please forgive me this is my first one

“People who see us from the outside think that our greatest struggle is the disability. It’s not. Our greatest struggle is that we’d fallen out of love with each other. I lost a lot of my independence when Tatiana was born. I fell into a depression. He was working a lot. We grew distant. I didn’t think I could ever love him again. Two years ago I prayed one night, and said: ‘God, you’ve done so much. Please grant me one more miracle and make me love him again.’ The first change came from me. He’s always been the easygoing one, so I had to change first. I started trusting more. I tried to be more forgiving and understanding. I started to cook for him and organize things around the house. And he started spending more time at home. We started enjoying each other’s company. We talked about things other than diseases. And we started going out together– just like this. It was like I suddenly met a friend, who became my best friend, who became my love. And our life started over again.”

(São Paulo, Brazil)

Turning points and other significant events in Finland’s way to independence

To celebrate our 100 years of independence I wanted to make a little time line about the subject. There are of course many other important incidents in Finnish history too during those times but I wanted to list those that connect to the matter of independence more directly. Keep in mind that everything in this post is kept very short and simplified. And please forgive my mistakes (and let me know if there are major ones), it’s been too long since I last studied these events.

As a part of the Kingdom of Sweden

- Manifest of Empress Elizabeth to Finnish People 1742: First “official” thought of independence, war propaganda. During the Russo–Swedish War 1741–1743 (known as the Hats’ War in Finland) Empress Elizabeth of Russia gave out a declaration in which she promised to make Finland independent if her troops were not resisted on Finnish soil. Led to a counter manifest by the Swedes.

- The Anjala Conspiracy 1788: a scheme by officers of Swedish army against the King of Sweden Gustav III to end his Russian War 1788-1790. One part of the plot was Finland’s independence but it’s unclear how big importance it had in the bigger plan.

As an autonomous part of Russian Empire

- Autonomy 1809: As a result of Finnish War (1808-1809) Finland became a part of Russia as the Grand Duchy of Finland. It was the predecessor of the modern state of Finland. The new Grand Duchy got to keep its laws and religion from the Swedish rule, and was allowed to use its tax money to its own need. It was also given much more liberties now that it had its own special position.

- Throughout the 1800s nationalism grew stronger as the national artists (Jean Sibelius, Akseli Gallen-Kallela, Albert Edelfelt, Minna Canth, Pekka Halonen, Hugo Simberg, Johan Ludvig Runeberg…) and other influential people (Elias Lönnrot, J. V. Snellman…) fortified the Finnish identity.

- Russification of Finland (sortovuodet/-kaudet: years/times of oppression) 1899-1905 and 1908-1917: a governmental policy to limit the special status of the Grand Duchy and possible termination of its political autonomy and cultural uniqueness. This evoked widespread resistance, both passive (e.g. art) and aggressive (e.g. plans for independence). Some of the actions carried out by the Russian government and the Emperor: Finnish army was shut down and military service in the Russian army was made compulsory, Russian language to the language of administration, only Russian currency and stamps were allowed, official positions in Finland opened to every citizen in Russia (leading to Finnish minority), the Finnish press was under Russian censorship… Governor-general of Finland Nikolay Bobrikov (later murdered by Eugen Schauman which ended the first wave of Russification) was granted dictatorial powers. He shut down newspapers, exiled some Finnish executives, and limited gathering to name a few of his actions.

During the second wave of Russification the Jäger Movement was born. Volunteers from Finland travelled to Germany to get training in order to resist oppression and possibly make Finland a sovereign state.


  • February Revolution: In March Tsar Nicholas II was abdicated and Russian Provisional Government was established. This government stopped the oppression acts and returned autonomy. However the revolution led to a question of the highest governmental power in Finland since the oath of loyalty was sworn to the Emperor of Russia.
  • Therefore in July a Power Act (valtalaki) came into effect in which the Finnish Parliament (consisted of socialist majority) declared itself to now hold all powers of legislation, excluding foreign policy and military issues, and also that it could be dissolved only by itself. The Provisional Government, however, disapproved of the Act and dissolved the Parliament. Elections were held and the new parliament now had a bourgeois majority.
  •  After the October Revolution in Russia, in which the Provisional Government got replaced by Lenin’s Bolsheviks, the bourgeois government didn’t want to  stay with Russia anymore while the socialists preferred Bolsheviks to the Provisional Government and were willing to cooperate (this division among other things would later lead to the civil war).
  • On 15.11. the government declared itself to have all powers in Finland meaning independence. A new senate started on 27.11. with a goal to execute independence as soon as possible. The senate presented a Declaration of Independence on 4.12. to the Parliament and a vote was held about the independence on 6.12.  with the result 100–88. 6.12. was chosen as the Independence Day because democracy was to be emphasized.
  • 31.12.1917 The Bolshevik government gave a promise of recognizing Finland’s independence.
  • 4.1.1918 Soviet Russia recognized independence, followed by Germany, Sweden, France, Norway, Denmark and Austria-Hungary during the same month.

You may wonder why Lenin recognized Finland’s independence at all. Well, he was counting on the upcoming civil war in Finland and waiting for the socialists to take the charge of the country. He thought that it would be a nice image lifting for Soviet Russia and their ideology when Finland would want to go back under their rule. That of course didn’t happen and it’s a story for another time.



I’ll be honest guys, uni has been on hell of a burden lately, but one of these days “Forever Young” came up on the radio and I realised I’ll never be over Dirty LaundryIt’s been a while since I read it so I don’t know if I did justice to this fantastic scene

Also, process gif under the cut!

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anonymous asked:

OKAY SO I just went through and read a bunch of your writing because I’m lame lmaooo but PROMPT IDEA: so Eddie gets a “secret admirer” that leaves him letters and gifts and stuff but whoever it is slowly turns into more of a stalker and they’re crazy and leaving threats in Eddie’s locker etc etc and Eddie refuses to tell the Losers club because he wants to handle it himself but they all find out anyways ( everyone being super protective *cough cough richie* over Eddie is my jam )

Okay first of all THANKS FOR READING MY STUFF you’re rad as fuck for that. Second, this is such a great prompt the losers being protective is???? amazing. Third, I am sorry I am a terrible human and this took so long for me to put out?????? I suck???? forgive me

Warnings: stalker is a stalker and makes threats and is creepy so please please please don’t read if you’ll be triggered by that behavior!!! 

This is just a little over 2.5k words

It started out innocently enough. In all honesty, Eddie was flattered. He’d gone to his locker one day after third period, and there was a note there, all folded neatly, that read “you’re adorable, Eddie Kaspbrak.” For about two weeks, he wanted to believe that his secret admirer that signed his notes as “your future boyfriend” was Richie. He was just waiting to ask him. He thought about it more and more as the notes kept coming: complimenting his clothes and hair and even his freckles.

His suspicions were solidified when he scratched up his knees at the quarry one day and he received a note the next morning telling him to be more careful when he swam with his friends. Only the losers had been there; it must be Richie! He planned to ask Richie about it after school when they biked home together (as always). However, a second note appeared in his locker after lunch.

