please don't start to hate me

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

So my dad and I started a list of hilarious plot holes this season and please feel free to add on

  • Gendry’s marathon: absurd distance, no training or exposure to environment, no equipment
  • Jon and Sansa don’t discuss major initiatives before they speak to northern lords
  • Jon and Sansa have no small council
  • “Lingerfinger”
  • Olenna’s lack of escape plan from Highgarden, the Tyrell house seat where she lived her entire life
  • Jaime falling into deep water that was previously shallow then landing SOMEWHERE along the shore in full armor
  • Daenerys and Tyrion didn’t ask where Jaime, the most valuable hostage and Lannister commander, went
  • Yara’s fleet gets surrounded by Euron somewhere in the ocean despite naval prowess and didn’t see him on the horizon
  • Euron’s fastest ship building and travel ever
  • Blatant defiance of time/space continuum
  • Bran emo, non-communicative, and creepy
  • Arya and Sansa fighting over knitting despite the impending doom of humanity and political pressure from Daenerys and Cersei
  • Jon, the King in the North, hasn’t communicated with Queen Regent or family for weeks
  • bag-a-wight
  • bro squad standing on a random rock in the middle of a lake
  • bro squad didn’t wear hats/hoods but suffered one casualty from cold-related issue
  • no one gives a fuck that Jorah came back from dragonscale, a terminal Westerosi plague, unscathed
  • Rhaegar’s annulment
  • Jon’s lack of response to Arya and Bran’s arrival at Winterfell
  • the Hound throwing a stone at the wights, then the wights realizing the lake was frozen
  • ice javelin; Viserion retrieval chain
  • the Night King didn’t throw the ice javelin at bro squad overnight
  • Daenerys tells Jon to bend the knee but offers Cersei a wight
  • Cersei content with pregnancy despite the prophecy

anonymous asked:

Hello Red. I don't know if this will get lost in your inbox but you're sort of my role model and I need support from someone... I've just been rejected by a guy I like because I'm not pretty enough. It's not the first time it's happened, and it's starting to fuck me up... I just hate everything about myself, one of my boyfriends made a big deal about my stretch marks (I have a lot...) and that made it worse. I don't know what to do. Please help? Someone?

Look, I hear you. I just don’t understand  the whole “scars are ugly” mentality. It’s absolute bullshit. You’re beautiful, and your stretch marks are beautiful as well. They’re part of you and they’re unique. They symbolize your growth, and growth is good. You’ve gone through life and you’ve survived. Don’t be ashamed of them.

I sure love mine, they look like tiger stripes. Everyone loves tigers, right?. You’ve got to be like one, girl. Beautiful and fierce. And a little bit sexy, if that’s your thing… just don’t let men dictate whether or not you should love yourself. They don’t get to decide that for you. And one day you’ll find a guy who’ll love you for you, as it should be, and who finds you as beautiful as all the stars in the sky.

Love yourself, kitten. Love your stripes. 

-Isabela 

INFP Problems #1
  • INFP: *Is comfortable enough with a person to start speaking about their life*
  • INFP: *Talks for 10 minutes straight*
  • INFP inside: *Halfway through their rant* Oh no what if I'm boring this person... what if they don't care, what if they think I'm annoying?
  • INFP: So anyway... what do you think? *nervous laugh*
  • INFP inside: Please don't hate me.

gcnnyweasleys  asked:

ok i'm a bit confused on the whole peter is a trans boy thing?? please don't think i'm being rude or anything i'm just curious bc i don't know much ab it. if he were just starting to transition how would his body be so muscular / wouldn't he have to wear a binder ?? esp if he's only 15 i mean teens don't usually get surgery that young do they ?? again i promise i'm not trying to be hateful if i am pls tell me !! i'm just curious (i know it's a hc but still lol)

honestly it’s probably best if you don’t read too deeply into it, because at the end of the day peter parker being trans is just a headcanon

however, it is a headcanon that i’d like to justify further. so;

1) how would his body be so muscular?

trans people, like cis people, have many different body types independent of their age and sex assigned at birth. a muscular 15yo is not unreasonable, even if that character is trans boy / dfab. hell, there are plenty of cis girls who are muscular at that age. 

