please heal now

If you think you’re worthless, stop scrolling right now and read.

I’m writing this for a specific mutual, but it isn’t only true for one person, so read on.

You know those inspirational posts you see people reblog every day?

Stuff about people all throughout history who failed and went bankrupt and were depressed and were told they weren’t good enough - and yet somehow they rose above it and defied all those notions to become heroes and legends and history makers and culture movers. And the post always ends with “so don’t be hard on yourself when you mess up” and it’s all nice and sweet and pretty. Maybe you scroll past them. Maybe you hardly ever see them on your dash at all.

Maybe you’re among those who reblogs these posts.

But maybe every time you hit the reblog or the like button, your brain is whispering “this isn’t about you” and “yes people can do amazing things, but not you” and “ah yes amazing stories, too bad it will never happen to you” and you listen to these whisperings and you laugh and shake your head…

Because you know exactly where you stand: worthless. irredeemable. a loser. a lost cause.



Listen to me.

As your friend.

As a stranger who doesn’t know you. Who doesn’t have to know you, or your failings, or your depression, or your anxiety, or your embarrassments, or your deepest darkest most heinous crimes.


Just stop.

Look up. Look around you. Open. Your. Eyes. Are they open? Good. Keep them open. Don’t ever close them again. See the world. See you: a human being, valid, flawed, journeying, changing, growing, scraping, failing, rising, a masterpiece that will never be made again.

You are beautiful. You who think you are overweight and lazy. You are beautiful. You who think you are stupid and uneducated. You are beautiful. You who think you are a loser, and amount to nothing. You are beautiful. You who bleed and ache and never rest. You are beautiful.

You have worth.

Want to know a secret? If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you’re not going to amount to anything that day, then you aren’t going to. If you go to bed at night thinking nothing will change tomorrow, then you are going to change nothing.

Because you’ve resigned yourself to that lie. And it is a lie, friend. A straight-out, soul-condemning, out-of-the-pit, self-deprecating, self-pitying lie. A lie you don’t have to believe. A lie you should not believe.

If you stand in the corner and bow your head and stare at the ground, you’ve already lost the battle without fighting. This is a surrender in which there is no honor, and in it there is no hope.

Life isn’t easy, friend. Life isn’t fair. It’s hard. And getting things done is hard. Some days, just getting up out of bed is hard. Just breathing. Just doing homework. Just going to work. Just trying to keep the dishes and trash from overflowing.

But we do it anyway.

Why? Because there’s life to live. There are choices to be made. Jokes to laugh at. Awkward conversations to be had. Art to mess up and start over on. Jobs to work. Pizza to be eaten.

We do it anyway.

So guess what?

You do it anyway too.

Why? Because of this:

You are special.

Right now, this second, turn off the voice that hears these Disney-fied words and scoffs and ignores them. Listen.

There is not a human being who has ever lived or ever will live on this planet that is not important, that is not here for a reason. No life is worthless, and most certainly not yours. My God doesn’t make worthless things, and he doesn’t make mistakes. There are no extra pieces in this universe, no spare parts. He made you. And he made you for a purpose, and that purpose is not to sit in your room, afraid to try, afraid to love, afraid to hope, afraid to climb and fall and hurt and get back up again.

Want to know another secret? You aren’t alone. Every single human being in the history of everything has struggled with feeling worthless at some point in their life. Every single one. That is not a lie. Your feelings of worthlessness are not what is special about you. You are what is special about you. The God who created you is what is special about you.

No matter what you’re going through, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you have failed to do, someone else has gone through worse. Sometimes, a lot worse.

Oh, now you feel invalidated. “Why can’t I just believe in myself? Other people have it worse, I shouldn’t complain, I should just try harder, but I know trying harder isn’t going to help, so what’s the point.”

Guess what?

Stop that too.

Stop it dead in its tracks.

Kill that thought. Every day. Every morning. Every minute it shows its ugly lying face. Kill it and put it to rest. Stack headstones on top of it and move away, far far way, friend.

Don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t know where you’ve been, but you don’t know where I’ve been either. Don’t ignore hope because you think it’s for other people. Don’t keep yourself from making an effort, and pushing yourself forward. Bury the lie. You have worth. You are loved. You are important. God does not make worthless things.

One of my favorite lyrics says “How does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you? You’ve got to learn to love, learn to love your enemies too.”

Learn to love.

Your enemy.


Start learning to see you the way God sees you.

See you the way I see you.




Just at the very beginning.

Every single day you wake up is a brand new start.

A bright new chance. Every. Single. One. You will never stop getting chances for as long as you are here, so why dismiss them? Isn’t that the most beautiful thing there is? You get to keep trying. Every single day. You have the gift to go again, try again, start again, live again, breathe again, hope again.

