please keep in mind what i said in my last post

I’ve been contemplating for several days something, and I’ve been trying to distill it into meaning, and put nice little bullet points on how this relates to things that have been bugging me about some common Discourses I’ve been seeing, but at the end, I only really have a story. So here, have a story.

About ten years ago, sometime in the eventful 2006-2007 George W. Bush-ruled hellscape of my identity development, I was just starting to figure out how I felt about my conservative upbringing (not great) and whether I was some brand of queer (probably, but too scared to think about what brand for too long). I was working as a server at a popular Italian-inspired sit-down restaurant that was the closest thing my tiny South Carolinian town had to “fancy” at the time but isn’t really fancy at all.

The host brought a party of four men to one of my tables. It was hard to tell their ages, but my guess is they were teenagers or in their early 20s in the 1980s. Mid-40s, at the time. It was standard to ask if anyone at the table was celebrating anything, so I did. They said they were business partners celebrating a great business deal and would like a bottle of wine.

It was a fairly busy night so I didn’t have a LOT of time to spend at their table, but they were nice guys. They were polite and friendly to me, they didn’t hit on me (as most men were prone to do – sometimes even in front of their girlfriends, a story I’ll tell later if anyone wants me to), and they were racking up a hell of a tab that was going to make my managers happy, so I checked on them as often as I could.

Toward the end of their second bottle of wine, as they were finishing their entrees, I stopped at the table and asked if they wanted any more drinks or dessert or coffee. They were well and truly tipsy by now, giggling, leaning back in their chairs – but so, so careful not to touch each other when anyone was near the table.

They’re all on the fence about dessert, so being a good server, I offered to bring out the dessert menu so they could glance it over and make a decision, “Since you’re celebrating.”

“She’s right!” one of the men said, far too emphatically for a conversation on dessert. “It’s your anniversary! You should get dessert!”

It was like a movie. The whole table went absolutely silent. The clank of silverware at the next table sounded supernaturally loud. Dean Martin warbled “That’s Amore” in some distorted alternate universe where the rest of the restaurant went on acting like this one tipsy man hadn’t just shattered their carefully crafted cover story and blurted out in the middle of a tiny, South Carolina town, surrounded by conservatives and rednecks, that they were gay men celebrating a relationship milestone. 

And I didn’t know what I was yet, but I knew I wasn’t an asshole, and I knew these men were family, and I felt their panic like a monster breathing down all our necks. It’s impossible to emphasize how palpably terrified they were, and how justified their terror was, and how much I wanted them to be happy.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. I said, “Congratulations! How many years?”

The man who’d spoken up burst into tears. His partner stood up and wrapped me in the tightest, warmest hug I’ve ever had – and I’ve never liked being touched by strangers, but this was different, and I hugged him back.

“Thank you,” he whispered, halfway to crying himself. “Thank you so much.”

When he finally let go of me and sat back down, they finally got around to telling me they were, in fact, two couples on a double date, and both celebrating anniversaries. Fifteen years for one of them, I think, and a few years off for the other. It’s hard to remember. It was a jumble of tears and laughter and trembling relief for all of us. They got more relaxed. They started holding hands – under the table, out of sight of anyone but me, but happy.

They did get dessert, and I spent more time at their table, letting them tell me stories about how they met and how they started dating and their lives together, and feeling this odd sense of belonging, like I’d just discovered a missing branch of my family.

When they finally left, all four of them took turns standing up and hugging me, and all four of them reached into their wallets to tip me. I tried to wave them off but they insisted, and the first man who’d hugged me handed me forty dollars and said, “Please. You are an angel. Please take this.”

After they left I hid in the bathroom and cried because I couldn’t process all my thoughts and feelings.

Fast forward to three days ago, when my own partner and I showed up to a dinner reservation at a fancy-casual restaurant to celebrate our fifth anniversary. The whole time I was getting ready to leave, there was a worry in the back of my mind. The internet web form had asked if the reservation was celebrating anything in particular, and I’d selected “Anniversary.” I stood in the bathroom blow-drying my hair, wondering what I would do if we showed up, two women, and the host or the server took one look at us and the “Anniversary” designation on our reservation and refused to serve us. It’s not as ubiquitous anymore, but we’re still in the south, and these things still happen. Eight years of progressive leadership is over, and we’ve got another conservative despot in office who’s emboldening assholes everywhere.

It was on my mind the whole fifteen minutes it took to drive there. I didn’t mention it to my partner because I didn’t want to cast a shadow over the occasion. More than that, I didn’t want to jinx us, superstitious bastard that I am.

We walked into the restaurant. I told the hostess we had a reservation, gave her my last name.

She looked at her screen, then looked back at us. She smiled, broadly and genuinely, and said, “Happy anniversary! Your table is right this way.”

Our server greeted us, said, “I heard you were celebrating!”

“It’s our anniversary,” Kellie said, and our server gasped, beaming.

“That’s great! Congratulations! How many years?”

And I finally breathed a sigh of relief, and I thought about those men at that restaurant ten years ago. I hope they’re still safe and happy, and I hope we all get the satisfaction of helping the world keep blooming into something that’s not so unrelentingly terrible all the time.

Things the Hogwarts Houses say

(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)

Hufflepuff -

  • “If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend" 
  •  "I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
  • “Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
  • “Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
  • “Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
  • “You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME
  • “Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
  • “Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
  • “Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
  • “This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
  • (crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”

Ravenclaw -

  •  "Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
  • “What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
  • “Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
  • “I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
  • “What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
  • “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
  • No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
  • “You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go
  • “I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
  • “Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
  • (crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”

Gryffindor - 

  • “I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
  • “Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
  • "What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
  • “Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
  • “Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
  • “Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
  • Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
  • “Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
  • “I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
  • “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
  • “I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”

Slytherin - 

  • “Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
  • “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
  • “Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
  • “If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
  • “Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
  • “Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
  • “But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
  • “Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
  • “My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
  • “I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
  • “What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”
Drabble List

So I just finished posting the last of the previous volley of drabbles so I decided to come up with a new prompt list. It’s mostly a hodge-podge of stuff from my own brain or inspired by songs or different shows and stuff but there are some from other prompt lists so, if anyone wants me to give credit, drop me a message and I’ll be sure to do so.

  1. “If you had asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
  2. “You’re too good for this world.”
  3. “Could you be happy, here, with me?”
  4. “How long do we have?”
  5. “Do you think we’re bad people?”
  6. “How did we become this?”
  7. “I can hardly stand myself.”
  8. “Go to hell.”
  9. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m going to take care of you.”
  10. “There was a time before all of this.”
  11. “No one will ever believe us.”
  12. “Don’t come near me or I swear I’ll kill you.”
  13. “My hobby is making fun of you when you talk.”
  14. “I used to do a lot of things.”
  15. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve moved on and I have to be okay with that.”
  16. “Do you wish things had happened differently?”
  17. “Don’t you dare look him in the eye.”
  18. “I’ll be here as long as it takes.”
  19. “We were never meant to fight on our own.”
  20. “Something’s clearly wrong.”
  21. “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”
  22. “This is going to hurt.”
  23. “I don’t need to be the hero tonight.”
  24. “Am I ever going to see you again?”
  25. “We always have a choice.”
  26. “You’re holding back.”
  27. “I don’t want to feel like this tomorrow.”
  28. “Is that a threat?”
  29. “If you don’t like this world then change it.”
  30. “Are you kidding me? We’re not fine!”
  31. “You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
  32. “Keep your eyes on me.”
  33. “You can lie to yourself but don’t lie to me.”
  34. “I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing.”
  35. “If you make one more stupid pun, I will literally stab you.”
  36. “I wasn’t going to mention it.”
  37. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.”
  38. “I’m here for you.”
  39. “What are you so happy about?”
  40. “That’s not what I meant and you know it!”
  41. “You’re putting words in my mouth!”
  42. “We have to stick together.”
  43. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
  44. “Don’t leave me behind.”
  45. “What are you looking at?”
  46. “How did you find me?”
  47. “Who did this to you?”
  48. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
  49. “I have to tell you something.”
  50. “I need more time.”
  51. “You deserve better than me.”
  52. “This isn’t fair!”
  53. “If you kill them, you’d better kill me too, because otherwise I’m going to kill you.”
  54. “Please don’t shut me out.”
  55. “You are my best friend in the whole world, okay?”
  56. “Don’t you dare die on me!”
  57. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
  58. “You’re out of your damn mind.”
  59. “No one can hurt me like you can.”
  60. “You are my sunshine.”
  61. “This is all my fault.”
  62. “Please, don’t cry.”
  63. “Maybe I can’t fix you but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”
  64. “You should see this.”
  65. “You make me feel invincible.”
  66. “I’ll keep you safe.”
  67. “Don’t look at me like that.”
  68. “Let’s do something crazy.”
  69. “We are not going to steal someone’s dog.”
  70. “Do you trust me?”
  71. “You don’t get to pick and choose. You’re stuck with me.”
  72. “You know I’m gonna win, right?”
  73. “Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about.”
  74. “I didn’t mean what I said.”
  75. “Do you ever follow directions?”
on the new Iron Fist series

So after binge watching a ton of Marvel’s new Iron Fist series, I went onto tumblr, wondering what the fandom was up to now, what with all these new gifs and stuff to make. ‘Maybe I would find some fan art or something’ I thought innocently to myself,

BUT BOY WAS I WRONG

instead, I was greeted with SO MUCH DISCOURSE on how Iron Fist ‘needs a chinese-american actor’ or ‘has terrible dialogue and is slow’.

the best part is when I found out that some of y’all are trying to get this show boycotted like ‘????’

Now as a Chinese-speaking Asian female, living in Asia, with an Asian background and a good know-how of Chinese history, as well as a decent knowledge of comic books, (although I confess I got into the animated series first) I’m here to end the discussion before y’all get your full rage on and start fighting fans of the show like it’s Lord of the Flies up in here

So keep reading if you want to be educated or if you just want to fight me before you know what you’re even talking about

“THE SHOW INSULTS CHINESE CULTURE”

Uhhhh…no? I’ve seen a few episodes and I mean so far there isn’t really anything that screams ‘insult’ or even offensive in the slightest. Besides maybe the fact that they take the beliefs and twist them a little bit but honestly even that ain’t that bad as to what I’ve seen elsewhere.

I’ve read the boycott post and let me say that yea, they dressed him with an eye for Asian elements, but maybe that’s because it’s supposed to be resembling Asian clothing? I mean how is that offensive? Is it the part that it looks Asian? Or that you simply feel that white people that direct these shows should not be using Asian stuff for entertainment? Because I hate to break it to you but it’s still not offensive. Even the dragon tattoo is totally fine because it’s supposed to resemble Asian elements yea but also have y’all read the comics? Because he punched through a dragon and basically took it’s heart. So I mean a dragon tattoo kinda matches the theme.

