A Way to You Again: Part 5
Pairings: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 1119
Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been fairly successful at keeping their relationship hidden from the rest of the Avengers. That is… until Nat walks into the kitchen one night and finds Bucky kissing Y/N. While Y/N is relieved that their relationship is out in the open it soon becomes more complicated than she could have ever imagined.
Author’s Notes: Thanks to the lovely @melconnor2007 for the request. The last scene killed me. I always love hearing from you guys <3.
Sorry it’s out late – my nap turned into a mini hibernation.
Tags are at the bottom. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged/removed.
I felt like a hypocrite. As much as I had dreaded someone from the Avengers knocking on my door – I was finding myself wishing for it. I wanted Bucky to fight for me – I wanted him to prove me wrong. I needed him to. Days went by in a blur as I debated with myself on what I should do. Maybe he was still on his mission? Maybe Tony had told him to let me be? I couldn’t find an adequate excuse for it.
“Are you sure he won’t just show up at your door?” Nicole asked one morning – arching her eyebrows in curiosity.
“I’ve only ever talked to him about the cottage once… and it was just in passing,” I shrugged miserably.
“Well maybe he’s trying to get ahold of you? Have you checked your phone?” she asked casually.
“No – it’s been off since I got here,” I added miserably.
“Well maybe you should…”
“NO,” I snapped at her. As much as I wanted him to fabricate from thin air – I also really didn’t want to know why he hadn’t told me. I had made up my mind that I wouldn’t like his reasoning, and that was that.
I walked into the living room rubbing my eyes wearily. I had somehow managed to doze off as I snuggled in the oversized bed reading my dad’s beaten copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse-Five.” I stretched my arms as I peered around the room – spotting Nicole on the couch in front of the fireplace. “Hey,” I muttered quietly. Her head immediately snapped in my direction as she quickly hid her hands. “What are you? OH NO. I told you no!” I roared as I went to snatch the phone from her hands. “Now they’ll know where I’m at! Dammit Nicole!” After a brief struggle I victoriously grabbed the phone from her hands and crossed my arms – huffing angrily.
“Ten missed calls, one voicemail, and twenty text messages,” she stated as a fact.
“Huh?” I asked confused.
“Those are all from this Bucky guy. It seems like he might care,” she shrugged casually. I rolled my eyes annoyed and stomped back into the bedroom determined to hide there for the rest of the night.
As I curled up in the bed I couldn’t help, but feel like the phone I held in my hand felt like a lead weight. Should I go ahead and look? There was no way that Tony hadn’t locked onto where I was within fifteen minutes. Bucky, Tony, or Steve would be here in a matter of hours – so there was no point in holding out any longer… I needed to go ahead and face whatever he had to say so I could prepare myself. I reluctantly lifted the phone to my face – it was best to get the voicemail out of the way first. I clicked on the message before putting the phone on speaker and listened.
Bucky’s voice permeated the quiet of the room. My heart sank as I listened.
“Y/N… Tony said that you left a few days ago but wouldn’t tell him where you were going… I… I know something happened between you and Nat. Please call… please let me explain. I don’t… I don’t want to lose you over this. I… I’m sorry,” his voice was so incredibly sad that I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying. When he paused at the end of the message my heart had done a backflip. I had never realized how much I wanted to hear him say that he loved me – but my hopes fell as flat as his voice as the recording ended.
I flipped through the the text messages quickly.
-Hey! I’m coming home – can’t wait to see your beautiful face.
-Steve just talked to Tony and he said you left???
-Is everything okay?
-I tried to call but it went straight to voicemail. Y/N please call me.
-Y/N, it’s not what you think. Please call me doll. Please come home. I miss you. I need to explain.
-I know I fucked it all up but please let me explain.
They kept going – each one a different variation of the one before it. I felt sick. It had been easier to accept everything when I had cut myself off from him. I sighed heavily. The truth was so glaringly obvious – I had never really accepted what had happened – just prolonged the inevitable. As I was flipping through the rest of the texts Bucky’s picture illuminated the screen. I froze in absolute panic – he was calling and I had accidentally just hit “answer.”
I stared at the phone – completely frozen in fear.
“Y/N,” Bucky’s voice said softly from the other end. I remained silent. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. It was as if I had suddenly turned into a statue. Bucky took my silence as a sign that I was going to listen and suddenly it was as if a flood gate had opened from his end of the conversation. “Doll, I am so sorry. I don’t know what all happened, but I know this is my fault. I swear I was going to tell you… I was going to explain everything, but I was just so afraid. So afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and losing you… because you make me so happy. I haven’t… well I haven’t been this happy in a long time,” he paused for a moment waiting for my response. I sat in silence still unable to articulate the hundreds of conversations I had played out in my mind between us the last few days. “Doll…. Please. Please say something,” he pleaded – the edge of desperation cutting into his words.
All of my faculties seemed to have been taken over by some unknown part of myself that was unwilling to be hurt the way I had been hurt before. “There’s nothing left to say, Bucky…. Goodbye,” I said quietly before ending the call. I didn’t even know the words that were spilling out of my mouth until it was too late. I sat dumbfounded at myself as I stared at the phone in my hand. Why would I say that? What had I just done? Tears welled in my eyes as I realized that I could have very well ended everything then – he was trying and I had shut him down.
I jumped slightly as the door opened and Nicole came into the room. She looked at me apologetically as she held up two wine glasses and a bottle.
“I thought maybe we could use this tonight?”
I nodded sadly as tears streamed down my face.
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