player: pk subban

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Anonymous submitted: This is a clip from Tim & Sid on Sportsnet and they are the only mainstream sports media guys I’ve seen be like ‘yep, it’s racism.’

idk anything about them but theyre the only hockey media men i trust now

playing “guess what team this hockey player is on” w/ my brother

he knows nothing about hockey and here are the highlights

  • sidney crosby
    • ironically, seconds after establishing that the only 2 teams he knew of were the canucks and the penguins, he guessed that sid played for the canucks
    • “didn’t he score some important goal for vancouver in some big hockey championship thing??”
      • spoiler: he was thinking of the van 2010 olympics
      • he does not accept this though, continues to insist sid is captain of the canucks
        • stop him
  • max paciorrety 
    • him, immediately upon hearing the name: “MAXIMUM PATCH”
      • “he probably plays for a very patchwork team. what’s a patchwork place? florida. he plays for the florida…. panthers.”
      • me: “that… actually is the name of a team. not pacioretty’s team but, a team. did you know that?”
      • “no i guessed”
      • i gave him a point for it anyway
  • henrik sedin
    • he somehow started thinking he was related to the colour brown somehow (don’t ask how) 
      • “what’s brown? …the water in kentucky”
      • “the shitty teams are brown. he plays for the… oh! the boston bruins”
      • @ bruins fans i apologized but i laughed, i did
    • “give me a hint” “how about i give you his brother’s name. plays for the same team, it’s daniel”
      • “daniel… henrik… handle… dendrik” (continues for 30 seconds) 
      • me: “maybe… maybe focus on the team instead of just how to combine their names?”
    • “are they on a canadian team?” “yes” “the… toronto maple leafs” “no”
      • my brother lives in vancouver and really should know this one
      • he does not
      • literally there was a canucks jersey (mine) hanging up behind him while we were doing this and i,
    • i had to tell him henrik sedin was captain of the vancouver canucks and he said
      • “i thought that was sidney crosby”
      • TO MY FACE
  • jamie benn
    • “could you have possibly given me a more generic name??”
    • gave his brother’s name for a hint again
      • this was before the montreal trade. do svidanya jobenn (((
    • he managed to narrow it down to the state of texas
      • “there’s a team in texas?? where???”
      • “i’m gonna guess houston. jamie… jordie… a lot of j sounds… i’m gonna say they play for the houston giraffes”
  • brent burns
    • “burns, burns, what burns…. california is experiencing draughts..” “you’re getting close actually” “really? wow”
      • “sacramento.. san jose… i know san jose has a team! the san jose… uhh…”
      • (our dad) “here’s a hint, we had a chance to swim with them on our last vacation but you slept in”
      • “oh! i think that was a called a… a takihiti fish.” (our dad, quietly: no.) “yes. the san jose takihiti fish”
  • pk subban
    • “pk?? does that stand for something??” “yes, parnell karl” (our dad, whose name is karl: “nice”)
    • tbh i don’t remember what he guessed but he sat there repeating “pk subban… pk… suuuu… bannnn.. subban… Suuub’n. P… K… Subban” to himself for like 2 minutes and that was hilarious to me for some reason
  • geno malkin
    • “geno… sounds italian” 
      • me: *tries to tell him geno’s actual name w/ my best attempt at pronounciation* him: “…yebbie veggie?” 
    • “idk man give me a hint” 
    • “ok so… his captain played in the 2010 vancouver olympics”
    • “…his captain is sidney crosby”
    • “yes!”
    • “so he plays for the vancouver canucks!!”
    • “no.”