I mean in the first episode they speak almost flawless Chinese for Pete’s sake! Hell, I was surprised that they even had it in them to have a non-Google translated line. Sure the accent was a little overdoing it cuz not even I have that thick a Chinese accent but I’ll excuse it since he was apparently learning and speaking 15 years. (I speak it maybe a few times a day for like the last 14 years or so only)

So no, the show doesn’t really insult Chinese culture, sure they might be ignorant, but you must understand that after generations of stereotypes and misconceptions that that can’t just go away with one show

“Danny Rand should be played by an Asian guy/be a Chinese-American”

I can’t even begin to tell you my frustration about this.

Y’all do know this show is based on the comics right?

You know, the one with the white guy.

I know Marvel is infamous for not including enough representation in their shows but seriously? This is like the Harry Potter thing all over again with Hermione being black, it’s not that we don’t want representation or anything, but it’s the fact that this hero that us comic fans have come to already love has been replaced. Or at least it feels like it. Like when a movie is made from a book and people go crazy because character XYZ suddenly has different traits or isn’t quite what was described as compared to the book.

Frankly, it sucks.

So even though yes, Marvel should have more Asians in their shows, don’t expect them to completely give the main character a makeover, even if the makeover was supposed to provide representation. And honestly? I don’t want them to change him because I really freaking love Iron Fist, just as he is.

“This show just villainizes Asians”

So you tell me that my race is being made villains because Marvel decided that most of their Asians on their shows are evil ninjas (aka the Hand) and at most there are like 3 sorta good Asians. Oh and I’m sorry, you want more Asian men that are good guys? You want a balance of Asian heroes?

Well I guess that would be kind of hard to fit into the story since, oh, I don’t know, everything happens in the USA?

If you want more Asian characters well then look no further because you do have them. Daisy Johnson from Agents of Shield? What about her extremely brave mom? Or maybe Colleen in Iron Fist? Everyone seems to be blatantly ignoring her badassery and only seeing the part where she’s a sorta love interest.

Facts are, there are Asian characters, you’re really just looking hard enough. I agree wholeheartedly when you say that more Asian men need to be in the Marvel universe that aren’t part of the bad guy team but you gotta say that they are still awesome.

Does anyone even remember the Japanese ninja yakuza guy from Daredevil? Dude got set on fire and STILL came back to kick ass. That’s a plus in my book because even though he’s considered bad, he’s been proven to be cunning, smart, and overall awesome.

“The show has terrible stunts/acting/dialogue/fight scenes”

From here on out it’s mostly just me trying to explain why the directors and writers of the show made decisions in the show to make it what it is, so let’s dive right into it.

  • STUNTS

Actually the stunts weren’t half-bad. If you’ve seen other shows or movies that are heavily reliant on stunts and action, and compare it to this show, they really aren’t that much different. Sure it might seem a little unbelievable sometimes like they’re breaking physics or something, but he already has a glowing fist. I think we’ve crossed the line of believable long ago.

  • ACTING

I have nothing to say about this except that go and take some acting or drama classes before coming and criticizing these awesome men and women who did indeed try their best

  • DIALOGUE

Now I get the dialogue might be a little weird at times and what not, but you must understand that this show was partially written with the Defenders series in mind. So almost everything that was said in the show is meant to lead to something more. Thus, you must take it as a bigger picture. Sorta like how everyone said that Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them wasn’t as good as they thought it would be, that movie was also meant to lead on to a bigger story so you might want to excuse the weird speech and cryptic lines at times.

  • FIGHT SCENES & ACTION

Okay seriously people, please read the comics. Danny Rand is supposed to be an accidental hero, one that doesn’t want to fight unless he really has zero choice in the matter. So yea, the fight scenes won’t be that interesting, but only because the character in question is more interested in ending the fight than anything.

~

So there you have it, my whole slightly angry info-dump on Iron Fist and Marvel’s representation problem in general. If you want to correct me or scold me even then by all means message me or shoot me an ask. But just keep in mind that Marvel can’t make all your problems go away in one show, and please for the love of all that is good read the comics before coming to rant okay?

anonymous asked:

Hey Hector. Sorry if this is a bother, but I'm new to the BMC fandom and just wanted to ask if there is anything I should know/keep in mind in case I start writing fics or creating fan art.

Hey Anon! It’s not a bother at all! Here are a few things you should know!! Welcome to the fandom!!

FANART

  • Christine is not white
  • Michael is not white
  • Lots of people like to draw Michael with a little mole above the left side of his mouth. This was started by @cryptidsp00n
  • Lots of people like to draw Rich with freckles, a tooth gap, and a red streak in his hair. None of these are canon in the musical, although Rich’s red streak is canon in the book. The freckles and tooth gap were started by @richardgoranski
  • these last two were honestly completely optional. its all up to you buddy!!
  • Lots of people like to draw Michael with a gay pride patch on the higher end of his left sleeve. This is essentially canon, and I would advise you most of all to not leave this out. George Salazar (the guy who played Michael) actually tweeted about it, which the fandom interprets to mean that it’s canon that Michael is gay. So honestly I’d advise against ignoring it, although it’s honestly cool if you leave it out m’dude. its your art. The gay pride patch was started by @gayradwhitedad
  • Don’t draw Jenna skinny!!! She’s played by Katie Ladner, who is not skinny!! 
  • Michael’s patches can be done completely canon, as shown in that link. however, everyone seems to have their own patch headcanons for him. ((hmu if you wanna see how i draw his sweatshirt lmao))
  • A lot of things are left up to interpretation!! Is Jeremy taller than Michael?? not canonically, but I love short Michael! Does Jake have frosted tips? Not canonically, but I love frosted Jakey D!
  • As long as you respect skin tones and body types, whatever you want to make is cool!!! Experiment, be free!!

FANFICTION

  • Jeremy is Jewish!! Even if he celebrates Christmas, which some Jewish people do, just bear in mind that he is! not! christian!
  • Christine has ADD, but not ADHD!! she says she has ADD, which is related to ADHD, but not the same thing. ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder, which means she has a hard time focusing on one thing for an extended period of time. ADHD is Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, which means that someone has a hard time paying attention and/or sitting still for extended periods of time. yes, they’re similar, but not synonymous.   
  • Rich is bi!!
  • The girls have just as complex personalities as the boys. please give as much care to developing them as you do to the guys.
  • Chloe did a lot of fucked up things. look out for that. font make her a sweet baby. she doesn’t deserve that.
  • Friendships are just as important as romantic relationships, and can be just as good and interesting!!
  • Jake’s parents are not around, they’re on the run from the law! he has to look after himself, my dudes.
  • the squip is horrible and abusive. it makes Jeremy feel like shit. it tells him that they need to change everything about him because its all awful. it is both emotionally and physically abusive. Both Jeremy and Rich probably suffer from ptsd
  • try to branch out!! as great as boyf riends, richjake, and pinkberry are, also look into things like Jeremy’s relationship with his father, Chloe’s redemption arc (bc she needs redeeming lmao) and even other ships, like deere and expensive headphones :00 while they may not be the main ships of the fandom, they’re all super cute and (i cant find a link rip) Joe Tracz actually said that Rich and Michael would go to prom together!!
  • Michael is comfortable in his own skin!! Ye, he has social anxiety. But he doesn’t hate himself!! One of the defining factors of his personality is that he’s okay with who he is!! There are all kinds of anxiety, and don’t write him as self-hating!! its totally out of character for him :0
  • have fun, dude. be careful, and do your research if you’re writing about tricky topics like eating disorders, abuse, and anxiety. But most of all, just enjoy yourself. as long as you’re respectful, there should be no issues!! 

Feel free to shoot me an ask about any of this, or if you have any questions about if something’s cool to include in fanfic or not! I won’t tell you exactly what you can and cant write/draw, but I will try to nudge you in the right direction! Of course, only if you ask me to!! Anyone can message me about this stuff anytime, I love to help and suggest things!! I’m not scary I promise!!

When did Lucy fall in love with Natsu?

There’s been so many essay-like posts around tumblr talking about when and where Natsu first realised he was in love with Lucy, but I’ve never actually seen any regarding when Lucy’s feelings started. So I thought I’d share my own opinionated theory!

I feel as though Lucy’s feelings for Natsu took a lot longer for her to realise than Natsu’s, so let’s start from the beginning:

Episodes 1-50:

At this point, the story as well as Natsu and Lucy’s relationship is very much in the starting stages; there simply isn’t a whole lot to it. Neither of them have even considered a relationship, especially not with each other. Lucy may have her “knight in shining armour” fantasies, (as we see in ending 1 of the anime), but that is the most we get.

Episode 50:

Episode 50 is where things start to get more interesting.

After the hilarious scenario of Lucy believing Natsu has a crush on her because of Mira’s meddling, she has now become self aware of the fact people mistake her and Natsu as a couple. Because of this, she starts to picture it in her mind and perhaps imagine what it would be like if they were in a relationship.

Again, though, this is still very early stages in their development, so she will continue to deny any sort of feelings for Natsu.

Episode 122:

The Tenrou Island arc in general was a huge step for NaLu’s relationship, especially on Natsu’s part as that was when (as many of us have speculated) he first realised he was in love with Lucy. Sadly, though, Lucy is nowhere near the love stage at this point.

During Acnologia’s attack in episode 122, Lucy is crying because she thinks it’s all over. Naturally Natsu overhears this, and of course the first thing he does is reassure her that it isn’t the end.

Now, I think the look Lucy gives Natsu after saying this is really significant:

This isn’t a look of love or anything, as I said earlier we’re still far from Lucy being in love with Natsu. Rather, this is her beginning to toy with the idea of liking Natsu. In this moment she cannot confidently say “I like Natsu”, but she is far more aware of it, and knows deep down that there is a slight possibility it could happen. However, at this stage she will still continue to deny any feelings for him.

Episode 123-End of Tartaros Arc

I know this is a really big time jump, but the end of Tartaros is where things start to pick up. Throughout this time, Natsu and Lucy’s characters and relationship develops immensely. I’m not going to dish out every example otherwise we’d be here for weeks, but it’s safe to say Lucy’s feelings have begun to develop, although she is still on the fence of “Do I like him” or “Is he just a friend”.

Chapter 468:

I’m going to skip the beginning of the Alvarez arc, because I know we’ve all heard the theories and opinions on Lucy’s angst a million times, and although their relationship does develop, it’s not enough for me to talk about. After all, a lot of those chapters illustrated Natsu’s feelings more than Lucy’s.

Chapter 468 is when Lucy’s feelings take a huge step forward. For those unaware, Natsu had gone off on his own, (with Happy), to try and defeat Zeref, and Lucy has basically spent most of her time worrying about him.

A few chapters later, (Chapter 468), Happy returns to the guild, but Natsu is unconscious, and Lucy’s face says it all:

Then she realises that Natsu’s heart isn’t beating:

And begs Brandish to save him:

Natsu being faced with death is the last thing Lucy would expect from a war. After all, he’s one of the strongest wizards she knows. So for him to be lying there in front of her, unconscious and his heart not beating, Lucy is absolutely terrified.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the point where Lucy realises that she likes Natsu, because she cannot picture a world without him in it. After over a year of contemplation, she has finally reached the conclusion that she likes her best friend, meaning she would gladly consider a relationship with him, if it weren’t for the current circumstances, of course.

