• Dear Andy, •
A/N: All throught imagine, there will be no capitalization to keep the calmness through out the letters.
Warnings: Mention of Suicide, Suicide, and Sexual Refrence
Word Count: Around 1,200 words
all these days i’ve been thinking a lot about you, well things about you. i’m not gonna say how your eyes were like the ocean that i was stranded in that brought us together, because that’s your job, to make cool poetic metaphors and make me feel like i was the only one whom received those cheesy, yet beautiful metaphors. i’m gonna tell you about the first time i saw you. you can’t remember it as clearly as i do, but i haven’t forgotten when you sang to me on stage, how you barely said a ‘hello’ when we met after your show. you only smiled, no handshake or embrace. just some distance between us, but we talked and i can’t help but remember how your breath smelt of mint and stale cigarettes. then whenever your curious blue eyes would look away then gaze back at me, making me forget whatever cheesy compliment about your set that night. dear andy, i remember our first date. we went to starbucks at my request. we sat in the seats closest to the window. we would count the classic red cars and the blues and see what color outnumbered the other. then when i said something real funny and you accidently knocked over my iced coffee spilling it on my lap. you drove me to your place as it was closer. you offered to wash my clothes and i shook my head, but you insisted. you let me borrow one of your batman shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. you watched me undress as i didn’t shoo you away and compliment my pale skin. dear andy, i remember our first kiss. shit, i think of our first kiss when i bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. and sometimes.. your lips are still lingering there. almost like you’ve just pulled away, but you still get the sensation. your hands caressed my face when you first kissed me. your lips and my lips were perfect together. like they were meant to be together and never apart. i also remember laughing because my lipstick left smudges onto your lips and face. dear andy, i remember our first time having sex, i was like a timid kitten. you whispered in my ear not to worry. our bodies fitted together so smoothly. it made me feel like i was 16 again and falling in love all over. your lips were softer than ever. dear andy, i remember laying in the grass, counting the stars. i turned over on my side and the moonlight hit your face just right and you stroked my cheek softly and whispered ‘i love you.’ i then smiled sheepishly and whispered 'i love you too.’ dear andy, our first fight was horrible. you had tears in your eyes as you told me to get out. you knew i hated being yelled at. i whispered softly 'no’. i still left the house sobbing. i ended up in ashley’s house and how he claimed he was to murder you. dear andy, i remember you blew up my phone. you tried to text me fifty something time and at least a hundred missed calls and voicemails, but my phone was off and i was sitting in the bathroom with all my “Best Friends” dear andy, i remember your saddened eyes when i first told you about my “Best Friends” and you just held me as you were terrified how bad things have gotten in my head. dear andy, you never teased me when is stuttered, didn’t get a joke, told a punchline wrong, or how i would forget what i was saying/what i was about to say. dear andy oh andy, remember when you kissed down my stomach and on the inside of my thighs and said i was gold? was i fake gold? or the golf you got from a pawn shop? did i have a low price or no price at all? my andy, remember when we drove around L.A. before you had to leave for tour and you sang softly to comfort me? when we stopped.. at the tree that i loved, you kissed my cheek softly and told me that we were souls in love, and souls in love never left each other. jesus fucking christ, and i believed you! dear my dearest andy, i remember when you killed yourself. i remember. you were fucking me into our mattress and you would mumbled apologies against my skin and into my ear. you would say shit about weddings & love & sorry. i didn’t understand why. maybe if i asked you, you would’ve still been here? you kissed my face and all over my body as i fell asleep. i remember waking up alone, the bed was cold and there wasn’t any noise besides the fan sounding like it would fall of the fucking ceiling. i didn’t see you beside me in the bed. in utter confusion i got up out of bed slowly and groggily mumbled your name. when i saw the bathroom door open i was coming in just to say i love you, but my eyes brimmed with tears as i saw your unusally pale body, the pills, and when i saw the blood i threw up. the water in the tub was red. i let out a sob before throwing up more. my head filled with furry as they laid you to rest in a 6 feet deep hole. you promised we would be together forever. before at the funeral i remember crying my eyes out, even though i promised i wouldn’t. ashley held me. was i not enough? you told me i chased away all the bad things. you left me without saying goodbye. dear andy, that night i laid on your side of the bed. i laid in fetal position crying and pretending that i had saved you in time and gotten you to the hospital and pretending i was enough to have prevented this. dear andy, the depression had taken over me. ash had driven me to a hospital. i was given depression medication. ash is suppose to be over soon to check to see if i have taken any. maybe i should down the whole bottle. i will read you note you left one last time and down all of them tonight. i will do it. dear andy, i just swallowed all the pills, whether you wanted me to or not. i did. it hurt when they went down, but not as much as it hurt when you left me. oh god andy, i can’t feel my arms. is this how you felt? is this normal. shit shit shit shit! andy please help me! i don’t want to die! i just want you back. it hurts to breathe! andy please save me. i’m trying to call 911, but fingers keep slipping, andy please. andy, andy please save me. save me. save me. save me! dear andy, i can’t breathe anymore. please it hurts. dear andy, i have let myself be gone. did i fail you? dear andy, i love
ash finds the note the next morning. he finds your body too. he screams mortified and the neighbors called the police. you were buried next to andy.
andy hurley??? what a lovely person loo- [trips; hundreds of pictures of andy hurley fall out of jacket] shit shit fukc can you please help [pictures of andy hurley scatter all over the floor] fuck fuck i wasnt supposed to drop those fuck [scrambling to gather up the pictures] fuck can you help please i need these please dont bend them i
*goes to meet Andy Black*
Me: *holds out hand* It’s so nice to meet you.
Him: *shakes hand*
Me: *whispers* let’s never meet again😏😏😏
Me: Lol just kidding I defiantly want to meet you again….