this is Isis Holt. she’s 15.

this is Tessa Barresi. she’s 16.

both of them are teens and have a more arguably “athletic” build than tom holland’s portrayal of spider-man, and neither of them have a super-powered spider bite and/or depo-testosterone to help increase their musculature! 

wouldn’t he have to wear a binder ?

this is a common misconception. yes, most trans men do wear binders when they are pre-op. however, it is possible for a trans boy to have no visible chest tissue before undergoing top surgery. 

we see peter in civil war while he is presenting as male and is (presumably) 14 or 15 years old. if peter began to ‘medically transition’ before civil war, it is very possible that he would have no breast tissue to speak of!

aside from that, trans youth exist: some as young as five years old. many of them are put on blockers around the ages of 12-15 so they do not undergo natal puberty. here is an article detailing hormone blockers. if peter began identifying as trans even younger in his life and got put on blockers, he would never undergo ‘female’ puberty in the first place!

not to mention, plenty of people who are designated female at birth never grow large breasts. 

above is a photo of an adult cis woman with no prominent breast tissue. also, the chances of being flat chested increase amongst lower body-fat percentages. because peter is such a skinny kid, even if he did grow a chest it would likely still be small. plenty of dfab people are flat chested, with or without hormone blockers / surgery.

this is ty turner! he had already finished natal puberty when he came out and started T as a late teenager. even so, he still does not need to bind!!

plus, if peter began testosterone at 14~15 (which is legal in New York with adult consent), his physique would be different.

this is mack beggs. at the time of that photo, he was 17 and approx. 1 year and 4 months on testosterone. he is also pre-op and is still flat-chested.

he’s only 15 i mean teens don’t usually get surgery that young do they? 

this is definitely an important point. yes- it is very, very, very unlikely that a trans man will receive surgery at that age. still, it is not outside the realm of possibility. most transmasc people don’t have surgery at that age because:

  • they haven’t developed a chest yet, so surgery is not necessary
  • they started hormones/blockers young and will never need top surgery
  • they don’t have parental support
  • they don’t have the financial means to get top surgery

let me be clear here– it is much more likely that peter was on blockers or just too young to have visible breasts when he transitioned. however, it is still possible that he had top surgery. in the US, it is legal for a minor to have top surgery with the consent of a guardian. Aunt May could’ve given him the greenlight to do it.

and as far as financial obligations go, if peter needed top surgery, do you really think his adopt-a-dad & billionare tony stark would hesitate? he spent millions on peter’s suit! if peter wanted top surgery, tony definitely would’ve shelled out the $6-10k it would’ve cost (and that’s without insurance). 

Originally posted by ohh-bloodyhell

tldr; yes, it’s still possible that peter could be trans. 

my personal headcanon is that he started T at 14, but never developed breasts before then because he was such a skinny dude. however, it is also possible that he was on blockers as a kid or that he underwent top surgery! it’s a headcanon that is completely open for interpretation, so have fun with it. i just wanted to lay out some Trans Facts™ over what is technically possible.

have fun!!

anonymous asked:

Hiiii can u please do a Lance x reader were its a lazy sunday and the reader got a program in the morning and lance doesn't want her to go..he wants to cuddle with her and when she wants to leave lance starts whining like a baby.. he doesn't want her to leave at all but when she listens to him they start to cuddle but lance starts doing naughty things with her and she doesn't want to have sex with him.

SUNDAY BLISS

Warnings: fluff, implied smut

Originally posted by winter-barnes

“Mhm, baby?” his mouth rubs against her skin as she attempts to pull herself from his grasp.

“Lance, I gotta go to work. C’mon, we can sleep later,” she sighs, kissing his knuckles, wiggling towards the end of the bed, but he squeezes onto her tighter.

“Mhm…call in sick, want ya to stay in with me.”

“You always want me to stay in with you,” she smiled, pulling herself away from her and her boyfriend’s bed. She leans over and kisses his cheek before stepping out of her clothes and turning on the shower.

She sighs loudly, the cold water waking her tired body. Her hands run through her hair and around her body, washing away anything she missed the previous morning. The door to the shower clicks open and Lance wraps his arms around her torso, whining quietly at the cold water hitting his skin. He kisses her collarbone gently and starts to drag his fingers towards the inside of her thighs.

