platoe

How to Die like an Ancient Philosopher

Empedocles: leap into a dormant volcano
Protagoras: run into the shore. in a ship.
Socrates: gargle w/ hemlock juice
Plato: either get serenaded TOO HARD or just generally party TOO HARD
Isocrates: go on a crash diet
Diogenes: eat raw octopus, get bitten by a dog, hold your breath indefinitely
Anaxarchus: get pounded w/ a giant mortar and pestle while loling
Xenocrates: trip over a pot
Epicurus: piss bricks
Zeno of Citium: trip, break your toe, hold your breath indefinitely
Chrysippus: get a donkey drunk, laugh at it
Lucretius: chug a love potion and let it do the rest
Hypatia: anger a mob of christians
Boethius: get strangled by your boss