the worst part is, I didn’t do anything to cause you to leave me. I didn’t betray you, wrong you, or harm you. and this is worse, because it means that you just decided one day that I wasn’t worth having anymore.
🍊 tell me how ur day is going
🌼 tell me abt ur crush !
🍊 tell me ur plans for the summer
🌼 or ur plans for next weekend
🍊 tell me what u would wear to a festival
🌼 or just what ur wearing today !
🍊 suggest some films and tv I should watch
🌼 or books I should read
I wonder when I stopped being beautiful to you. I wonder when my stories stopped seeming interesting. I wonder when you stopped feeling inclined to tell how your day is going or to share something you’d know I enjoy. I wonder when you stopped feeling the need to tell me you miss me even when we had only been apart for fifteen minutes. I wonder when you started forgetting. I wonder when I’ll start forgetting.
Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
We all have that one person we’d stay up late for. Only them. Why? Because they’re the only person who can make you smile through a text. The only person who gives you genuine butterflies. The only person you’d lose sleep for.
« I think of his face lit by the flickering glow of the fire, laughter in his eyes. A smile on his lips.
Would he still be smiling as he swung from the gallows? Would he find me in the crowd with his last moments?
What would he say, if he knew I held his fate in my hands? That I could condemn him in a careless moment? »