I am not familiar with the smell of the trees,
but the green of the leaves is a color I’m so intimately familiar with;
you’ve touched me too many times with your jade tinted fingers
and you’ve left the rusty imprints of them forever branded on my skin - they resemble the ground in autumn far too much.
I am not familiar with the howling of the wind,
but the sound of traffic whirring by while I sat beside you
is forever encased within my ears.
I am not familiar with the feel of the ocean waves on my feet,
nor am I familiar with the grate of sand beneath my foot,
but the sight of the water weaving back after touching the shore
to meet the oncoming wave is a scene
I’ve always associated with us.
I am not familiar with the taste of desire on my tongue:
I’ve always considered fondueing an act beneath me, I should know,
because the first time I felt another’s heat between my legs,
I felt nothing
but uneasy contentment,
not at the motions I just went through with clinical detachment,
but at having satisfied my curiosity;
and I never looked back, because that was that, and I was done
but I never quite shook off the uncertainty, the unsettling realisation that I was not
built like them.
I am not familiar with the so called honor in people,
nor do I think they are familiar with the notion of integrity;
it is not possible to acquaint myself with both features when I have yet
to meet a man who breathes honor or a woman cloaked in honesty.
It is so easy for them to lie and deceit through the sharp gleam of smiles
and it is so easy for me to do the same
while I swallow my pride and feel it burn to ashes in my stomach;
if I were a better person, I will embrace the remnants of the flames and set fire to the lies,
but I am not a better person,
I am the same as everyone else.
I am not familiar with the wetness on my cheeks,
certainly not during the black of the night,
I’ve always been a daylight crier, you see,
but I find myself tearing up in the middle of the night
and this is how I know;
I have a soul that will never be happy again.
I am not familiar with the view of the stars in the sky;
the things I see with my naked eyes have always been too blurry, too out of reach,
so I covered my eyes with plastic to see better
and I realised that the moon looked just the same to me:
far too blurry and so very distant.
I am not familiar with the feelings that brew inside me
but I am familiar with the melanin of your skin and the swoop of your eyelashes against your cheeks,
I know the curves of your lips, how they twist and flatten, every line and every word,
I know the slant of your back and the curls in your hair,
I know the softness of your thighs and the sadness in your eyes,
I know the sweat on your hands - how could I not? I’ve held them a million times, I want to hold them a million more,
most of all, I know you,
I know every nuance and idiosyncrasy rooted in your soul.
I know you. I know you.
I am not familiar with the concept of love,
but I think I’ve begun to understand it.
I’m having a math test in two days and it’s not ordinary test or something like that. If I pass this test, I can continue to go to school and if not… well I’m going to literally kill myself. I’m not alone, there is a couple more people who have to do the same. I’m scared af and I can’t focus on styding, I don’t know why! Literally, can’t think about anything! There is a chance that my teacher is going to help me to pass but this is driving me crazy! I don’t know what I would do if I don’t pass and I don’t see other option but killing myself. Can somebody help me?
her throat closes momentarily, as her vision tunnels almost enough to have her worry. frankly, she couldn’t bring herself together to worry if she was offered a million credits for it. you see, seol had never been much more than an absolute lightweight. that is why she never touched alcohol and if she did, locked herself in her own room, away from any glimpse of society - but, recently… these techniques of avoidance seem to be thinning out with her growing colleague group.
she currently sat across from a (comparatively) well composed kim hyuna. in seol’s eyes, she glowed like a neutron star bursting in on itself - yet, far less short lived. but then again, everything was the drinks talking/seeing/acting at the time. a slow giggle bursts from her loose lips, her head canted to the side before it lulls downwards like a weight hung from her neck. she quickly finds great interest in the frayed hem of her jacket. her eyes snap upward, staring directly into the bartender’s soul as he offers hyuna another refreshment, ignoring seol for the fourth time.
“hey! hey, you! mr. spider hair. yeah, you. why~ don’t you ask me for a drink? i-i’m byun seol!” so she can be loud, mysterious. “byun… who?” she focuses on his smug grin, or at least attempts to do so, standing up and immediately stumbling across to him to grab his white collar.
“B Y U N S E O L. byun seol! from d-d..data! robot flower person?!” she says in a whiney tone, shaking him weakly in an attempt to see any form of recollection of her existence in his eyes. she had come here every fortnight for 6 months now, this was ridiculous ! yet, it is no use, as seol lets him go with a look of disgust, and just enough force to have him on the floor scrambling to regain composure. “good… um.. riddance!”
within that short time between getting shouted at to leave and actually getting shoved out, she manages to grasp her senior with just enough to strength to drag them both to the curb where seol seems to have found something else far more exciting to spend her time doing. in fact, this had to be the best idea she’d had all year, right?
(Nightcore) Numa Numa Edit /// Crazy Frog - Axel F /// Saving Jane - Girl Next Door /// Spice Girls - Wanna Be /// Jennifer Lopez - Jenni from the Block (club mix) /// Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out /// Black Eyed Peas - My Humps /// Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punkrocker (With Flowers In My Hair) /// Bon Jovi - It's My Life /// Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi /// Justin Timberlake - I'm Lovin' It /// Britney Spears - Toxic