“Push” - Part 2
Why do I keep writing imagines that make me cry!?
“Please, don’t ask me anything”, I begged on the phone, “Just say yes”
“Fine”, my cousin sighed, “Just don’t drive at night, okay? You can come in the morning”
“Thank you”, I had called my cousin in Lodi, asking if I could stay at her house for a few days, “I’ll drive safe, don’t worry”
I ended the call and put the phone on my dinner table. I couldn’t stay in Charming another day. No, I wasn’t leaving for good, I just needed a couple of days far from that town, somewhere Filip wouldn’t find me. I didn’t want listen him in that moment. Like he had said, I needed time to calm down and then hear whatever explanation he had to give me.
I skipped lunch and surprised my boss when I entered the office. I asked for a few days off and she wasn’t very happy about it, but understood. I got back home and let my suitcase ready. I forced myself to eat a soup and laid in my dark room. It was early and I wasn’t feeling sleepy, it just wanted to hug the pillow that had his scent.
He drove back to the clubhouse, his hands gripping hard the handlebar and his jaw clenched so tight it hurt. ‘We are done’; her words were repeating on his mind. No, they weren’t done, they couldn’t be. In a short time, Y/N became the most important person to him, she made Chibs fell he had a home to go back.
How she discovered he was married? He knew it was wrong to hide, he should have told her, but… He was feeling like a teenager again, falling in love and planning a future. He shouldn’t do it while he wasn’t single again. He was married to Fiona, but only in paper. Their relationship had died, the only thing in common they had was Kerrianne, their daughter. Jesus! It would be worst when he told Y/N about his kid. Damn! He needed a drink.
Chibs smoothed his hair back, walking to the clubhouse. He didn’t noticed Gemma was there until she got in his way and hold out a hand in front of him, “Boys told me you and Y/N had an argument”
“Not quite”, he grumbled, passing by her. Gemma followed him to the bar.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”, she asked. He reached for a bottle of whisky just to have it taken from his hands.
“I need a drink”, he sighed. Last thing he needed was Gemma acting like his mother. She raised an eyebrow, gazing at him. She poured a glass and he thankfully drank it.
“You get another one after tell me what happened”, she demanded. Chibs sighed and sat on a stool close to her.
I laid in bed thinking about Filip, about our relationship: how it started, the intimacy, how he treated me, how he hold me after a bad day, how much I loved him and had planned a future together.
What would he do after not finding me at home? My heart broke a little more thinking about him worried, imagining thousands things that could have happened. Filip… I would miss him so much!
I was so exhausted that, at some moment, I felt asleep. I woke up and noticed I was a little late for my trip. I had breakfast and grabbed my suitcase, walking to the front door. I opened it and Filip was there, hand in the air, ready to knock. I gasped and he smiled, but then he gazed at the suitcase in my hands and his smile faded.
“Going somewhere lass?”, he swallowed, eyes sad.
Gemma didn’t let him drink more than another glass and sent Chibs back to work. He helped Tig all day, but he wasn’t really there. He closed TM and went to his bedroom, desperate for a bath. Her perfume was still in the air when he entered the room. He opened his drawer and glanced at the mirror. A copy of his marriage license was there. That was how Y/N had discovered he was married. Chibs groaned and took it out, not bothering if it would rip in the middle. He got in the shower and let the hot water fall on his shoulders. He had to talk to her. She would be calm after a night of sleep and would listen him.
He felt asleep after his bath, laying on his bed wearing only his boxers and breathing her perfume on the sheets. Chibs woke up with the first light in the morning and made coffee before leave the clubhouse. Nobody was around to stop him from going to Y/N’s house. She would start work later and probably was still sleeping. He hopped off his bike and walked to her front door. Before he could knock it opened and his eyes met hers, widen in surprise. He smiled and noticed something on her hand. A suitcase.
His mouth got dry, “Going somewhere lass?”
“Filip, please”, she sighed, “Not now”
“Now I’m Filip again”, he scoffed, “When? When are you going to listen me Love?”
“Could you please not make a scene outside my house?”, she pursed her lips and Chibs smirked.
“Sure”, one hand yanked the suitcase from her hands and the other rested on her waist, making her walk backwards. Chibs closed the door behind him and let her bag fall, “Are you planning to run every time things get hard? ‘Cause if you are, then I shouldn’t be trying so hard to make you listen me, it’s not worth it”
“Why do you want me to stay?”, Y/N opened her arms, cheeks red and Chibs stared at her. She looked beautiful, even with that anger in her eyes and the shadows under them, “You have a wife! Go back to her!”
“I can’t!”, Chibs raised his voice, taking a step forward. Y/N didn’t move an inch, stubborn as only her could be, “I can’t, because she isn’t here! She is in Belfast! And we are married only in paper…For years!”
Y/N opened her mouth, ready to say something, but then closed it, when she understood his words. She swallowed and took a deep breath before speak again, “Why aren’t you divorced yet?”
“Her safety”, Chibs let his shoulders fall. That was the moment he should tell her everything, starting for Kerrianne, “Fiona and Kerrianne’s safety”
“Who is Kerrianne?”, Y/N creased her brow and he pinched his nose before continue.
“Your what?”, my head was spinning again. I covered my mouth with my hand and turned my back on Filip. I let myself fall on the couch, eyes closed. I felt his hand on my arm and pulled it back.
Filip was at my house again. I could see the shadows under his eyes. His night of sleep must had been as good as mine; only a few hours. He wouldn’t give up, he was trying to talk to me again. He shouldn’t be there, he had a wife.
A woman that was on the other side of the ocean, in Belfast. “We are married only in paper”, he had said. If he wasn’t with her anymore, then why stay married?
“Fiona and Kerrianne’s safety”, he answered. That was when my world turned upside down again. Filip not only had a wife, he had a daughter too.
“Y/N”, he called by my side. My eyes were still closed as my chest was heaving. I was wondering what else the man that I loved was hiding from me.
“I can’t believe it”, I sighed, almost crying. I was so tired, I didn’t had energy to argue anymore. I just wanted him to hug me and tell me it had been only a bad dream.
“You know my story with Jimmy O’Phelan”, I felt Filip sat on the couch and opened my eyes again. His hands were over his knees, quiet. Yes, I knew about Jimmy, his enemy. That man had banished Filip from IRA years ago and that was how my handsome Scotsman had become a member of SAMCRO, “What you don’t know is that he took my family too, after banish me. Fiona and Kerrianne are his guarantee that I…behave. He lives with my wife, he sees my daughter grow. They live like this because of me and, as odd as it sounds, being married with Fiona helps to keep them safe, give them a certain protection that Jimmy can‘t ignore”
“What about love?”, I fought against the tears, looking at some point on the wall in front of me, “Don’t you love each other anymore?”
“It died. This life killed it and I guess we were doomed”, he was sad, I could tell. I wanted to get lost in each other’s arms, but I couldn’t. It’s funny how, sometimes, the only person that can make you feel better, is the one who hurt you, isn’t it?, “Do you understand now why I’m trying so hard Love? I can’t lose you, I thought I would never find love again, but here you are”
“Please, don’t”, I whispered. He tried to pull me to his arms, but I got up, straying from his touch. I wiped the tears and finally looked at him again. Filip grimaced and shook his head, already knowing what I would say next, “You should go Filip”
“Where are you going Love?”, he asked, looking to the floor. I saw his jaw twitch.
“It’s just for a few days”, I answered. He nodded and rubbed his goatee before get up. I embraced myself as he kissed my forehead and turned his back on me, leaving me alone again.