“Not right now, baby. I gotta go,” she utters, pulling his fingers off her. She turns to face him and smiles warmly at him. His eyes are drowsy and the water makes his hair droop over his face. She pushes hair out of his face and pulls herself onto her toes, pulling him in for an alluring kiss. He smiles and tugs at her waist, pushing her gently against the shower wall. “Tuck, c’mon, y’know I gotta go. The kids need me today.”

Her hand pushes the shower knob off and she pulls the towel hanging on top of the door off to dry herself. Lance watched her silently in awe—thinking of all the possible ways to love on her properly when she returned home from the trip she was taking her students on today. She would be tired and giggly, his favorite. Tonight would be all about her, not that any other night isn’t. He just loves her so much.

She steps out of the shower with the towel wrapped around her head. She tosses Lance his towel hanging up on a hook and she changes into jeans and a dark maroon blouse. Lance slips into a pair of sweats that hang loosely on his hips and they both get ready for the day.  

After getting ready for work, Y/n slips her shoes on and pulls her hair out of her face. She grabs her keys and purse from the kitchen counter and stands by the staircase, “Bye, honey! I’ll be home in time for dinner!” she shouted up to him.

She can hear him stumble out of their bathroom and she sees him outside their door and he practically jumped down the stairs to tell her to have a good day. She laughs shaking her head. He grins at her and pulls her into a chaste kiss. “Have a good day, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

Illness-Based rp Starters
  • "You've been coughing a lot. You okay?"
  • "What is wrong with you?"
  • "Gosh, you're burning up!"
  • "Um, hey? Anyone in there? Hello?"
  • "Ugh, just blow your nose already."
  • "My head might just explode."
  • "I think I'm gonna hurl."
  • "If you get me sick, I'll kill you."
  • "Ah-choo!"
  • "Okay, that can't be allergies. Are you sick?"
  • "Geez, you look like crap."
  • "That is so gross."
  • "Hey, woah. Don't pass out on me here."
  • "You really should be in bed, you know."
  • "I'm too busy to spend all day in bed."
  • "I'b fide."
  • "Please tell me there's some cough drops left."
  • "Do you think it's warm in here?"
  • "You're so pale."
  • "Have you eaten today?"
  • "They told me you passed out. How do you feel?"
  • "I'm not getting out of bed."
  • "The soup is probably great, but I can't taste a thing."
  • "You know, that's not helping me feel better."
  • "My nose hates me."
  • "You should probably stay back. You don't want to catch this."
  • "Are you coming down with something?"
  • "My throat feels funny."
How Lily Potter Probably Reacted Up in Heaven During "The Prince's Tale"
  • *Snape watching Lily when they were 9*
  • Lily: Why didn't I notice how creepy that was?
  • *Snape telling Dumbledore about his deal with Voldemort*
  • Lily: yOu wAnT my hUsBaNd and sOn tO DIE!?!?!?!
  • *Snape ripping the photo with Lily*
  • Lily: tHAT WAS A PICTURE OF MY FAMILY, PEOPLE WHOM I LOVE AND YOU JUST RIPPED THAT PHOTO?? CAN YOU GET ANYMORE TERRIFYING AND STALKERISH?
  • *Snape rips the signature from Sirius' letter*
  • Lily: I stand corrected. You're on a whole new level of creepy.
  • *Snape cradling Lily's body*
  • Lily: *inches closer to James* Ewwwww, no, please let go of me. No, really, my son is literally crying in his crib right now, please pay attention to him instead. Also, that's gross, wHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO EVEN TOUCH ME? I DON'T CARE IF I'M DEAD!
  • *Snape bad-mouthing Harry*
  • Lily: Excuse me? You're the one who refuses to grow up and get over yourself? My son is perfectly fine, thank you very much.
  • *Snape dies and goes to the Afterlife*
  • Lily: *starts yelling at Snape* *Beats the crap out of him*
  • Alice Longbottom: *joins Lily because Neville*
  • Frank and James: *silently eat popcorn and watch their wives be bad-ass*
  • Cinder: Actually Mercury, it's always been my wish to watch you die.
  • Mercury: Oh, right.
  • Cinder: Yep. Every night after you both would retire to your bunks, I would climb up to the top of the base and just wait. Hoping I would see a shooting star. So that I could wish for your violent, and unbearably painful demise.
  • Mercury: Okay, you can stop now.
  • Cinder: I even had a little jingle to go along with it.
  • Mercury: Please don't.
  • Cinder: -singing- "I just wish that Mercury was dead!"
  • Mercury: I hate you.
  • -Emerald also starts singing-
  • Cinder: -singing- "Put a bullet-"
  • -Cinder stops, Emerald continues singing-
  • Emerald: -singing- "Put a bullet through his head!"
  • Mercury: What the-? Emerald how do you know that song?!
  • Emerald: Oh, it's been in my dreams for years! Now it all makes sense! Oh thank God!
  • Mercury: What?!
  • Emerald: I thought I was crazy when I woke up with that rifle in my hands!
  • Cinder: Heheheh, well ain't that the power of music!
  • Mercury: Emerald! Why didn't you tell me about this?!
  • Emerald: Oh, shut up. It wasn't even loaded.
archiveofourown.org
Just Hold On (We're Going Home) - Chapter 1 - kiaronna - Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Summary: “Where Yuuri remembers the banquet, Viktor forgets, and Yakov Feltsman has his own plans.
“I’ve been made aware of your recent break with Celestino Cialdini, and would like to offer you a trial period where you train under me, in St. Petersburg. There are only three conditions: you will board with another one of my students, you will take ballet with Madame Baranovskaya, and you will help me coach Yuri Plisetsky, who refuses to listen to my criticisms of his spins.” Yakov nods at this point, leans forwards and looks Yuuri in the eye. “I will charge no coaching fees.” With a deal like that, even if it means he has to face Viktor again, Yuuri has no choice but to agree.”

