playing bongos

Harry Potter can’t sleep (and neither can Draco Malfoy)

prompt: pillow covers (thanks @miniemcgee)
<5k

Fuck this, Harry thinks, listening to the rustle of Malfoy’s sheets as the insufferable git rolls over for what has to be the fifth time in as many minutes. And fuck McGonagall for assigning Draco Malfoy, of all people, to be his roommate. No wait, Harry immediately takes this back. Even in his internal monologue he isn’t comfortable disrespecting McGonagall.

Still Malfoy is a nightmare to dorm with. Merlin, Harry would much rather be having a nightmare – at least then he’d actually be sleeping! Malfoy tosses and turns all night. He gets up and visits the bathroom two-three times every night. What, does he have a bladder the size of a peanut? It’s ridiculous.

All Harry wants is to sleep. All Malfoy seems to do every night is make as much noise as possible. Harry mentions it to Ron once at breakfast. Even though all the eight years have been given new shared “houseless” dorms, thankfully they’re still allowed to sit at their house tables. Harry is incredibly grateful for this. It’s bad enough staying awake all night listening to Malfoy, he’d hate to have to put up with him in the daylight as well.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Ron asks.

“He makes noises, Ron, in his bed. All night!” Harry explains, desperate for someone to understand his frustration. It’s constant, night after night. Rustle rustle rustle.

Ron looks at Harry like he’s lost his mind, a faint blush on his cheeks. Harry doesn’t bring it up again.


Draco is tired. So very tired. He can’t remember ever not feeling tired. It’s been so long since he’s been able to really sleep. At least two years, maybe more. Probably more. He thought things would change after the Battle of Hogwarts. That Voldemort’s death would give him peace. But it hasn’t. Nothing seems to. He doubts anything ever will.

Every night it’s the same. He lies in bed desperately willing himself to sleep, for his body to give in and relax. But the relaxation never comes. Sure he gets bits of rest here and there but it’s always fleeting, never enough. The morning takes a lifetime to arrive and yet, somehow, it’s always too soon.

Tonight he studies late in the library. He pushes himself to remain for as long as possible. What’s the point in going to bed anyway? Finally the exhaustion becomes too much for him and he heads back to the dorm, all the while knowing the exhaustion isn’t enough to grant him sleep. It never is.

His dorm is dark. Potter must already be in bed. He is surprised by how early all the eighth years go to bed. In Slytherin lights out was always well after midnight. Unfortunately, not many others from Slytherin have returned to Hogwarts to back him up on this. So everyone seems to retire by 10pm every night.

He stumbles around the dark room, trying to be quiet, his arm reaching out in front of him searching for his bed pole to grasp, while his eyes adjust. There. Using the bed post as a guide, he lets himself fall into bed.

Ah. His body crumples inwards, pleased. It takes all Draco’s determination to keep his body upright throughout the day when all he wants to do is collapse. His body craves for sleep all day and then when he finally gets to bed, nothing. Yet another restless night.

Except today something feels different. His pillow is softer somehow, his blanket warmer. There’s something else too.  A strong, commanding scent he’s never noticed before. He breathes in deeply and lets it wash over him. Grapefruit. Honey. Ginger. It’s comforting. And familiar. He takes another breath. And another. His eyes close.

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Darkvision

Context: Running a new group through The Lost Mines of Phandelver, our rogue got almost died because he got cocky trying to sneak up on goblins while the Bard was close behind playing bongos. 

Cormak (Paladin): Alright Bardicus(Bard obv), you almost got Drashin(Rogue) killed. Keep off the bongos while we’re in this dark cave.

Bardicus: Alright.

DM: You all walk into the cave and–

Bardicus: I’m playing the bongos.

Cormak: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

Bardicus: You said dark cave, we’re all elves, IT’S NEVER DARK FOR US.

Cormak: I punch him. 

DM: Alright roll.

Cormak: *Nat 1* Alright I don’t punch him.

DM: Oh you attempt to, but Bardicus does the most luxurious leap upwards and you go right under him as he steps on your head and you run into a nearby stalagmite and take 3 damage.

Underrated things from The Book Of Mormon
  • Elder Poptarts
  • Satan implying that all Catholics and Jews go to Hell
  • “He answered your prayers, huh?”
  • the golden plates in “Joseph Smith: American Moses”
  • the mission president
  • the gasps of Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Adolf Hitler, and Johnnie Cochran when they hear that Kevin broke rule 72
  • the “Hasa Diga Eebowai” reprise
  • “fuck you in the eye!… fuck you in the other eye!”
  • the x-ray of the Book of Mormon in Kevin’s ass
  • “I have maggots in my scrotum” “You should really see a doctor about that” “I am the doctor”
  • Johnnie Cochran playing the bongos in “Spooky Mormon Hell Dream”
  • the entire airport scene
  • “Africa is nothing like Lion King!  I think that movie took a lot of artistic license!”
  • the kraken that shoots Joseph Smith torpedoes that will turn you into a lesbian
  • the insanely fast costume change in “Turn It Off”
  • the fact that Arnold has never read the Book of Mormon

i lack self-control and there’s other shit i should be doing so it’s time for the first installment of

Let’s Read: Kraven the Hunter

Kraven the Hunter’s first appearance is The Amazing Spider-Man #15 from August 1964, written by Stan The Man himself, which is how you know it’s gonna be batshit. Every comic writer has strengths and weaknesses, and in many cases you kind of have to overlook those weaknesses to really enjoy the strengths.

