Look kids, I know that you really, really want your Jurassic Park T. Rex to be “real” in your bone-headed, made-up war on “Fluffy Dinosaurs.” Nostalgia has blinded every generation from accepting new information on dinosaurs, from dragging tails to scaly skin. Paleontology isn’t as cut-and-dry as the movie monsters that we’ve made dinosaurs into (and yes, I love movie monster dinos. But that’s all they are: movie monsters) and people need to stop sharing error-riddled articles and all those stupid fucking blog posts claiming “victory” over something they don’t understand because an arbitrarily designated “King of the dinosaurs” (disclaimer: still my favorite dino) didn’t look like their Playskool toys from when they were 5.

  • guy 1: Okay, so we gotta reboot The Powerpuff Girls for a modern audience. Should we avoid making any insensitive jokes? How about we DON'T do an episode where the Powerpuff Girls see the Mayor's dick?
  • guy 2: I got it....we'll replace the playskool phone with a tablet.
  • guy 1: .....
  • guy 2: And Bubbles references memes.
  • Jake Goldman: I want to be in the show and I want Blossom to be madly in love with me.