Guess what. When the morning is wasted, the afternoon is still there. When the afternoon is wasted, the evening is still there. When the evening is wasted, the night is still there. And then morning comes again.

So the next time you see a motivational post, an inspiring reblog, a story about how someone overcame something horrible, and turned it into something amazing, look long and hard and take courage, find hope in that. Stop dismissing it as being from a universe you have no part in. Stop putting yourself to that measuring stick and turning away because you’re not there yet.

You’re looking at the end result. At some point, they were standing in your shoes. They couldn’t see the end. They couldn’t see what they might or might not amount to. They had no idea, just like you now. Just exactly like you.

Hope, my friend. Every time you start to think “I can/will never” do this or that or amount to anything or accomplish anything… Hope. Stop those thoughts immediately. Kill them. Bury them. Never stop burying them. They are lies and you are better than them.

Drive them out. Open your eyes. Look around. Pick yourself up. Brush away the tears. “I will try. My God doesn’t make worthless things, so I am not worthless. My God does not create without meaning, so I have meaning. I am here for a reason. Today I will live to find out what that reason is for today. And tomorrow I will hope again.”

Life is hard, my friend. Stop beating yourself up. You are worth more and capable of more than you can ever imagine or hope or dream. Don’t let your past or present failures stop you or beat you down. Keep going, keep hoping, keep killing the lies. You are bigger than them, you go beyond them. And God is greater, and he knows your heart. Trust him. Wake up. Open your eyes. Move forward. Keep your eyes open.

“You’ve got all that emotion that’s heaving like an ocean
And you’re drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

I know it’s hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can’t believe your Father knows best

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He’s shaping your heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Well how does it end when the war that you’re in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

You can’t expect to be perfect
It’s a fight you’ve gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

I pray to God that Ethan Dolan will soon be able to smile like this again! I pray that his smile never leaves his face and that he will continue to change the world with it.
I pray that the day never comes when he forgets how to smile. We are always here to remind him how to smile.

anonymous asked:

for fucks sake just live with your dad so we dont have to see your bullshit breakdown posts you're a selfish bitch quit playing the victim

anon you really need to watch what you say….i’m literally on the verge of jumping off a cliff right now and shit like this pushes me to my act all tough behind the screen but i’m sure you’re too much of a pussy to handle the idea of being even partially responsible for somebody’s death.

my mom used to leave every weekend while I was recovering from anorexia to go fuck her boyfriend while my dad made sure I was eating and paid attention to me so I didn’t spiral into another mental breakdown and quit eating. I was ten/eleven years old….no parent should ever have an affair and ruin their marriage in front of their child(ren), especially after their child almost died from malnutrition and was poked and prodded and treated like trash in the hospital, and needed parental care from BOTH parents in order to have a reason to keep living.

you know what I found out this past summer while staying at my dad’s for a few weeks? during this time, my mom stayed in 30+ hotels, wasted all of our money while at the same time screamed at me, a literal child, for costing her and my dad $3000 dollars in hospital bills. Her ass could spend hundreds A WEEK just on alcohol and hotel rooms, but my life being saved was a huge no-no. And how did I find this out five years later, exactly? During the divorce a few months after these incidents, my dad printed out bank statements to prove what she was doing behind our backs. 

well I turned sixteen this summer so he decided I was old enough to know the entire truth, and let me read them because he still has them saved in a box. I nearly threw up, felt my blood pressure rise, and almost called her ready to tell her she was dead to me, but I just….collapsed. It took hours for him to calm me down and I almost lost my shit dude.

a statement on the papers said she’d taken money out for planned parenthood sometime around may 2012…think we can all guess what that means. dumbass got pregnant and had to get rid of the bastard child somehow..god just remembering this now makes my blood boil.

anyway, after my parents split for good mom got full custody of me and we moved to some shitty ghetto neighborhood and she introduced me to her lover, just expecting me to be okay with him living with us right away (LIKE A LEGITIMATE DAY AFTER I WAS TORN FROM MY FATHER’S ARMS) and she would pinch me, push me, call me awful things no parent should call their child, etc when I disrespected him. Tell me why I would ever give a disrespectful, alcoholic, abusive douchebag my respect? I remember my friends and I would flip him off when she wasn’t looking. 

This lasted from 2012-2014. Two years of watching this pile of trash hold knives to my mother’s head (while i still resent her immensely, i don’t appreciate seeing my mom’s head about to be pierced by a blade and never did), having his pit bull attack my things and my cat, having him bang on my door at 5 am drunk off of his ass and hiding under my covers praying he wouldn’t kill me, waking up to vomit all over my bathroom which he left there purposely because he knew I was extremely emetophobic, having him lie and tell my mom i was suicidal so he could have me sent away and have my mom to himself (never worked at least, but joke’s on me I guess because I sure am suicidal nowadays), and having him constantly telling me my father was a bad person…..and one day, he just snapped. August 5, 2014 was the most liberating day of my life because the cops finally took him away..I held a cat statue in my hands that was made of fucking steel and was about to go from being a household decoration, to being a weapon which would kill him if he came into my bathroom and found me hiding, begging for my life as he tore our apartment apart. 

