please let me be the first joke of this

ASTRO reaction to you calling them “oppa / hyung” for the first time

Myungjun;

“say it again! please!” Loves it

Originally posted by asterocky

Jinwoo;

“So finally after months I’m yours completely? I’m so happy”

Originally posted by binsblush

Bin;

“I’m your oppa/hyung now! hehe, now you have to love me~”

Originally posted by m00nb1n

(my feels)

Dongmin;

“finally! I was getting tired waiting, haha I’m joking I’d wait forever~”

Originally posted by kibaems

Minhyuk;

“Now that you accepted I’m yours, lets go and oppa/hyung will treat you”

Originally posted by asterocky

Sanha;

“wahh, I’m so shy right now~ I love you jagi”

Originally posted by whosrocky

3

<<Got her!>>, the doctor announced. She handed the first baby to the nurse, and then quickly returned to Alina. <<Okay now, I’m not gonna keep you waiting. I can see the little one doesn’t wanna be late to the party>>, he joked. <<Alina, you are so close. One last push>>.

Alina shook her head, crying, wanting to puke, screaming. Please let this be over, she prayed. The had no idea how much time had passed, and while she knew she only had two babies to give birth to, they felt like a hundred. Then, finally, she heard those words.

<<I’ve got her!>>, he doctor exclaimed joyfully.

anonymous asked:

Itachi scenario where his partner makes a joke and he laughs so hard and he can't stop laughing because my poor baby needs some more love :'( Please and thank

Alright people, I used a pun from that video on twitter that was too fucking funny for me I’m so sorry it’s horrible

When Itachi came home that day, he was exhausted. Another mission that had to be done. He kissed you and let his body fall on the couch heavily, sighing. It was probably the first time you saw him that tired. As usual, you sat next to him and asked him how his day was. He told you about it, briefly and simply. It was quite obviou that you were only going to sleep that night. 

You kissed him, sliding your hand on his torso but he broke the kiss and looked at you, shaking the head.

“I’m sorry [Y/N].”

You smiled, getting up from the couch. You approached the wall and glanced at your boyfriend with a dramatic look. Pointing at the light swich you couldn’t help but make a terrible mistake.

“All these switches and I still can’t turn you on.”

The room remained silent for a few seconds when you were wondering if you were going to jump out of the windown after this horrible pun.

Itachi bursted out laughing suddenly.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, chuckling.

Itachi laughed even more, wrapping his arms around his belly as it was hurting.

You didn’t know why he was laughing like that but you jumped on the couch besides him and started to have an uncontrollable fit of laughter with him as well.

“Oh my gosh…” He managed to say between giggles, his eyes starting to water as he couldn’t help but laugh even more.

You both laughed for a long moment and when you stopped you started laughing again when you looked at each other. You ended up not knowing why you were laughing : because of your bad pun or because Itachi was laughing ?

After a while, Itachi’s laugh started to fade away as he whipped the small tear coming out of hie eye.

“That was probably the worst pun you’ve ever made.”

“At least I made you laugh.” You answered, smiling brightly.

He smiled back at you, his stomach still hurting.

Itachi didn’t often laugh, though when he’s tired he could laugh to anything.

-Admin L

GUYS GUYS I GET TO SHOW @justsomespacedust INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE TONIGHT

I want us to play a drinking game but I’m concerned that it’s disingenuous that I know the movie inside & out so I’m basically SCHEDULING TIMES FOR US TO DRINK and I’m also concerned that I MEAN, WE’RE GONNA GET ALCOHOL POISONING???????????????

Here’s what I got so far and please let me know if you have other suggestions so that I can pick a few:

  • Louis sets something on fire.
  • Lestat laughs at his own jokes.
  • Armand says something medium-indecipherable with his thick spooky vampire accent.
  • @monstersinthecosmos starts crying over something really random because of deep VC feels and subtext.

And that’s it, that’ll do it, we’ll be hammered. 

BONUS LIGHTNING ROUND

  • A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE NOVEL IS USED

BUT LIKE TBH IDK IF ANYONE WILL PICK UP ON THAT EXCEPT ME. But this would be helpful cause it’ll get us through the first like 20 minutes before Louis sets something on fire. 


