Bum from doing as Sangwoo asked. At no point was that exchange “about the cake.” It was always about power. Yoonjae was one of Bum’s (many) bullies, and he absolutely wanted to relive that rush of power. He can’t push him around in front of his girlfriend (that would make her uncomfortable and maybe make her dislike him), but he can take the last cake from him and remind Bum of how much less he is. So when Sangwoo steps up and interrupts, Yoonjae needs to escalate. He can’t let Sangwoo take the cake, because that means that Sangwoo is the better/stronger man. Sangwoo knows that; it’s why he insists on continuing and refuses to back down, even though Bum and the girlfriend clearly just want it to be over with. (She offers to let them keep the cake more than once, after all. That was more about her discomfort with confrontation than kindness in my opinion. She was in an awkward situation; giving them the cake would end it. Plus it isn’t even an anniversary cake.)
I really love the relationship growth we’re seeing, actually. Sangwoo has decided to keep Bum, Bum has decided to stay, and Sangwoo is going to be a lot more protective moving forward, I think. I doubt this is the last time we’ll see Sangwoo stepping up to stop people from being mean to Bum. After all, an insult against Bum is an insult against him as well. That means they doubt his taste and his choice, which is Rude. He needs to keep Bum on his toes, of course (hence the taunt with the phone), but the days of constant tests are probably (hopefully) over.
I think the most telling scene is actually that little head bap he does with Bum. We’ve just seen Sangwoo get a 998 on a punching strength test. So the fact that he holds out his fist and tells Bum to knock his head against it says a lot. He doesn’t want to hurt Bum, but he does want to make his displeasure clear, so he lets Bum control the strength of the hit, almost having him choose his punishment. “You’re annoying, but I’m not going to hit you when you were trying to do as I asked” or “I’m mad, but for once I’m more angry at someone else than at you” or “I’m mad that you lied to me, but you’ve been good lately. Continue being good and I won’t have to hit you again” or something like that. I really think that he’s more annoyed about Bum having the gall to lie to him than about anything else that happened. If Bum plays his cards right, he could make it through this unscathed, but it really depends on how apologetic he is. And how mad Sangwoo really is.
I give us three chapters, maybe four, before Sangwoo has the uncle in the basement. My major question is how active a role he makes Bum take. This is the perfect time for him to make Bum see killing as a way to exert power and take control of his life. No one would be a better turning point than his uncle.
Opening Note: What if Yuuki knew…? AKA I’m so sorry about this
Her eyes. I was always enraptured by those eyes. They were so soft, round and dark - framed by thick lashes. In the sunlight they’d shimmer like a jewel in a desert - but in the moonlight they’d gleam like a brilliant diamond in an ocean of darkness.
Her eyes had known joy, but they had also known pain. As I saw those eyes filled with shimmering tears, I wished with all my being that she’d never have to know pain again - if there was no way she could be without it at all.
She knew the truth just as well as I did. It was a dangerous world outside the comfort of her arms. Each day I stepped out of the door was a day that she’d wait with baited breath for me to come back home. To think I had such a place in the life of someone so radiant.
Today was significant. We could feel it in the chilled air, taste it in our hot blood. We parted with a kiss, the unspoken promise reiterated between us just in case. I felt her gentle hand on mine, preventing me from opening the front door.
“Promise me you’ll come home to me.”
I smiled the smile she liked the best, quelling her fears for that moment.