You may be saying: kiaronna, why would you do this. You have other WIPs. My answer is that I have my life together for this fic specifically, so it should update next Sunday? Yep. See you around, friends. As a warning, this falls far more on the angsty fluff side of things, at least for chapter 1, than on the happy fluff side.

BMC Theory: Jeremy's Squip is Defective

•Youre gonna notice a lot (basically all) of my points mention Rich and his squip bc that’s the only squip we have to compare it to
•Lets start off with mentioning that Rich mentions in The Squip Song that he used to have suicidal thoughts before he got the squip, kind of suggesting that his squip helped him with it. Jeremy’s squip did the exact god damn opposite and literally made him say he wants to die
•Rich actually seemed totally chill with his squip. He didn’t try to get it out for two years. He only started freaking out about it after Jeremy’s squip actually synced with his, which almost suggests that the sync is what caused Rich’s squip to start bugging out
•Honestly, the best point in my opinion is that Rich had his squip for two years and didn’t try to hivemind the school. Jeremy’s squip attempted that in two months.

Casual reminder to all the people replying to Phil's tweets yelling at him to "Do it!"

Don’t. 

His body his choice. 

While obviously we should support him is he wears nail polish, we shouldn’t try to make him do it or feel like he has to. 

Yes, it’s cool when guys where nail polish because it breaks gender roles BUT it’s still a preference that goes beyond societal standards of what’s feminine or masculinity and involves things as simple as time. 

Phil may not want to wear it because he simply doesn’t have the patience for it. Or maybe the smell. Or maybe how he thinks it will look on him. 

Personally I like nail polish. But I rarely wear it because it’s too much work. 

Me choosing not to wear it is about me. 

Phil choosing not to wear it is about Phil. 

So please don’t start spamming him like with what happened with Dan. Obviously it’s great when men wear polish, but it should be their choice. Not to please others. (I am not saying Dan didn’t want to paint his nails, just saying tweeting him to do it 24/7 was probably annoying and made him feel some pressure)

Respect Ashley Campbell

Stop hating on female characters because they “get in the way” of your mlm ship, please. I love Salarry just as much as the next person, but if I see one more person disrespect her character for the sake of fetishizing Sal and Larry’s relationship I will scream.