PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE HASN'T DONE PARKER/HARDISON YET.
OKAY SOMEONE HASN’T DONE PARKER/HARDISON YET. But now I will! I might throw some Eliot in there too, because dorothyoz39 requested that. :-)
- Drinks all of the coffee: I don’t think Parker or Hardison are big coffee drinkers, so…Eliot, maybe? I guess he’s shown drinking coffee a few times.
- Brings up adopting a pet: Hardison. Parker barely knew what to do with a plant.
- Kills the bugs: Parker.
- Cooks the meals: Eliot. Parker would live on cold cereal if they let her, and Hardison can cook but usually gets so into whatever project he’s working on that he forgets to eat, let alone cook. If it weren’t for him, Eliot grumbles, they’d probably both have rickets or some shit. And if he didn’t cook for them, they’d just steal his sandwiches anyway, Hardison. Yeah, that’s right, he knows about that.
- Starts getting into holidays way before they should: Parker.
- Initiates the couple selfies: Hardison.
- Forgets the birthdays and anniversaries: Parker doesn’t forget them, but they’re not as important to her as they are to Hardison, and she feels awkward about things like anniversaries and birthdays because she didn’t celebrate stuff like that growing up. Hardison totally gets that, though, and he basically tells Parker early on that he doesn’t care if she makes a big deal about his birthday – and he really means it. He plans his own birthday celebrations, and involves Parker in the planning, and that works out pretty well for them both. (Eliot quietly makes them both their favorite meals and a cake on both their birthdays every year, just like he does for Nate and Sophie, when they’re all in the same place.)
- Always ends up with too much junk food after grocery shopping: Let’s just say their house is well-stocked with orange soda, gummy frogs, and a wide variety of breakfast cereals, and they regularly get donuts from their favorite bakery. (They don’t worry too much about things like vegetables and fiber. That’s why they have Eliot, who stomps around complaining about grown-ass adults who eat like 10-year-olds while he cuts up fruit and measures out yogurt and chia seeds to make freezer smoothie packs for them, and then cooks them “a real meal with actual protein and vegetables, and you’re gonna eat it so you aren’t the first two cases of goddamn scurvy in modern-day Portland”. This arrangement works out really well for Parker and Hardison, who’d both rather do things other than cook, and for Eliot, who loves cooking for them.)
- Nicknames the other: Hardison has at least a dozen nicknames for Parker. (Hardison has at least a dozen nicknames for everyone he loves, actually, but not everyone is as cool with him using them as Parker is, Eliot – man, you really need to relax.) Parker mostly just calls him Hardison around other people. When it’s just the two of them, she calls him Alec about half the time, and the way she says it makes Hardison feel like it’s an endearment.