She isn’t in love with him yet, she simply wouldn’t mind the idea of a relationship. Of course she will still deny her feelings because she doesn’t want people to know, after all she’s only just figured it out herself, however you will notice she is definitely less upfront about it:

Of course she gets flustered and blushes over it, however she doesn’t explicitly deny it. Now, this could just be a translation error, I don’t have access to official translations, so please don’t quote me on it, but in this frame she’s simply saying that wasn’t what she meant, not that she isn’t, (as quoted by Ever), “head over heels for him”. See, she isn’t denying that she likes him, but she isn’t exactly singing on the rooftops that she has feelings for him. Remember, this is all still very new to her.

Now, throughout the rest of the Alvarez arc, you can see that Lucy is incredibly protective over Natsu:

This protectiveness is Lucy’s feelings developing more and more. She knows that she likes Natsu, and therefore will now be even more worried about the possibility of losing him, and wants to continuously protect him at all costs, as we can see from the screenshots.

Chapter 545:

Like I said at the beginning of this opinion/theory, Lucy takes a lot longer to comprehend her feelings for Natsu, which is why I believe that she only realises that she is in love with him in the final chapter.

I did a whole other opinion/theory explaining what each NaLu panel in the final chapter means, so I’m not gonna go into loads of detail here. (If you want to read that theory click here #shamelessselfpromo)

ANYWAY, I think the moment Lucy finally realises she loves Natsu is here:

Memories come flooding back to her old jobs with Natsu. All these memories cause this sudden realisation that her feelings for Natsu are far more than just “I like him”. She loves him. She’s spent such a long time toying with her feelings and throwing them back and forth, that shes finally figured out that she can’t keep throwing them around forever. She needs to come to that conclusion and she finally has.

Granted, she has only come to this realisation, so she’s not just going to burst out and say “I love you”, but she does do something equally as meaningful:

She hugs him. I touched on what this hug means in my other theory, so again I’m not going to go into heaps of detail, but I will say this. Lucy is new to romance. As is Natsu. Neither of them are just going to say “I love you” because it just isn’t like them to do something that stereotypical of two people in love. This hug is her way of expressing her love for Natsu.

What happens next is controversial. Every single person has a different opinion on it but I’m just going to say it how I believe it.

Natsu was going to kiss Lucy. You may be asking “well if Lucy loves Natsu why did she stutter and say wait?”. You have to remember and keep in mind that Lucy has only just realised that she is in love with him. Her feelings are all over the place and it is all so new to her. It’s all a big shock and a lot to take in, so of course she’s going to stutter and be all nervous; this is her first time feeling this way about anyone. However, because she is aware that she is in love with him, she doesn’t push him away, she doesn’t try to get out of his grip. Instead, she closes her eyes and opens her mouth. She wants Natsu to kiss her.

Of course we know that there was no kiss, but I think the most important thing here is that she would have gladly accepted the kiss and would not have regretted it, because she is in love with Natsu.

So that’s it! It’s annoying to think that Lucy took painfully longer to realise her feelings than Natsu did, but I truly believe that this was the moment she knew that she was in love with him.

As I said before I’ve never really seen any posts regarding Lucy’s feelings towards Natsu, or if I have they haven’t been in immense detail, so this was really fun to write and figure out!

Let me know what you all think <3

anonymous asked:

Hate to admit it but honestly I'm very slow, for the therapy session, is there a way to dumb down what the therapist said to Rick?

Hey, don’t be ashamed about not understanding something, especially with a show like Rick and Morty that is so complex and fast. It’s pretty difficult to keep up with everything in it. I find myself discovering new things every time I rewatch an episode, no matter how many times I’ve seen it before. (Which is always many, many times.) Honestly, I’ve started watching things with subtitles when I can, because I miss so much. 
To be honest, I’m really nervous to answer this. Mostly because I’m afraid I’ll misinterpret something, or miss something really obvious. Or just not be that helpful. So, followers - please, feel free to add!

(I’ll literally analyse Wong’s speech word-for-word, so I apologise for any delay in replying. Thanks to @freedricksanchez for typing up the whole thing.)

Rick: Because I don’t respect therapy, Because I’m a scientist. Because I invent, transform and destroy for a living and when I don’t like something about the world, I change it. And I don’t think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to an agent of average-ness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it’s helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind [burp] we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I’m not a cow. I’m a pickle – when I feel like it. So… you asked.

Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.

[Rick and Beth justify the dysfunction in their family and Rick’s poor mental health (which is the initial cause of the dysfunction) because Rick is a genius. Typically, smart people get away with things just because they’re smart. I suppose it’s natural to assume that they know what’s best in every aspect of life, since they definitely know best in at least one aspect to be called a genius. 
Higher intelligence is also linked with a higher chance of depression (IRL) - hence the saying “ignorance is bliss.” People - especially Beth - tend to brush aside flaws when they’re caused by or are in conjunction with a strength. 
Dr. Wong is pointing out that Rick’s genius shouldn’t be used to excuse his sickness, and the sickness it inflicts on the family as a whole.]

You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it’s because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control.

[Here, Dr. Wong theorises that Rick can’t have a constant opinion on his own intelligence and whether it is a hindrance or a strength, because he refuses to believe he is responsible for it. Rick’s apathy for everything, including the Beth he abandoned in the Cronenberg world and almost everyone he ever meets, is essentially caused by his intelligence. His intelligence allows him to travel across universes, which allows him to see people as completely dispensable, since there’s an infinite amount of them. What Rick doesn’t acknowledge, or doesn’t want to acknowledge, is that his intelligence and ability is entirely controllable by him.]

You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and faeces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating [haha, that’s a good pun] by your own hands.

[Rick chooses to occupy himself in ridiculous and destructive ways. There’s an infinite amount of safe, yet entertaining ways to occupy oneself, but Rick wouldn’t be captivated by any of them (for long). He chooses to throw himself into disgusting, life-threatening situations, because those situations are the only things that can truly entertain him, despite the fact that he is, essentially, a god.]

I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure. There is no way to do it so wrong you might die. It’s just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people… well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.

[This part hit me hard, because I relate to it waaaay too closely for comfort. Dr. Wong describes therapy for Rick as how brushing teeth is for anyone else. It’s simply looking after the body, no matter how tedious it is. Not many people like brushing their teeth. It feels like a waste of time, and the payoff isn’t something you gain. It’s just to keep the teeth you have from rotting. Wong describes therapy as the same thing. It feels wasteful and boring, but it is necessary for some people to keep their mind healthy. It’s not fun, it’s not an adventure, and there’s no reward aside from staying healthy.
Dr. Wong also describes how Rick would rather die than be bored. This ties into the previous point - Rick needs a constant stream of activity to keep him from wanting to die. 
And that’s apparently not normal, but I wouldn’t really know????]

Anyway, it’s 2:39AM, so this is probably terribly written, and I apologise for that. I hope it helped, though??
(Again, please don’t feel embarrassed about not understanding all of it immediately! I didn’t either (aside from the last part), and I basically just got all of that by reading it just then!!) :) <3

Yuri on Ice 2017/02/11 all night event report

I’m back from the event and I’ll write a report before going to sleep, mostly because I’m sure I will not be able to decipher my scribbles when I wake up… It’s not the full talk show since you can’t record it and also I couldn’t possibly write down everything, but I tried to take note of most things, especially stuff that has never been mentioned elsewhere. In the end it became quite long so I guess I was able to get most of the stuff down…

Needless to say it’s my notes, so other people might write about parts I omitted, etc. To be honest quite a few of the things they said especially in the beginning, like what the seiyuu think about their characters, is something I’ve read so many times in interviews that I could almost answer in their place, lol… I was a bit disappointed that one of the questions that was answered is the one about Chris’ mysterious acquaintance, because actually Kubo answered that in Pash already (it’s in the Q&A part I’ll be translating later), and I hoped they would feature questions about stuff that hasn’t been explained yet. Well I guess not everybody reads interviews, but still…

Due to the format of the report you can find my comments here and there, mostly in brackets.
Under the cut because it’s long.

I forgot to mention something important: the ones participating in the talk show were Mitsurou Kubo, Toshiyuki Toyonaga (Yuuri), Junichi Suwabe (Victor), Kouki Uchiyama (Yurio).

Keep reading

POPULAR TEXT POSTS + ASK MEME  (  PART 3  )