“Stop spending so much time with Tozier. You’re starting to make me jealous, Eddie,” Eddie read in a whisper. He felt cold all of a sudden. None of his friends would write this. Richie certainly wouldn’t. He crumpled up the note and tossed it into the nearest trashcan, wanting to be rid of it. Holding it felt like holding a threat.

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home || nolan holloway smut

request: Hi! I’m in love with your writing and I was wondering if you could write something for Nolan based off these two from the dating headcanon (late night drives to the middle of nowhere and looking at the stars, soft sex)
pairing: reader x nolan holloway
warning(s): SMUT (please don’t read if you aren’t comfortable)
listen to: faux - ed tullett, novo amor
word count: 2.887
note(s): this is my first time writing smut so please FORGIVE ME BC IT’S PROBABLY TRASH, and also nolan isn’t a bad guy he’s just a scared little puppy fite me on thiS.

Originally posted by fytwolf

“Look at him! Look!”

You were jolted awake by a yelp, followed by the sound of a young male yelling and people murmuring. Quickly moving the book off your lap, you stood up from the library floor and made your way to the where the commotion was coming from. You see Nolan, your boyfriend of almost a year, gripping Corey’s wrist in one of his hands, and a pen with blood covering the tip in his other.

Your eyes widen as you understood what Nolan had done and without a thought you quickly walk over to him. Nolan’s attention was averted from Corey’s ability to heal from a stab in less than 5 seconds to the sound of your heeled boots clicking against the wood floor, as he looked up at you. On your face he noticed a mixture of emotions; fear, worry, anger.

“Nolan, what the hell?!” you pried his hand from Corey’s wrist and dragged him out of the library, to the parking lot where you stopped, pinched the bridge of your nose and took a deep breath. “What were you thinking? You’re gonna get suspended!”

“(Y/N), you don’t understand! I’m trying to prove it.” Nolan stuffed his pen into his backpack and took a step towards you. But just as he took a step forward, you took one backwards.

“Prove what?” you shook your head as you scoffed.

“Corey isn’t just human. You’ve seen him disappear and then appear out of nowhere. Neither is Liam, haven’t you seen him throw a lacrosse ball into the net and it just– it just pierces through? And you know that the “wolf” on the lacrosse field the other night wasn’t just a “wolf”. And what about the thing in the lib-”

“Nolan, just let it go, please.” You stepped forward until you reached him and took his hands in yours, rubbing his fingers gently with your thumb. He roughly broke out of your hold and slammed a fist against the school wall.

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Inktober 18,19 and 20!

This is my way of catching up. Me being B Team trash. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

…. I was watching Emperor’s New Groove. 

Also, Bonus! Inktober 21!

Behind only one day!

Got7 Reaction: Their girlfriend crying because of something they said during an argument

||| Requested by @rwan017 |||

Jackson Wang

Originally posted by juxghoseok

As soon as he noticed the tears piling up he embraced you and held you tightly.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry Jagi. I’m such an idiot.”

Choi Youngjae

Originally posted by 2jaekisses

He couldn’t stand seeing your cry and would wipe them way immediately.

“Jagi, please don’t be sad, it breaks my hurt.”

Mark Tuan

Originally posted by pinkhoodiemark

The words slipped out by complete accident and he was so sad that they did.

“Ahh Jagi, please anything but the tears, they’re my biggest weakness.”

Park Jinyoung

Originally posted by jypnior

He would be a bit lost at first what to do because he didn’t think that what he said was that bad but he would give in eventually.

“Please forgive me, I never meant to insult you.”

JB/Im Jaebum

Originally posted by queenwithcollars

He would be a bit confused because you were the one who started this but knowing that you won’t stop until you get everything off your chest, he would let you cry until you calmed down.

“There there. I’m sorry…”


Originally posted by chattyang

He would regret getting into the argument in the first place and would just pull you into a hug.

“Come here you, I have no idea why I said those stupid things in the first place.”

Kim Yugyeom

Originally posted by magiccastles

He would apologise immediately, hoping that you won’t take it to heart

“I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean anything I said.”

the wedding planners (一) | jjk

↳ alternative title: ‘'til death do us part’? i’d rather die than be with you’

[DISCONTINUED - please see my explanation here]

summary: you do a lot for your best friend. a lot. so much so, that you are willingly spending months working with Asshole Supreme, Number One Greaser, Pretentiously Cocky Jeon Jungkook just for the sake of his wedding, and we all know how that’s going to work out (not very well). 

{enemies to lovers!au}

pairing: jungkook x female reader (and some side yoonseok)
word count: 6k
genre: fluff, smut, angst (soon to come!)
warnings: descriptive smut and lots of swearing
a/n: here it is! this is my first series on this blog so forgive me if the spacing of the chapters is a little… rough, but i promise to update as often as i can! i’m in love with the enemies-to-lovers au so i’m so pumped to be releasing one of my own! enjoy! (in case u were wondering what that line is in parentheses, it’s just the number 1 in mandarin)

The first time you met Jeon Jungkook was at Hoseok’s birthday party. The memory will forever be engraved in your brain, seeing Jeon Jungkook cruise on over to you after being directed towards you by Yoongi himself, swirling a drink in his hand and plastering the greasiest smile he could onto his face. Yoongi must have supposed that if he and Hoseok got along so well, then there would be no reason why you and Jungkook wouldn’t. But he was wrong, because there were very many reasons why. A majority of them centered around the fact that Jeon Jungkook was just absolutely, one hundred percent full of himself, and there’s nothing worse than a man with an ego.

So, in short, rather than hitting it off, the both of you just ended up wanting to hit each other, and that’s never a good sign.

Three years later, nothing much has changed, only that Hoseok and Yoongi are now engaged instead of just almost-boyfriends, and you and Jungkook have gone from being just bothersome to each other to mutual loathing, so that’s just great.

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An open letter to Griffin and the McElroys

Lup is a trans woman.

I can explain what this means to me, but it’ll be long and emotional, so please forgive that.

Sawbones was my first McElroy podcast. I knew right away that I identified with Justin - the fact that we’re both peripheral to medicine, and around the same age, with similar frames of reference helps a lot. He’s also a complete goof, which people who know me will likely find at least a bit familiar.

Over the years I’ve started listening to more and more of y’all - Interrobang, MBMBaM, and Griffin and Justin’s work on Polygon, but as a dyed-in-the-wool nerd, TAZ has fast become my favourite of all your body of work. One of the reasons that I identify so strongly with y’all, is that I see my brother in you.

My brother, Dan, died almost seven years ago - he would’ve been Travis’ age now. In all of you, I see his sense of humour, his passion, his encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture and music, and above all, his kindness. In some very small way, listening to the three of you and your relationship has helped me keep close what I treasured most about my own brother.

Dan died before i could come out to him as a trans woman. I don’t have any doubt that he would’ve been loving and supportive, because our relationship only improved as we aged, but I still never got to tell him about this thing that is so central to who I am as a person. Griffin, it may have seemed like a simple decision to include a woman like me as a character in your podcast, but your acceptance of and sensitivity toward people like me was like a touchstone to how i feel Dan would have reacted if I’d had the chance to tell him. It’s why I broke down with tears of joy listening to the episode, and it’s why I’m crying now, writing this.