I was thirteen and the adrenaline and two years of pain were enough to let my tiny ass gather the strength to hit this 200 pound man over the head if it meant surviving. I could hear him in the window, attempting to break back in since mom pushed him out and put a chair against the front door. I was prepared to kill a man, just as the cops busted in and screamed at us to run outside. I let my cat outside so he’d be safe too, and didn’t even put my shoes on that’s how fast I ran.

And since then I’ve been running. I don’t live anywhere near that place anymore, but it sticks with me. So now, whenever my mom brings her new guy to our place without discussing it first and making sure I won’t go into a suicidal breakdown everytime he comes over, because fuck my feelings I’m just a selfish bitch right?, I go into this rage. I can’t feel any other emotions except for anger and the need to end it somehow. I feel trapped and I guess PTSD/years of suffering come back because I have fear of most men now, and I get defensive, lock myself in my room, feel the impulse to punch walls and cut my thighs over a man who no longer exists in my life. And I keep running away and can’t face it in a healthy form. My OCD has worsened because my ‘ticks’ and my obsessive-compulsive tendencies give me control. My lips are bloody and dry because I rip the skin off when I’m nervous or have flashbacks. I pierce my gums with floss and my fingernails until they bleed to feel pain and the ‘feel good’ endorphins that are released. My mental health has detirorated over the past year to the point where I can’t even get out of bed anymore. School is useless to me and I only try to pass so I can go to college and make something of myself in two years.

So yeah, I’m playing the victim anon. I am. And I have a damn good reason too, I think. Now that you have more context about why I feel this way, don’t ever fucking message me with this bullshit again. As much I want to just up and leave to go live with my dad, it’s not as easy as it sounds. It isn’t, and I’m not obligated to explain myself for that. I’ll never post personal info again, since I just let it all pour out in this post anyway, if it means you’ll shut the fuck up and leave me alone. I already take this shit from my mom, her family, people at school…this is really the only place I can naturally vent and have anyone care about me.

Have a nice day

Dressing a bandage is difficult with one hand

anonymous asked:

My sister is really badly struggling with her mental health. Are there any particular prayers I can say for her? She's trying to get in to see someone, but they're telling her it could be a 12 week wait.

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out.  As your sibling, you must be so scared for her.  I hope that you know that your sister, you, and your entire family are on  my own ‘Mi Shaberach List”.

A congregation out in California developed this beautiful prayer.

A faith website dedicated to mental health posted a few beautiful Jewish poems specifically for strength.

The Mi Shaberach, the typical prayer for healing of the mind, body, and spirit can certainly be used.  Rabbi Scott Perlo discusses some of the uses for this prayer in a great article from the Forward.  The text of the Mi Shaberach can be found here, and a recording of the prayer here.

You can also recite the beautiful words that Moses recited in the Torah to ask God for healing for his sister Miriam.  After she was struck with Tzara’at, Moses says the following words which scholars argue is the first Jewish prayer:

“El Na Refa Na La”   “Please God, heal her now”

I hope that your sister has a full recovery of mind, body and spirit. I hope that your entire family is full of strength, love and courage in this challenging time.  And I hope that you all find the gift of shalom, the gift of peace.

Shabbat Shalom friend,


PS- please feel free to send me a direct message for any other advice or questions.  :)

Take care of your bodies please!

Having an injury that effects your playing as a musician really. fucking. sucks.

I have jaw muscle pain. Like really sucky, 24/7 jaw aching pain.

The first therapist who I went to said it was TMD, and told me to strengthen my jaw muscles. Their strategies never helped so I went to another therapist a few hours away from me who has worked with brass players before, and she said that I should be stretching my jaw muscles because they are freaking out, and are too tight (I have an incorrect embouchure that has me probably using the wrong muscles, and I clench my jaw often during the day). The new therapist said that I don’t have a problem with my TMJ, just that my muscles around it are not happy. She gave me stretching strategies that slowly began helping me…And when I noticed that I had began to feel less pain, I stopped doing my stretches. Went back to clenching. Bad posture. All the stuff that does sucky things to my neck and jaw.

Guess what?

I’m in pain again, maybe even worse than before, and getting myself to practice when I’m in pain is pretty darn hard.

So of course, I’m back to stretching, and being more aware of my jaw and neck positions, hoping I heal before college begins.

My advise to you is, the second you feel pain anywhere that may effect your playing, tell your teacher, and get to a therapist or doctor. If they tell you to do something, DO IT and do it till you’re !!!!!!100% !!!!!!better.