❛ i need a reasonable paying job, something like $2,000 an hour. nothing too wild. ❜
❛ idc (i do care) ❜
❛ ‘are you taken?’ yes bitch, taken for granted ❜
❛ half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half is, well, an asshole ❜
❛ you’re yelling? at ME? the one person who has never done anything wrong ever?????? ❜
❛ you will find your home, you will find your place. you will find your people. give it a little bit of time but it will happen. ❜
❛ in order lead a happy life i’m gonna have to disappoint my parents a bit. ❜
❛ any body else here not good at anything??? ❜
❛ you can’t force people to appreciate you. ❜
❛ *puts on baseball cap* i am the dad now… ❜
❛ i fake smart.. like i’m honestly a dumbass idk shit but i know how to seem like i do.. i’m smart-passing.. ❜
❛ every straight woman who ever called her platonic friend her ‘girlfriend’ owes me $50 ❜
❛ i am a professional at misreading tones and overreacting to problems that most likely don’t exist ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life, i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ you can’t cure sadnesses with a shower but honestly there is no purer place to suffer ❜
❛ patiently waiting for a kind soul to come along and make everything a little softer, brighter. ❜
❛ honestly i don’t even play an active role in my life, shit just happens and i’m like oh this is what we’re doing now? ok ❜
❛ no offense but if i die and no one uses a ouija board to keep me updated on memes i will literally haunt you all ❜
❛ imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 an hour ❜
❛ i have finally reached the age of most young adult protagonists yet my life is still uneventful??? where is my cool story??? my cool talents??? @ universe i’m pissed ❜
❛ hello, police? i accidentally stepped on my cats foot and need to be arrested ❜
❛ *tries to watch 45 minute episode in 20 minutes ❜
❛ please don’t just come in my life, take my heart and leave. please don’t do that. ❜
❛ concept: me, 10 years from now, living in a pretty house with my love, sipping a hot cappuccino on a rainy autumn afternoon. our dog curls up next to me in the window bench while our cat snoozes on the bed. i’m financially stable and i’m never tired anymore. the bees are safe. ❜
❛ i can’t believe what walkie talkies are called ❜
❛ the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal ❜
❛ me: *is bitter but is also right* ❜
❛ just saw a girl in high heels long boarding to class. godspeed, my queen. ❜
❛ i’ve never belonged anywhere, i’m always just in between ❜
❛ too young for unnecessary stress, i gotta live ❜
❛ i may not be beautiful but at least i know a lot of useless information ❜
❛ i’m like always sleepy. i feel like i should be used to this by now and stop complaining about being sleepy but i can’t. always, i’m sleepy. ❜
❛ lmao no offense… but what’s the point of being mean to people for no reason ❜
❛ drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious, and most importantly, drunk ❜
❛ “alcohol isn’t supposed to taste good” buddy watch me drink the fruitiest/sweetest shit i can find and enjoy it because i don’t hate myself enough to even begin to consider drinking like.. beer ❜
❛ tfw you’re already fully aware of the unnecessary self destructive bullshit you’re doing but you can’t bring yourself to do anything to stop it ❜
❛ hey sorry for not replying i didn’t want to ❜
❛ honestly how am i gonna make it in the world???? i get a little teary eyed any time someone compliments my personality ❜
❛ true bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing ❜
❛ *touches your hand and looks seriously into your eyes* i am a piece of shit ❜
❛ lets play ‘how rude can i be until you realize i don’t like you’ ❜
❛ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ❜
❛ hate when i am wearing makeup and still look shitty like what else am i supposed to do? get enough sleep? eat right and exercise??? as if ❜
❛ i’m not on a high horse. i’m not even on a horse. i’m face down in a ditch on the road of life ❜
❛ i hate when people ask me what i would do in their situation because 9 times out of 10 i would literally never be in that situation in the first place ❜
❛ i barely remember the last 6 months honestly like am i even alive ❜
❛ you had me at ‘hello’ and lost me at ‘i think your friend is cute’ ❜
❛ i’m pretty sure by now ‘tired’ is just a part of my personality description ❜
❛ wow i really liked that song now i think i’ll listen to it another seventy times in a row ❜
❛ ‘shit it’s 2 a.m.’ i say every day at 2 a.m. as if i’m surprised ❜
❛ i’ve been stressed out since like the third day of second grade ❜
❛ telling other girls they look pretty is like cracking a glow stick full of positivity and female friendship ❜
❛ i want to be sun kissed and also people kissed ❜
❛ about me: glowing, eating peaches, drinking wine in lingerie, not texting your desperate ass back  ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ due to unfortunate circumstances, i am awake ❜
❛ i’m gonna solve mysteries so fucking good ❜
❛ what did people even wear in 2008 ❜
❛ i’ll just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  my way through life ❜
❛ you know what sucks? everything bye ❜
❛ me? overreacting? probably ❜
❛ people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience ❜
❛ honestly if i survive the next 3 years of my life i will be impressed with myself ❜
❛ if you listen carefully you can hear me whisper ‘shut the fuck up’ at least once every five minutes ❜
❛ any time you like a boy just know you played yourself. always keep that stored in your mind for later ❜
❛ hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof ❜
❛ what i lack in personality i make up for in…….. nothing ❜
❛ me? cancelled ❜
❛ an app that tells you how raven something is ❜
❛ be with someone who will take care of you. not materialistically but takes care of your soul, your well being, your heart, and everything that’s you ❜
❛ i love the infinite multiverse theory because that means there’s a universe where i’ve pulled every single fire alarm i’ve ever seen ❜
❛ name a more iconic duo than the lengths i’ll go to both get attention and to avoid it… i’ll wait ❜
❛ i just want to be treated very gently and smell like vanilla and wear only matte dusty rose lipstick ❜
❛ 2017 is going to be a very healing year because it’s going to force us to accept that 2007 was ten years ago not three and i think that’s the root of our collective issues ❜
❛ i just wanna do cute things with you like crush the patriarchy, fight for gender equality, and help to destroy racism ❜
❛ i may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented… i forgot where i was going with this ❜
❛ how is 2016 already almost over?? like this bitch came in, fucked us up, then left like she gave us a gift ❜
❛ supercalifragilisticextentialcrisis ❜
❛ stop breaking your own motherfucking heart ❜
❛ co-napping is a beautiful thing. knock out with me so i know it’s real ❜
❛ *on the verge of tears* ok not that i care, but ❜
❛ it’s not you…. it’s your zodiac sign ❜
❛ i want to be loved so bad it’s pathetic and embarrassing ❜
❛ my heart is filled with hate and swag ❜
❛ ‘i don’t care’ i say, caringly, as i care deeply ❜
❛ i highly recommend never having feelings ❜
❛ we all ugly to somebody, don’t trip ❜
❛ do i have a crush or am i just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me? ❜
❛ my parents were arguing today and my mom said that justin timberlake wouldn’t treat her like this ❜
❛ kissing is hella rad but no one is kissing me so that makes me hella sad ❜
❛ everyone’s having their mid-life crisis at like 19 ❜
❛ there are just people out there that are the embodiment of the sun like the things they say do light up the world and make you feel warm they are human sunshine ❜
❛ dermatologists HATE me… everyone hates me. i’m so alone ❜
❛ you know when you realize and you just… realize ❜
❛ a girl can respect herself and still take booty pics wtf y’all talkin about ❜
❛ i’m not badass i’m sadass i cry about everything ❜
❛ inspired by animal crossing, i’ve started doing this thing where i mail my best friends a framed picture of myself and then never speak to them again ❜
❛ i didn’t know double texting was such a big deal?? i have a lot to say ❜
❛ can someone please just be proud of me like fuck i’m trying ❜
❛ cosmo sex tip #367: when you’re in the mood, tell you partner ‘my spidey senses are tingling’ ❜

(  you can find the other popular text posts memes on my old blog: 1, 2 )

4:18

Originally posted by stylesinthewild

Part 2

  Harry Styles was the clingy type of boyfriend. When the nights came that you were finally able to share the same bed, Harry would sleep with an arm draped over you. During the night, the heat would make you want to pry his arm off of you, but every time, he would wake up and put his arm over you once again. He’d never tell you the reason why, but it was due to paranoia. Paranoid that one day you’ll be tired of having to sneak around, of having your relationship hidden, of not being able to show the world, how much you both loved each other. He felt that if you were to leave him, you would do it in the middle of night. He knew that even in your most selfish moment, you would think of him and not be able to let him see you walk away. Therefore, he never let you go.

  One night, many thoughts roamed your head. Fans were beginning to speculate about your relationship, and as much as you loved Harry, you knew that when the date came to go public, you would not be able to handle the new found attention. As you kept on thinking, the clock kept on ticking, and Harrys’ hold kept getting stronger. The hold that once made you feel at home, began to feel uncomfortable. Those arms weren’t only yours, they belong to millions of fans as well. Fans who would not welcome you. Whose words were capable of taking away those arms from you.

 Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by those thoughts, you’d try to release yourself from his hold, and Harry kept waking up, securing his hand around you once again. It went on for about an hour, going from every twenty minutes, to every ten, to every five. Neither of you were getting the sleep you needed, and by four o’clock, you were fed up with it. His hold was suffocating you, and one last time you’d try to pry his hand off, and that time he did not put them back on you. You turned around to face him, to study his features, knowing this would be the last time you’d be able to see them up close. Moving with what was probably the grace of a predator, you got out of bed, quickly and quietly, trying to not wake Harry up, not knowing he was up with you.

  Feeling the bed move, Harry woke up, thinking his worst nightmare was actually happening. You were going to leave him. When he saw you enter the restroom, he quickly sat up, not daring to move. You’d be able to hear any sudden movements, seeing as it was early in the morning. He kept trying to think of different ways to convince to stay. They ranged from “First thing in the morning, i’m going to go up to the management, and tell them we want to go public” to literally begging on his knees “I’m sorry, angel! We’ll find a way, I promise.” He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say, but he didn’t care. He was simply desperate to get you to stay with him.  

  You were sitting on the bathroom floor, reading the letter you had wrote months back, not believing that a day would come when you would actually use it. You smiled as you read your letters vividly remembering the events you wrote on it, when you heard sniffles coming from inside your room. As quietly as you could, you got up from the bathroom floor, and tried to quietly walk back, when suddenly, the lights came on. There, in front of you, stood Harry, with puffy green eyes, the ones that you had fallen in love with, and a red nose. His watery eyes met yours, his mouth moved, but all you were able to make out was “please… I love you… you’re the best thing to ever happen to me… I love you.” Harry kept mumbling things after, but you were unable to make out half of what he was saying.

 Harry was a mess, he knew it. But seeing you calmly staring back at him, made him become even more heartbroken, knowing that no matter what he said, he would no longer be able to change his mind. Turning away to wipe his tears, a black object in the closet caught his attention, your suitcase. The suitcase he bought you when you went on your first ever trip together. The suitcase that you brought when you moved in to his house, the one that had become yours and his home. Harry could not believe an object that once held some of the happiest memories of your relationship, could now hold the saddest memory… the ending. He saw you walk up to it, and he quickly tried to snatch the handle from your grip, only to loose his footing, and ultimately fall down.

 You saw Harry lying across the floor, and as much as you wanted to help him up, you knew that whatever he told you next, would cause you to stay. Knowing that staying here would only bring you harm, you grabbed the handle, and started to walk out the door, when you heard Harry say, “I love you, isn’t that enough?” Not being able to look Harry in the eye, you shook your head, and left the room, leaving the note in the bathroom, and ignoring his pleas for you to stay with him.

 Harry cried for what felt like hours. And once he finally decided to get up from the floor, he noticed he had slept with the watch that you had given him on his last birthday. The watch had been gifted as a joke, as Harry would say that time would stop when he was around you. You had told him that with that watch he would be able to see how time would keep ticking and it would show that no matter how much time would pass, you would still be by his side. That watch had been the first thing to come in contact with the floor, causing it to break and forever read the same time, 4:18 a.m.

 You left him at 4:18 a.m.


A/N: Hi guys! This is my first one shot, and hopefully the first of many! I originally submitted this story to another blog ( @adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy ) and i decided to post it, and begin writing other fan fiction. Please let me know what y’all thought :)

Blunt // Cole Sprouse

Can your write one like the only you just did were the reader is younger but this time she is dating Cole and it’s a secret for a while because he is older and everyone already wants him to be with Lili

Warnings: A freaking intense and scary Uno game, Dick related joke(s)?

Word Count: 1281

Characters: Cole Sprouse, KJ Apa, Trevor Stines, Casey Cott, Madelaine Petsch, Lili Reinhart, Camila Mendes, Ross Butler

A/N: I have used the name ‘Kairi’ (if you can guess where this is from, I will give you so much love) as the character you’re playing. It just makes a little more sense to me instead of having to write ‘y/n’ as your character. Because you are you, and your character is Kairi. xoxo

—- —-

“Uno!” You shouted, grinning as you placed down the draw four card you had been waiting to unleash on Cole, a grin across your lips. “Come on, boy. Pick the cards up!” You laughed, looking down at the last card you had left. “Oh, and I change the colour to… blue!”

Cole picked up his four cards, but you were too busy celebrating in your head to notice the smirk on his lips. “Draw four,” Cole muttered slyly, placing down the card, looking at you with a sinister look.