Stan’s strength is also his weakness, which is that none of his plots ever make any goddamn sense and all his characters come off as weird assholes, and whenever you finish a comic you are left with a vague sense that literally everything that happened in that issue could have been avoided if they’d just stopped being weird assholes for five seconds.

Some writers attempt to remedy this later. Those writers are wrong.

Stan Lee still writes the newspaper comic strip version of Spider-Man, as far as I know, and for years I thought those strips were just nutso because Stan Lee was old and out of fucks to give. Then I read some old-ass comics and realized that Stan Lee is just Like That, and always has been.

He also writes credits like these.

If there is a space where a man can reasonably fit more words, Stan Lee will find more words to put there.

Early Spider-Man comics feature a lot of weird old-timey bank-robbing gangsters? Like, straight-up Dillinger Gang motherfuckers. So anyway the issue starts with some old-timey gangsters, bla bla bla, the Chameleon bla, curse you Spider-Man, etc. We don’t care about that part. What we care about is that the Chameleon (who is also, to be clear, kind of an old-timey gangster) decides he’s gonna call in Kraven the Hunter to solve his Spider-Man problem.

Here are the first things we learn about Kraven, in order:

  • He’s been in Africa, where he defeats terrorbeasts single-handed and with his bare hands.
  • He’s a fucking hunk.

“You know what the ladies love? Rectangles. I’m gonna build a man entirely out of rectangles. For the ladies.” - Ditko, presumably.

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Funny video of Cole Sprouse and Kj Apa playing the bongos like two children, during one of the breaks on the set #Riverdale ago few days … video of Paul Biason

I was walking through a solid gold hallway and it opened up to this massive corridor where Yoda was playing the bongo drums to rave music and Lion king characters were dancing with Katniss everdeen. I walked to the solid gold fridge, high-fiving captain America in the process, and discovered that the only thing in the fridge was strawberry gogurt.

Monsta X - Things They'd Say if They Went Crazy on a Deserted Island
  • Shownu: I think I can see my house from here, mother's calling me for dinner...(starts walking out into the sea)
  • Wonho: (To I.M) Don't you dare say that to Guido! (To his coconut) Shh, it's okay the bad man is gone...
  • Minhyuk: (To Wonho) You know, because we're here, I'd eat you first. I'd feel fuller then.
  • Kihyun: Does no one acknowledge the fact that he's cradling that damn coconut?! Wait...food source...MUST...HAVE! WONHO GIVE ME THAT DAMN COCONUT!!!
  • Hyungwon: Plot twist-- you guys are all aliens waiting to abduct me.
  • Jooheon: Just play the bongos and let the waves wash you away to paradise~ (rhythmically plays the bongos with his hippie haircut)
  • I.M: I have a machete and a lighter which one do I kill myself with first? Or do I take the coconut with the mustache first?
apparently its national brothers day so

brogane headcanons!!! 

 - they are both autistic and traumatized 

 - when keith was younger, shiro use to let him ride around on his shoulders 

 - they do the creepy thing where they talk at the same time 

      • lance: (yawns) morning everyone 

      • keith and shiro in unison: good morning, lance. 

      • lance, having a stroke: whwwayag 

 - they also share? thoughts???? 

      • keith: hey shiro have you seen my tangle? 

      • shiro, at the same time: oh yeah btw keith i found your tangles earlier 

      • lance, on the floor: i hate this 

 - keith lent shiro his ipod for the kerberos mission and one day shiro finds it and is like “holy shit. guys, you have to listen to keith’s old music.” (lance, in the background: jesus christ is this sleeping with sirens)

- they started a band when keith was 7 and shiro was 16 but they broke up because even though shiro was the lead singer and keith played the drums (plastic bongos from toys r us), keith wanted to call it “keith and the cadets”

- keith can’t zip up jackets or button clothes up, shiro can’t tie his laces. they help each other. (neither can fold laundry, hunk freaks out about this)

- they have a secret handshake (i know this is a Bad example but think the handshake from the sister trap) but haven’t really done it since shiro got rescued. one day, after a really good mission, they just do it out of nowhere and everyone (including them) is like “holy shit” (hunk and lance try to learn it in private later on)

- they speak for each other. like allura will ask shiro if he wants to try something “similar to earth peppers” and before shiro can answer, keith says “depends. shiro hates green peppers, but loves anything spicy.” without even looking up. allura is confused, but shiro just nods.

- they’ve binge watched all of naruto at least three times together

(DONT TAG AS S/HALADIN OR SH/EITH YOU GROSS FUCKS)