You felt like you could barely drag yourself up to the door to get inside. Climbing those few steps seemed to use the last bit of reserved energy you had. You had been slammed at work all week–working overtime, covering other people’s asses when they screwed up, pushing forward on way too many tasks at once–and you were burnt out.
The only thing on your mind was a pair of sweatpants, a soft blanket, and a particular blue-eyed angel that you hoped was waiting for you inside.
“Cas?” you called out, tossing your stuff down just inside the door.
“In here,” his deep voice answered. You were a little curious as to why it echoed out from the laundry room and you made your way over to investigate. Your eyes widened as you reached the threshold and you suddenly had the urge to laugh, but you suppressed it in favor of asking Cas what exactly he had going on in there…
“I’m doing your laundry for you,” he said, nearly puffing out his chest in a swell of pride.
“I see that,” you said, stepping over the nearest pile of clothes. The washing machine and the dryer were already going. “You, umm… you haven’t ever done laundry before, have you?”
Cas tilted his head thoughtfully. “No. I called Dean. He told me to separate the colors for different loads. So, right now the blue clothes are in the dryer, and soon the green load will be done in the washing machine.” His eyes sparkled again with pride and you smiled widely at him, shaking your head and laughing a little before placing a kiss on his cheek. Cas suddenly looked concerned, albeit a little starry-eyed from the sign of affection you had just bestowed on him.
“Have–have I done something wrong?” he asked, looking down at the many remaining piles of clothes, all sitting with only garments of the same hue or shade.
“No,” you said, giving him a warm and fond look. “You’ve done it just right. Come on,” you said, tilting your head in the direction of the door. “You’ve freed up some time for me, and I think we should use it to do something fun.”
A/N: This was
written for @cas-is-my-hero’s 100
Follower Challenge! Congrats, my dear! My prompt was “Starbucks”. It’s kind of
fluffy and nonsensical, but I’ve been in that kind of mood lately. Haha. And
sorry it’s so short. But yeah, enjoy. <3
You approached the cashier in the green apron and smiled.
“Hi. May I please have a Grande Chai Tea Latte with soymilk? Hot, please.”
The woman nodded and scribbled onto the cup. “Your name?”
“Y/N. And I’m paying for whatever he wants too.” You pointed
over to your boyfriend as he stared wide-eyed at the massive menu. “Cas?” You
waved your hand in front of his face.
Cas’s gaze flicked over to you. It was the first time he had
ever been into a coffee shop and actually ordered something. “I never knew that
there were so many names for coffee.” He tilted his head as he studied the
names. “What’s a Mak-k-i-hato?” He butchered the word, making you giggle.
“Don’t worry about it, Cas. Do you want coffee? Or I can
order you a hot chocolate.” Your fingers threaded with his as you pulled him closer
to the cashier. “There are people waiting behind us. I’ll help you choose.”
So I spent a lot of time trying to figure out this Dean’s reaction because to me there’s something more than just sadness here.
I watched this gif for hours wondering what was there other than the obvious sadness of listening to his best friend’s dying speech.
And then it became clear to me. There are two things more. The first thing I identified was a thought that I have a hard time defining, but basically it means “this doesn’t fit”. The way Dean blinks at the same time he looks away, to me it seems like in his head he says “this doesn’t fit here, now”. Like if Castiel had to say ILY, it shouldn’t be when he’s dying. As if Dean expected him to say it but in other circumstances.
I highly doubt Dean (or Sam for that matter) realized that Castiel loved him (them) at this moment. After everything they’ve been through, everything Cas did for them, it wasn’t a surprise when Cas voiced it out. There is no surprise or realisation in this scene. There is just “I wasn’t supposed to hear it like this”.
The second feeling I found was guilt. Not guilt of Castiel dying, but guilt because Castiel needed to say it before dying. It truly mattered to Cas to say ILY to Dean & Sam (& Mary, though I still don’t understand how he could have developed as strong feelings for her as for the boys in such little time). Castiel needed them to know, to truly know by hearing it explicitely before he wouldn’t have the chance anymore.
Well Dean feels guilty for that, because that means that Castiel doesn’t understand or even know how much he & Sam value him. He didn’t show Cas enough how much he means to him (& Sam as well), because otherwise Castiel wouldn’t have that need to say ILY. This is a continuation of season 11: Castiel thought it was better to let Lucifer in, even if it could kill him, & Dean felt this guilt already then, that’s why he told Cas at the end of season 11 “we don’t show it much because we have a lot to think about but you’re like a brother to us”.
But words, for a million yo celestial being that heard so many of them, they don’t mean as much as intended. And to me that’s why Dean made Cas his mixtape right after. We don’t know when he did it & maybe it was before that but I don’t think so. Dean needed to show Castiel how important he is to him with actions… with a gift. The mixtape scene is the implied “I love you too” from Dean.
So to me that’s what Dean’s reaction means. Sadness yes, but also guilt because Castiel shouldn’t feel the need to say it while dying, & it’s Dean’s fault if he feels it. And Castiel shouldn’t be saying these three magic words while dying. It feels wrong.
Again, hands so much down to Jensen who, even though it’s maybe not what he tried to play, made all these little subtle things that give us so much to analyse