Your mouth dropped open and your eyes widened. “Are you serious!?” You exclaimed, slamming down the card and huffing, crossing your arms. You were a sore loser, to say the least. “So you’re allowed to put a draw four down, but I’m not?” Cole laughed, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. “I think we need a break from this game. We’ve been playing for over two hours.”

You stood up, brushing off your pants and stretched, hearing the popping sounds coming from your back. You took a deep breath and looked outside of your trailer, seeing the sun was starting to set. “We’re still doing the Jughead and Kairi scene tonight, aren’t we?” You asked the raven haired boy, grabbing your coat before you followed him outside, walking besides him.

“Yeah. We have to meet the producers at around 11pm. Just so it’s dark enough.” Cole nodded, smiling down at you before making his way to where all the others were sitting.

Truth is, you and Cole had been dating for about 5 months now, but you both kept your feelings hidden away in public and left it all for behind doors. Both of your family knew, and were a bit hesitant at first, since you were 19 (turning 20) and Cole was 24. Your families eventually got used to it, and you got on along so well with Dylan. It was everything he wanted in a relationship.

But there was a flaw. And that was Lili.

Now, she wasn’t a flaw herself. You found her absolutely breathtaking. She was gorgeous. But everyone wanted her to be with Cole, and that’s why you both decided to keep the relationship under wraps.

You shoved your hands in your pockets, smiling as you sat down next to Madelaine and Casey, smiling as she slid her plate across to you, the sweet potato fries already making you drool. “Are (Y/N) and I the only ones that have a late night scene to shoot?” Cole asked, looking around the table. He looked at you, gave you a small smile and turned his attention to Ross.

“I’m sure Lili will wait up for you, Cole.” He laughed, making Lili blush. You ran your fingers through your hair, taking a deep breath and continued to share the plate of fries with Madelaine. You looked at Cole, who was giving a fake laugh.

—- —-

“I’ll be back, guys.” You stood up, announcing that you wanted to take a walk and revise some lines by yourself before your scene. “Need some company?” Cole asked, raising an eyebrow. “We are shooting this scene together, if you need some help or anything.” You shook your head, smiling softly before grabbing your phone from the table and walking off towards the entrance of the lot.

“Need anyone to go with you, Hon?” The night shift guard asked you, but you shook your head, smiling. “I’ll be fine, thanks Linda.” You continued your walk out of the set and took a deep breath, hands in pockets once again.

Your thoughts were startled by your phone ringing. You looked at the caller I.D and saw ‘Sprouse #1’ with the many emoji’s next to his name. You answered the phone, holding it to your ear. “What’s up?” You asked, the main street lit up by the night life of the town.

“Where are you? We have three hours to be on set. You need to get ready.” Cole didn’t even bother saying hello. You took a deep breath, looking over your shoulder. The lot wasn’t even that far away. You had been out for about 15 minutes.

“I’ll be back in another 15 or 20 minutes, Cole. I’m fine. I just need some space.” You sighed, biting your lip and turning around. You walked into a corner store, still on the phone to your co-star and boyfriend. “No, you’ll be back now, please. Just so I know you’re safe.” Cole had whispered the last part, and you could almost picture him looking around, making sure no one was listening.

“I’m just getting a smoothie, Cole. Give me a few minutes.” You sighed, ordering the smoothie and paying for it. You took a seat, phone still to your ear. “Now. There is something on your mind. What’s the matter?” You questioned, biting your lip.

“I want to tell them, (Y/N). I don’t want them to keep trying to make me date Lili. I love her to bits. But I’m going to pull an Archie Andrews here and say I don’t love her like that. She’s a friend and that’s what I want it to stay as.” He sighed, and you could hear his trailer door shut behind him. “I just love you so much and I don’t see why a five age gap is a big deal. I just want to tell them.”

You took a deep breath, getting up and thanking the person at the counter as they called you over for your smoothie. You walked out of the store, taking a sip. “Well, I’m on my way back now. So if you want to meet me at the front and we can do it together, I’ll be happy to.” You complied with him, a smile on your lips. Now you can finally post about him without having to use the ‘best friend’ hashtag.

—- —-

“Fancy seeing you here.” You grinned, seeing Cole in all his beauty. He smiled, turning around to walk besides you. The both of you walked slowly, a silence overcoming the both of you. “How do we do this?” You asked, looking at him. He looked at you, a small smile on his lips. “You’ll find out.”

You had been sitting back at the table for about 25 minutes now. You were due in hair and make-up in another 10, and Cole still hadn’t said anything about the two of you.

“Hey, hey guys. What do you call a 3.14 metre snake?” KJ spoke up, making you furrow your eyebrows at the stupid sounding joke. “It’s a pithon. Get it. Pi. No? Yes?” You had bursted out laughing at the simple, but so stupid maths related joke. “See! At least someone enjoyed my joke!”

“I’m sure Lili enjoys Cole’s snake,” Trevor had spoken up, making you look at him.

“I’m dating (Y/N).” Cole had said it so bluntly that it had almost slipped past. You looked at him, eyes widened at how quickly he had said it. He looked at you, shrugging before going back to his fries. Madelaine and Camila had looked at you, jaws dropped and eyes wide.

“What can I say, I’m into blunt guys.” You shrugged, a laugh coming from your lips as you stood up, leaving to get ready for your next scene.

Cole had gotten up, following you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, making the rest of the cast chatter about the both of you.

“That was very blunt,” you commented, looking up at the brunette.

“I honestly had not planned that.” Cole opened the trailer door for you, a smile on his lips.

“I could tell.”

The Reader and the Writer (Part 3)

Originally posted by juptern

Part one here    Part two here

Anon requests: Will you please do part 3 of the reader and the writer

You’re writing is so amazing, it’s what keeps me alive 😂😍 so thank you for doing such an amazing job and I hope you’re having an amazing day 💜 And I was wondering if you consider writing a part 3 of The Reader and The Writer someday? Because I’d love to read more of it 🙈

Please please PLEASE do a Part 3 to the reader and the writer? It’s amazing x

Omg! Part 3 please gor he reader and the writer 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PART THREE OF THE READER AND THE WRITER PLEASE

PART 3 OF READER AND THE WRITER

Part 3 of Reader and Writer?? Cause you are too good to us??? Like thank you??? 💞I swoon for your writing 💞

I NEED PART THREE OF THE READER AND THE WRITER ASAAAPPPP

The Reader and the Writer (part 2) was amazing and so are all ouf your writings ! I can’t wait for a part 3 !

Will you do a part 3 of the reader and the writer??

I know you just posted but WOW I NEED A PART THREE OF THE READER AND THE WRITER GIRL YOU TOO GOOD!!!

OMFG PLEASE PART 3 OF THE READER AND THE WRITER AAAAHHH I’M SO GLAD I REQUESTED IT YAAASSS YOUR WRITING IS PERFECT AND AMAZING I LOVE YOU <3

I!!! AM!!! SHOOK!!!! I NEED PART 3 OF READER AND THE WRITER WOWOWOWOW ITS AMAZING

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: The reader returns, and she offers the writer some explanations that he’s been waiting for

Warnings: none

Word count: 1,041

A/N: It’s here! I am so so so sorry for making you guys wait this long, I had so much going on this week and I had barely any time to write at all. I hope this makes up for it, enjoy!


Jughead didn’t expect for (Y/N) to return to Pop’s; in fact, he thought she’d leave town.  However, the following night he was proven wrong when she walked in and sat across him in their usual booth.

“You’re here,” he stated. (Y/N) quirked an eyebrow.

“You expected otherwise?” she inquired, crossing her arms.

“Well, to be fair, I hadn’t seen you in about a month before yesterday,” Jughead defended himself.  (Y/N) sucked in a breath and went to contradict him, but she realized he was right, so she shut her mouth.  They sat in silence, both of them avoiding eye contact with each other.  Finally, (Y/N) sighed and broke the quiet.

“So I’m guessing you want to talk about it,” she said, not even bothering to pull out a book.  Jughead nodded as he closed his laptop.

“I think I deserve a bit more information than the fact that you were born in Riverdale,” he grumbled.

“You do,” she agreed.

“So why did you think that was important to tell me?” Jughead began the interrogation. “Out of all the things to say to stop me from leaving, why that?”

“Well it worked, didn’t it?” (Y/N) attempted to joke, but Jughead didn’t even crack a smile.  She sighed and continued.  "I don’t know, because that’s the beginning. I’m a reader, Jug, I like to start at the beginning of a story.“

"And so your beginning started here.”

“Yes.”

“But then you moved somewhere else?” Jughead asked.  (Y/N) nodded.  "Why?“

"Because we had to,” she responded.  "My parents were… unpleasant people, to say the least.  Bad people tend to mingle, and thus my parents met the Blossoms.“  Jughead’s head perked up at the mention of the family.

"The Blossoms?” he echoed.  "As in Jason Blossom?“

"No, the other notorious Blossom family in Riverdale,” she rolled her eyes, sarcasm oozing from every word.  "Yes, Jason Blossom’s family.“  Jughead’s silence signaled for her to continue.  “My family and their family had this long-lasting feud for as long as I can remember.”

“So is that why you left?” he asked.  “Because of the feud?”

“Yes,” she answered tentatively, “and no.  It’s complicated.  You see, I didn’t leave Riverdale with my parents.”  (Y/N) paused for a moment, biting her lip.  “My parents were murdered.”  Jughead’s eyes widened as he realized the severity of her situation.

“The Blossoms did it?” he immediately assumed.  (Y/N) shook her head.

“Not that we know of,” she replied.  “They never figured out who did it.  Yes, the Blossoms were high on the suspect list, but personally, I don’t think it was them.  They’re too snobbish to actually murder someone.”  The pair fell into a silence, Jughead attempting to soak up all the information he was just given.  (Y/N) lazily glanced around the dinner, scanning the strangers’ faces.

“Why’d you come back?” Jughead spoke up.  (Y/N)’s eyes flicked back to his face.

“They were about to sell our old home,” she shrugged.  “My aunt was infuriated, so she packed up all our things and moved here.” Jughead had so many more questions swirling around his mind, but when he observed (Y/N)’s face, he saw how tired and deflated she looked.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “this is too much for you.  I shouldn’t have pressured you to tell me everything at once.”

“No, it’s fine,” she insisted, shaking her head.  “I want to tell you, I… you deserve to know.”  Jughead reached across the table, grabbed (Y/N)’s hand, and gazed at her in a manner she couldn’t quite distinguish.  He didn’t say anything, and neither did she.  They just sat there in the booth, on a quiet day in Pop’s, Jughead holding (Y/N)’s hand and she was letting him.  Without speaking, she understood what he was trying to tell her: there was nothing left to say.


For the next two weeks, neither Jughead nor (Y/N) said anything to each other.  They still went to Pop’s every night, and they sat together at the same booth.  But (Y/N) always had a book, and Jughead always had his laptop.  Frequently, when one of them wasn’t looking, the other would glance up and stare for just a moment.