Anyway give me ideas so that I can come up with a few that won’t have us vomiting and crying by the end of the night. I’ve done VC BOOK DRINKING GAME BEFORE cause I enjoy drinking alcohol all by myself while i READ BOOKS /loser lol. But this is TRICKY! 

Originally posted by plaguedevol

*Pickles Voice* too drunk….. too drunk !

anonymous asked:

I'm a jerk? Seriously? I asked you a question, you didn't answer me, you were rude to me. And I'm the jerk? The simple mind? Is this how you treat who is critical of what Marvel is doing to heroes? That drives fans away, Mr. Jordan. We LOVE these characters, sir. Just understand this, please.

Ok, let me answer this one with complete sincerity, no joking at all.

First off, I still don’t know what question you are referring to. You’re asking questions anonymously, remember, so I have no way of knowing what other questions you’ve written other than context clues in your current one.

So–based off the context clues in this one (your reference to my “simple mind” response) I am guessing you wrote this:
‘but then again, I think killing is wrong pretty much across the board.’ –  Oookay– the only exception was that stupid superiorrrraaarrrgh spider-man. The maniac sociopath that Mr. Slott pushed us. And you loved it.

That first line was you quoting me. The rest of the post…again, does not contain a question. And in that non-question you called a friend of mine a sociopath which you then used to cast an aspersion on me by saying I loved the work of a sociopath.  I responded to your very rude post in a very flip manner, but even so, I did so because your logic is faulty. I said I believe killing is wrong, you responded by pointing out that I like Superior Spider-Man.  I do–and when he kills people, I think he is doing the wrong thing. He is a villain, Otto Octavius, and does many bad things before he eventually learns how to be a (slighty) better person before dying. That’s good storytelling, and storytelling with a FIRM moral grounding, not remotely the work of a sociopath.

Now, we still have not found this question you’ve accused me of not answering. Let’s take a leap and guess that you asked the question you quoted my response to there, when I said I thought killing was wrong. That ask was:
I think something that would help and I am not trolling by saying this is to stop superheroes committing acts that meet the UN definition of acts of genocide. I know you don’t stop that overall but at least in the books that you oversee as editor. I mean how am I expected to buy into Black Bolt or Scarlet Witch being heroes after what they have done and then have everyone being okay with it. I think that’s also why people are so mystified with the Scott-Hitler comparison.

Again…no question was asked. But I think my response was pretty great and I stand behind it, talking about examples of genocide in comics I’ve worked on and/or seen in comics while here.

So I still have not found this big question I have refused to answer…and which you feel so strongly about. Is it possible it’s a question you asked later? I suppose that’s possible, but once you start calling people sociopaths that you have never met and know nothing about…yeah, I think it’s ok for me to be dismissive of you. You ARE the jerk in that situation, I am afraid.

I like interacting with fans, but I don’t like interacting with you, which is unfortunate. Apparently, we both love Spider-Man a lot–there is probably a lot we could talk about if you wanted to do it in a polite manner. I have often said that while I hate all religion, Spider-Man is for me all the positive things in my life that religious people say religion is for them. He is that big a part of me. So, you don’t need to tell me what it’s like to love these characters. I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS. But, to go back to the religious metaphor, I am not dogmatic about these characters, and I realize that the beauty that we get out of the characters and stories is more important than the fiction life the fictional characters live.

This was a long post to say…no one wants you to be driven away from the characters or comics. But I would like you to think about your words before you write them anonymously.

NSFW Suvi x Sara Ryder headcanon

(What’s the official ship name? I was thinking Savi as in savvy but what do I know)

Anyway

Imagine Sara and Suvi a few months into the relationship and Sara is comfortable enough to explore the idea of roleplaying. Suvi laughs it off at first, thinking it’s a joke but Sara is deadly serious.

“Just imagine me in a hospital gown and you’re my ridiculously sexy doctor giving me a thorough pelvic exam when all of sudden you find yourself three fingers deep in me, going as fast and hard as you please and I’m begging you for more. I’ll then decide to repay you by letting you sit on my face. Doesn’t sound so bad, right?”