I know it’s a little weird to be so emotional over one group of people I’ve never met, and another group who are entirely fictional, but this strange daisy-chain of associations means that this simple gesture was actually of deep, deep significance to me.

From the bottom of my heart, and from my brother and me, thank you.

tenalach  asked:

Prompts 55!

send me a prompt

55) things you said under your breath

Victor Nikiforov is an observant person. 

It began at a very early age – his parents would comment about how attentive he was to details, how he picked up on the smallest things that more often than not went unnoticed and drew conclusions from them. And asked questions. And asked more. And observed.

Lately, his case study’s been Yuuri Katsuki.

He’s learned a lot from watching him – how Yuuri drums his fingers on the table when he has something on his mind, how his eyes sparkle when he’s excited about an idea he wants to share, how he purses his lips when he lands a jump he’s not happy with.

Victor likes to think he knows many things about Yuuri, things that maybe not even Yuuri knows about himself. But he would know even more if he was sure it was OK to ask questions.

He hasn’t learned when Yuuri is more open to being asked questions yet. He does, but all of his questions have a clear end-goal – things like “are you tired?” and “how do you say that in Japanese?” are innocuous questions to ask, and Yuuri  answers them without thinking too much about it.

But the questions he really wants to ask do not have clear-cut answers. He wants to ask Yuuri why he doesn’t mention the banquet, for example, and wants to ask him what he’s been doing wrong, and yet something – perhaps the fear of rejection – paralyzes him. 

So Victor waits. Waits for the perfect opportunity.

Meanwhile, he observes. 

He knows Yuuri wants to tell him something, and that in itself fills his heart with hope. He hears Yuuri’s hesitant footsteps approaching his bedroom door one night, minutes after they bid each other good night, and holds his breath in expectation. 

Yuuri waits. Pads around. And goes back to his bedroom.

In the next morning Yuuri has in his eyes the expression of a person who’s clearly struggling, and despite Victor taking a chance and asking him what is wrong, Yuuri shuts him off with red cheeks and averting his eyes.

(Yuuri blushes up to his ears when he’s embarrassed, Victor has learned.)

Eventually, Yuuri relaxes a little. Victor knows there’s still something he’s been trying to tell him whenever he catches Yuuri looking at him with this particular expression, eyes wide in wonder and cheeks softly dusted with pink. 

He tells Yuuri he can tell him everything – “I am your coach, right? You can ask me anything!“ – and while Yuuri undoubtedly appreciates his offer, he’s still hesitant. 

He seems to forget about it after a couple of days, and it’s not until another night that he hears Yuuri’s footsteps outside his bedroom that he thinks of it again. His lights are still on, and he can hear what sounds like the rustle of papers on the other side of the door, but Yuuri runs back to his bedroom and shuts his door.

What is this guy up to?

Victor decides he needs to take the risk – mention it to Yuuri, ask him what he’s been doing outside of his bedroom and changing his mind by the last second. It’s a better approach than rolling his door open and taking him by surprise, right?

The next morning, as they’re having breakfast before practice, Yuuri blurts it out.

“Victor, I…” He pauses, looking at his hands on his lap, avoiding Victor’s eyes. “There’s something I want to show you.”

Intrigued, he simply nods, waiting for Yuuri to show him whatever he wants to show, wondering if this has been the source of Yuuri’s skittishness for the past week. Yuuri gets up and beckons, inviting him to come along, and Victor follows him down the corridor to his bedroom. 

He’s never been in Yuuri’s bedroom before – he usually stands awkwardly by the door if he needs something, not wanting to intrude Yuuri’s privacy after that first night incident – so there’s a lot to take in. Yuuri doesn’t unpack his competition luggage, it seems, placed by his bed with the zipper half open with airport tickets all over it. He has a keyboard that hasn’t been played in a while and Hasetsu Ice Castle mascots stickers glued on the side of his bed. 

There, without saying a word, Yuuri kneels beside his bed and pulls a drawer, fumbling through papers and a myriad of what Victor guesses to be fan letters in Japanese. Safely hidden under that mess is a big yellow envelope from which Yuuri pulls a thick stack of papers and starts blushing again, still avoiding eye contact, and mumbles something so low and so fast Victor can’t even be sure it’s said in English.

Yuuri glances up at him and, if that’s even possible, blushes even harder. 

“I-I, uh…” His hands grasp the stack of papers like he’s holding onto it for dear life. “I have— Ever since—Uh…”

He takes in a deep breath and looks at Victor. He’s still blushing, but the look in his eyes speaks of determination – just like when he’s decided to land a quad Salchow, or when Victor praises him for his triple Axel. 

Yuuri murmurs in rapid-fire, clear English that soon became rambling:

“The main reason why I didn’t want you to see my bedroom when you  arrived here was because I had an embarrassing number of posters of you hanging around my bedroom and believe me these are not the only ones I have I have a clearfile in my wardrobe with other thirty-eight posters that are limited edition and I never ever attempted hanging them on my walls andohgodthisisembarrassingbutIcouldn'tlivewiththisguiltanymore Victor you are the main reason why I wanted to keep skating youinspiredmetodowhatIdotodayandmybiggestdreamistoskateonthesameiceasyou ever since my teenage years I’ve been a huge fan and my poster collection got out of control myfriendPhichitwithwhomIsharedaroominDetroitknowshowbaditis I even have one of those flags they hand around in stadiums for competitions this is embarrassing please forgive me but I thought I should let you know.”

Victor knows he’s staring with an expression akin to shock when Yuuri finally stops, not blushing, but with shy eyes that look afraid of judgment.

“I hope you don’t think I’m a creep,” he sighs finally, handing Victor his treasured posters collection. 

He looks at the first paper on the stack. It’s a small poster of a ska— oh. He should have guessed. Victor feels a smile spreading across his lips. There are several posters of different phases of his skating career – with his long hair flowing behind him as well as of his short one with his fringe swept over an eye, in outfits Victor himself barely remembered. He feels Yuuri’s expectant gaze on his skin and can almost tell that he’s holding his breath.

He should have known. 

“Would you like me to sign them for you?” He offers, his voice soft and gentle.  

And Yuuri’s eyes light up in an expression Victor has no memory of seeing it before, a broad, earnest smile illuminating Yuuri’s face, and Victor can feel his happiness deep within his soul.


Unwanted (Bucky x reader)

This one is a request by @buckyslocalfarmer and I gladly accepted. I thought it be a really good fic to balance out the angst of Battered and Bruised. (If you love Bucky, then I think you’ll like my series, Battered and Bruised. You can find it here in my masterlist.) 

This turned really smutty really quickly and I’d just like to say that this is my first time writing smut and I’m sorry if it’s bad. I’m gonna work on it. So please forgive me for the cringy writing. 

Request:  Could you do something with Bucky where reader is feeling useless, due to her work, friends or something like that and Bucky comforts her? Something fluffy or hot.

Warnings: SMUT. and cursing

Your boss had asked you to come to his office to tell you something. You were nervous, you had a terrifying boss who gave scowls everyone in the building. Maybe he was promoting you? You honestly had no idea. You came into his office and shut the door behind you. 