On a slow Tuesday, Veronica entered Pop’s.  She was only there to pick up the food she and her mom had ordered, but she noticed (Y/N) and Jughead sitting together at a booth, and so she sped over there.

“You’re back,” she noted, sitting down next to (Y/N).  She glanced up, putting Frankenstein down, and shot Veronica a timid smile.

“I’ve been back for a few weeks,” she responded.  Veronica furrowed her eyebrows.

“Really?” she questioned, shifting her gaze to Jughead.  He didn’t look up from his computer.  (Y/N) awkwardly nodded, turning back to her novel.  Veronica glanced back and forth between (Y/N) and Jughead, waiting for one of them to say something.  “Do you guys ever talk?”

“It’s not always necessary,” Jughead replied, rolling his eyes.

“Well yeah,” Veronica shrugged, “but you guys are dead silent.  Neither of you have spoken to each other since I got here.”  When neither of them replied to her comment, Veronica understood that she was unwanted and left.

The two sat in silence for another hour before Jughead interrupted it by slamming his laptop shut.

“Okay, I’ve spent two weeks thinking about what to say,” he started, catching (Y/N)’s attention.  She lifted her eyes from her book and stared at Jughead, puzzled.  “But I don’t know.  I don’t know what to say!  How do I respond to the fact that your parents were murdered?”

“You don’t have to sa-”

“Yes I do!” Jughead interjected.  “Because we’re… friends, we’re friends.  And I’m supposed to say something to make you feel better.”  (Y/N) tilted her head sideways as she gazed at Jughead, trying to think of a reply.

“You still have a question,” she finally said, “don’t you?  And you didn’t want to say anything else because you didn’t want to tempt your own curiosity.”

“No,” Jughead shook his head, “no, I-”

“Just ask,” (Y/N) stopped him.  “Just ask me, Jug.”  He inhaled sharply, and examined her face.  There was no doubt, no hesitation; just determination with a hint of anger. Jughead sighed, giving into (Y/N)’s, and his own curiosity’s, demands.

“What’s your real name?”

Part four here

Debt

Imirrim-Chæma-Thiridion had answered a distress call. It had probably been stupid on xir part, but what was done was done.

A small ship, even smaller than xir, had crashed on a barren but breathable-to-most-species moon in the system of Hyaldnar. Xe had been making a delivery for xir mentor when xir communication system picked it up, and since xe was barely past adolescence, the journey of not even five rotations was making xem bored and seeing a crash site would be exciting. After all, it was probably an automated distress call, nothing could survive a crash to a rocky moon.

But there xe was, standing in front of a crumpled and burned wreck and the very much alive creature that had crawled out of it after perceiving xir pod landing. Imirrim cursed xir rotten luck, now xe would have to help the poor thing. Xe had been planning on just sight-seeing the wreck a bit, maybe later contact whatever species it had belonged to to tell it had crashed, if only to look good in front of xir mentor.

After a while of the creature gawking and baring it’s teeth at Imirrim, xe recognized the species as human, the fifth longest living space-faring species. Still, xe belonged to the second longest living, and Thalmors like xemself could outlive five humans each born at the moment of the previous one’s death. What had especially stuck from xir exobiology and alien anthropology lessons was humans’ way of expressing their emotions in strange and backwards ways, and their sheer capability to holding grudges. Great.

Imirrim approached the human slowly. It was approaching xem right back, still showing it’s teeth like it was attacking, but but humans expressed their emotions backwards, so that was good, right? Besides, the human was wounded and limping, and xe could outrun it if things went bad.

“Finally someone answered my call,” the human -a male, xe guessed- said as Imirrim was close enough. “I’ve been here for a week and I’m running out of water.”

A week? How was he alive?

“Oh, where are my manners,” the human said and extended the less damaged of its upper limbs towards Imirrim. “I’m Thomas Warren, from the human colony on Clyzma Al Carrim, farmer by profession.”

Imirrim carefully extended a cheliped to mimic the greeting, and did xir best not to flinch when the human grabbed it and shook it. “I am Imirrim-Chæma-Thiridion from planet Skismin, apprentice to the Grand Navigator.”

“It is very nice to meet you,” Thomas said and shook xir cheliped some more before finally letting go. “You mind taking me off this rock?”

Imirrim shifted xir weight from a foot to another to a third. “Sure.”

“Great!” Thomas said and pulled his lips even further back, revealing even more teeth, more than could possibly fit comfortably into a mouth that small. “I’ll be right back.” He limped back into the small shipwreck.

Imirrim was regretting this. It wasn’t customary to help strangers, especially from other species, since there was no telling what they could do. Humans had a reputation of being unpredictable, especially when wounded. And this ‘Thomas’ was covered in wounds, some looking much too severe for anyone to possibly survive.

Thomas emerged from his wreckage, carrying something that was clearly important if he was willing to retrieve it from a wreck while severely wounded. “So, Imirrim, was it? Where are you headed?”

Imirrim led the human to xir pod and helped him climb over the threshold. “Back to Skismin. You can get better help there.” If he stayed alive that long.

“Lovely, you’re a real life saver,” Thomas chuckled. “I’ll owe you one.”

To Imirrim’s surprise -and relief- Thomas did not die during the two rotations’ travel back to Skismin. He talked xir auditory membrane off and after a while filled the pod with the faint stench of alien blood, but all things considered he wasn’t the worst passenger. Once xe had docked the pod back on Skismin and had helped Thomas and his bag of belongings (which turned out to be an assortment of small possibly decorative items, data storage devices, clothes, and even a few ordinary rocks one could get anywhere but that were apparently ‘cool’) to the nearest emergency clinic, Thomas turned to xem one last time.

“If you ever find yourself in a bad spot, call me,” he said with a serious expression xe had come to recognize during their time at the small pod. “I owe you my life, just call and I’ll pay you back.”

Imirrim stared after him for a long while before turning away and heading to tell the Grand Navigator that hir delivery was received and thanked for, and to tell xir mentor about human Thomas Warren.

After xe had told hir what had passed, Imirrim asked one last question. “Master, what does it mean when a human says they 'owe their life’ to someone?”

The Grand Navigator’s age-reddened crest rose curiously. “Like you probably know, humans are known for holding grudges and for being almost insensibly loyal. While they keep in mind all wrong that has been done to them, they do not forget a good deed done to them either. 'Owing one’s life’ means you have done something to them that they regard highly of, usually the saving of a life, and that they will do anything in their power to, as they say, 'return the favor’. Did this Thomas say this to you?”

Imirrim nodded. “Right before he went with the medical staff, he said he owes me his life, and all I need to do in a time of distress is to call him and he will come.”

The Grand Navigator raised hir upper chelipeds in a sign of pride. “You have done well, my apprentice. To earn a human’s favor is a feat of great bravery and compassion. One day, you shall become a fine and daring Navigator, like the explorers before us.”

Imirrim ruffled his crest at the praise. Maybe answering the distress call wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Time went by, and Imirrim progressed from an appearance to a novice and on, up the ranks, and eventually landed a spot as the head Navigator on the long trade ship Pochella, traveling at high speeds through barely charted nebulas and dangerous asteroid fields. Xe plotted courses through the densest of rock fogs and past dangerous gravitational pulls, and not once did his calculations for the course fail.

Xe had lived many more cycles, many more than a human could ever live. Imirrim had counted- xe had kept a distant eye on Thomas Warren in case xe would ever have a need for the favor he had claimed to owe xem, but the need never came. He had died fifty-seven cycles after xe had rescued him, or seventy-two years, as humans counted time, and even more time had passed after that.

Still, even after all this time xe looked back at him for courage when daily life was hard and xir spirit was down. Xe had met and worked with humans many times now and they all shared the same spirit Thomas Warren had had, but none of them had left quite the same impression on xem as Thomas, who had smiled and joked through nine rotations on broken bones and told fondly of his family and farm back on Clyzma Al Carrim.

Imirrim had plotted a course through a particularly dense asteroid cloud, a course that would save the ship a lot of time and fuel. The ship was nearly out of the cloud when the proximity alarm went off and something clamped into the ship’s hull. The computer showed xir an approximate hologram of the something. It was a smaller and armed ship attaching itself to their ship.

The Cieruna members of the crew -small, short-lived, and feathery things with nimble hands and a sensitivity to electromagnetic fields- were screaming in terror. Pirates, they yelled, we can’t shake them off, we’re all going to die. Shush, xe said, we will not die. I’ll call for help, be quiet.

Imirrim galloped to the unoccupied communication post and sent a distress message on all frequencies. “This is Imirrim-Chæma-Thiridion, head navigator of the trade ship Pochella. We are inside the Halfway asteroid cloud. And we are under attack by pirates. Please help us.” Once the message was sent xe stepped away from the console and joined the crew in listening to the magnetic creaking of their hull in the morbid silence that had followed xir call.

The ship could not move, following the already plotted course with the extra weight and bulk of the pirate ship attached to them would be suicide, and finding a new safe route out without knowing the exact dimensions of the other ship was impossible, not to mention useless against the threat. All xe could do was hope for a miracle.

And a miracle xe got. Another proximity alarm sounded, and the computer showed an image of a charging mining pod, ten times smaller than the pirate ship and at least a hundred times smaller than Pochella. Outmatched, outgunned, it rammed the pirate ship and despite being hit by their lasers and missiles, it kept on pounding it with its grappling arms and mining lasers and asteroid bombs, everything it had. And finally, when the pod was leaking air and plasma and fuel into space, the pirate ship released its hold and retreated, engines sputtering and its hull dented and battered, and flew away from Pochella and the mad mining pod to safety of the asteroids.

“What was that? What happened? The Cieruna chirred and cheeped. “It is gone! We are saved!”

Imirrim was still looking at the hologram screen. The mining pod was all but destroyed in the short but fierce fight. Someone exited it, wearing a spacesuit and carrying something, and the pod engaged it’s barely functional engines and sped away leaving a trail of debris and smoke in its wake, until it finally exploded from the damage it had sustained a safe distance away.

Imirrim stared at the hologram for a moment, and shifted xir weight from a foot to another to a third. Xe input a code to the control panel and opened a small airlock near the creature that had saved them all. Xe set off from the bridge where xe was posted and galloped through corridors and climbed down stairs, until xe arrived in front of the airlock that had already closed and the creature that had successfully boarded the ship.

“Are you Imirrim-Chæma-Thiridion?” The creature asked. Xe nodded, all the while looking the spacesuited being up and down. Four limbs, two for walking and two for holding. No tail, short neck but a neck nonetheless. No added room for fins or spikes or crests. It was a human.

The human handed their possession to xem -a lumpy bag that both felt and looked like it had rocks in it- and pulled off their helmet.

The human was ruffled and grizzled and had spark burns on his face and his eyes were serious, but he was baring his teeth in a joyous smile. He extended a hand to greet xem and Imirrim took hold of it and shook it.

