sometimes i don’t know which one is worse, is it giving your all or settling in the middle of extremes not knowing where to go? should i stay or should i start walking away? should i choose the right turn or make another wrong turn before i settle things out? should i take the last shot or have another until i get what i want?
i never liked being in-between but i like traveling. i like crossing one country to another. and, ironically, what i like the most is when i’m in the middle of nowhere up above the firmament. i like that kind of in-between – the blissful state of not knowing where you are but you know when you reached your destination, everything is going to be worth it. i like that kind of in-between.
what i hate is when i need to put my stance in reality. i hate being in the middle that’s why i’m used to giving my all whether i win or lose. i see no gray areas. it’s either black or white. but how come when it comes to you my perspectives are changing (in a good manner)? how come i’m settling on in-between and giving my all my aces at the same time? how come i see different hues between black and white when i usually just pick between black and white? how come i’m seeing the best while i’m still in the middle and unsure if it’s worth the shot or not?
i don’t even know anymore. but one thing’s for sure, i’d still give my all no matter what. win or lose.
leave your heart at the door- A Lavi Playlist [LISTEN]
Wishbone Ash-Man WIth No Name//Mother Mother- O My Heart// Bastille (Ft. Gabrielle Aplin) - Dreams // Iko- Heart of Stone// Bastille- The Draw // Red- Let It Burn // Marina Kaye - Homeless // Red- Run and Escape
The lyrics to this song (“We were together in another life / In that dreaming, you were probably my wife”) knock me flat. This is the story of a deep bond between two people that is somehow disguised on its surface, perhaps not even fully realized by either party.
In relation to my book, it’s exactly how I think Tretch views him relationship with Matt.
2. “Anything Could Happen,” Ellie Goulding
This is the best kind of pop song. On its sleeve, it’s all enthusiasm. But when you get deeper, you discover—like all great pop songs—there is a lot happening here. I believe, at its core, “Anything Could Happen” is about a particular kind of growth that stems from the decision to take yourself out of a hurtful relationship. When Ellie sings, “But I don’t think I need you,” she channels all of the damage, anger, and relief that accompany such a decision—but there’s a dash of fear, too, which makes it honest.
3. “The Frug,” Rilo Kiley
In an alternate universe where Tretch Farm is less introspective and far less anxious as a result, this is his theme song.
Rilo Kiley is one of my favorite bands of all time. And this song is all about dancing.
4. “I Bend,” Four Eyes
Four Eyes is a band from Athens I’m totally obsessed with. This song in particular struck a chord (no pun intended) with me while I was writing Anything Could Happen. It’s about not wanting to be in love with someone who’s clearly doing fine without you. But the thing is, you are in love with that person who doesn’t love you back, and… oh, nothing I write here will really do this song justice. Just know that it’s simple and honest and beautiful and perfect. Now go listen.
5. “Little Red Shoes,” Loretta Lynn
Grandparents are a big part of my book (and life). There is one important moment in ACH when Tretch and his grandma kneel hunched over a cedar chest filled with old Farm family memories.
Loretta Lynn’s “Little Red Shoes” makes me feel the way I felt when I wrote that scene. Also, yes, that is Jack White on guitar.
6. “Follow Your Arrow,” Kacey Musgraves
This song, which contains the lyrics “Kiss lots of boys / Or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into,” won a dang Country Music Award for song of the year! To all us queer Southern folk, that’s huge!
7. “Oh, La,” Ra Ra Riot
The song (the chorus: “We’ve got a lot to learn from each other / We have got to stick together”) is about being on the brink of losing someone you love. It’s as hopeful as it is desperate. And it’s probably desperate because it is so hopeful. I thought about this song a lot while writing ACH.
8. “How Come You Don’t Want Me,” Tegan and Sara
This song. I listened to it so. many. times. while writing this book.
I wish there were some way for me to convey to Tegan and Sara what their music has meant to me over the years. When I was Tretch’s age, they were everything.
9. “Holy Ground,” Taylor Swift
This is Red’s dark horse track, I believe—so good and so understated. I can easily see Tretch getting all pumped up for the big New Year’s dance to this one.
(After all his church choir training, I bet he delivers the “Ooh-lay, ooh-lay” refrain flawlessly.)
10. “Ornaments of the World,” Cascading Slopes
Cascading Slopes is one of my favorite artists. There’s a lot of beauty and hope and mystery in each of the songs on Towards a Quaker View of Synthesizers. “Ornaments of the World” relays the thoughts of someone who’s “slowing the pace of [their] heart,” so that they might fully “appreciate.” Learning to be still, to be centered: that’s a lofty lesson to try and teach yourself at fifteen (or any age, really)—especially when you tend to bounce, all jittery, from one moment to the next like Tretch does.
TAURADONNA PLAYLIST || 8TRACKS what happened to the soul that you used to be?
GHOST - HALSEY | BETWEEN TWO POINTS - THE GLITCH MOB ( FEAT. SWAN ) | BRIDGES - BROODS | TRUCE - TWENTY ONE PILOTS | SENTIMENTAL TUNE- TEGAN AND SARA | STILL - DAUGHTER | HALF OF ME - EMILY BROWNING | STRUCTURE - INNERPARTYSYSTEM | I WAS A FOOL - TEGAN AND SARA | WIRES - THE NEIGHBOURHOOD
Cover credit goes to Steamboat-itchy! (the person to blame for me shipping them)
So my resisting failed hard. I thought I should probably contribute something to the ship only 15ish people ship. It hit me during the middle of this that it’s kind of difficult to do a playlist for a pair that haven’t really interacted. I hope that changes soon! I’ll make up a better playlist when it happens, but this is what I cobbled up for now - it’s probably too sappy. So now there’s, what… SEVEN playlists for them! :D
You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen Your skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kings And like the dawn you woke the world inside of me You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you
“We’ve got to do something about that hair; if it catches on something it’s as good as dead,” Ymir snaps, cutting, but really it’s just an elaborate excuse to touch her. The comb stays on the table and instead she drags her fingers through long strands, over and over again, like a reminder, or some kind of proof—that this is Krista, this is her hair, this light.
She’s looking at me, straight to center No room at all for any other thought And I know I don’t want this Oh, I swear I don’t want this There’s a reason not to want this, but I forgot
Ymir stands, stretches her arms, fingertips splayed against the sky before crooking an elbow toward Krista. “Let me walk you to class,” she offers, and the flash of her teeth in the light of the morning is a wild and wicked thing. “I need to flaunt my pretty friend so everyone else knows to back off.”