“You said you wanted to s-” You were cut off immediately. 

“You’re fired, F/N.” He gave you one of his famous death glares. You had no idea what to say, so you nodded and turned, leaving his office for good. You didn’t understand. You were doing everything that you were supposed to do and you made sure all your deadlines were met, even going as far as to getting them in a few days early. You groaned in frustration as you packed up your things from your cubicle and headed to the car. The rest of the employees peered from their work spaces, their eyes like lasers in your back. You could feel everyone staring at you. 

You snapped. “What the hell do you all want?” When they realized that you could tell they were staring they darted back to your work, acting like they hadn’t done anything at all. 

“That’s what I thought.” You walked out, your blood boiling. When you reached the car, you threw your box of belongings in the back seat and got in. Your car ride was silent. No music. Nothing. You were beyond upset. You felt so useless. Every time you tried to do well, and go above and beyond, they hated you. 

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Haikyuu!! Pairings Soulmate AU Headcanons

Headcanons about some of the pairings from Haikyuu!! when they are in a soulmate AU. In this one, they have the first words the others say to them tattooed on their body. If there is a pairing you would like to see headcanons like this for, you’re welcome to request it!

These could be considered continuations of headcanons I did previously that were about when the pairings first met. I used them for inspiration to write these ones. You can find those here.

Thank you for this request!

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My oc Naya hates flowers but she actually likes a few of them!! Buttercups, Rose and Lycoris are her favs!!!!!!!!


sanspar following me already gave me a heart attack but this is too much.

So many people that I admire is following me and I’m dying?

Thank you so much @blinddetermination for following someone like me I hope you like this thing I had in mind ahhhhh ;;

I remember when I created my account!!! @sanspar was one of the first accounts I found about undertale and and nnnghh I was so stupid I didn’t know I could follow people lol please forgive me I am so lame jfc, but I finally learnt to follow people!!!!

And I can’t believe that two of my idols are actually following me lol, I just don’t know how to thank you guys ;; just-

Thank you so much!!!


And there he stood, Harry the Heir himself; tall, handsome, scowling. “Lady Alayne. May I partner you in this dance?” She considered for a moment. “No. I don’t think so.” Color rose to his cheeks. “I was unforgiveably rude to you in the yard. You must forgive me.” “Must?” She tossed her hair, took a sip of wine, made him wait. “How can you forgive someone who is unforgiveably rude? Will you explain that to me, ser?” Ser Harrold looked confused. “Please. One dance.”.

deadr1ingers  asked:

Went to the vet last week with a friend and her cat. The cat has blood in his urine and is male, so they're concerned. No white blood cells and no sign of bacteria said the vet. During the visit, the vet talked a lot about cats being susceptible to urinary problems when stressed and suggested friend examine cat's home environment for stressors while they waited for the culture. Friend got extremely offended (con't)

(con’t) Friend said they couldn’t believe how much they’d just paid to be lectured about cat emotions and that of course her cat was happy. Friend is irate she did not recieve antibiotics. I know you’re not a cat vet, but I feel like my friend is being unreasonable. Given that there’s no sign of bacteria, wouldn’t it be irresponsible to give antibiotics? All the vet can do is rule out other factors while they wait for the culture – stress and diet. Or is friend right? Is this a bad vet?“

Please forgive my candor but, your friend sounds like a jerk. Unfortunately your friend’s response is the exact same one a large portion of clients have.

First of all, let’s talk about UTI’s.

Less than 3% of cats with urinary problems have urinary tract infections. Those that do, generally have resistant infections that only respond to a very few, very expensive, antibiotics. We over prescribe antibiotics in veterinary medicine and part of it is because clients become angry and demand them. What always bothers me is clients accusing vets of being money grubbing and running unnecessary tests but the same client will become angry when we won’t give and charge for an antibiotic that isn’t indicated.

There are many scientific and medical papers written about cats and their urinary tracts and we now know that the vast majority of urinary problems in cats are due to environmental factors. Cats do not show signs of stress in ways that humans can recognize and often they are stressed and not very happy but we don’t pick up on it.

Cats that have frequent urinary problems actually have different brains than those that don’t. Affected cats have increased amounts of tyrosine hydroxylase and so there levels of stress hormones are higher. These cats also have a larger locus coeruleus which produces lots of norepinephrine. We have also found that these cats produce larger amounts of norepinephrine in their brainstem and spinal cord. So essentially cats that have frequent urinary issues are “wound tighter” than other cats. They are in a constant state of fight or flight . Many of these cats even show exaggerated startle responses to normal stimuli. These high levels of stress cause all kinds of organ dysfunction; even the cats adrenal glands don’t work properly. Their bladders become very sensitive and inflamed which can mimic signs of UTI. No amount of antibiotic will fix these problems because it isn’t due to an infection.

When these cats are given anxiolytic medication many of the signs go away, no antibiotics needed. We now know that there are many environmental changes that owners can make that will lessen or even eliminate these urinary problems. Many of the changes cost absolutely nothing for the owner. I have many owners that have been told exactly how to manage their cats urinary issues and it is astounding how many people refuse to make the changes. They would rather come to the vet over and over again complaining about the costs and demanding antibiotics instead of purchasing more litter boxes and adding hiding places for their cat.

Of course there are many other health problems that can manifest as urinary issues in cats so it is always important to run basic blood work and get a urine sample.

TL;DR I agree with what the vet said. Most cats do not need antibiotics for urinary issues because the problem truly is because they aren’t happy in their environment. Owners can rant and rave and become as irate as they want but that doesn’t change the fact that this is not a case for antibiotics most of the time.

Resources: The Domestic Cat, by John Bradshaw

Fanart Monday!

After some weeks, finally, I can do this again!!

There are so many fanarts omg xD And some birthday gifts I never got to post?? I’m sorry!! But you’ll get all my love now!!

Fanart of the week by @goldendragonsflower!! Thanks for giving me a wonderful dose of creepy!! There’s no way Frisk can get out of that situation now… 