“I am Stepa Warren,” the human introduced himself. “You rescued my grandfather from a shipwreck when he was young. He spoke fondly of you til his dying day. It is an honor to meet you.”

Secrets

This is a (decently long, sorry for the lack of writing these past few days) one-shot for the below prompt! It… didn’t turn out exactly like the ask, but I hope you like it anyway! I’ve been wanting to try writing trans!lance for a while because I absolutely love that hc, and I really enjoyed writing this, so let me know if you guys like it, because I could definitely see myself doing another fic with it.

Trans! Lance where an asshole alien keeps miss gendering Lance and being transphobic and he starts to get upset and then the team overhears this happening and are about to kick the aliens ass.

I tried to make it gen… but it ended up being very klance, especially at the end… so uh… I hope you like it anyway! Sorry this always happens when I try to write gen fics.


Only half the team knew.

Contrary to their belief, Lance was actually an expert secret keeper. With a large family like his, he had to know when to keep his mouth shut. So, despite the loud, obnoxious, open persona he displayed for the others, he could also be sneaky.

He’d the had practice of years sneaking out of the Garrison, or even his house when he was little to go see the beach at night with his siblings.

So, keeping a secret on an unbelievably large castle ship with only six other people on it was easy.

Or at least, it should’ve been.

Keep reading

“A Date with Markiplier”, Darkiplier Theory.

After watching “A Date with Markiplier” multiple times, and replaying and replaying the parts where Darkiplier is featured; I have created a theory as to why Dark acts the way he does (In these videos, not as whole). Now, let me first start off by saying, this probably, (definitely) is not the BEST Dark theory out there. And there are probably holes are mistakes in this theory, or repeating themes. But nonetheless, it is a theory that I have created that is interesting.. hopefully. Note: This theory comes with spoilers! If you haven’t watched the whole video, or at least the Dark parts, please do. (The video and Darkiplier parts are linked above.) And even if it may not seem like it, I worked really hard and long on this theory. (Literally about 3 days. And typing all of this up took about 2-4 hours.) So please treat it with respect. (But don’t be afraid to add your own theories or thoughts on this! Feedback is always welcome. Positive or negative. Just don’t be a butt about it.) So, without further ado, let us begin! I hope you have the patience to read it all. Enjoy! 

This theory is mainly based on the parts where you are confronted by Dark while you are watching “The Dark Mark”. What you are going to read below is me basically showing images of Dark, taking direct quotes he has said in the videos, and explaining why he is saying what he does. 

We start off by having Dark glitch and fade into view. He tilts his head to the side, saying he has missed us very much. And that he has been waiting a long time to see us again. 

Then he continues on saying: “I’ve been pushed asideReplacedMocked.” Now this caught my attention even from the beginning. How has Dark been pushed aside, replaced, and mocked? Who has done this to him? Why? I tried to reflect more on what that meant, but Dark kept talking, catching my attention even more…

Who is “He”? And why does Dark think this… “He” is going on an adventure with us? Why and how was Dark not invited to it? 

Dark continues…

Dark mentions “He” again. Saying this person promised he would let him in. Again. Who promised Dark and what promise was made between them? 

This is where the theory begins. The main idea of this theory is based on a small post I made a while ago. If you have already read it, then you’ll understand where I’m going with this. If not, I suggest you read it really quick HERE

And now… we shall truly begin. 

Dark begins our one-sided conversation with: “I’ve been pushed aside, replaced, mocked.” But what also connects with this statement is what he says later: “ I’ve been waiting patientlyHe promised he would let me in again!” Now, since Dark is basically Mark’s inner demon, I could only assume that the “He” Dark keeps talking about is Mark. But what promise did Mark make with Dark? This is where I start to lean back on my older theory I hope you have read. 

I believe that Dark is in love with us. Or… at least has some sort of feelings for us. Or is at least curious about us. So, I think in the past Dark asked Mark permission to take control over Mark’s body so that he could spend time with us. Get to know the person he has unexplainable feelings for. Mark complied. Promising Dark that one day, Dark would have the opportunity to talk to us. But that day never came. And now Dark feels as if he has been Pushed aside. Replaced. And Mocked. These feelings have been repressed, but now since Mark is on this “adventure”, or “date” with us, Dark’s feelings and anger have come out. Dark feels that he has been pushed aside because he literally has been pushed aside. This date was supposed to be the date Dark was finally allowed to spend time with us. But instead… he got pushed. Pushed into the deepest, darkest, places of Mark’s mind. Mark didn’t want Dark to come out on this date. Because he was planning, later down the road, to propose to us. And he didn’t want Dark to ruin it. So Mark took over Dark, replacing him, even though he promised Dark that he would be allowed to take control. And now, Dark feels angry, hurt, and mocked. Mocked because today was supposed to be his day with us. But now he has to watch us through Mark’s eyes. Unable to do anything. Unable to talk to us and ask the questions he’s always wanted to ask. All he can do is stand back and watch the person he has feelings for go on a date with someone who betrayed him.

“And then he had the gall not to invite me to his little adventure with you.” This connects to what I said above. Mark has pushed Dark aside and didn’t allow him to take over on the date. Quite literally, he wasn’t invited on the date. He was casted away and replaced. But the one word Dark said that caught my attention was: “Adventure”. Why did Dark call it an adventure when he knew it was a date. A proposal, even? I believe the reason to be simple. Dark is angry and jealous right now. He doesn’t even want to call the event we are going on with Mark as a “date”. So, instead, he calls it an adventure. Making it easier on him and his heart. Also hoping in that calling it an adventure, he’ll make Mark look silly and foolish. As if he doesn’t know what a real “date” is. 

This part was very interesting. After saying all he said, spewing out his anger and frustration, Dark fixes his tie and suit, straightening up and saying: “ I’m tired of giving people a choice.” From what we have learned earlier, this sentence can only mean that he is tired of giving Mark the choice on controlling when and where he can allow him to take control.

But then, Dark sighs, saying: “But I suppose I could give you one last option.” Hearing Dark say this was extremely odd to me. Didn’t he just say that he was tired of giving people (Mark) a choice? But yet right after, he turns around to give us options and the ability to choose? I think he does this because no matter how closed off or frustrated he may get, he still wants to give the us the ability to choose. Since he has some sort of feelings for us, he doesn’t want to force us into something we don’t want to do. 

He continues: “Take your pick. Anything of four different choices, more than he could’ve ever given you.” Why did Dark give us so many options. Why did he bitterly say “more than he could have ever given you.”? And why did all options but one actually lead to a place that continues the story? 

I think the bitter remark and the option of more choices go back to Dark’s “adventure” statement. He wants to make Mark look foolish. Make Mark look like he can’t provide for us as much as he can. Even if it’s something simple as being able to go more places. But why, in giving us all these options, did only one actually go somewhere? It’s because, even though Dark does have feelings for us, he still is “dark”. He is still evil, demonic, etc. He purposefully made only one option that actually goes somewhere. He makes us go on a “date” with him (later on) the only way he knows how. Manipulation and Illusion. He gives us the illusion of choice, when really he manipulated it so there is only one right way. And that is to go on a date and spend time with him. 

This makes him sound pretty evil doesn’t it? That he just manipulates and cheats his way through until he gets what he wants. And that may be true, but.. At the same time, it’s actually pretty sad. That is all he knows. To cheat, to steal, and manipulate… Dark was toyed with and replaced. Promised he would be allowed to be with us. But that didn’t happen. And now Dark is forced to make his own path. Struggle to take control over Mark, and find a way to where we will spend time with him. Not Mark.

“So take your pick. Show me what you’ve got. And maybe… We’ll have a good date after all.” Wait what?! Did Dark look down shyly at the ground… Smile… And say “Date”?! This really blew my mind after I watched it a couple times.

After taunting us on by saying: “Show me what you’ve got.” Dark pauses, his face suddenly seems to soften. “And maybe…” He cracks what looks to be a smile and briefly looks down at the ground, “ We’ll have a good date after all.” He looks back up, but his face and body immediately harden and become cold and static once more. What just happened?! Mark randomly says “Maybe we’ll have a good date after all.” And he shows emotion and smiles? Why does he do this? I think I know why. 

Obviously, Dark has been waiting to spend time with us. And now that he has Mark under control and is alone with us, he finally realizes that his dream of being with us is soon to become reality. He smiles and quickly looks down to hide his emotion that he is excited for this long awaited day. And, instead of calling it an “adventure” like he did when he vaguely defined our outing with Mark, he says “date”. Making it official and saying it more for himself than us. But then, after he realizes he slipped: showing emotion and calling our alone time a “date”, his face hardens and he composes himself back into the stone cold Darkiplier once more. But in trying so hard to compose himself, he lets a small, angry frown dance dance across his face before straightening. Showing that he is angry with himself for showing so much ambition.

(Note: Phew! This is a lot of writing! I hope you guys are doing ok and you like this! Stay in your seat, there’s a lot more to yet come!)

*We choose “Freedom”*

“If dinner is what you want then I can provide…” We are now officially on what Dark described as a date. He glitches and we are suddenly sitting at a table with what looks to be a cup and a bottle of wine to the side. As I watched and rewatched this, I found it interesting that Dark chose to place us in a dinner date situation. The same setting we were at when we were with Mark. And say things like: “I can provide…” Why did he place us in a dinner date setting? Why did he say if we wanted dinner, then he could provide it? The answer is interesting. 

Remember, the whole date you were having with Mark, Dark was also seeing and experiencing. So that means, Dark was there even for when Mark misplaced his wallet, making you have to pay for the meal. This obviously annoyed Dark. Enough to the point where he had to physically point out and show us that if we wanted dinner, he could pay. He could provide us with a meal. This is basically a big slap in the face to Mark. Once again, Dark is trying to make Mark look idiotic and that the outing/ date we were on with Mark, wasn’t a date after all. And that he can do a better job on planning a date and providing.   

The date carries on. “And I can take you wherever you’d like to go…” I found this odd when Dark said this. It’s kind of a random thing to say on a date isn’t it? But it all makes more sense when you look at it this way:

Near the beginning and basically throughout our whole date with Mark, he keeps saying that he has our whole day planned out. And that he can’t wait to take us to certain places. I think Dark said this as yet another jab towards Mark. Mark had our whole day planned, swiftly leading us from one location to another. But Dark said: “ I can take you wherever you’d like to go..” almost as a counteroffer to what Mark was doing for us. There is a sense of freedom when Dark says he can take us wherever we would like to go. A sense of freedom and choice. Dark seems to be using this statement to try and make him look more appealing to us than Mark. Possibly even more fun or risky than Mark.  

After Dark states he can take us anywhere, he then dumps this heavy and scary: “I can especially take you to where you don’t want to go..” on us. 