Suvi’s blush deepens and she finds herself hot under the collar. Perhaps roleplaying was more enticing than it seemed. Let’s just say Sara was very grateful all around for entertaining that idea.

Confession - Part 1

Chanyeol angsty scenario where you’re his best friend and you’re dating Suho (who happens to be his friend so ofc why not) and he confesses his love for you when Suho is out of the country filming.

I love these kinds of scenarios >:)

This is my first ever written scenario so sorry if it’s a little long and mushy gushy *cringe* (bc honestly I love these types of scenarios)!

I couldn’t have done it without some great friends of mine (you know who you guys are <3)

Also, please let me know how you guys feel about it! I would love to hear your opinions on it! <3

Originally posted by bikons

Keep reading

Why I Don’t Write Abuse

Buckle up because I’m crying and having flashbacks so it’s time for Kimmy’s abuse story!

By the way the word trigger is used in this as an actual term for PTSD if you think trigger jokes are funny then please do me a favor and leave I don’t want you here in my bubble.

Why do you write for DL if you are an abuse victim?

Because if I let my abuse get in the way like I have for the past year and a half then I wouldn’t enjoy anything. I know good and goddamn well that Diabolik Lovers is a fandom of sadists, abusers, rapists, and the victims of it. There is no way around that, and yes it has triggered flashbacks in the past when I first started getting into it. I’ve become desensitized to the boys’ behavior and that is the only reason why I can actually sit in this fandom and shrug it off.

I don’t write abusive situation because I unconsciously go through my own situations as I write them. Do you know what it’s like to replay your ex beating you with a metal pipe over and over again just to finish a scenario for someone you don’t even know? No? Then shut it. Yes? Then we’re on the same boat.

A story for the ages is under the cut

Keep reading

Goodbye (Joker x Reader)

This is my first oneshot (that I’m posting) so please take it easy on me! I did my best and feel free to send me requests!! I’m dying to get this blog up and running so please help a girl out and like/reblog maybe? I dunno! Let me know what you think guys thank you so much! 

—————————————————————————-



“How can you live with yourself? How can you sleep at night knowing that you took everything from me. You took my heart, my soul, my life. Was this all a joke to you?” Tears streamed down your cheeks as you stared at the cold, expressionless face of the man you loved. Sure, you knew going into this that it was going to be difficult, he was the Joker for Christs sake! The Clown Prince of Crime, the King of Gotham City, the man who stole your heart. He was a bad man, one of the worst, that was for sure but he had always loved you and cared for you, or so you thought.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” he said in a deep monotone voice. His icy blue stare pierced right through you. The eyes that once gave you so much kindness were now breaking you down.

“I’m leaving J. I’m going somewhere where you won’t be able to find me. I’m not your pet anymore. I’m going to live a life for myself. I’m going to get a nice job, and house, a man that actually loves me and cares for me. I’m going to be happy J. I’m leaving so that I can be happy. I’m leaving and even though you might not care, I do. I sacrificed everything for you and now it’s time to do something for me. No it’s time to stop loving you and to start loving myself. Bye J.” The tears were pouring and the hiccups were coming but you had to say it. You had to get that off your chest. “You’ve controlled me for too long. It’s my time now. It’s my time to be happy.”

“You won’t do that Y/N. You’re not going to leave, you’re not going anywhere,” he said calmly. “You couldn’t survive on your own Y/N. You need me.” He wouldn’t look at you, sitting at his desk in his office, rummaging through paperwork, anything but look at you. This all started when you walked in on him and some trampy blonde dancer from his club. His moans mixed with her screams of pleasure, that was the moment that ruined your life.

“That’s where you’re wrong J. See you’re wrong because before you, I had a normal life. I had a normal boyfriend who loved me, I had a normal apartment where I had all my normal things, I had a normal job where I made a normal amount of money. I was normal J. I miss normal…” Your voice dragged off as you felt the tears stop. You were just tired now. Tired of arguing, tired of begging, tired of loving. “Just tell me why. What did I do? Why wasn’t I good enough?” The trembling in your voice gave away how truly upset you were.

