Last night I stood over the sink taking shots of whiskey before my nightly jog.
Shots of whiskey on an empty stomach.
Jogging farther and father every evening. (I swear I’m not jogging so much just because she’s a runner!)
“See America Right” stated playing on my iTunes. I thought of the Alpha Couple and how they were only hurting themselves. Alpha Male didn’t have another woman– a legitimate relationship– in another town. There wasn’t a company being brought down.
I chocked and gagged on the whiskey, throwing up a little. Then I laughed. For most people, this would be rock bottom!
But I have confidence in myself: I know I can go even lower.
I got home and I was shaking and covered with sweat. But I had jogged a pretty good distance! Still, I cried as I drifted to sleep. I need to make a change. Once all of the alcohol in my apartment is gone I’m going clean for at least a month. No drugs, either.
What will always break my poor heart, is the image of nico, at the age of 8 running around, playing hide and seek with bianca. She hides and giggles, while nico runs around yelling stupid things like ‘bianca, come on! I know you are in there! Im the king, i know it everything! Come out, come out!’ she scares him, jumping out of her hiding spot. 'I’m here silly! I would never leave you alone!’
Years later, Nico is no longer running, he just sits there, murmuring 'Bianca, come on…I know you are in there…I’m the Ghost King, I know it all…Come back…Come back…’ He still waiting for Bianca to scare him.