We all have that one person we’d stay up late for. Only them. Why? Because they’re the only person who can make you smile through a text. The only person who gives you genuine butterflies. The only person you’d lose sleep for.
Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
I have to constantly keep myself busy because if I don’t, I start to think about us, and I make up reasons why we should be back together, and then when I realize that we aren’t going to be, I crawl into bed and try to fall asleep. At least in my sleep you and I can be together and everything is okay again.
My friends don’t understand how badly I need them to be around me or else I’ll just end up crawling back to you.