plastic forks

au where all the marauders and lily live together and it’s just a Mess

  • their cutlery is a mixture of plastic knives and forks built in bulk from the local supermarket and fancy, silver, engraved knives and forks sirius steals from pureblood events mr&mrs potter ask him and james to go to with them
  • every windowsill is dedicated to remus’ plants and lily is allergic to one of them but they can’t figure out which so james threatens to drown all the plants bc they’re making lily sneeze and remus throws a watering can at him
  • no one can remember who owns what so peter is always wearing james’ shoes or lily is always wearing sirius’ jeans or remus is always wearing sirius’ shirt (lily complains on a regular basis that she never gets to steal james’ shirt to sleep in bc it always ends up being someone elses) 
  • james has to transfigure the shelf in the bathroom so that it’s big enough to hold all of sirius’ different soaps and conditioners
  • there’s always a cauldron with a different bubbling potion in it each week in the kitchen and one time peter’s v drunk and he thinks it’s soup and he drinks it and he grows an extra leg and lily has to take him to st mungo’s
  • the only chair they’ve never had to cast a reparo charm on is the comfy armchair with extra pillows which lily put a permanent heating spell on and it’s Remus’ Chair. 
  • bobby pins. are. everywhere. lily is always buying new packs and then sirius is “borrowing them” and never returning them and somehow there are bobby pins in remus’ plants, in their shoes, in between james pile of textbooks he says are for “pleasure reading”, in the sugar pot, under pillows, over doorframes, in the cat’s fur
  • peter and lily begin feeding a stray cat that shows up all the time and lily says she wants to keep it so ofc james wants to keep it and then it’s 4 against 1 bc remus likes the fact sirius leaves the room every time the cat begins to purr
  • 0 boundaries. there are three bedrooms and no one knows whose is whose so they all end up sharing sometimes 
  • every time someone changes the radio station so it’s anything but his favourite quidditch one, james sulks for hours
  • remus framed all of their posters in attempt to make them seem like adults so then sirius makes him a “#1 adult” badge which he casts a permanently sticking charm on and sirius puts it on remus’ favourite jumper
  • after several official letters of complaint signed moony, wormtail & padfoot are delivered to their door, lily and james buy all three of them earmuffs so that way it’s their own fault if they hear anything they don’t want to
  • lily charms all the mirrors to tell sirius he has something on his face whenever he looks in it
  • all the rooms are only half decorated bc they got lazy after moving in
  • all of them are scared of spiders. except for peter, who walks in smugly with mug and coaster after he hears screams from a room 

1.  I prefer plastic forks and spoons

2.  Let’s go to a magnet party

3.  Anything can melt steel beams if it gets hot enough

4.  I pour my sodas into glasses because I heard aluminum can give you Alzheimer’s

5.   I’m going to make my house full of moisture and oxygen and not keep around any WD40

It's December, so have some Desus Christmas stuff:

-Imagine the first time it snows after they become a couple. Daryl HATES snow. He’d fight the Devil himself if it meant he’d never have to experience snow again. Jesus, on the other hand, loves snow, but he loves grumpy Daryl more. Imagine them waking up and finding out it snowed, so Daryl is resolved to stay inside until May, but Jesus wants to build a snowman. Jesus always gets what he wants cause Daryl can’t say no to him, so they build a snowman in the front yard. But it’s a zombie snowman cause Daryl has to make nice things kind of stupid to still be cool.

-Imagine Jesus trying to get Daryl to help decorate for Christmas, but they don’t have real decorations, so they just put anything that they could find around the house/communities on the tree they chopped down. There’s a whole mess of plastic forks and spoons as ornaments, and their tree topper is a bundle of spare arrows. Jesus couldn’t find stockings, so they each hung one of their socks on the mantle and wrote their names on it in Sharpie. Daryl secretly loves the whole living room. He laughs every time he comes home and says “most redneck Christmas ever”

-Imagine them making each other’s gifts. Carol teaches Jesus to crochet so he can make Daryl a hat (it’s lopsided and there’s a hole in the back where Jesus missed several stitches), and Daryl whittled a totem for Jesus.


-Just imagine Christmas Desus. It’s good for your soul.

The Maiden And The Giant

TITLE: The Maiden And The Giant



Imagine falling through a portal into Jötunheim and running into a stranger named Loki, who decides to provide shelter out of the need for company, that eventually turns into love.


Don’t microwave plastic forks, kids.


    When the storm finally passed, Loki packed everything away and pulled on a green cape with a dark fur mantle and a pair of gold bracers while Kat pulled her jacket on, zipping it up and pulling the hood up before pulling her face over up and adjusting her goggles over her eyes. After their packs where securely on their backs Loki dispelled the fire and they began making their way out of the cave. The air outside was freezing for Kat, though Loki seemed to barely notice it; which made sense, all things considered, but she envied him no less for it as she shivered.

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i chew on shit a lot like mostly plastic forks and spoons and also pencils and shit and there is always that temptation to bite down as hard as i can on it that i have to resist cause 1) i dont want to break the pencil or 2) i dont mind breaking a plastic spoon but i dont want to break my teeth

The apartment looked smaller, not because it was cluttered but because it was so empty. A single couch in the middle of the floor, a mini fridge in the corner next to a stack of paper plates and plastic forks. The walls were bare except for a calendar pinned next to a window. All of the spaces remained blank. The apartment was waiting. For what? No one knows and the apartment could never tell.
—  if the walls could only talk
@plastic-knives-and-forks replied to your post “Gonna pretend I didn’t just learn that there is a monthly sticker box…”


I saw it on FB and scrolled away as fast as I could

@faeline replied to your post “Help, it’s morning and I still have a fever.”

*puts an icepack on your head*


@hikidragon replied to your post “I’ve been trying to start my morning with a mini breakfast of bacon,…”

proteins!! A+ breakfast

Sometimes I add a ponzu egg if I remembered to make them the day before. Also a nice cup of raw goat’s milk. :D Yum