He looked at you with boredom in his eyes, clearly unaffected by your pleas for answers. “You were fine.” His brief, abrupt answer surprised you as you were simply expecting one of his fury filled gazes. “Are you done here Y/N? I have work to do and you’re being unreasonable. Go back to bed.” You gave him one last look before turning around and leaving the office. You beelined for the bedroom, throwing all your belongings into a bag and heading towards the front door.

“Goodbye J…” Your voice was soft and quiet and exhausted. Exhausted from this life of constant mayhem and chaos. You maybe one day wanted to start a family and this was no way to do it. This was dangerous and you couldn’t stay. Your family had a nice beach house down south, you could go down there until you found a job and finally got back on your feet. Stepping out of the house you took a deep breath. Revelled in the fact that you were a free woman, ready to live the life she always wanted. The walk to the bus stop was refreshing, calming, and extremely relaxing. You were worn out by all the emotions flying through you and couldn’t wait to get to the station.

This big coach bus pulled up in front of you. Ticket in hand, grin on your face you were excited to start this new chapter.

“Y/N what are you doing.” His voice sent chills down your spine, calm and furious. You didn’t even need to turn around and look at him to tell that his expression was filled with pure and utter rage, fists clenched, mouth in a tight line, shoulders rising and falling with each heavy breath.

“I told you I’m leaving J. This is me leaving. This is me doing everything I told you I was gonna do while you weren’t listening to me. I’m leaving far away from you and I’m not coming back.” You didn’t have it in you to turn around, to look into those eyes again. You couldn’t.

“Don’t you dare take one more step Y/N. Don’t you fucking dare. You think you can just leave me Y/N? You are so dumb to think you can just walk away.” You took one big breath and stepped on to the bus, turning away from this life forever. You could hear his angry yelling through the windows of the bus. You leaned your head against the cool glass window as the bus finally started to push forward, officially on your way way to starting a fresh new life.

“Goodbye J.”


Part 2 here!

YO OK SO I JUST SAW A POST WARNING ABOUT THIS SO, AS SOMEONE WHO HAS SEEN THE MOVIE, LET ME CLEAR THIS RIGHT UP:

Things Deadpool movie had:

  • Nudity (male and female)
  • Sex
  • Dick and sex jokes
  • Awkward camera placing
  • Torture
  • MURDER and some gore
  • A mention of prior abuse

Things Deadpool movie did not have:

  • Rape jokes
  • Anti-trans jokes
  • Humor at the expense of anyone’s sexuality or gender in a negative way.
  • Sexual assault/abuse of any form (nothing explicitly shown)

Like seriously. There were sex jokes every scene but nothing bad bad. And it was also surprisingly respectful towards women considering the nature of certain scenes.

So….really. If you’re ok with the things I listed in the first category, you don’t have to worry. Deadpool was a good movie.

i started writing a post abt dave chappelle’s new netflix special (the first one, haven’t seen the second yet) and now it’s a 3 page essay about cross-cultural empathy and identity politics in comedy… i wish i could let go of my compulsion to analyze every piece of media i consume but ok lol

(if anyone’s curious i can send it along but please don’t make me post it; Public Web Forum Discoursers Anonymous just gave me my 2 month chip)

Hollywood Did It Again.

I don’t always get to do super long rants over Tumblr, so let me do one really quickly. If you don’t like rants, I would implore you read this anyway, but if you must, scroll down very quickly.

I am really really pissed off about the Gods of Egypt cast. This entire movie has got to be a joke. I don’t plan to watch the movie for a few reasons.

The first and most important of all is that we have a bunch of British white dudes as the main characters. It’s a movie about Egyptian gods. So please tell me, why are their gods white?

Let me show you some wall carvings of ancient Egyptian gods:

Tell me, how many of these look vaguely white-skinned to you? That’s right, TWO. TWO OF THEM. And they’re actually more of a bronze-skin if you look in most of their drawings.

Now, with the knowledge of how they look up top, please let us observe some of these movie posters.

Oh, look down. ONE not-white person so far. Great. +1 for Hollywood diversity!

*sarcasm alert*

…….

…………

WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY HAPPENED.