More under the wonderful, sexy cut <3

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Prompts list

1. “She never misses, she never quits, and never loses. If you’re alive, it’s because she wants you alive.”
2. “Because even the sun can envy the stars.”
3. “Cold sunshine fell around him.”
4. “She really couldn’t stand his eyes on her.”
5. “Amazing, isn’t it?”
6. “The truth lodged bitter tasting in his mouth”
7. “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.”
8. “She’s missing, not dead.”
9. “I ran in the direction of the scream.
10. “Promise me you’ll stay.”
11. “They were looking at each other with the intensity usually reserved for bomb defusion.”
12. “They couldn’t remember a time when they weren’t scared.”
13. “I’m like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”
14. “If my parents knew what I was doing, they’d kill me.”
15. "I may despise you with the burning white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
16. “His capacity for forgiveness wasn’t infinite.”
17. "I’m sorry, but I can’t trust you anymore.”
18. "All of those people are alive right now because of her.”
19. "Stop talking about love for a minute and help me with this bullet wound.”
20. "You were always the quiet one.”
21. "You’ve only heard his point of view. You never asked mine.”
22. "No! I’m tired of doing what you say!”
23. “He was terrified of small spaces and she knew.”
24. “It was the age of screaming.”
25. “There were few things that truly weren’t meant to exist. One of them was…”
26. “They came in a blur of shadows.”
27. "I promised myself I wouldn’t let you complete me.”
28. “There were only so many things you could hide from.”
29. Her voice could sink ships.
30. "If you take her eyes, she will be blind. But if you take her heart, she will be empty.”
31. “She was broken in a lot of ways, but there was a brilliance in her that he wanted to know all about.”
32. "I saw you staring at each other, I just wasn’t sure if it was sexual tension or murderous rage.”
33. “His eyes drooped, his hands wavered, and then there was a scream of metal tearing.”
34. “He watched, helpless, as the door closed behind her.”
35. “Under normal circumstances he would speak his mind, but, with a gun against his head…”
36. “It was a compelling and convincing argument and for that reason she chose to ignore it.”
37. “He was the picture of health. Which was amazing considering his lifestyle.”
38. “It was as if she didn’t understand the concept of ‘shut up’.”
39. “I believed that nothing could ever replace it. And that belief lasted for forty eight hours.”
40. “The kiss tasted like tears.”
41. "My life is my own to ruin.”
42. "You are cordially invited to go fuck yourself.”
43. "I’d rather carress my asshole with a chainsaw.”
44. “You were saturated sunlight.”
45. “His eyes brimmed with unshed tears but neither of you mentioned it.”
46. “It was already here.”
47. "Just shut up and listen to me!”
48. “You swallowed thickly and looked up.”
49. “Having heard those words before, you suddenly realised their meaning.”
50. “He would never truly admit it, but…”
51. “She stared into the mirror.”
52. “Shh, I promise its all gonna be alright now. I promise.”
53. “He held her for what felt like decades.”
54. “The Sun could never truly divorce the Sky.”
55. “But what would have happened if…”
56. “I know!”
57. “A smile played on his lips.”
58. “T'was wicked.”
59. “Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds.”
60. “Have you done it yet?”
61. “An echoing howl.”
62. “Why cant you just open your eyes and see?!”
63. “Its not right.”
64. “He watched her, never realising that she was watching him.”
65. “Her breathing quickened. He knew what was happening to her.”
66. “Please. Just let me in.”
67. “Sing me a lullaby.”
68. “It cracked and shattered- and with it, so did her heart.”
69. “It just…hurts.”
70. “I laughed and laughed until I couldn’t laugh anymore.”
71. “I cried and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.”
72. “I did all of this for you. What more could you want?”
73. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”
74. “Gods, you just wanted to drag your nails down his back and tangle your fingers in his hair.”
75. “It was a long time ago, but some people still couldn’t forgive.”
76. “It started without the glamour, without the drama. It started with a smile.”
77. “That was his fourth helping, and I still hadn’t finished my first!”
78. “Where the hell have you been?”
79. “Please just leave me alone…”
80. “It looked like it was getting fun so I decided to join in.”
81. “Oh, come on! It was only the one!”
82. “She fell in love with the tinkle of his laugh and the gleam in his eye.”
83. “Happy ever after? Please.”
84. “Was there ever anything there?”
85. “Gods, he was gorgeous.”
86. “I want to break those glasses with my pelvis.”
87. “The bluest blue to ever freaking blue.”
88. “He wasn’t as tough as they all thought. And she knew it.”
89. “Oh shit.”
90. “You shot me?!”
91. “He didn’t have anyone else, so you always made sure that you were there for him.”
92. “Could you ever truly forgive him?”
93. “I’m sorry, I’ve never seen you before.”
94. “There was a fine line between being sexually frustrated and sexually furious.”
95. “Fabulosity.”
96. “It was your favourite, and he knew.”
97. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
98. “Don’t you die on me.”
99. “03:18AM. You were in for a long night.”
100. “Wow. Just, wow…”
101.“You know, it hurt when I realized that you’re not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her.”
102.“I saw the devil in his/her eyes”
103.“Where the fuck are we? Cause to me it looks like I’m in Kidnapped, USA.”
104.“Steak-out? More like virgin social club.”
105.“I like this bed sheet.” “It doesn’t matter for me, you take all of the blankets and mattress space anyway.”
106.“Did you just lick the side of my face?” “I claimed you.”
107."I like your face.”
108.“Have you lost your damn mind!?”
109.“Please, don’t leave.”
110.“I almost lost you.”
111.“Don’t you ever do that again!”
112.“I think we need to talk.”
113.“I can’t believe I ever trusted you!
114.“Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”
115.“It could be worse.”
116.“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”
117.“You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”
118.“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”
119.“You lied to me.”
120.“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”
121.“You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”
122.“He’s coming back for you. You need to get out.”
123.“I hope you’ll understand.”
124.“What do you mean he/she’s dead?!”
125.“Stop trying to protect me! All you’ve done is hurt me!”
126.“You tricked me into falling in love with you!”
127.“Don’t fucking touch me!”
128.“You did this for me?”
129.“You can’t protect me.”
130.“Go then, leave! See if I care!”
131.“Why are you up so early?”
132.“Please, take me instead!”
133.“Please don’t argue. You have to leave right now, you aren’t safe here.”
134.“Don’t you dare to ever do that again!”
135.“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”
136.“I came here to explain what happened, and I’m not leaving until you listen.”
137.“You can’t break my heart like this!”
138.“I wasn’t going to wait around for you forever.”
139.“Run, and don’t ever look back.”
140.“Please, don’t give up on me.”
141.“When are you going to realize that I don’t care?”
142.“I may be an idiot but I’m your idiot.”
143.“Fuck…I feel I’ve been hit by a car.”
144.“Who gave you that black eye?!”
145.“After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”
146.“I miss her so damn much, and it’s killing me that she’s gone!”
147"What the hell are you doing here?! I told you I never wanted to see you again!”
148.“Pull over. Let me drive for awhile.”
149.“It reminded me of you.”
150.“No, no, it’s my treat.”
151.“Come here. Let me fix it.”
152.“I’ll walk you home.”
153.“Have a good day at work.”
154.“I dreamt about you last night.”
155.“Take my seat.”
156.“I saved a piece for you.”
157.“I’m sorry for your loss.”
158.“You can have half.”
159.“Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.”
160.“Sorry I’m late.”
161.“Can I have this dance?”
162.“I made your favourite.”
163.“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”
164.“Watch your step.”
165.“Here, drink this. You’ll feel better.”
166.“Can I hold your hand?”
167.“You can borrow mine.”
168.“You might like this.”
169.“It’s not heavy. I’m stronger than I look.”
170.“I’ll wait.”
171.“Just because.”
172.“Look both ways.”
173.“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.“
174.“Try some.”
175.“Drive safely.”
176.“Well, what do you want to do?”
177.“One more chapter.”
178.“Don’t worry about me.”
179.“It looks good on you.”
180.“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.”
181.“That’s okay, I bought two.”
182.“After you.”
183.“We’ll figure it out.”
184.“Can I kiss you?”
185.“I like your laugh.”
186.“Don’t cry.”
187.“I made this for you.”
188.“Go back to sleep.”
189.“Is this okay?”
190.“I picked these for you.”
191.“I’ll drive you to the hospital.”
192.“What do you want to watch?”
193.“You can go first.”
194.“Did you get my letter?”
195.“I’ll do it for you.”
196.“Call me when you get home.”
197.“I think you’re beautiful.”
198.“Are you sure?”
199.“Have fun.”
200.“Sit down, I’ll get it.”
201.“I made reservations.”
202.“I don’t mind.”
203.“It brings out your eyes.”
204.“There is enough room for both of us.”
205.“You don’t have to say anything.”
207.“Happy birthday.”
208.“I’ll pick it up after work.”
209.“It can wait until tomorrow.”
210.“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
211.“It’s two sugars, right?”
212.“I’ll help you study.”
213.“Stay over.”
214.“I did the dishes.”
215.“You didn’t have to ask.”