Honestly, I was a little confused on why he would say this. Is it because he’s “dark” and evil and he would actually enjoy to take us places we would hate? Or is he using some weird, vague form of reverse phycology? Is he saying that “the places where we don’t want to go…” is back to Mark? It would kind of make sense. After saying and telling us of all the things he can do for us and provide for us, the last thing he would want is for us to still choose and go back to Mark. But he says that he can take us to where we don’t want to go, meaning that he would take us back to Mark if we chose that. 

Dark continues to talk, but then he begins to glitch and shake. He is then suddenly screaming: “I can give you anything!” And then as fast as it came, it goes, and he continues talk to us normally saying: “I’ve been waiting a long time. To get some personal time between us…” Ok… What just happened here? He was screaming one minute and then normal again the next?

I think Dark glitches and screams “I can give you anything!”, because he momentarily looses his composure. He’s been spending a good portion of this date trying to show us that he can provide for us and comparing himself to Mark. I think he starts to become frustrated in himself and how we aren’t reacting the way he would have hoped. Thus, his inner voice comes out, screaming, frustrated and angry that we can’t understand that he can give and provide everything we want and need.

After his short episode, he continues talking. Saying he’s been waiting a long time to “get some personal time between us…” I think he’s saying this because the only time he has ever been with us, or has “spent time with us”, is when he is being pushed to the back of Mark’s mind and has to watch from the sidelines and listen and hear Mark’s words and thoughts. But now that he has finally taken over Mark, he can truly get the personal alone time he’s always lusted over.      

The date continues, and Dark has one more episode. But what happens next is interesting. Dark says: “So.. Now that we are here together… We should really get to know each other…” And then suddenly, it looks like Dark is split in two. One part of him thrashing around and screaming. Why? Because it’s Mark… Trying to escape Dark’s possession of his body. 

Remember, this whole time we have been with Dark, Mark has been there, watching and listening to what Dark is saying. (Which also explains why at times, Dark twitches his head. Its because Mark is there in the back of his mind try to take control once again.) So Mark has been fighting Dark this whole time, and it seems Dark is slowly running out of time and loosing control, hence the episodes he keeps having. But notice where Mark made a big push to take control when he did. He did it right after Dark said we should “get to know each other…” It seems as if Mark didn’t like the idea of Dark getting to know us, and vise versa. Probably thinking Dark is going to take advantage of us at some point on the date. So, he tries and puts all his strength in trying to take back control before Dark can do anything to us. But once again, as quickly as it starts, Dark glitches and the image of Mark is gone, and Dark is back to normal.  

You just need to let me in… It’s as simple as that…

When I first heard this, I thought that Dark meant that we should allow him into our mind or soul. But as I began to create this theory, I began to think… What if Dark didn’t mean our soul or mind… But our heart? I mean, during this whole date he has been trying and trying to show us how much better he is than Mark, and how he can do all these things for us. Basically saying, how he can care and love us, just in a very “Darkiplier” way. What if he just wants to be loved by us. Accepted by us? And the only way he knows how to say that is something off putting like: “You just need to let me in..” Maybe all he wants is just a chance  with us. A chance to show how much he cares and ask us why he is feeling the way he does about us? 

After asking us to place him in our heart, and give him a chance, Dark then takes us outside. Believing that he has taken full control over Mark and boasting about it by saying: “You’re never, EVER, going to escape me…Not now-” He is confronted by Mark, in physical form. (Now this part can basically just completely eradicate my theory that Dark has taken over Mark, and not that they are two different people with their own bodies. Now that theory, COULD technically work here, but I decided I like the “Mark and Dark are two in one” theory better. Since Dark IS essentially Mark’s inner-demon. So I’m going to say that this part is actually where Mark gains some power within his mind, and now Dark and Mark are fighting for dominance.) 

After they fight for a while, a gun is dropped and you now have to decide to choose whether to shoot the left or right Mark. Later on, we find out the the Right is Dark, and Left is Mark. And this is where I was confused with what they are saying until I put up the captions. And what each of them were saying was interesting. 

Left Mark (the real Mark) starts off by saying: “You don’t have much time he’s going to kill everybody.” 

While Right Mark (Dark) says: “Shoot him. He needs to die.” 

The thing I found interesting was what they both first said to defend themselves. Left Mark (Mark), immediately starts off by saying that: There isn’t much time, and that Right Mark is going to kill everyone. Mark is trying to warn us. While Right Mark (Dark), just simply says off instinct: “Shoot him. He needs to die.”… Now that’s harsh. Mark just wants to warn us that if we don’t shoot Dark, we will all die. So he’s trying to save both us and himself. But Dark just spurts out that Mark NEEDS to die. No note of concern, or worry. No thought of what might happen afterwards. They keep talking, still trying to convince us: 

 Mark says: “He’s got weird eyes. Don’t trust him at all.” 

While Dark says: “He does bad things to good people.” 

Now, the thing I found extremely interesting was this part right here. Mark says that Dark has weird eyes, which is true. He is known for having completely Dark eyes. But how he said the next part is what caught my attention. Mark said: “DON’T trust him at all.”. He didn’t say “I don’t trust him at all.” But simply, “Don’t trust him…” Therefore, Mark was telling US not to trust Dark. It was a command. Because he knows what Dark is able to do. 

What Dark says also caught my attention. Why would Dark say: “He does bad things to good people.”? Isn’t Dark supposed to be the “bad guy” here? Manipulating and weaving around things to get to what he wants? True, that is what he did to get us to date him. But just because he did those things, do you think he even wanted to? We have already proven that in the past, Dark asked for permission to spend time with us. But since that didn’t happen, Dark had to take control. All because Mark betrayed his promise to Dark. So maybe, Dark is saying “He does bad things to good people.” Because he’s hurt and angry that Mark didn’t fill out his promise. That Mark led him on only to be trapped in the back of his mind again, while he got ready to propose to the person Dark had feelings for without even been given a chance. 

After we shoot Left Mark, Right Mark comes over saying: “You made the right call. Come here, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Assuring us and embracing us. We then continue the date by getting ice cream. We sit down while Right Mark continues to talk, saying: “We’ll enjoy some nice, dairy-based treats. And erm, get to know other. Really, personally…” We then begin to eat our ice cream when the screen flickers and glitches. We look back up and are greeted to see Dark sitting across form us. Dark then says: “Oops. Looks like you’ve made the wrong choice. But now we’re going to be together… forever.”

When I first watched this side of the date, I paid no regard to what Right Mark said. But after rewatching the mini date we had with Dark, and going back to this, I noticed something. Dark always seems to talk about getting to know us, or getting close to us. Spending personal time with with. Before, during our private date with Dark, he said: “I’ve been waiting a long time. To get some personal time between us…”  So when right Mark said: “Really, personally…” It became obvious that it was Dark sitting in front of us. After Dark transforms into his true self, he then says: “Oops. Looks like you’ve made the wrong choice.” I believe Dark said this because he knew, that if we knew who the real Mark was back when we had to decide who to shoot, we would have chosen the real Mark hands down. So he kept quiet. Hoping that with luck, he could say the right words and look innocent enough and emulate Mark, that we would shoot the wrong man. Before we are met with “Try Again?”, Dark continues, “But now we’re going to be together..forever.” and smiles. The first time I heard this, it sounded creepy, and some of you might think so as well. But I think Dark said this because he was finally free. Free of Mark’s hold on him. And free to be with the person he is curious about and has unexplained feelings for. He’s finally free to provide and care for us, without Mark battling for control in the back of his mind. Because that part of him is now dead. He can finally get to know us. Get that personal, intimate time he has always yearned for. He’s finally found freedom from being pushed aside. Being replaced and being mocked. He can finally have a true chance with us. A chance… for us to let him into our heart. Because we’ve always been in his.     

like real people do p.3 | jeon jungkook

summary: the feelings for your friends with benefits are changing. months pass, and you feel your gut telling you that you want more. you’re just not sure if he feels the same.

college student!reader, friends with benefits!jungkook

piece 1, piece 2, piece 3

this component is based off 6LACK’s ‘Prblms’

Keep reading

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

BTS skinship in public vs in private

my second post in my BTS reactions/preferences series whoopidy whoopidy whoop. are they reactions or preferences? ahhh idek anymore gah

also PLEASE message me any requests you have whether they be dirty reactions or fluffy imagines, I WANNA HEAR THEM ALL :P

the following content is for mature minds only ;)

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This is cliche and short but I actually finished it so

“Dex." 

"What." 

"I need another word for ‘cleansed’." 

"Do I look like a Thesaurus to you, Nurse?" 

"Chill, dude." 

”… Purified.“ 

Nursey looked up before he could stop himself, shock on his features for barely half a second before switching to… Pleased? Content. No, chuffed. (God, Nursey wanted to use that word in a poem one day. Chuffed.) 

"Thanks." 

Dex, however, didn’t look up. The keys on his thick black laptop clicked almost continuously, and Nursey did not debate internally on whether he was writing an essay or lines of code, because he had poetry assignments to finish for tomorrow. While not procrastinating, he shifted his mind to the whirring machine- it was really fucking old, but the thing was, Dex was the kind of person to repair his own electronics instead of upgrading them. (Like, with pliers and everything. He’s seen it happen.) The thing was in really good shape. Similar to the way that Hugh Jackman was by no means a spry twenty year old, yet looked like it would take nothing short of a battering ram to knock him over. A nice, solid, dependable- 

"What the hell are you muttering about now?” Dex muttered, the hypocrite.

“Aw, nothing.” (Hugh Jackman) “The next line.” (Hugh Jackman as a laptop)

“What’ve you got?" 

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Levi Ackerman: The Abuse Claim

Alright, so here I am with another long ass meta post. Only this time, this one is directed solely at the legend, Levi Ackerman himself. Yet again, I am seeing the “Levi is Abusive” mumbo jumbo and I have spent my two years in this fandom quiet about my opinions on this for the most part because I do not enjoy drama. However, after this last batch of Discourse™ that I have seen, I have been pushed beyond my ability to bite my tongue. 

This is Part One to a two part meta, and this is me basically trying to shine light on Levi’s actions a bit and why he behaves the way he does. In no way do I try to justify all of the shit he carries out so don’t think this is just a fangirl squeal post. I’m simply trying to better explain his character for the people who seem to think he is some kind of rage beast who beats kids for fun in his spare time. 

I will be putting this under a Read More because it is extremely long and also contains spoilers. I’d also like to state that this would be best read from a computer or the mobile website as it contains a metric fuckton of manga panels used for reference (seriously use any other means outside of the mobile app to read this because the app will butcher this post and cut out a majority of the images). If you are sitting down to read this, please make sure you are comfy, cozy, and drinking a nice warm beverage. Now then, 

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion. In no way am I stating what I say here is completely accurate. if you disagree with my opinion, good for you! That’s your prerogative. However, If you are going to send me messages trying to argue points of view with me or send me hate messages because my opinion differs from your own; do us both a favor and just don’t even bother. WARNING: Major spoilers ahead.

First and foremost, this is the scene I see brought up the absolute most so I’d like to go ahead and address it first:

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