WAS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO FIND ACTUAL EGYPTIAN ACTORS TO FIT YOUR MAIN ROLES?

WAS IT REALLY?

Now, I am not against all white people. I am white. Nor am I against white people in films.

But this… this does not even make sense. After that complete disaster that was Exodus: Gods and Kings, who let this guy make another historical movie? Who?

NOW ANOTHER THING that is pissing me off: not only are they not Egyptian, they do not look even vaguely like the gods they are supposed to be!

Think about it. They could actually make them look really cool if they stuck with the animals heads as they are originally portrayed. Even if it was just a mask or a helmet, that could be awesome! But they didn’t even try! They gave them capes. CAPES.

If they had just listened to my good friend Edna Mode, they could have been spared so many things. In fact, they look far better without them!

I am not against modernizing characters from ancient tales, but this is just ridiculous. Let me show you how awesome it could be if they kept it close to the originals but modernized slightly (ignore the cape):

NOW THAT LOOKS LIKE A GOD.

Oh, wait, there’s MORE beautiful art they could base it off of.

And for my personal favorite style:

But they didn’t do any of these. I can’t even imagine a good reason that they didn’t do it this way!

If you are going to make a movie about someone’s culture, do not completely disrespect the culture in doing so. And I think they have. So please, don’t watch this movie. Maybe I’m a bit more disgusted than I need to be, but I don’t think so.

Gabriel Penn, out.

anonymous asked:

wait how did you tell the game (fire emblems heroes) who you married?? I am confused

It’s mostly a joke. The day that Heroes released I looked through the list and saw that Henry was available. I basically said “Game please let me summon the man I married in Awakening.” It gave me Gaius first that day, who was my second choice for a husband. And I was happy about it still because I didn’t know he was available and it was a nice surprise. And two hours later I summoned Henry and jumped for joy. And I feel like the game took it to its code heart that I said I loved those two. 


However, for collection’s sake, I want Takumi. The game is keeping me from getting upset by giving me Gaius instead.

I can see it in their body language. Boys think that when I laugh at their jokes there is some underlying meaning. They don’t realize that I laugh at everything because it’s all I can do lately to hold it together… It’s just, I don’t intend on falling again any time soon. I refuse to let anyone in again like I did with you.
—  Nothing

anonymous asked:

Let's say you're dating BaekHyun and he's texting you but you're not answering because you're busy or something. What would some of his texts to you look like?~

haha thank you for requesting! i made this kinda dramatic because baek is dramatic

  • lots of whining
  • at first he might think you were mad at him 
  • “hEY BABY ;)) let’s go somewhere today!!!!”
  • “why aren’t you answering”
  • “answer meeee~~~~”
  • “is this because i was joking around too much yesterday ^^;;”
  • “I’M SORRY”
  • “don’t be angry at me i loVE YOU”
  • “please answer~~ ♡♡♡♡”
  • “i will spam your phone until you answer”
  • “i’m seriOUS”
  • “i’ll do it”
  • “you’ll have like two hundred messages from me”
  • “talk to me /pout/”
  • then he’ll send some selfies
  • “aren’t i cute???”
  • “reply and tell me i’m cute”
  • “i mean i already know you think i’m cute but sTILL reply”
  • “can i persuade you to reply with some pictures of my nutella abs (¬‿¬)”
  • “are you okay?? you usually reply once i send pictures of my cute face.. ;-;”
  • “should i be worried????” 
  • he could go on for a while so you’d have to text him back and be like “i’M FINE i was just busy but damn c h i l l  o u t”
  • “i’m glad you’re okay ♡♡” … “but did you see the selfies i sent you”

Originally posted by baehkkyun

-admin J

Look, all I’m saying is that in Andromeda, we better have a geth companion who’s reached full intelligence and individuality. I want them using first person pronouns to describe themselves. I want them joking, questioning sapient beings, recalling when they first gained true intelligence. And if you sided with the quarians or couldn’t reach a compromise and destroyed the geth on Rannoch in 3, then no geth companion available. I want the choices to matter. Please, Bioware. Let them matter this time

Sunburn - Riarkle

So I’m working on this fanfic about Farkle and Riley in their 20′s and it’s mostly about farkle just being helplessly in love with Riley, whats new? and this is a small snippet from it, PLEASE let me know if i should continue idk 

*** so I decided to continue/start this fix. If you wanna check it out here’s the link*** 

“Riley I love you,” he says taking a step closer to her. He lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding. A breath he’d been holding in his entire life.