216.“I bought you a ticket.”
217.“You’re warm.”
218.“No reason.”
219.“I’ll meet you halfway.”
220.“Take mine.”
221.“We can share.”
222.“I was just thinking about you.”
223.“I want you to have this.”
224.“Call me if you need anything.”
225.“Do you want to come too?”
226.“I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
227.“Is your seat belt on?”
228.“Sweet dreams.”
229.“I was in the neighborhood.”
230.“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”
231.“The key is under the mat.”
232.“It doesn’t bother me.”
233.“You’re important too.”
234.“I saved you a seat.”
235.“I’ll see you later.”
236.“I noticed.”
237.“You can tell me anything.”
238.“I hope you like it.”
239.“I want you to be happy.”
240.“I believe in you.”
241.“You can do it.”
242.“Good luck.”
243.“I brought you an umbrella.”
244.“I’ll pick you up at the airport.”
245.“Take a deep breath.”
246.“Be careful.”
247.“I love you.”
248.“I just wanted to make you happy.”
249.“I don’t trust you”
250.“Come with me.”
251.“Do I make you happy?”
252.“You hide it with jokes and sarcasm but I can see how broken you are.”
253.“Can I borrow a shirt to wear?”
254.“I needed someone and… you were the only one I thought of.”
255.“It’s 3am!”
256.“You forgot my birthday?!”
257.“Let me in.”
258.“I need you.”
259.“You can fix this, right?”
260.“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you!”
261.“You look like you’re about to cry. What’s happened?”
262.“I’m scared.”
263.“You’re alive?”
264.“Stay awake.”
265.“You can’t say things like that… Not anymore.”
266.“Let me help you.”
267.“I was so alone… and then I met you.”
268.“You’re an idiot.”
269.“Let’s just lay here a little longer.”
270.“Come here.”
271.“You look at yourself and see nothing but when I look at you… I see everything.”
272.“Just, trust me, okay?”
273.“I can’t promise anything.”
274.“I miss you.”
275.“Why did I ever think talking to you was a good idea?!”
276.“What’s happening to us?”
277.“Can we just go for a drive or something? Like we used to?”
278.“What does it feel like; love?”
279.“I’m not good with words.”
280.“You’re hurt.”
281.“Stop trying to be the hero all the time and just be you.”
282.“That’s why I love you.”
283."You couldn’t save him/her.“
284."I want to hate you, I do, but god, I can’t hate you; not even a little bit. Not even at all.”
285.“Don’t you say that… not you.”
286.“I know it’s 3 in the morning, but I can’t find my cat.”
287.“Make me.”
288.“Is that my shirt?”
289.“If you walk out that door… don’t you ever come back.”
290.“Don’t you die on me.”
291.“Please… just leave me alone.“
292.“I can’t keep fighting like this.”
293.“I need you.“
294.“Where were you when I needed you?”
295.“Will you just shut up for a minute and let me think?!”
296.“I just want you to be happy.”
297.“It’s time to say goodbye.“
299.“I don’t want to hurt you.”
300.“Just shut up and kiss me.“
301.“Ignore me, I didn’t see anything.”
302.“I wish I could stop loving you.“
303.“I’m scared.”
304.“I’ll protect you no matter what… even if it kills me.“
305.“You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?”
306.“I can’t do this without you.”
307.“Love is stupid.“
308.“I trusted you.”
309.“No, please don’t!”
310.“I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed!”
311.“I’m with you okay? Always.“
312.“I thought you loved me.”
313.“I told you this would happen.“
314.“What? You think you’re the only one suffering?”
315.“You’re alive?!”
316.“Don’t you try and pin this on me!”
317.“Why are you like this?”
318.“If you really love me, you’ll let me go.”
319.“Why are you looking at me like that?“
320.“I hate you”
321.“Because I love you god damn it!”
322.“Oh well good for you”
323.“I’m not gonna keep having this conversation”
324.“I could hold you forever.
325.“Every time I see you, I fall in love with you all over again.
326.“This is hard for me too!“
327.“Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”
328.“Close your eyes.“
329.“Will you marry me?”
330.“I’m in love…shit.”
331.“Go on, I dare you!“
332.“Kiss me.”
333.“I’d rather die.”
334.“Please… I need you.“
335.“Mom says if you blow up the house she’s gonna put you for adoption.”
336.“I don’t have a licences to kill. I have a learner’s permit.”
337.“I didn’t do it…. Oh wait that? … Oh, that I did do.”
338.“You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”
339.“Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”
340.“Are you always this stupid, or is this a special occasion?”
341.“You gotta stop doing that.” “Doing what?” “Things that make me wanna kiss you.”
342.“Excuse me, I have to go make a scene.”
343.“Why are they all afraid of you?”
344.“Wow somebody needs a happy meal.”
345.“Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” “Not until four.”
346.“Oh my god, you’re in love!”
347.“Can I kill him?” “No…” “Just a little bit?”
348.“Technically it wasn’t on fire.” “Of course it wasn’t on fire! you completely blew it up!”
349.“Hand over the girl!” “Not gonna happen.”
350.“This is why we can’t have nice things!”
351.“Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do?”
352.“Shut up.” “I didn’t say anything.” “Don’t care, Shut up.”
353.“This weather is almost as cold as my heart.”
354.“Well ‘scuse me, your Grand High Fluffiness.”
355.“So you’re the guy who saved my life?”
356.“Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that.”
357.“When is a monster not a monster?” “When you love it.”
358.“You know they’re gonna use the things you love against you.”
359.“Where is he!” “My lady…” “Answer me!”
360.“Wanting McDonald’s is not an emergency.” “Sure it is.”
361.“Did I say you could make me have feelings for you?”
362.“I love you.”
363.“Don’t leave me,”
364.“Fuck it.”
365.“I was just kind of hoping that you’d, y’know…fall in love with me.”
366.“When I said ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night.’ I didn’t mean this.”
367.“You know…that’s not what an apology sounds like.”
368.“I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen.”
369.“I am under no obligation to make sense to you.”
370.“I taught you how to pick locks, and this is how you use that skill?”
371.“There are only so many times I can watch you break before I start to crack.”
372.“We wouldn’t be having this
conversation if you had just listened.”
373.“We need to talk about your life choices.”
374.“Stop getting crumbs all over my bed.”
375.“I’m sure that sounded different in your head, but please never say that again.”
376.“Well, if you had woken up properly the first time I kicked you, I wouldn’t have had to do it four more times.”
377.“We shouldn’t be here.”
378.“I think I broke him.”
379.“If we get arrested, it’s your fault.”
380.“All I know is, one of us is right, the other is you.”
381.“Don’t. Move.”
382.“I will be the first to tell you I’m a terrible liar.”
383.“So why did I have to punch that guy?”
384.“You’ve got to stop saying that.”
385.“You just give off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at.”
386.“You’re lucky you’re cute…”
387.“Are you always like this or is today a special occasion?”
388.“Oh, so you’re on their side now?”
389.“If someone gets nosy, just shoot ‘em.” “Shoot them?” “Politely.”
390.“Can I ask a dumb question?”
“Better than anyone I know.”
391.“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say anything!”
“Don’t care. Shut up.”
392.“How long have you been standing there?”
“Longer than you’d like.”
393.“Do you even know how to drive this thing?!”
“Considering the fact that I almost flew us into that building, I’m going to assume you know the answer.”
394.“This is bad.”
“You said that already.”
“It seemed worth repeating.”
395.“You’re really drunk right now.”
“No I’m not, you’re just blurry.”
396.“Come here.”
“Just come here.”
“No. You’re gonna hit me.”
397.“Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?”
“Not until four.”
398.“Well, this is a nice change of scenery.”
“It’s a jail cell.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
399.“You don’t have to do this.”
“I wish that were true.”
400.“What now?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think we’d get this far.”
401.“You look…”
“Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?”
402.“You’ve gotta stop doing that.”
“Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”
403.“When did you become so smart, oh wise one?”
“Since I stopped listening to you.”
404.“I thought you forgot about me.”
405.“Give it to me.”
“Only if you promise not to kill anyone with it.”
406.“Do you trust me?”
407.“You’re smarter than you look.”
408.“I think I’m dying. Well, actually, I don’t know if I’m dying, but I can’t exactly feel my legs.”
409.“I’ll do anything- literally anything- if you would just would let me use it.”
410.“…. What the hell happened here?”
411.“Where did all of these puppies come from?”
412.“I love you more than food. And trust me, I love food.”
413.“Do not throw me into the lake, fuck y-”
414.“I love you to the moon and back, actually, if we were being realistic, it’d be to the next galaxy and back.”
415.“Stop talking- more shots.”
416.“Where did you put my clothes?”
417.“Maybe you should try understanding? You don’t have it the way I do.”
418.“I think I love you, of course it just could be the sedatives talking, but I’m pretty sure.”
419.“Get out.”
420.“You’re mine, and only mine. In the least objectifying sense of the phrase, of course.”
421.“When I said ‘dare’, that was not one of the things I agreed to!”
422.“I hate that I love you.”
423.“Who said anything about kids?!”
424.“Didn’t think you liked to sing in the shower.”
425.“At night, if you’re not in my bed, it feels so empty. In fact, when you’re not here, my life feels incomplete.”
426.“Does it hurt?”
427“Do you really expect me to believe that?”
428“Oh, wow, aren’t you quite the charmer?”
430.“Well I guess it’s time to go make a scene.”

