please give me notes i

the signs as shit gordon ramsay says in kitchen nightmares
  • aries: you fucking donut
  • taurus: i would like to pray before i eat this
  • gemini: you stuck up precious little bitch
  • cancer: bland as fuck
  • leo: have you ever sat at a table and watched 6 customers with its fucking donkey dick swinging in front of its face? it's hilarious
  • virgo: no, don't eat that, i don't want to be responsible for putting you back in the hospital
  • libra: it's not a crab cake... it's a crap cake
  • scorpio: that baby was fucking ugly
  • sagittarius: *gags and spits out food*
  • capricorn: looks like a fucking flip-flop
  • aquarius: stuffed clams. looks like a dog shat in the shells
  • pisces: i need the toilet, excuse me, i knew it would come out faster than it went in

More dumb Bendy And The Ink Machine headcanons even though no one asked for them: This time actually about everyone’s favorite dancing demon and Henry/Joey’s falling out that caused Henry to leave

-Henry’s appearence would resemble Walt Disney and Joey as Chuck Jones, though quite a bit younger 

-Bendy generally got mistaken a lot for a cat, which was often a running gag in the cartoon shorts, which mainly started cause from my views of the old concept designing on the abandoned studio’s walls Bendy appeared far more like Felix The Cat rather than Mickey Mouse ( but that’s probably more so about avoiding copyright infringement. ) 

-Bendy’s general plot of his cartoons was to fit in his with his new life on the surface world after getting kicked out of heck by The Big Guy TM (cause ya can’t talk about Satan or hell in kid programming after all) for not living up to roles in torturing sinners for all eternity, often by being too merciful and instead cheering up the souls by giving helpful advice to move on from their shady pasts and how to be a better person.  He had one last chance to prove himself that he’s a real demon, and that was to take a single sinning soul down to heck after bounding them to a contract.  

-His contract was already chosen for a mortal who went by Boris The Wolf.  A local band who plays for the the bar, but Boris would often have a drink first and than make a fool of himself for screwing up his friend’s performances.  Bendy instead “bends” the rules (haha puns) and ends up saving his new friend’s life after Boris stormed out after threatening to quit the band after his band member fellow woodland animals yelled at him for messing up another performance, but Boris was too intoxicated to realize he walked in the road of an incoming car!  Bendy quickly shoved the unknowing wolf out of the way as the tried to quickly shift into a puddle of inky goo before the driver could have seen him and swerved themselves into an accident.  Once Boris realized this, knowing Bendy just saved his life, he pulled the shocked demon into a tight bear hug (not caring that his fur and clothes now smelled like fresh ink) and he would have done anything to repay him.  Bendy’s only request was that he stop drinking and together shake hands on it.  Or rather paw to covered gloves?  

-Boris and Bendy are voiced by Joey and Henry themselves.  Henry attempts his best slightly drunken southern drawl and Joey does his best attempt making Bendy sound playfully impish, a sort of Bugs Bunny type of voice.  At the time, Bendy and Boris was based off their friendship

-Unfortunately, the fame although short lived went to Joey’s head and often took credit for Henry’s character designing and work.  Which is super not cool.  Henry began to grow irradiated for this sole reason and began losing passion behind what was once his dream.  

-Joey in his spare time, often read books about alchemy while working.  His favorite?  The Illusion Of Life 

-Henry ultimately decided to let Joey run the studio by himself after their big argument, quitting alongside with his wife, an assistant story boarder and moved to start a new life and a family, yet the feeling of regret always seem to linger in the back of his mind.  Joey had already been so stressed about building the ink machine AND trying to keep the studio in business still afloat with even less co-animators.  Last thing Henry knew was Joey yelled something about “everyone will know my name of “Joey Drew Studios” with or without a partner.  I’ll do something no one’s ever done!  You’ll see, you’ll ALL see!” Joey looked like he hadn’t slept in days by the clear bags under his eye, and not just from overworking.  

-Though still angry at Joey after all those years, Henry couldn’t say he doesn’t look towards his own cartoons with slight nostalgia of happier times, even if he now realizes how annoying Bendy’s voice is to him now

Before someone asks: No, I’m never going to stop doing these stupid text post things

Anonymous said: Do u do monty imagines bc i rly need more of him
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Anonymous said: Please give me more monty i cant get enough

Author’s Note: Because some of you asked so nicely.. enjoy my attempt at Montgomery. Also, much thanks to @jayadoreee for creating ‘Dating Montgromery Includes’ headcanons that sparked the idea for this ;) One headcanon in particular had me laughing, but as I was listening to a couple of songs.. inspiration struck! So go listen to ’Gangsta’ and ’Crazy in Love’ to get a feel of the mood I was in when writing this XD

Originally posted by aboutgrey

MONTY X READER

Montgomery de la Cruz. There was a lot to be said about this bad boy, a lot to dislike about him as well, but given that he’s been your boyfriend for the last eight months.. well you mustn’t find him all that terrible.

But that wasn’t the case once upon a time. Once upon a time you sneered at his attempts to intimidate fellow students, told him to fuck off one too many times to count, and even shoved him off Alex once when they got into one of their monthly fist fights.

His cruelty lessened when he turned his sights on you and every time you went to tell him off, you found that your amusement would spike. He noticed it, too, if his attempts to get a rise out of you almost everyday were anything to go by. Every curse you spewed at him was then followed by a smile and roll of your eyes instead of a sneer, and you found that Monty had wormed his way beneath your skin without even realizing it until it was too late.

Keep reading

Shoutout to a great artist

Okay, you probably know the “My life as a background Slytherin” comics by @emilyscartoons? (hint: I love them)

Have you ever seen her non-fandom art? (another hint: click every word to enjoy some of my favorites)

It

is

friggin’ beautifully

hilarious

and

ON POINT!

When you’re in class and the teacher starts rambling about that the human mind creates the structure of human experience, that reason is the source of morality, that aesthetics arises from a faculty of disinterested judgment, that space and time are forms of our sensibility, and that the world as it is “in-itself” is independent of our concepts of it. And you’re like

Kant relate