He thinks back to 11 years prior. Standing in this very spot, it was the first time the two had exchanged I love you’s, the first time they said the three words where Farkle didn’t feel like a joke to her. The first time he ever had hope she would love him back. Of course things were complicated then, but they were more complicated now. Here they were, in the exact same position and here she is crying over Lucas again, the boy who’s supposed to be the love of her life.

Maybe back then Farkle believed it, that Lucas could love Riley the way she should be loved. But he wasn’t naive anymore, he wouldn’t stand by anymore.

She’s staring at him the same way she did that night. Everything is exactly the same and completely different and the two are frozen in time and for one second he feels like he is 14 again, and Isadora loves him and Maya is around and Zay is standing in the background cracking a joke and Farkle doesn’t despise Lucas and Riley, Riley is happy.

“Farkle,” she sighs, that’s all she says, and Farkle knows he can’t be 14 forever. He’s 25 now and nothing is like it used to be and everything is a mess and he’s just ruined the only thing he thought would never change.

Exo Reaction: You sprain your ankle and try to walk it off but limp instead.

Thank you anonymiss or mister for this request and I know it’s super late so please forgive me. I’m in college and it’s my first year so I got really busy. I’m sorry.


Baekhyun:

“Just get on my back already” he said as he bent down in front of you to carry you piggy back.

Chanyeol:

He ran to your side immediately holding your shoulders and saying in a worried tone “Please let me help.”

Chen:

He didn’t find it funny that you had gotten hurt but he had to say a joke, “How far are you going to get walking like that?”

Kai:

“Hey sit down for a bit before trying to walk” he said as he guided you back to the couch.

Kris:

He was a mixture of emotions such as sad, angry, and worried but he was mostly confused not knowing what to do.

Kyungsoo:

He narrowed his eyes, “I’ll kill the choreographer for making you dance such complicated moves.”

Lay:

He would look at you confused, “I don’t understand why you’re trying to walk if you’re obviously hurt.”

Luhan:

He wiggled his brows “I can carry you bridal style now and look manlier.”

Sehun:

He rolled his eyes as he watched you, “You’re going to fall again and it’ll make it worse.”

Suho:

“Babe we can take you to a doctor, I can afford it so stop being stubborn” he said as he wrapped his arm around your waist to give you support.

Tao:

He looked up at you with curiosity, “If you have to get a cast can we decorate it with Gucci tags?”

Xiumin:

He was angry as he said “Are you sure that no one pushed you?”


I hope that you like it and if you want to check out my masterpost here it is, “Master Post.

Please allow me to tell you about this ass right here. This perfectly molded, God given, juicy, voluptuous, curvaceous goddess… I know this woman personally. Let’s just call her “The Bawse”. The first time we ever met changed my outlook on women my age as a whole. We met through a mutual friend. On the day we met we were sitting in the car at this mutual friends house, she got in the car behind me and we were introduced… After moments of petty conversation and awkward sexual jokes the mutual friend promoted that I was “beyond a nympho” jokingly but very serious… She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck from behind…. For the life of me I cannot remember what she whispered in my ear but God knows I have never had an erection as strong as The Bawse gave me. Since that day, I’ve expressed to her how bad I want to taste her juices, feel her body, take my time and give her body the treatment I know it deserves… As I said earlier we are in the same circle of acquaintances so eventually she received word of my somewhat promiscuous past so she strayed away, not knowing in some I’m more talk than action. I always think of this woman. I love the thought of this woman. She knows but she doesn’t know the extent of my passion. I’ve had sex with girls imagining her face on their body. I want nothing more than to make her shiver. I want her to make me her personal whatever. If I had this woman I would never leave, cheat or even look in another’s direction. This woman is of Haitian decent… Voodoo me baby. I want you. Still. Your mind is beautiful. I want to learn you. Please present me with this chance. miyokitty