btw guys i stole this from @petersparkers so yeahhhhh creds to her x

Half-Sister, All Burden (Part 2)

Dean x Sam x Reader

Reader (Adam’s sister) living with Sam and Dean in the bunker. Dean hates the reader but she made the ultimate sacrifice for him.

Part 1

Warning: self-abuse, angst

Tag: @sevendeadlysams @2kool-4chu @whovianayesha @kdfrqqg @supernaturaltrashsammy  @mariahoedt  @anime-pasta  @inumorph @imascreamerbabymakemeamute @jessilliam-caronday  @thyotakukimkim  @thelittlestsnart  @percussiongirl2017  @internationalmusicteacher @peanutbutterbuddyfan 

Half-Sister, All Burden Part 2

I woke up, again. It was just like normal. Waking up in the cage, wishing I was dead. However, this time was a little different. I felt like somebody was holding me. I looked up and saw Sam. It was one of Lucifer’s tricks again. Sam was going to tell me that he did not love me and that I was a burden. I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear what fake Sam had to say.

“Baby, wake up! It’s Sammy here. Baby, I love you, please wake up!!” fake Sam said.

“Sammy?” I asked. This has never happened before. Weird. I debated whether or not to believe. I chose to believe, this time. I had nothing to lose, right?

“Yes, baby, it’s me. Please wake up!” fake Sam pleaded. I got up and looked around. There was Lucifer, as usual. Dean was also here, weird. Sam was holding me like a baby. I wondered what had happened for them to visit me here.

“The princess has awaken!” announced Lucifer.

“What is this? Is this some sick joke again? What is going to happen next, are you going to make them torture me because you won’t?” I asked. I was angry.

“No, baby. Listen to me, we are real. Dean and I are really here. We are here to get Lucifer’s help.” Sam said. He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight.

“Y/N, they are very much real.” Crowley said, outside the cage. I looked into Crowley’s eyes. There was no trace of lies. I looked up at Sam with tears in my eyes. I immediately latched onto him like a parasite. I hugged him with everything I got in me. After what seems like eternity, I pulled away and looked at Dean. He looked guilty.

“Well, let us all settle down while I catch Dean up shall we?” Lucifer said.

“Catch me up on what? There is nothing to catch up here. Rowena! Get Sam and I out of here!” Dean said. Dean was a little scared. I don’t think that it was about Lucifer who was standing right beside him. I think it was something else.

“Please! This is my cage, I decide who leaves and who stays.” Lucifer says. He was eyeing Dean. Dean was looking at me. His eyes filled with fear.

“Y/N, would you like to tell Dean what happened or do you want me to do it?” Sam asks me gently.

“She is not real Sam. This is Lucifer tricking us. Y/N is dead and it will stay that way!” Dean yells. I have never seen him so afraid.

“Beeep! That is a lie Dean Winchester. Tell Sam what Crowley told you a month after Y/N disappeared.” Lucifer said.

“You knew! You knew that Y/N was in the cage and you did not tell me! WHY?” Sam yells at Dean.

“Fine! I lied. I knew about Y/N being in the cage. You happy now?” Dean yells, his hands in the air. I felt my heart sink. He knew, all this time and made no attempt to help me.

“She did this to save you Dean! How can you not feel anything? She is our sister Dean!” Sam said.

“You think I did not feel bad Sam? Everyday, I wished that I could replace her in this cage. But you needed me Sam. I could not leave you. You come first Sam! You are family!” Dean says.

“So is she! If she stays, I stay!” Sam said calmly.

“Excuse me! I am the judge here! I WILL HAVE ORDER!” Lucifer said, banging his fist on the side of the cage. He then stood in between Sam and Dean.

“Sam, do you have anything else to say before I pass the judgement?” Lucifer asks.

“Yes, take me instead. I will take her place. Release Y/N!” Sam said. As much as I was touched by Sam’s love for me, I won’t allow him to take my place!

“No! I won’t allow it. Take me and release them!” Dean said.

“That is ridiculous guys! This is my destiny! I made the damn deal!” I said.

“Everyone shut up!” Lucifer yells. We all stopped yelling. This was it. Lucifer was about to take a pick on who stays and who goes.

“I have made my choice.” Lucifer said. “The one who stays is…”

Suddenly a white light enveloped us and the next thing I knew, we were transported into the bunker. All of us. In front of us stood a man. He wasn’t someone I knew. He didn’t wear pants and was having chinese take out food. He looked like a nerd.

“Father?” Lucifer asks. We all looked at Lucifer, then the stranger.

“God?” Dean asks.

“Does this mean that I don’t have to go back to the cage?” I asked. Chuck looked at me with sadness in his eyes. He walked over to me, cradled my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. Instantly I felt fresh. It was as if I was born again. I did not feel depressed anymore. There was hope in me. I could feel myself smiling. I felt joy for the first time in so many years.

“Oh sweetie, you will never hurt like that again. That is a promise.” Chuck said. Then he looked at Lucifer and snapped his fingers. Instantly, both of them disappeared. We looked around and realized we were alone. I looked at Sam and smiled. He pulled me into a bear hug and laughed out loud. I don’t remember him laughing that hard before.

After what seems like hours in Sam’s arms, I pulled away and slowly looked towards Dean. I did not expect what I saw. Dean had tears in his eyes. He stood there, blank, as if he did not know what to do. I have never seen him this lost. It was then when I decided that I should be the one to take the first step. I ran towards him and hugged him as tight as I could. After a split second, I felt Dean return the hug. He was crying.

“I am so sorry Y/N. I should have tried harder but I was scared. I am so so sorry.” Dean said, his voice breaking. I did not know what to say. I just hugged him harder. We stood like that for what seemed like eternity. Dean then pulled away but he still held me at arm length. He knelt down and looked up to me.

“Y/N, I have been such a terrible brother to you. There are no words that can describe how bad I treated you. I don’t care if you don’t want me as a brother anymore. I promise that for as long as I live, I will make it up to you. I can only hope that one day, you will find it in your heart to forgive me. Hell, I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I should have been the one in hell. Damn, I am so so sorry.” Dean said. He hugged me tight. I could hear him sobbing.

“Dean, I just want my big brother back. That was all I wanted, was for you to be my big brother. Can I have that? Please?” I asked. That was the truth. I only wanted my big brother back.

“Yes! Yes you can. You can have all of me. I will quit hunting just for you. I will do anything for you!” Dean answered. He gave his biggest grin to me. It was the first time Dean ever smiled at me. Being in the cage was worth it. I finally got Dean to love me.

The next few months was filled with happiness. Sam, Dean and I were inseparable. The only exception was when they had to hunt because other hunters were busy. During those times, I would stay back in the bunker and clean. They would rush back to me as soon as they were done. Other times, we would be in the bunker watching movies, playing games, cooking and reading up on the lore. We almost started a band but Sam couldn’t sing and Dean’s rhythm was atrocious.

Other than that, we were pretty much like one big happy family. There was only one problem. We were always together, the three of us. I was never alone with Dean.

I woke up screaming. It was the same nightmare. Dean telling me that I was a burden and he would kill me if he had the chance. I always woke up before he managed to “kill” me but this time, he did. I woke up screaming. I was panting hard. My hands were on my tummy where Dean had supposedly stabbed me. I checked myself, worried that it wasn’t a dream. Then I heard it. Dean’s footsteps coming towards my room.

Dean’s POV

I heard her the first time. It was the kind of scream that meant she was in trouble. I ran straight to her room with a knife in my hand. I lost her once, I will not lose her again. I would gladly kill whoever that is hurting her. I reached her room and flung open the door. There she was on the bed. I barged into her room looking for the intruder. When I saw that there was no one in her room, it hit me. She was having a nightmare.

Y/N’s eyes locked onto mine. I saw fear in her eyes. I realized I must have looked like an actual intruder with the knife in my hand. I dropped the knife immediately and put my hands in the air as a sign of surrender.

“Y/N, it is just me.” I said as I walked closer to the bed. Y/N started to edge her way into the wall. It was as though she was afraid of me.

“Whatever your nightmare was, it is not real. Trust me!” I said. I stopped moving so she would not be afraid. I thought of calling Sam but he was out helping another hunter. I knew I should have gone instead of Sam.

“You killed me Dean! You stabbed me! I trusted you!” Y/N yelled. She must think that she is still dreaming. I need to prove to her that I will never hurt her.

“I am sorry Y/N. Please, believe me. I would never hurt you.” I said, kneeling down. Maybe if I wasn’t so big, she would be less frightened. Then I had an idea.

“Y/N, come here. Hit me. Hit me with everything you’ve got. I will prove to you that no matter what, I will not hurt you.” I said. That was what she needed. No, I needed her to hurt me. That way, I would be able to make it up to her.

Y/N got out of the bed slowly. She walked up to me carefully. It was like a sheep approaching a dead tiger. I stayed as still as I could. Any sudden moves would definitely scare her. She stopped about four feet in front of me. She looked like she was waiting for something. After about ten seconds, I decided that if she did not want to hurt me, I could always do it for her.

I started slapping and punching myself. I did not hold back. I bit through the pain and continued punching myself on the face. I heard a gasp and looked up at Y/N. She was shocked.

“Stop.” she said softly. I did not stop. I continued punching myself. I could taste the blood in my mouth. My whole face was sore.

“Stop! Stop it Dean!” Y/N yelled. I did not stop even then. Then she did something that I did not expect. She launched herself at me and held me. I stopped hitting myself and surrendered to her. I was sobbing hard, not from the pain but from guilt. She held me there for a long time. She was the first to pull away. Tears were rolling down her face. I reached up with my thumb and wiped them.

“I am so sorry for everything Y/N. Please, tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do it. I’ll die if that would bring you peace.” I said. Y/N shook her head. Then, she knelt down and looked up at me.

“No, please stay. Don’t leave me. I need my big brother. I am scared Dean. Don’t leave me alone.” she said and hugged me tight. That was all I needed to do. She needs me to love and protect her. She needs me to be her big brother. I held her tight to myself.

“I won’t leave you Y/N, I promise. I will love and protect you as long as I live.” I said as I pulled away and looked at her. She nods and gives me a small smile.

“Call me sissy, like Sam does.” she says. She brought her hand to my face and gives me a pained expression.

“I look terrible, don’t I?” I asked with a small laugh.

“Don’t worry Dean, I’ll take care of you.” she said. With that, she left the room looking for the first aid kit.

After she patched me up, I got up to leave. We both needed to sleep after that whole fiasco. We were both tired, physically and mentally. As I walked out, Y/N pulled me back. I turned around and looked at her questioningly.

“Can you stay with me tonight? Just in case the nightmares come back. Please.” she gave me some serious puppy eyes. How could I say no?

“I thought you’d never ask.” I said. She smiled. I followed her to the bed. We both got in and settled down. I expected her to just sleep beside me, but she turned to me and placed her head on my chest. I smiled and put my hand around her and started playing with her hair.

“Goodnight Dean, I love you!” she said.

“I love you too sissy. Goodnight.” I replied.